Post by @xL on Aug 29, 2007 21:21:32 GMT -5
:: Wednesday, August 29th, 2007 - 4:20 p.m. ::
~ Location: Studio 54 - NowhereWood ~
[We open, once again, to NowhereWood. This time, inside Studio 54, which is, at the moment, filming "La Charito Mui Gato El Guacamole, Senorita!", a famous Mexican soap opera... well, famous amongst Nowhere's Mexican population, anyway. As it IS the only Mexican soap opera NBE produces... And in Nowhere, they have this silly law that, if you're caught watching ANY channel other than NBE... you get to be eloctructed. In the testicles. And if you're a woman? ... But hey, atleast thanks to the law, "La Charito Mui Gato El Guacamole, Senorita!" has won every NBE Mexican Soap Opera award since the beginning! And that's over 1 year! 2 in fact...]
[Anyway...]
[Rico Suave', the most suave... uh... debonair... guy, on the entire show, is in a scene with Lita Bonita, the sexiest gal on the entire show. Rico looks lovingly into Lita's eyes... their lips close in on one another's... when finally-]
Studio Speakers: "Viva Los Burritos!!!"
["Los Burritos" by Grande Amigos hits, and the studio wall is smashed through, wood and glass flying into the air... and as Rico, Lita, and the other cast and crew look toward the hole in the wall, they find a low-rider, painted lime green and hot pink, with the picture of a jet black Les Paul over the hood. Suddenly, the low-rider begins hopping up and down on its front wheels, before tilting to the side... tossing out the driver of said vehicle...]
[... Who just so happens to be Axl, only in another wacky get-up ; an overly large, greasy mullet wig... a curly mustache, also greasy... two white wristbands displaying the letters "A.V." in black... and a pair of tight, black spandex, painted to resemble graffiti, with names of different hair bands and hair singers. And clutched between his teeth, a bundle of roses. Well... plastic roses, but roses nonetheless.]
["Axl Guerrerro" saunters toward the 'couple', Rico and Lita, aka Geraldo Dykstra and Avril Lopez [their stage names]. He walks over to Avril, and holds out the bundle of fake flowers, between his middle and forefingers, smiling an even more plastic grin than the flowers. Avril reluctantly accepts the flowers, more to try and rid the set of the intruder than anything else. As Avril takes the roses, Axl shakes his hips, swivels his shoulders, pats his chest, and otherwise mocks a certain other 'Guerrerro'. Suddenly, Geraldo spins Axl around, and asks him what in the hell he's doing.]
Geraldo: Sir, what ARE you doing?
Axl ["Guerrerro"] : Aaayyy, essa! Holmes! Gringo! CABRONE'!!! Whatchoo doin' essa, tryin' ah mess up my flooow mein? I'm workin' it wit' da ladies, holmes, and everybody knows... alll the sexy Mamacitas looove VanHalen's HEEEEAAAAT! So take a few steps back, chico, and witness el mui caliente!!!
Geraldo: ... Avril?
Avril: Don't worry Geraldo...
[Avril quickly punts Axl right between the legs, right in the teeny, tiny tacos, instantly dropping him to the floor.]
Avril: ... I don't think he's going to be bothering any more "Mamacitas". Let's go take a lunch break, while the janitor sweeps this numbskull off the floor.
Geraldo: Keen idea!
Avril: Geraldo?
Geraldo: Yes?
Avril: Don't say 'keen'. It's not very... Mexican-y.
Geraldo: Ah... ci.
Avril: Much better.
[Avril and Geraldo walk away from Axl, still lying on the ground, holding his gonads, as the janitor actually DOES come over to sweep him off the floor...]
Director: Cut. Everyone, meet back here in 15. And janitor, just leave the guy there, I've received a call from a Tifa BonJovi, that his name's Axl, and he's been going from place to place dressing up as wrestling 'legends', so as to promote himself in some promotion known as BoB. She'd like for him to cut a promo here, and then leave it at that for a while. Maybe that way we won't have to hear from him for a month...
Axl: Don't think I don't know what just happened here! Insano, all of your damn beaner friends are teaming up against me! First, Pig Latino Heat, Rey Mysteriotypical and that whole family ruin GNA by giving it a bad name for OBVIOUS reasons. And now? Your friends Rita and Chico or whatever the hell their names are, well, they wind up ruining one of my wonderful "Legends" skits! Well, I hope you know that all of this Mexican Mayhem perpetrated on me is allll going to come out on YOUR ass! I don't even CARE that you can't speak English! You BETTER understand this, and understand it well -
Axl: You may be the craziest, most insane, most over the top luchadore in the entire south of the border, but BABE?! No matter HOW much pain you've endured, and how much you think you can handle? You can NOT handle ME!!! For...
I am the OWCTM...
I Am the Metal God...
AND I AM...
[screen goes to black, with only two words displayed... in dark, red, crimson...]
yOuR sAvIoR...
~ rock on ~
\oo/_ OvO _\oo/
~ rock on