Post by @xL on Feb 23, 2007 3:54:25 GMT -5
:: Wednesday, February 21st, 2007 - 5:55 p.m. ::
~ Location: XCWF Event in Nowhere, Oklahoma~
[The rising indie promotion, The Xtrmkor Championship Wrestling Federation, is holding an event in Axl's home of Nowhere, at the famed Nowhere Arena. The XCWF is based on extremely dangerous concept matches, and a roster filled with maniacal brawlers with no regard for their own bodies... or the bodies of their opponent. Its Chairman, Randy Marlow, is a man with carnage on the brain... and a mind for business. And tonight, he has signed one of BoB's rising stars... and the man set to take on Alan Qaida this Sunday in one of the final Swiss Army Belt Tournament matches. Axl VanHalen. Metal God... and leader of the Rock-O-Lution. Axl has been signed to work the main event, as well as open the show with his newest Metal Masterpiece...]
[The show opens to the XCWF stage, where Axl stands, microphone standing before him, grasping his guitar, as Tifa takes to the drums.]
Axl: Hello NOWHERE!!! [loud applause] As you all know, in a few days, I'll be stepping into the BoB BallRoom against the suicidal, genocidal, homicidal Afghan MadMan, Alan Qaida. See, Mr. Towelie thinks HE knows Metal. He carries his little metal chair around with him everywhere he goes. But the truth is, that chair is just to protect himself from fighting like a MAN! Real men... men such as myself... don't need CHAIRS to fight! We use our bare fists!And dudes, I wrote a song, all about the Metal Chair... vs the Metal HAIR. It's called "Metal for Metal", and it goes a little somethin'... like THIS. Hit it Tifa!
Axl: Metal Chaaair... Metal Haaair... without a caaare... if you daaare...
I'm tellin' ya babe, it's time to fight, and tonight, it's all alright.
Because you step into the ring with your trusty chair, I've got my hair,
You'll be beyond REPAIR!!!
Axl: Metal Chaaair... Metal Haaair... Don't you staaare... I ain't no beeeeaaarrr...
You want a piece, of the Axl man? You step up, I'll kick your can!
Because you step in the ring with that rusty chair, I've got the hair,
To Kick Your... Mother... Rubber... Somethin' or Another...
Axl: @ss!!! WHOOO, thank YOU Nowhere! [loud applause] Now, I'll see you all in the main event, when I take on some lowly jobber. Rock ON!
- an hour later -
[The card has come to its main event, and the crowd is pumped up. Axl comes down to the ring to his new hit, the song he sang at the start of the show, "Metal for Metal", and when he steps into the ring, the ring announcer, Mike Stand, announces his opponent...]
Mike Stand: And his opponent... he is the horny-cidal, Genesis-cidal, STUPID-Cidal Rabid Taliban Wolverine... he is... Stab... YOOOOO!!!
["Ali Haba Sherrafiki" by AC/DC hits on the speakers, and the crowd boos in hatred for the XCWF World Champion, StabYoo. Stabby stands on stage, kneeling and pointing to the sky, before taking off his... uhm... d@mn, the word escapes me... uhm... well... that towel thingy. ... What, why are you looking at me like that? Anyway, underneath the... uh... head dress, is a metal chair. StabYoo runs down to the ring with chair in hand, slides in and goes to hit Axl over the head with the chair... when Axl ducks under, comes off the set of ropes, Stabby turns around, right into a running boot to the face. Stabby drops like a sack of bricks, and Axl goes for the pin; 1... 2... StabYoo BARELY kicks out. Axl pulls Stabby to his feet, kicks him in the gut... lifts him above the Metal God's head... before SLAMMING him down with the Rock-O-Lution Bomb, driving Stabby almost clear through the canvas. Axl goes for the cover;]
1...
2...
3.
Mike Stand: And your winner: Axl... Van... HALLLEEENNN!!!
Axl: XCWF, thanks for having me, it's been a great cheap plug, er, I mean a great time, and hope to see all you great fans in Vegas THIS Sunday, in the BoB BallRoom, when I give Alan Qaida a T-T-T-T-TASTE of the Metal God's Rod. Come SMC, I bring the Afghan Mad Man crrrASHIN' back down tah Earth, with the Rock... O... LUTION. Because babe, when you need a solution? Look no further than the Rock-O-Lution! ROCK ON!!!
[Axl lifts up the 'Rock On' sign on both hands, and as the fans chant 'Van-Hal-En', the camera fades... to black.]
~ rock on ~
\oo/_ OvO _\oo/
~ rock on