Post by @xL on Nov 26, 2007 1:43:13 GMT -5
[20 days after the very first 'BoB Today', November in Nowhere has come... and gone. And just as Thanksgiving for the Hierarchy was a total let-down, NiN could perhaps be known as an even BIGGER let-down.]
[The Hierarchy's Thanksgiving consisted of every member of Axl's potential roster dying of food poisoning... brought on by ages old stuffing. And then... two days later... when BoB came to Nowhere, all the potential gain Axl had with BLOW, was ripped from his hands by the company's previous owner, Paul E. Sherman, when he trampled over Tifa Bon Jovi, after Axl's agent botched a 'Bon Tifanator' (catchy name, if I do say...). And not only did Tifa lose the match she was hurled into by her boss, but so did the Brothers of the Hierarchy lose their Quadruple Decker Cell Match, against Kurt Angel, and Team 4D (returning for a One Night Stand). But perhaps the biggest blow to the Hierarchy on Thanksgiving weekend... came in the main event.]
[We open outside Axl's trailer, where his VMW Beetle is stationed on the front lawn. The formerly yellow Beetle has been painted a raven black, with the words 'i Am' painted on the back in red.]
Brad Pitt: That's one evil Beetle ya got there, Axl.
Axl: Yep. And it's taking me, Tifa, and the guys all the way to Sinister City, Utah. Here's the keys to the trailer.
[We find Axl handing over the trailer key to Brad, who shakes Axl's hand.]
Pitt: Well, I have to thank you for giving me this opportunity. I've always wanted to be mayor. I've always wanted to have some public power... the power to help change a community... for the good of mankind.
Axl: Yeah, well, anyway, Tifa's in, the Brotherhood's in... I've got all my stuff packed up and ready to go. Good luck, Brad.
Pitt: You take care, Axl. Rest assured that I've got this city headed for greatness. You chose the right guy when you picked me, Ax-
Axl: That's nice. [turns toward the Beetle] Hey Tifa, open the door, I'm going to try something.
[Axl heads into the car at a slightly quick pace... leaving Brad Pitt talking to the wind. The Beetle speeds off, as the actor, and now Mayor of Nowhere, is left in a long, rambling conversation... with, presumably, himself.]
Tifa: [driving] What in the hell was that?
Axl: [in the passenger's seat] Well, I just figured that, if I get out of there at the right time, I could leave him talking to himself. God DAM does that guy talk alot! I mean-
Tifa: And you don't?
Axl: - it's like... wait, huh? Whaddya mean, "And I don't"? I don't talk alot! ... Atleast, I don't think I do... do I?
Tifa: Well...
Axl: [turns to look at the Brotherhood, in the back seats] You guys don't think I talk too much... do you?
Jon: ...
Jim: ...
Joe: Of course. ... I mean... Yes. ... No. ... What was the question?
Axl: [turns back to Tifa with a frustrated look] Well screw you guys! I'm the boss, and I can talk as much as I damn well please!
Tifa: Besides, it's about the only thing you're good at...
Axl: ... I'll just act like I didn't hear that.
[Suddenly, Axl's cell phone rings. He removes it from his pocket, flips it open, and answers.]
Axl: Hey yo. ... Oh God, not another one of those damn things... Alright, Jeremy, I'll be right there. This better be the last time I have to step foot ANYWHERE in Nowhere...
- 13 minutes later -
Jeremy Buttrash: Hello fans, I'm standing here, live on location, right outside Nowhere's very own adult toy store, 'FedsEx'. Former Only World Champ that Matters, as well as now FORMER Mayor of Nowhere, Axl, is standing alongside me, as he prepares to leave Nowhere behind, and head for Sinister City, Utah! Axl, I want to kick things off by simply saying, Merry Holidays!
Axl: Cram it, tool.
Buttrash: Yes, sir...
Axl: Buttrash, you wanna know WHY I'm leaving this God forsaken hell hole? You wanna know why I'm giving up my position as Mayor, just so I can move away and become a resident of another state? Well, it's as plain as my shining greatness and beaming majesty... It's the fact that moving OUT of this town... this STATE, of OklaHOMO, and moving IN to any other state, no matter if it be New York, California, Florida, Washington or Rhode Island... hell it could be TEXAS... moving into any other state besides this backwards, backwoods, redneck infested SHITHOLE, would be a step UP. And maybe... I AM... movin' on up.
Buttrash: Unfortunately, it seems, on the weekend which most people are celebrating what they're most thankful for... you've spent the last 72 hours racking up more, and more reasons to become less, and less thankful for just living. But Axl... you've got to have SOMETHING you're thankful... right? I mean, through the loss of 'Buff Lads of Wrestling' ... through your 'Brotherhood's' defeat at the hands of Angel and two men who haven't been in the ring for years... all the way to 'The Great' scaling to the top of 'GwarTellica Square Gardens', to answer your request for him to join your Hierarchy... only to have him wind up being the man to cost you your shot at regaining the OWTTM. Axl... through all of that... you must have something... ANYTHING... that you're thankful for?
Axl: You want to know the Truth? I am...
Axl: ... I am THANKFUL... that I lost BLOW. Why? Because now, I can focus on regaining the Only World Title That Matters. And I can focus on putting together a bigger, better, badder Hierarchy. ...
Axl: ... I Am THANKFUL... that the Great decided not to join the Hierarchy. Why? Because the only person I want in the Hierarchy who Believes he's the Greatest... is me. I'm Greater than the so-called "Great" could ever HOPE to be. He's not the kind of rookie that the Hierarchy is commiting itself to help. Which is, of course, the kind of rookie that will bend to my will, and step aside when they know they need to. Kinda like the guys I like to call my Brotherhood! Gotta love Jim, Jon, and Jack.
Buttrash: Isn't it Joe?
Axl: Whatever. Ahem... And-
Axl: I AM THANKFUL... most of all, that I have a great agent like Tifa Bon Jovi... who is the true force that made November in Nowhere possible. For you see... she made the phone calls. She pushed the buttons. And SHE put the ball into motion, to bring Nowhere its last taste... of the Savior. I tried saving Nowhere. I really did. But it wasn't MY fault that they were left high and dry, with an idiot like Brad Pitt as its mayor... its theirs. Every single citizen of Nowhere is at fault... and that's why it makes it even more important that BoB, now more than ever, joins together... under my wing.
Axl: They must admit that they've made a mistake... a ton of them in fact... and they must hand me the reigns...
Axl: And a reign. A reign... for the second time... as Only World Champion that Matters. For only with me as their Champion, will BoB be able to return to cable... on a certain block of content that will actually ALLOW the sort of shenanigans that BoB is known for... a block of content much more grisly than Nick at Nite... much more vile... crude... sick... twisted... demented... and above all else...
Axl: ... Adult. Yes, I speak of the second coming of BoB to cable. Only this time? ... On Adult Swim. You see... I received a phone call, not too long after I heard from you, Jeremy Buttrash. It was a call informing me of a lost relative. ...
Axl: My mother.
Buttrash: Your MOM! Axl, this is a huge scoop for BoB Today! You mean you actually know who your mother is now?!
Axl: Exactly. ... She is a woman of power. A woman of GREAT power. She is... She Is... She IS...... the Vice President in Charge of Everything, for Adult Swim. And she is the best damn mom a guy could asked for. Well... atleast, as far as I could tell from our brief conversation over the phone. Anyway, she has let me know that, seeing as how I'm her son and all, the only way she could make up for all that time lost... is by giving me the power to make a very crucial decision... a decision that could make or break BoB. She has informed me, that if BoB eventually comes to a point where it meets my high expectations, then she will give the go ahead for a one and a half hour weekly show, at the end of the block, around 3:30, right after Aqua Teen Hunger Force. And she has said... that if they don't meet them by a set date, set by me of course, then I will have the power to take over the slot myself.
Buttrash: By the way, Axl. What is your mom's name?
Axl: Ironically... Rose.
Buttrash: That sounds familiar... ... Your ex-girlfriend!
Axl: Yeah, yeah. She was a total beast... did you know she had a moustache? Like, just peach fuzz, but it was pretty visible...
Buttrash: ...
Axl: And also ironically, my mom lives in Slashville, Utah, right next to Sinister City! So, I can basically see her anytime I want once I move there. As I am not scheduled for MegaBrawl... which is a crime of unmitigated proportions... I'm going to spend the next month moving into Sinister City, and spending alot of time catching up with Mama Rose, as I like to call her. I'm going to be moving into a nice, two bedroom HOUSE, because this trailer thing? Well, let's just say I need to do everything in my power to wash that stench off. Trailers are sooo redneck-y.
Buttrash: So, it seems as if you're going to be spending time with family for the holidays?
Axl: Definitely, Jeremy. Definitely... Hey, look, I need to get the hell out of this place. I've taken all of Nowhere I can handle... Enough's enough...
Axl: And it's time for a change. Remember; I am the Metal God... I Am the Savior of BoB... I AM...
~ better than you ~
[Axl shoves the microphone into Jeremy's chest, and hops into the passenger's side of the now black VMW. The car speeds off in a cloud of smoke, as the camera fades to black, with two words in the very center... all lowercase... white font... inbetween two brackets... ]
[adult swim]
[The Hierarchy's Thanksgiving consisted of every member of Axl's potential roster dying of food poisoning... brought on by ages old stuffing. And then... two days later... when BoB came to Nowhere, all the potential gain Axl had with BLOW, was ripped from his hands by the company's previous owner, Paul E. Sherman, when he trampled over Tifa Bon Jovi, after Axl's agent botched a 'Bon Tifanator' (catchy name, if I do say...). And not only did Tifa lose the match she was hurled into by her boss, but so did the Brothers of the Hierarchy lose their Quadruple Decker Cell Match, against Kurt Angel, and Team 4D (returning for a One Night Stand). But perhaps the biggest blow to the Hierarchy on Thanksgiving weekend... came in the main event.]
[We open outside Axl's trailer, where his VMW Beetle is stationed on the front lawn. The formerly yellow Beetle has been painted a raven black, with the words 'i Am' painted on the back in red.]
Brad Pitt: That's one evil Beetle ya got there, Axl.
Axl: Yep. And it's taking me, Tifa, and the guys all the way to Sinister City, Utah. Here's the keys to the trailer.
[We find Axl handing over the trailer key to Brad, who shakes Axl's hand.]
Pitt: Well, I have to thank you for giving me this opportunity. I've always wanted to be mayor. I've always wanted to have some public power... the power to help change a community... for the good of mankind.
Axl: Yeah, well, anyway, Tifa's in, the Brotherhood's in... I've got all my stuff packed up and ready to go. Good luck, Brad.
Pitt: You take care, Axl. Rest assured that I've got this city headed for greatness. You chose the right guy when you picked me, Ax-
Axl: That's nice. [turns toward the Beetle] Hey Tifa, open the door, I'm going to try something.
[Axl heads into the car at a slightly quick pace... leaving Brad Pitt talking to the wind. The Beetle speeds off, as the actor, and now Mayor of Nowhere, is left in a long, rambling conversation... with, presumably, himself.]
Tifa: [driving] What in the hell was that?
Axl: [in the passenger's seat] Well, I just figured that, if I get out of there at the right time, I could leave him talking to himself. God DAM does that guy talk alot! I mean-
Tifa: And you don't?
Axl: - it's like... wait, huh? Whaddya mean, "And I don't"? I don't talk alot! ... Atleast, I don't think I do... do I?
Tifa: Well...
Axl: [turns to look at the Brotherhood, in the back seats] You guys don't think I talk too much... do you?
Jon: ...
Jim: ...
Joe: Of course. ... I mean... Yes. ... No. ... What was the question?
Axl: [turns back to Tifa with a frustrated look] Well screw you guys! I'm the boss, and I can talk as much as I damn well please!
Tifa: Besides, it's about the only thing you're good at...
Axl: ... I'll just act like I didn't hear that.
[Suddenly, Axl's cell phone rings. He removes it from his pocket, flips it open, and answers.]
Axl: Hey yo. ... Oh God, not another one of those damn things... Alright, Jeremy, I'll be right there. This better be the last time I have to step foot ANYWHERE in Nowhere...
- 13 minutes later -
Jeremy Buttrash: Hello fans, I'm standing here, live on location, right outside Nowhere's very own adult toy store, 'FedsEx'. Former Only World Champ that Matters, as well as now FORMER Mayor of Nowhere, Axl, is standing alongside me, as he prepares to leave Nowhere behind, and head for Sinister City, Utah! Axl, I want to kick things off by simply saying, Merry Holidays!
Axl: Cram it, tool.
Buttrash: Yes, sir...
Axl: Buttrash, you wanna know WHY I'm leaving this God forsaken hell hole? You wanna know why I'm giving up my position as Mayor, just so I can move away and become a resident of another state? Well, it's as plain as my shining greatness and beaming majesty... It's the fact that moving OUT of this town... this STATE, of OklaHOMO, and moving IN to any other state, no matter if it be New York, California, Florida, Washington or Rhode Island... hell it could be TEXAS... moving into any other state besides this backwards, backwoods, redneck infested SHITHOLE, would be a step UP. And maybe... I AM... movin' on up.
Buttrash: Unfortunately, it seems, on the weekend which most people are celebrating what they're most thankful for... you've spent the last 72 hours racking up more, and more reasons to become less, and less thankful for just living. But Axl... you've got to have SOMETHING you're thankful... right? I mean, through the loss of 'Buff Lads of Wrestling' ... through your 'Brotherhood's' defeat at the hands of Angel and two men who haven't been in the ring for years... all the way to 'The Great' scaling to the top of 'GwarTellica Square Gardens', to answer your request for him to join your Hierarchy... only to have him wind up being the man to cost you your shot at regaining the OWTTM. Axl... through all of that... you must have something... ANYTHING... that you're thankful for?
Axl: You want to know the Truth? I am...
Axl: ... I am THANKFUL... that I lost BLOW. Why? Because now, I can focus on regaining the Only World Title That Matters. And I can focus on putting together a bigger, better, badder Hierarchy. ...
Axl: ... I Am THANKFUL... that the Great decided not to join the Hierarchy. Why? Because the only person I want in the Hierarchy who Believes he's the Greatest... is me. I'm Greater than the so-called "Great" could ever HOPE to be. He's not the kind of rookie that the Hierarchy is commiting itself to help. Which is, of course, the kind of rookie that will bend to my will, and step aside when they know they need to. Kinda like the guys I like to call my Brotherhood! Gotta love Jim, Jon, and Jack.
Buttrash: Isn't it Joe?
Axl: Whatever. Ahem... And-
Axl: I AM THANKFUL... most of all, that I have a great agent like Tifa Bon Jovi... who is the true force that made November in Nowhere possible. For you see... she made the phone calls. She pushed the buttons. And SHE put the ball into motion, to bring Nowhere its last taste... of the Savior. I tried saving Nowhere. I really did. But it wasn't MY fault that they were left high and dry, with an idiot like Brad Pitt as its mayor... its theirs. Every single citizen of Nowhere is at fault... and that's why it makes it even more important that BoB, now more than ever, joins together... under my wing.
Axl: They must admit that they've made a mistake... a ton of them in fact... and they must hand me the reigns...
Axl: And a reign. A reign... for the second time... as Only World Champion that Matters. For only with me as their Champion, will BoB be able to return to cable... on a certain block of content that will actually ALLOW the sort of shenanigans that BoB is known for... a block of content much more grisly than Nick at Nite... much more vile... crude... sick... twisted... demented... and above all else...
Axl: ... Adult. Yes, I speak of the second coming of BoB to cable. Only this time? ... On Adult Swim. You see... I received a phone call, not too long after I heard from you, Jeremy Buttrash. It was a call informing me of a lost relative. ...
Axl: My mother.
Buttrash: Your MOM! Axl, this is a huge scoop for BoB Today! You mean you actually know who your mother is now?!
Axl: Exactly. ... She is a woman of power. A woman of GREAT power. She is... She Is... She IS...... the Vice President in Charge of Everything, for Adult Swim. And she is the best damn mom a guy could asked for. Well... atleast, as far as I could tell from our brief conversation over the phone. Anyway, she has let me know that, seeing as how I'm her son and all, the only way she could make up for all that time lost... is by giving me the power to make a very crucial decision... a decision that could make or break BoB. She has informed me, that if BoB eventually comes to a point where it meets my high expectations, then she will give the go ahead for a one and a half hour weekly show, at the end of the block, around 3:30, right after Aqua Teen Hunger Force. And she has said... that if they don't meet them by a set date, set by me of course, then I will have the power to take over the slot myself.
Buttrash: By the way, Axl. What is your mom's name?
Axl: Ironically... Rose.
Buttrash: That sounds familiar... ... Your ex-girlfriend!
Axl: Yeah, yeah. She was a total beast... did you know she had a moustache? Like, just peach fuzz, but it was pretty visible...
Buttrash: ...
Axl: And also ironically, my mom lives in Slashville, Utah, right next to Sinister City! So, I can basically see her anytime I want once I move there. As I am not scheduled for MegaBrawl... which is a crime of unmitigated proportions... I'm going to spend the next month moving into Sinister City, and spending alot of time catching up with Mama Rose, as I like to call her. I'm going to be moving into a nice, two bedroom HOUSE, because this trailer thing? Well, let's just say I need to do everything in my power to wash that stench off. Trailers are sooo redneck-y.
Buttrash: So, it seems as if you're going to be spending time with family for the holidays?
Axl: Definitely, Jeremy. Definitely... Hey, look, I need to get the hell out of this place. I've taken all of Nowhere I can handle... Enough's enough...
Axl: And it's time for a change. Remember; I am the Metal God... I Am the Savior of BoB... I AM...
~ better than you ~
[Axl shoves the microphone into Jeremy's chest, and hops into the passenger's side of the now black VMW. The car speeds off in a cloud of smoke, as the camera fades to black, with two words in the very center... all lowercase... white font... inbetween two brackets... ]
[adult swim]