Post by Steve Studnuts on Apr 22, 2005 9:03:38 GMT -5
~~~Fade in to Steve Studnuts in his bed, under his black satin sheets and Jenna Jamison comforter. Connie's sitting on the side of his bed, pushing on Steve's left shoulder and trying to wake him up. For some odd reason, or perhaps not so odd, about mid way down the comforter, it looks like a pop tent has been set up.~~~
Connie: Steve? Wake up. (pushes on him again) STEVE! It's time to get up, you have a promo to do today, don't you remember? There were a couple of cards posted, you told me you had to comment about every show from now on.
[Steve slowly raises and wipes a dry eye booger off his upper cheek. He then glances at his bedside stand, trying to focus in on his clock.]
Studs: What the fuck? It's only 11:30am, I told you NEVER to wake me before noon. I was havin' this AWESOME dream.... see, I was layin' the wood to this blue skinned chick...(notices pop tent) eh, I guess I was layin' the MORNING wood to this blue skinned chick. ANY-way, she was squealin' like a pig....and I was makin' bacon. Ya dig?
Connie: Nice...but are you going to comment about the recent shows?
Studs: Shows? Plural? SHOWS? In BOB. I did wake up, right? Pinch me. Better yet, stroke my dong.
[she playfully slaps his bicep]
Connie: Seriously, aren't you going to say anything about how you jobbed rather easily in Dimension Z?
Studs: Nah, I don't comment about fantasy shit. I'll let SpaceDick handle that...
[Steve's answer to Festering Death, back in the day, appears out of somewhere. Nowhere was busy.]
8========D : WHAT'S UP FUCKERS? CHECK ME OUT, I'M HARD AND FULL OF PISS. SOMEBODY NEEDS TO GET HIS FUCKING ASS TO THE JOHN AND EMPTY HIS GODDAMN BLADDER. WHAT'S UP, CONNIE? WANNA SUCK ME?
Connie: Stop it, Steve...
8========D: WHAT'S WRONG? YOU HAVING A PROBLEM TALKING TO A SMILEY PENIS?
Connie: You're not a smiley, you're an eight, equals, and a capital "d".
8========D: QUITE ASTUTE, BITCH...BUT DO YOU REALIZE THAT A CAPITAL "D" CAN MAKE A SMILEY? SEVERAL DIFFERENT FUCKING CHARACTERS CAN CREATE A SMILEY, BUT WHY WOULD I ACTUALLY NEED TO BE A SMILEY? I'M A DICK. I DON'T NEED A GODDAMN FACE. JUST MY ONE EYE AND I'M GOOD TO FUCKING GO.
Connie: Well, I can see I'm not going to get you to stop doing this, stealing gimmicks and acting like a fool, Steve. Is this your promo? This?
8========D: LISTEN, COCKSUCKING WHORE, TELL ME THAT STEVE STUDNUTS HAD TO JOB IN ANOTHER GALAXY BECAUSE NO FUCKING HUMAN BEING ALIVE IN THIS ONE CAN BEAT HIM. THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED, RIGHT? BESIDES, ABOUT THAT STEALING OF GIMMICKS AND WHATNOT, STEVE STUDNUTS IS ONE THIRD OF iAd, SO BASICALLY HE CAN DO OR SAY WHATEVER THE FUCK HE WANTS. HE JUST CAN'T STEAL douja's GIMMICK FOR FEAR OF THAT "N" WORD, YOU CAN ONLY SAY THAT SHIT AND GET AWAY WITH IT IF YOU'RE BLACK. BY THE WAY, WHAT WAS THE OTHER CARD? WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM IN THAT ONE? MORE OF THE SAME SHIT?
Connie: I don't know, I didn't read that one yet, it was a pope show. I'm sorry, but I didn't really pay that much attention to the pope when he was alive.
8========D: NEITHER DID I, BUT I HAVE NOTICED THE NEW ONE IS FUCKING UGLY AS SHIT. HIS PICTURE IS ALL OVER THE INTERNET. WHEN WILL SOME FUCKING NEWS HAPPEN WHERE THE FUCKING PEOPLE MAKING THE NEWS ARE FUCKING EASY TO LOOK AT? FIRST, THAT CAMILLE BITCH AND PRINCE CHARLES WITH HIS BIG ASS FUCKING EARS THAT LOOK LIKE HE HAS TWO HALVES OF A PIE PLATE ATTACHED TO HIS FUCKING SKULL, NOW THIS. I WON'T EVEN GET STARTED ON THAT MARTHA STEWART BITCH.
Connie: Okay, Steve... this is about enough.
8========D: WHY MUST YOU INSIST ON CALLING ME STEVE? I AM SPACEDICK! OR YOU CAN AFFECTIONATLEY REFER TO ME AS RUSSELL THE LOVE MUSCLE IF YOU LIKE. TUBE STEAK WILL ALSO WORK. PERHAPS, YOU MAY WISH TO CALL ME HOT BEEF INJECTION AS I KNOW A CERTAIN SOMEBODY AROUND HERE THAT LIKES TO MARK OUT ON "THE BREAKFAST CLUB" AND CONTINUALLY QUOTES THE FUCKING JOHN BENDER CHARACTER. I WONDER IF JOHN BENDER FUCKED CLAIRE AFTER SCHOOL THE FOLLOWING MONDAY AFTER THEIR SATURDAY IN SCHOOL SUSPENSION GIG. OR IF THE HIGH SCHOOL WRESTLER GUY FUCKED THE CHICK THAT MADE SNOW OUT OF HER DANDRUFF AFTER SHE GOT ALL CLEANED UP AND SHIT. OR IF THE GEEK EVER GOT ANY PUSSY FROM ANYBODY THE REST OF THE SCHOOL YEAR. ANY THOUGHTS?
Connie: Steve? I'm leaving. This is really stupid.
8========D: REALLY NOW? HAS THERE BEEN ANYTHING ELSE TO FUCKING READ IN THIS GODDAMN RANT ZONE? NO, I FUCKING THINK NOT. I DO KNOW THIS, HOWEVER. WHEN MY BOY STEVE STUDNUTS GETS THAT FUCKER MR. PARADOX BACK IN THE REAL WORLD, HE'S GOING TO BEAT HIM LIKE A RENTED FUCKING BITCH. AND THAT WILL BE EASY FUCKING STREET COMPARED TO WHAT DR. THRILLA WILL GET. AND WHEN ALL IS SAID IS DONE, AND AFTER STEVE KILLS THESE FUCKING GUYS... MUHAMMAD ALI IS GOING TO CLIMB IN THAT CAGE AND TAKE A GIANT, CORN FILLED SHIT ON BOTH OF THEM. THAT'S A FACT.
Connie: That's it, I'm out of here.
8========D: THAT'S RIGHT, RUN THE FUCK AWAY BEFORE I REALLY CUT LOOSE WITH SOME SHIT. YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR WHAT STEVE REALLY HAS PLANNED FOR THOSE TWO MOTHERFUCKERS. PAY PER VIEW WILL NEVER BE THE FUCKING SAME AGAIN. AND IT WON'T BE UNTIL MAGNUM T.A. AND TULLY BLANCHARD COME BACK.
Connie: I'm turning off the camera, Steve.... I'm turning it off.
8========D: DON'T YOU FUCKING DO IT! NOT BEFORE I AT LEAST GET A HAND JOB.
Connie: Okay, that's it.
8========D: GODDAMN YOU!
Connie: Steve? Wake up. (pushes on him again) STEVE! It's time to get up, you have a promo to do today, don't you remember? There were a couple of cards posted, you told me you had to comment about every show from now on.
[Steve slowly raises and wipes a dry eye booger off his upper cheek. He then glances at his bedside stand, trying to focus in on his clock.]
Studs: What the fuck? It's only 11:30am, I told you NEVER to wake me before noon. I was havin' this AWESOME dream.... see, I was layin' the wood to this blue skinned chick...(notices pop tent) eh, I guess I was layin' the MORNING wood to this blue skinned chick. ANY-way, she was squealin' like a pig....and I was makin' bacon. Ya dig?
Connie: Nice...but are you going to comment about the recent shows?
Studs: Shows? Plural? SHOWS? In BOB. I did wake up, right? Pinch me. Better yet, stroke my dong.
[she playfully slaps his bicep]
Connie: Seriously, aren't you going to say anything about how you jobbed rather easily in Dimension Z?
Studs: Nah, I don't comment about fantasy shit. I'll let SpaceDick handle that...
[Steve's answer to Festering Death, back in the day, appears out of somewhere. Nowhere was busy.]
8========D : WHAT'S UP FUCKERS? CHECK ME OUT, I'M HARD AND FULL OF PISS. SOMEBODY NEEDS TO GET HIS FUCKING ASS TO THE JOHN AND EMPTY HIS GODDAMN BLADDER. WHAT'S UP, CONNIE? WANNA SUCK ME?
Connie: Stop it, Steve...
8========D: WHAT'S WRONG? YOU HAVING A PROBLEM TALKING TO A SMILEY PENIS?
Connie: You're not a smiley, you're an eight, equals, and a capital "d".
8========D: QUITE ASTUTE, BITCH...BUT DO YOU REALIZE THAT A CAPITAL "D" CAN MAKE A SMILEY? SEVERAL DIFFERENT FUCKING CHARACTERS CAN CREATE A SMILEY, BUT WHY WOULD I ACTUALLY NEED TO BE A SMILEY? I'M A DICK. I DON'T NEED A GODDAMN FACE. JUST MY ONE EYE AND I'M GOOD TO FUCKING GO.
Connie: Well, I can see I'm not going to get you to stop doing this, stealing gimmicks and acting like a fool, Steve. Is this your promo? This?
8========D: LISTEN, COCKSUCKING WHORE, TELL ME THAT STEVE STUDNUTS HAD TO JOB IN ANOTHER GALAXY BECAUSE NO FUCKING HUMAN BEING ALIVE IN THIS ONE CAN BEAT HIM. THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED, RIGHT? BESIDES, ABOUT THAT STEALING OF GIMMICKS AND WHATNOT, STEVE STUDNUTS IS ONE THIRD OF iAd, SO BASICALLY HE CAN DO OR SAY WHATEVER THE FUCK HE WANTS. HE JUST CAN'T STEAL douja's GIMMICK FOR FEAR OF THAT "N" WORD, YOU CAN ONLY SAY THAT SHIT AND GET AWAY WITH IT IF YOU'RE BLACK. BY THE WAY, WHAT WAS THE OTHER CARD? WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM IN THAT ONE? MORE OF THE SAME SHIT?
Connie: I don't know, I didn't read that one yet, it was a pope show. I'm sorry, but I didn't really pay that much attention to the pope when he was alive.
8========D: NEITHER DID I, BUT I HAVE NOTICED THE NEW ONE IS FUCKING UGLY AS SHIT. HIS PICTURE IS ALL OVER THE INTERNET. WHEN WILL SOME FUCKING NEWS HAPPEN WHERE THE FUCKING PEOPLE MAKING THE NEWS ARE FUCKING EASY TO LOOK AT? FIRST, THAT CAMILLE BITCH AND PRINCE CHARLES WITH HIS BIG ASS FUCKING EARS THAT LOOK LIKE HE HAS TWO HALVES OF A PIE PLATE ATTACHED TO HIS FUCKING SKULL, NOW THIS. I WON'T EVEN GET STARTED ON THAT MARTHA STEWART BITCH.
Connie: Okay, Steve... this is about enough.
8========D: WHY MUST YOU INSIST ON CALLING ME STEVE? I AM SPACEDICK! OR YOU CAN AFFECTIONATLEY REFER TO ME AS RUSSELL THE LOVE MUSCLE IF YOU LIKE. TUBE STEAK WILL ALSO WORK. PERHAPS, YOU MAY WISH TO CALL ME HOT BEEF INJECTION AS I KNOW A CERTAIN SOMEBODY AROUND HERE THAT LIKES TO MARK OUT ON "THE BREAKFAST CLUB" AND CONTINUALLY QUOTES THE FUCKING JOHN BENDER CHARACTER. I WONDER IF JOHN BENDER FUCKED CLAIRE AFTER SCHOOL THE FOLLOWING MONDAY AFTER THEIR SATURDAY IN SCHOOL SUSPENSION GIG. OR IF THE HIGH SCHOOL WRESTLER GUY FUCKED THE CHICK THAT MADE SNOW OUT OF HER DANDRUFF AFTER SHE GOT ALL CLEANED UP AND SHIT. OR IF THE GEEK EVER GOT ANY PUSSY FROM ANYBODY THE REST OF THE SCHOOL YEAR. ANY THOUGHTS?
Connie: Steve? I'm leaving. This is really stupid.
8========D: REALLY NOW? HAS THERE BEEN ANYTHING ELSE TO FUCKING READ IN THIS GODDAMN RANT ZONE? NO, I FUCKING THINK NOT. I DO KNOW THIS, HOWEVER. WHEN MY BOY STEVE STUDNUTS GETS THAT FUCKER MR. PARADOX BACK IN THE REAL WORLD, HE'S GOING TO BEAT HIM LIKE A RENTED FUCKING BITCH. AND THAT WILL BE EASY FUCKING STREET COMPARED TO WHAT DR. THRILLA WILL GET. AND WHEN ALL IS SAID IS DONE, AND AFTER STEVE KILLS THESE FUCKING GUYS... MUHAMMAD ALI IS GOING TO CLIMB IN THAT CAGE AND TAKE A GIANT, CORN FILLED SHIT ON BOTH OF THEM. THAT'S A FACT.
Connie: That's it, I'm out of here.
8========D: THAT'S RIGHT, RUN THE FUCK AWAY BEFORE I REALLY CUT LOOSE WITH SOME SHIT. YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR WHAT STEVE REALLY HAS PLANNED FOR THOSE TWO MOTHERFUCKERS. PAY PER VIEW WILL NEVER BE THE FUCKING SAME AGAIN. AND IT WON'T BE UNTIL MAGNUM T.A. AND TULLY BLANCHARD COME BACK.
Connie: I'm turning off the camera, Steve.... I'm turning it off.
8========D: DON'T YOU FUCKING DO IT! NOT BEFORE I AT LEAST GET A HAND JOB.
Connie: Okay, that's it.
8========D: GODDAMN YOU!
~~~cut to static~~~