Jerri Duty

[[Sir Zeno]]

*Scene opens in a DomiNatrix suite of some sort. [Sir Zeno] is seen hanging nude from the ceiling in chains. Luckily, the camera only shows him from the waist up. There is some sort of purple ball bobbing up and down near the bottom of the screen.*

[Sir Zeno]: I see why she likes this.

*Notices the camera.*

[SZ]: Oh, hello there. You just caught my training for my next match against Jerri Li.

*He looks down.*

[SZ]: Harder.

*He looks up.*

[SZ]: My promos are obviously leading me on to victory in this tournament, and no doubt I will easily make the UnFOURtunate Four. Jerri, I'm going to do something terrible to you when we meet. That something? Nothing. I'm not going to inflict any pain on you, nor will I let you inflict any pain on me. Now, I realize the paradox in there, that by not inflicting injury I will actually be inflicting injury. So in addition to that, I will blow up Tentacle Beast. Again.

*Cut to a Japanese aquarium. It blows up with the help of some amateurish CGI explosion effects. Back to the "training" room.*

[SZ]: No doubt Tentacle Beast was in there raping young Japanese girls. And once again, Tentacle Beast is dead.

*That bouncing purple ball? It was apparently Jennifer Aniston wearing a purple wig, and for some reason she had painted herself up like a member of the Blue Man Group. She spits something out of her mouth. She turns around to reveal blood dripping down her chin and throat. Her blue breasts are blurred out for "taste" concerns. Because swearing and simulated oral sex is fine, but nudity? Way over the line!*

JA: More?

[jerri]

[Jerri is at a Chinese beauty salon, getting her nails done and her eyebrows tweezed.]

Jerri: Hi! Just having some 'me' time.

[She smiles for about three seconds before shooing the lady with the file away.]

Jerri: Alright, I hate this place. Zeno, I understand what you're saying. You can roll around the ring with me all you want trying to pin me, but I'll be damned if I don't FORCE you to break my leg worse than Sid Vicious. What is it with you Dimension Z douchebags? Dr. Thrilla was too chicken to use his frickin beartrap mouth on me, Mr. Paradox wore a coat damn near made out of cheesegraters and now you're threatening to NOT hurt me.

[She bats the eyebrow lady away with the back of her hand.]

Jerri: Listen, you just want an old school style wrestling match? With no fists, no kicks, no slams? That's fine, but let's make a deal right here and now.

[She smiles.]

Jerri: You win and you can fuck me all night. Maybe I make you sick, I don't know, pussy is still pussy and despite a lot of abuse I'm still tighter than a crocodile clip. I win... I get to cut something off you.

[She motions for the beauticians to come back.]

Jerri: And you probably know what I have in mind. If you refuse to actually fight me we might as well try and make this interesting.

[[Sir Zeno]]

*[Sir Zeno] is seen consulting a shopping list at a supermarket in Dimension DN. He begins pushing his cart.*

[Sir Zeno]: Let's see here. Need industrial strength douche. Coffee enema. Bleach.

Random Shopper: Don't you want to get an attachable penis, too, you fag!

*Sir Zeno pulls out his sword and cuts off his head. Blood spurts all over the perfectly white tiled floor.*

PA: Cleanup in aisle one. Clean up, aisle one...

[Sir Zeno]: I have no intention of losing this bet or my penis.

Detached Head: It...wasn't...for...you. It...was...so...you...could...attach...it...to...Jerri...you...fag.

[SZ]: Oh.

*Sword out. Head sliced in half. Brain matter all over the floor.*

[stchristian]

[Scatman and St. Christian are out on a vomit surprise run in their local supermarket.]

Scatman: Wait, this hot piece of ass (ok, her ass isn't all that hot) pretty much hands you her pussy because she knows she wont win, and you're out getting enemas? Who are you, me?

[Scatman tries to ram a whole cabbage down his throat to start the bile flowing.]

Scatman: Dude, you should be offering to put a cockroach in her snatch like that 'asian torture' video... God knows that's the only way you get her to scream that loud.

CSC: I wouldn't be surprised if it WAS Jerri in that video. And stop mentioning viral videos to try and put yourself over with cheap heat!

Scatmna: No!

[Scatman sees a little old blue haired lady and winks at St. Christian. He jogs up behind her, sticks his fingers down his gullet, and vomits all over her.]