Post by Kobe Gyant on Mar 20, 2009 8:40:45 GMT -5
Inside of your generic court, a familiar face was being questioned for possible jury duty services. ONLY WORLD TITLE THAT MATTERS #1 contender, Kobe Gyant. Just as he always does, he drew #1 to become the #1 jury box contender. Some white devil in a suit started asking him questions.
State your name.
Everyone knows my name, son! Kobe space Gyant exclamation poooooint! And San Andreas.
San Andreas?
You said name my state.
There's no state called "San Andreas." That's a fictional setting for a "Grand theft Auto" game.
So? This is a fictional setting for a Rant in a parody eWrestling promotion.
Point taken! Now, sir. Do you know the defendant?
Yes?
You do?
If it'll get me off jury duty, then hellz yeah.
OK...now, let me ask you this. If Axl was wearing jeans during your match at Bearly Legal, how is it that he managed to "rub one off" so you could threaten BOB with a lawsuit?
Say what?
I mean, I looked at the tape. At no point is Axl's peeper visible.
Tifa tells me it's like he's just gotten out of the pool 24/7, son!
Need I remind you that you're under oath, Mr. Gyant. Did Axl actually ejaculate on you, or did you orchestrate the entire event so you could manipulate yourself into a cage match at Gluttons For Punishment 2?
Superultracloseup of Kobe sweating. Superultracloseup of Lawyer sneering.
Fine!
*GASP*
Order! Order!
Yo, get me some fried chicken from Popeye's.
I knew it!
Kobe watches in horror as the Lawyer tears of her fake brown wig, revealing long red hair. Then she takes off her glasses. Suddenly, it all makes sense.
Hardcore journalism. Recognize! How you like me now, Kobe?
Awww hell. Fine, Kay. It's true. Randy didn't really jizz all over my hand. It was a magic trick of sorts. I cheated in high school at basketball. Shoot, you really thought I'd come here and play by the rules? SMP doesn't deserved to be WORLD CHAMP. That's my TITLE, girl. He may have the EOD, but I've got the J to the B. Joe F'n Bananas! And together, the Gyant Bananas are gonna reign supreme over the white boys team. It'll be just like the '80s all over again. Magic Johnson and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar vs. Larry Bird and Kevin McHale.
Look, everyone already thinks Randy's a rump ranger, it's not like it did him any damage. And it's not like he was banging Tifa. The girl was hungry for me. Literally. All that MATTERS is that I'm the number one contender, and I've made it a cage match so no Kid Pirate or Death or Big Blaq Shaq can run in and rob me of my title!
Court officers come to "escort" Kobe away...
You're out of order! You're out of order! The whole trial is out of order! They're out of order! That woman, that sick, crazy, depraved woman, impersonated a lawyer all to set me up as the thin premise of a Rant, and she'd like to do it again! She *told* me so! It's just a show! It's a show! It's "Deal or No Deal"! "Deal or No Deal"! Hey Howie Mandell, you wanna "Make A Deal"? I got an insane lesbian lawyer who majored in straight math! Isn't that ironic?!!
Fade as Kobe is dragged out of the courtroom.
<--Lawyer-->
State your name.
<--Kobe Gyant-->
Everyone knows my name, son! Kobe space Gyant exclamation poooooint! And San Andreas.
<--Lawyer-->
San Andreas?
<--Kobe Gyant-->
You said name my state.
<--Lawyer-->
There's no state called "San Andreas." That's a fictional setting for a "Grand theft Auto" game.
<--Kobe Gyant-->
So? This is a fictional setting for a Rant in a parody eWrestling promotion.
<--Lawyer-->
Point taken! Now, sir. Do you know the defendant?
<--Kobe Gyant-->
Yes?
<--Lawyer-->
You do?
<--Kobe Gyant-->
If it'll get me off jury duty, then hellz yeah.
<--Lawyer-->
OK...now, let me ask you this. If Axl was wearing jeans during your match at Bearly Legal, how is it that he managed to "rub one off" so you could threaten BOB with a lawsuit?
<--Lawyer-->
Say what?
<--Lawyer-->
I mean, I looked at the tape. At no point is Axl's peeper visible.
<--Kobe Gyant-->
Tifa tells me it's like he's just gotten out of the pool 24/7, son!
<--Lawyer-->
Need I remind you that you're under oath, Mr. Gyant. Did Axl actually ejaculate on you, or did you orchestrate the entire event so you could manipulate yourself into a cage match at Gluttons For Punishment 2?
Superultracloseup of Kobe sweating. Superultracloseup of Lawyer sneering.
<--Kobe Gyant-->
Fine!
<--Courtroom->>
*GASP*
<<--Judge-->>
Order! Order!
<--Kobe Gyant-->
Yo, get me some fried chicken from Popeye's.
<--Lawyer-->
I knew it!
Kobe watches in horror as the Lawyer tears of her fake brown wig, revealing long red hair. Then she takes off her glasses. Suddenly, it all makes sense.
<--Kay Fabe-->
Hardcore journalism. Recognize! How you like me now, Kobe?
<--Kobe Gyant-->
Awww hell. Fine, Kay. It's true. Randy didn't really jizz all over my hand. It was a magic trick of sorts. I cheated in high school at basketball. Shoot, you really thought I'd come here and play by the rules? SMP doesn't deserved to be WORLD CHAMP. That's my TITLE, girl. He may have the EOD, but I've got the J to the B. Joe F'n Bananas! And together, the Gyant Bananas are gonna reign supreme over the white boys team. It'll be just like the '80s all over again. Magic Johnson and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar vs. Larry Bird and Kevin McHale.
Look, everyone already thinks Randy's a rump ranger, it's not like it did him any damage. And it's not like he was banging Tifa. The girl was hungry for me. Literally. All that MATTERS is that I'm the number one contender, and I've made it a cage match so no Kid Pirate or Death or Big Blaq Shaq can run in and rob me of my title!
Court officers come to "escort" Kobe away...
<--Kobe Gyant-->
You're out of order! You're out of order! The whole trial is out of order! They're out of order! That woman, that sick, crazy, depraved woman, impersonated a lawyer all to set me up as the thin premise of a Rant, and she'd like to do it again! She *told* me so! It's just a show! It's a show! It's "Deal or No Deal"! "Deal or No Deal"! Hey Howie Mandell, you wanna "Make A Deal"? I got an insane lesbian lawyer who majored in straight math! Isn't that ironic?!!
Fade as Kobe is dragged out of the courtroom.