Post by Kobe Gyant on Mar 4, 2009 18:22:29 GMT -5
It's Wednesday in Los Santos, and 20 cameras are rolling inside Kobe Gyant's personal gymnasium that is an exact replica of the Stapler Center in Los Santos. 19,999 empty seats, but plenty of cameras for some odd reason. And balls. Plenty of big balls. Basketballs, of course. They're rolling all over the place. The gym is virtually empty, aside from all the cameras and balls and Kobe, who is sitting on the "home" bench on the far side of the court.
Slowly and silently, the camera moves toward Kobe until the cameraman slips on a ball and we get a nice view of the ceiling.
Damn, son! Watch where you walkin'! If you was in Michael Jackson's bedroom, wouldn't you watch out for underage white boys?
Slowly and silently, the camera gets back to normal and continues on toward the man on the bench. Kobe pulls off his jersey to drive all the ladies in the world into wild, orgasmic pleasure in unison. He stands up, wipes some sweat off his glistening chest and tosses the jersey at the camera before falling harmlessly out of sight as the cameraman manages not to trip on it.
I've seen plenty of action this month!
Huh?
Oh, sorry. Very obscure parody.
Obviously, Kobe has been very hard at work, no pun intended. After all, Kobe has a huge match coming up in two weeks or so. The biggest tag team match in iMPLOSION! history on show number 18! Death. SMP. Kobe. And…Kobe's tag team partner of choice. It's very rare that Kobe allows so many cameras to record him in his private gym, so something, well, GYANT, must be up.
OK, enough narration already! The people tuned in to hear what I got to say. Now, where's Kay?
Isn't that her over there, banging on the door?
Nah, that ain't her.
The camera turns toward the door to see the sexy redhead indeed looking through the glass part of a yellow metal door.
You sure?
Yeah. So here I am. Rock you like a hurricane! Especially if your name is "The Legend Killer" Randy Orton. Oh sorry. "The Only Future of This Business, First An' Only Third Generation Superstar Ever, Who In The Hell Is This Randy Orton You Speak Of? Real, Authentic, One of a Kind, Mother F'n Cock S'n Child Molestin' Legend Killer" Randy Orton. I'ma bout to be the youngest ONLY WORLD CHAMP THAT MATTERS in BOB history, son!
Actually, Kobe…I think Hardcore JJ was three years old when he won it.
So? I'm only six months old, son! Puberty just came real early for me, you know…
Um…huh?
Damn, where's Kay? At least she plays along with me.
She's at the door, remember?
Quit lyin'! I don't like you. Alright, look. Let's make it real simple so even this cameraman can understand. I beat Axl. And now you're lookin' at the number one contender. Finally, my long quest is almost at an end. Bein' in The BOB is like Lord of the Rings! And with one title, I'll rule you all. Bow down!
The camera suddenly is at Kobe's crotch-level.
A brother could get used to this. Now that's some change I can believe in! Stand up, boy.
The camera gets back to normal height.
So, I see that SMP's got himself some friends. That's amazin' in itself since he's such a cold piece of work. Hey, foo'. You may have some group, but I got something too! A stained pair of shorts thanks to Axl. And I know how The BOB works. I've got a lawsuit on my hands, son. Sexual harassment to say the least!
Kay's banging gets even louder.
I got a bunch of DVDS in the mail from one of my boys, and you know what I saw? Some tool roided up white boy became VP just for threatening to sue himself. So you know what? Cap'n Jack Ass, Pee Ho, and whoever else is making the decisions backstage, you've got a lawsuit on your hands, just like I had Axl's spunk all over mine. Unless you give me something I want at Gluttons for Punishment 2. It's really simple. You give me what I want, and this lawsuit will just go away magically. Just like how Wizard, Largeman and American Panda all vanished from the Rant Zone.
KOBE! I HAVE AN IMPORTANT QUESTION TO ASK YOU ABOUT BEARLY LEGAL!
Aw, hell! This arena is supposed to be soundproof!
I think she's on the PA system, Kobe.
NOW IT COULD JUST BE ME, BUT I NOTICED THAT AXL WEARS JEANS TO THE RING…
I gotta make this really quick then. Give me SMP in a cage match at GFP2 or else! Sue sue sue! Cut the camera! Now!!
SO HOW IS IT POSSIBLE THAT—
Slowly and silently, the camera moves toward Kobe until the cameraman slips on a ball and we get a nice view of the ceiling.
<--Kobe Gyant-->
Damn, son! Watch where you walkin'! If you was in Michael Jackson's bedroom, wouldn't you watch out for underage white boys?
Slowly and silently, the camera gets back to normal and continues on toward the man on the bench. Kobe pulls off his jersey to drive all the ladies in the world into wild, orgasmic pleasure in unison. He stands up, wipes some sweat off his glistening chest and tosses the jersey at the camera before falling harmlessly out of sight as the cameraman manages not to trip on it.
<--Kobe Gyant-->
I've seen plenty of action this month!
Huh?
<--Kobe Gyant-->
Oh, sorry. Very obscure parody.
Obviously, Kobe has been very hard at work, no pun intended. After all, Kobe has a huge match coming up in two weeks or so. The biggest tag team match in iMPLOSION! history on show number 18! Death. SMP. Kobe. And…Kobe's tag team partner of choice. It's very rare that Kobe allows so many cameras to record him in his private gym, so something, well, GYANT, must be up.
<--Kobe Gyant-->
OK, enough narration already! The people tuned in to hear what I got to say. Now, where's Kay?
<--Clive-->
Isn't that her over there, banging on the door?
<--Kobe Gyant-->
Nah, that ain't her.
The camera turns toward the door to see the sexy redhead indeed looking through the glass part of a yellow metal door.
<--Clive-->
You sure?
<--Kobe Gyant-->
Yeah. So here I am. Rock you like a hurricane! Especially if your name is "The Legend Killer" Randy Orton. Oh sorry. "The Only Future of This Business, First An' Only Third Generation Superstar Ever, Who In The Hell Is This Randy Orton You Speak Of? Real, Authentic, One of a Kind, Mother F'n Cock S'n Child Molestin' Legend Killer" Randy Orton. I'ma bout to be the youngest ONLY WORLD CHAMP THAT MATTERS in BOB history, son!
<--Clive-->
Actually, Kobe…I think Hardcore JJ was three years old when he won it.
<--Kobe Gyant-->
So? I'm only six months old, son! Puberty just came real early for me, you know…
<--Clive-->
Um…huh?
<--Kobe Gyant-->
Damn, where's Kay? At least she plays along with me.
<--Clive-->
She's at the door, remember?
<--Kobe Gyant-->
Quit lyin'! I don't like you. Alright, look. Let's make it real simple so even this cameraman can understand. I beat Axl. And now you're lookin' at the number one contender. Finally, my long quest is almost at an end. Bein' in The BOB is like Lord of the Rings! And with one title, I'll rule you all. Bow down!
The camera suddenly is at Kobe's crotch-level.
<--Kobe Gyant-->
A brother could get used to this. Now that's some change I can believe in! Stand up, boy.
The camera gets back to normal height.
<--Kobe Gyant-->
So, I see that SMP's got himself some friends. That's amazin' in itself since he's such a cold piece of work. Hey, foo'. You may have some group, but I got something too! A stained pair of shorts thanks to Axl. And I know how The BOB works. I've got a lawsuit on my hands, son. Sexual harassment to say the least!
Kay's banging gets even louder.
<--Kobe Gyant-->
I got a bunch of DVDS in the mail from one of my boys, and you know what I saw? Some tool roided up white boy became VP just for threatening to sue himself. So you know what? Cap'n Jack Ass, Pee Ho, and whoever else is making the decisions backstage, you've got a lawsuit on your hands, just like I had Axl's spunk all over mine. Unless you give me something I want at Gluttons for Punishment 2. It's really simple. You give me what I want, and this lawsuit will just go away magically. Just like how Wizard, Largeman and American Panda all vanished from the Rant Zone.
<--Kay Fabe-->
KOBE! I HAVE AN IMPORTANT QUESTION TO ASK YOU ABOUT BEARLY LEGAL!
<--Kobe Gyant-->
Aw, hell! This arena is supposed to be soundproof!
<--Clive-->
I think she's on the PA system, Kobe.
<--Kay Fabe-->
NOW IT COULD JUST BE ME, BUT I NOTICED THAT AXL WEARS JEANS TO THE RING…
<--Kobe Gyant-->
I gotta make this really quick then. Give me SMP in a cage match at GFP2 or else! Sue sue sue! Cut the camera! Now!!
<--Kay Fabe-->
SO HOW IS IT POSSIBLE THAT—