Post by @xL on Mar 3, 2009 20:32:13 GMT -5
[Axl is just pulling into the parking garage of the apartment building he calls home. As the Yellow VW Beetle of Evil comes to a stop, and Axl kicks the driver's side door open, the Grunge Warrior steps out into the darkened stretch of vehicles... his ticked off attitude as apparent as ever. Axl plods to the back of the car, with eyes burning a hole straight ahead of him, through anything in his way... and every step he makes sends a harsh echo throughout the sea of automobiles, assuring us that he's still pissed. Axl reaches toward the trunk, flips it upward, and rips his gym bags out, without any hesitation between movements.]
[Suddenly, a white hummer comes barreling past Axl... he glares at this. When it reaches a halt, off screen, a female voice is heard thanking the driver... the voice's owner comes into the picture, and of course, it's Tifa.]
Tifa: Hey, Axe.
Axl: ... Is that all you have to say? I see you found a ride. I guess that mouth of yours comes in handy for something, HUH?! Not to mention a few OTHER holes...
Tifa: Oh come off it, Axe. Hasn't the drive home settled you down some?
Axl: Does it LOOK I've "settled down"? If it weren't for you, I would -
Tifa: I know, I know, you'd be the #1 contender, I GET IT already, yeesh...
Axl: All thanks to you flirting around with everything that has a dick!
Tifa: Hey, I don't flirt with you, do I? That is, assuming you HAVE one, with all the bitching you do. I swear, you sound more like a chick than I do sometimes... You SURE you're not gay?
Axl: I have a REASON to complain! Without you at ringside, texting away like some 15 year old school girl, I WOULD have beaten your little boyfriend, and I WOULD be facing Sil at the next OnDemand! ... Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if you WERE on his side... Trying to bring me down as my "agent", PURPOSEFULLY sabotaging me just so you can sleep with the the ONLY WORLD CHAMPION THAT MATTERS, instead of just some ex-high school athlete!
Tifa: Just so you know, Axe, you're being REALLY paranoid right now... Seriously, do you ever listen to yourself? You've got to be the most paranoid person I've ever met... And really, if you'd just stop and think for one minute, instead of blowing up over every little thing, you'd have noticed something. What if I WASN'T out there? You think that, without me accidentally distracting you, that would have stopped Sil from hitting the Nipple Cutter? Honestly? I mean, you think he would have passed up the chance to piss you off one more time? Shit, I don't even think he did it to make you lose, I think he just did it because he enjoys looking at your face when you get REALLY ticked off, and throw one of your temper tantrums. Axe... he enjoys laughing at you. And every time you lose a match, whether it be for a title shot, a title, or for nothing at all, he knows, the fans know, and YOU know... that you're going to end up doing what you ALWAYS do... and that is bitch, and moan, whine and complain, and fly off the handle like a child. So... there's two things you can do. Continue acting like a little kid... or suck it up, grow some testicles, and become a man. The decision's yours... Just know, it wasn't me that cost you that match.
[Tifa walks toward the garage door, possibly heading for her home in Sinister City. Axl is left, holding his gym bags, looking as if he's mulling over something...]
Axl: You know... she's right. (Axl turns to the camera) Simpleton Plants! Ya know... I think you're afraid. Afraid of facing ME for that belt, and that's why you made damn sure it would be that NEWBIE on the other side of the ring when you defend your most prized possesion. Not a guy that you've been dodging for the past THREE YEARS. Not a guy that you KNOW has had it out for you virtually since he stepped foot into BOB. And most certainly not the only man in this company WORTHY of holding that title. As Tifa said, it wasn't her that cost me a shot at 'your precious'... it was YOU!
[Actually, Axe... I think she was sort of alluding to the fact that it may have been you YOURSELF that cost you a shot at the strap. I mean, if you were really prepared, you would have had the prescence of mind to focus, not on Tifa, not on SMP, but on the challenge at hand... you would have focused your attention squarely on Kobe, and DEFEATING Kobe, so you COULD earn the right to face Sil in May.... you know?]
Axl: Don't SAY that! Don't you DARE say those two words together, again!
[... You know?]
Axl: ARRRGGGHHH! SIL! I KNOW you were at fault. And YOU should know to keep your nose out of other people's matches!
[Look who's talkin'...]
Axl: What's THAT supposed to mean?
[Well, other than the millions of times before? How about Bearly Legal, where you interfered in Sam, Sam the Dancing Yam's match? If not for you, Sam might be the Swiss Army Champion!]
Axl: For one thing, the guy DESERVED that.
[How do you figure?]
Axl: Sam actually claimed to have defeated me, when ALL he got was a cheap count-out "victory". If you ask me, he got what was coming to him. And not only that, but while I only interfered once, Sil interfered TWICE... which obviously proves Sil is an even bigger asshole than I could EVER be.
[Yup. And you HAVE a bigger asshole than you could ever be, what with it always being stretched out of proportion.
]
Axl: Ugh... Annnyway, speaking of ASSHOLES... That little group you assembled, Sil? It's nothing more than a collection of washed up, dried up, tired old HAS BEENS... but as for your talk of a "Next Generation"?
Axl: There is but ONE "Next Generation"... and that is the Generation of AXL!
"Sam... The Great... Kobe? They're all nothing more than a bunch of kids... while I AM a man. I am THE man... but not only am I the man, I AM the Savior, whether you, Kobe, or anyone else chooses to believe so. This for the simple fact that BOB is in dire need of someone who can take the ONLY WORLD TITLE THAT MATTERS... and actually make it MATTER again! For, currenly, it is nothing but a name... but when I reclaim it, I shall be the individual... the only possible individual... to make it live up to that name once again, and to use that title to elevate BOB to where it has never been before... the very pinnacle of this industry."
[Axl drops his gym bags, and a new look appears on his face... a stern look, with a focused stare in his eyes... concentrated on what's before him.]
"Dammit.. I believe BOB can be at the top of the heap, but as I look around, I see noone else who believes as I do. All anyone else cares about is advancing themselves. Trying to stake their claim as "the next big thing", such as Sam, Kobe and the Great... or trying desperately to hold on to their spot, such as Death, Studnuts, and you, Sil. But god DAMMIT... I AM... the only man in this forsaken company, that truly wants to push BOB to new territory... to break new ground, and to transform BOB from some crappy, poorly ran heap of misery... to something that WWE, TNA, and even the NWA of old could only ever DREAM of becoming... a nationally respected, fortune 500, world wide POWERHOUSE... You see, BOB has been around for a decade now. But as i see it... it is as it always has been. At the bottom. But not I...."
[Axl folds his arms, and looks down at the concrete floor... He takes in a deep breath... before letting it out. He then looks back at the camera's lens, arms still folded, and continues...]
"Once... three years ago, back in 2007... I'll admit, I was nothing more than a kid. A baby... a child. Who only cared, as do the Great and Kobe of today, about making MYSELF look good... about claiming the OWTTM, not to transform the face of a business, but to put myself on the map. but now... my world has changed. As a great man once said, "When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child... But when I became a man, I put away childish things." And today... March 3rd, 2009... I no longer think as I did when I first stepped foot inside a BOB ring. Sure... the fans still despise me. Every one of you, the BOB lockeroom, still look upon me as a joke. And sure, if BigBOSS were here right now, standing before me, he probably wouldn't recognize my face, or even know my name. But I promise you... I promise each and every last one of you, from the fans that tune in, to the boys in the back that wrestle every iMPLOSION and OnDemand for the most paltry of incomes... It's all about to change."
"I AM... and forever will be... the Savior of this federation. For everything I do, whether you wish to believe it or not, is done for the good of this promotion. I AM... the REAL DEAL, MOTHER FUCKIN' Legend Killer. For, in order for this company... nay, for this BUSINESS to move forward... we MUST move away from the past. We must look upon those that made us smile, made us laugh, made us jump out of our seats for the very first time... we must take these legends... these icons... and put them to bed, just as we have our childhoods. We must take them, just as the boy did in the classic tale "Old Yeller"... and put them to rest. I AM... better than you. This may sound like nothing more than egotistical blustering, but it is in fact the truth. For as I've said, the only man... and I mean the ONLY man... in this company that has the power to FORCE BOB into the future, is me. I am not a legend, looking for nothing but fifteen extra minutes in the spotlight. And neither am I some punk kid looking to make a name for himself. Sure, Tifa looks to help promote me... but it is not to make myself look better. It is to make BOB into what it WILL be... instead of allowing it to flounder as it has been for the past ten years. For I promise to you... all of you... whether you like me, hate me, or wish me dead... I will make BOB the number one federation in this nation... by year's end. That's not a threat... that's not a bet. That's not a guarantee, or a even a promise. It's not the gospel... it's just the truth. I AM... all of these things. Not because I say I am... but merely because I MUST be... or this company is forever doomed to wallow in what it always has been... never to truly see a future... but only a past."
"A past..."
"Forever repeating itself... over... and over... and over thrice more. Yes it has been enjoyable, yes it has been "funny", atleast for those that laugh at such things as washing machines winning battle royals, grown men and a couple of robots making fun of terrible e-feds, and pre-pubescent boys setting fire to everything but the kitchen sink... but as for me? I will NOT be content to rest on my laurels. Nor my hardeyz. I am the man who will lead you all to the alter of salvation... the alter of wrestling immortality. I am BOB's saving grace... and the only one truly thinking about this promotion... instead of thinking about "number one". I am NOT thinking about some crappy gauntlet held on some crappy forum that'll probably change hosts three times by the end of the week... for I am not Sam. I am NOT thinking about basketball games and laying white chicks, nor am I thinking about winning the OWTTM with some crap move that was done best by a balding man in yellow tights. For I am not Kobe. I am NOT a skeleton in a black robe dragging around a scythe... although I can imagine that'd be pretty damn cool. But alas, I am not... for I am not Death. I am NOT a guy made out of shit... I AM the shit. But I am NOT Duke Thompson. I am NOT a title belt, nor am I a Steel Chair. I am not a pain pill junkie who wasn't GOOD ENOUGH to fight for the Hierarchy, so he quit and soon began jobbing harder than Kung Fu Naki. For I am NOT Kurt Angel... thank GOD. Probably moreso than I can imagine..."
"I am not a macaw, nor a man with a head wrapped in tin foil. I am not a Fetish Freak... although I do enjoy feet. But hey, who doesn't? I am NOT a couple of potheads, who don't appear in the Rant Zone because their handler is too lazy to register an account on ProBoards. This, despite the fact that he expects every single member of his old board to register with HIS new host... even though the host board? Looks like a bucket of piss was splashed against the computer screen. But regardless, I am not any of these three for I am not the Wiz, I am not Thomas Largeman, and I am most certainly NOT a Scooter. Or whatever the fuck he wants to call himself... eye m nutt xxxxxxxxxXXXXXXXXxteeRm mayshinne/ And in other news... r u reddi?
? I am NOT XXXTreme's pal Snapmare Kid. For I am actually capable of performing more than one move. By this same logic, even the Hardcore Title Belt isn't Snapmare Kid, because let's face it... even the belt can both be thrown, AND caught. The Kid only knows one direction. Down. Followed by the one, two, three... I am NOT a chick, no matter what Scotty Whatbody may have you believe... for I am not Hamster Girl, Tia Tarr, Jerri Li, or Sarah."
[I'm sure Scotty's relieved over that last one...]
"I am NOT The Great... for I AM... The Greatest."
"I am NOT a Kid... and neither am I a Pirate."
[Not even a Butt Pirate?]
"
"
[Sorry. ]
"And most of all... without a shadow of DOUBT... I am NOT... not now, not EVER... a has been. I am not a man who WISHES he could still run as fast as he used to, jump as high as he used to, and cut titties like he used to... or atleast, like he used to dream of every night after jacking it to pics of breasts the size of small cars!"
[You used to jack it to pics of breasts the size of small cars?]
"... I said I'm NOT! Not, damn you!"
[Whoops.
]
"I am not a man who cares more about a championship belt than a beautiful woman. A woman that has more sense than to be with him, but doesn't use that sense simply because she knows if she lets him go, she's bound to wind up with a musclehead with a brain smaller than his steroid effected PENIS! And yeah, I'm talkin' about you, Steve-o Juiced Nuts! I am not SMP... nor am I you. And thank Jesus W. CHRIST for that, because as me... as Axl? I still have the ability to bend over and tie my own two boots!"
[Not to mention, bend over and do many "other" things...]
"Sil would probably break his back, and you, Steve? With all that mass, you probably can't even wiggle your fingers, much less flex your arm! Wanna know something, Steve-o? I'm rooting for you. I'm rooting for you, to go on an undefeated streak the likes of which BOB has never seen... and I WANT you to go to MegaBrawl 3 and face Trey. Why? Because between the two of you? Trey was the only thing keeping the iAd floating above the deep end. And when he DOES meet you, on the biggest stage of them all? I can guaran-DAMN-tee you it won't take him more than five seconds to defeat you. Not just because he's still got pull here, and that'll probably be how long he'll book himself to win... and not just because you'll probably wind up pulling a Triple H with all that muscle you've put on over the years. No... it's simply due to the fact that, when all's said and done, Trey is just, simply put, better than you, Steve. Always has been, always will be. Trey KNEW when he could no longer continue his in-ring career, and chose instead to work behind the camera. The only reason he's even THINKING about stepping back into the ring is because of your nagging him to do so. And as I said, without him, the iAd would have been a ship without a captain. Why do you think Sil's group didn't ask you to join? Hell, they'd probably ask KOBE to join before you, and he's only been here for a few months. The painful truth is, Steve-o, you're even worse of a has been than Simpleton Plants. And that's exactly why I want you to face Trey. Because when you do? It'll be the final nail in the coffin of your career. And THAT alone will make MB3 worth the price of admission. As two not so great men once said... Hear me now. Und Believe me later."
[Axl finally smiles, for the first time since before Bearly Legal... Axe picks his bags back up, and heads toward the door leading inside the building. As he reaches his hand to the door handle, he stops... and turns his attention back to the camera.]
"But as for you, Sil? Your days as ONLY WORLD CHAMPION are numbered... but I'm not speaking for Kobe. I'm not even speaking for myself. I am speaking for the FUTURE of not only this company, but this industry. With you, and those like you, as BOB's champion, this promotion is in a state of perpetual redundancy. Destined for the same thing... till the end of its time here on earth. But with ME as its number one title holder... as its LEADER... this promotion is destined to become greater than even WCW at its peak, or the Company Formerly Known as the WWF. With me as this company's torch bearer, I have the power to put an end to this company's tainted legacy as being nothing more than a joke... and I have the power to transform the state of wrestling in this nation. To put an end to wrestling in the U.S. as being primarily a joke, such as WWE and TNA... and to return it to the greatness America once showed with companies such as AWA, NWA, ECW, and the WWF. I mean, do you think ROH's ever going to become a true threat? Don't make me LAUGH. ... HA!"
[Keep laughing, Axl Grease... ROH could one day become the threat to WWE that TNA has dreamed of becoming since it was created. You never know.]
"Yeah, and pigs could fly out of my BUTT!"
[I'm sure they'd feel cramped, what with your own head being shoved up there all the time, not to mention all the di-]
"You see, dear Sil... I am not like you. Or any of you for that matter. My quest is not one born out of self ego... I am not out to grab attention for MYSELF, oh no, no, no, I am out to grab attention for this COMPANY. For I see this company for what it is... and what it COULD be. For what it has the potential to become. My quest... however self-centered it may seem... is truly THE most noble thing ANYONE here is doing... or is even capable of doing. THAT is why I say that I am better than you. For I take the words of Sister Tifa, and use them to shape my mission, and to mold myself into a recognized face here, not only in this city, not only in BOB, but in every household across America. For THAT... is what BOB needs. Someone that every last man, woman and child can name without hesitation. A household name. And once BOB has that household name... that one TRUE Superstar... then... and ONLY then, will we... not I, but we, as a family... will we be able to move into the Future."
"BOB is the Future."
"I Am the Future... for I AM BOB."
"And I know..."
"You WISH..."
"You could be."
[Axl continues grinning to himself... that sick, evil smirk... before opening the door, and heading inside... slamming the door behind him.]
|face the future|
[Suddenly, a white hummer comes barreling past Axl... he glares at this. When it reaches a halt, off screen, a female voice is heard thanking the driver... the voice's owner comes into the picture, and of course, it's Tifa.]
Tifa: Hey, Axe.
Axl: ... Is that all you have to say? I see you found a ride. I guess that mouth of yours comes in handy for something, HUH?! Not to mention a few OTHER holes...
Tifa: Oh come off it, Axe. Hasn't the drive home settled you down some?
Axl: Does it LOOK I've "settled down"? If it weren't for you, I would -
Tifa: I know, I know, you'd be the #1 contender, I GET IT already, yeesh...
Axl: All thanks to you flirting around with everything that has a dick!
Tifa: Hey, I don't flirt with you, do I? That is, assuming you HAVE one, with all the bitching you do. I swear, you sound more like a chick than I do sometimes... You SURE you're not gay?
Axl: I have a REASON to complain! Without you at ringside, texting away like some 15 year old school girl, I WOULD have beaten your little boyfriend, and I WOULD be facing Sil at the next OnDemand! ... Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if you WERE on his side... Trying to bring me down as my "agent", PURPOSEFULLY sabotaging me just so you can sleep with the the ONLY WORLD CHAMPION THAT MATTERS, instead of just some ex-high school athlete!
Tifa: Just so you know, Axe, you're being REALLY paranoid right now... Seriously, do you ever listen to yourself? You've got to be the most paranoid person I've ever met... And really, if you'd just stop and think for one minute, instead of blowing up over every little thing, you'd have noticed something. What if I WASN'T out there? You think that, without me accidentally distracting you, that would have stopped Sil from hitting the Nipple Cutter? Honestly? I mean, you think he would have passed up the chance to piss you off one more time? Shit, I don't even think he did it to make you lose, I think he just did it because he enjoys looking at your face when you get REALLY ticked off, and throw one of your temper tantrums. Axe... he enjoys laughing at you. And every time you lose a match, whether it be for a title shot, a title, or for nothing at all, he knows, the fans know, and YOU know... that you're going to end up doing what you ALWAYS do... and that is bitch, and moan, whine and complain, and fly off the handle like a child. So... there's two things you can do. Continue acting like a little kid... or suck it up, grow some testicles, and become a man. The decision's yours... Just know, it wasn't me that cost you that match.
[Tifa walks toward the garage door, possibly heading for her home in Sinister City. Axl is left, holding his gym bags, looking as if he's mulling over something...]
Axl: You know... she's right. (Axl turns to the camera) Simpleton Plants! Ya know... I think you're afraid. Afraid of facing ME for that belt, and that's why you made damn sure it would be that NEWBIE on the other side of the ring when you defend your most prized possesion. Not a guy that you've been dodging for the past THREE YEARS. Not a guy that you KNOW has had it out for you virtually since he stepped foot into BOB. And most certainly not the only man in this company WORTHY of holding that title. As Tifa said, it wasn't her that cost me a shot at 'your precious'... it was YOU!
[Actually, Axe... I think she was sort of alluding to the fact that it may have been you YOURSELF that cost you a shot at the strap. I mean, if you were really prepared, you would have had the prescence of mind to focus, not on Tifa, not on SMP, but on the challenge at hand... you would have focused your attention squarely on Kobe, and DEFEATING Kobe, so you COULD earn the right to face Sil in May.... you know?]
Axl: Don't SAY that! Don't you DARE say those two words together, again!
[... You know?]
Axl: ARRRGGGHHH! SIL! I KNOW you were at fault. And YOU should know to keep your nose out of other people's matches!
[Look who's talkin'...]
Axl: What's THAT supposed to mean?
[Well, other than the millions of times before? How about Bearly Legal, where you interfered in Sam, Sam the Dancing Yam's match? If not for you, Sam might be the Swiss Army Champion!]
Axl: For one thing, the guy DESERVED that.
[How do you figure?]
Axl: Sam actually claimed to have defeated me, when ALL he got was a cheap count-out "victory". If you ask me, he got what was coming to him. And not only that, but while I only interfered once, Sil interfered TWICE... which obviously proves Sil is an even bigger asshole than I could EVER be.
[Yup. And you HAVE a bigger asshole than you could ever be, what with it always being stretched out of proportion.
]Axl: Ugh... Annnyway, speaking of ASSHOLES... That little group you assembled, Sil? It's nothing more than a collection of washed up, dried up, tired old HAS BEENS... but as for your talk of a "Next Generation"?
Axl: There is but ONE "Next Generation"... and that is the Generation of AXL!
"Sam... The Great... Kobe? They're all nothing more than a bunch of kids... while I AM a man. I am THE man... but not only am I the man, I AM the Savior, whether you, Kobe, or anyone else chooses to believe so. This for the simple fact that BOB is in dire need of someone who can take the ONLY WORLD TITLE THAT MATTERS... and actually make it MATTER again! For, currenly, it is nothing but a name... but when I reclaim it, I shall be the individual... the only possible individual... to make it live up to that name once again, and to use that title to elevate BOB to where it has never been before... the very pinnacle of this industry."
[Axl drops his gym bags, and a new look appears on his face... a stern look, with a focused stare in his eyes... concentrated on what's before him.]
"Dammit.. I believe BOB can be at the top of the heap, but as I look around, I see noone else who believes as I do. All anyone else cares about is advancing themselves. Trying to stake their claim as "the next big thing", such as Sam, Kobe and the Great... or trying desperately to hold on to their spot, such as Death, Studnuts, and you, Sil. But god DAMMIT... I AM... the only man in this forsaken company, that truly wants to push BOB to new territory... to break new ground, and to transform BOB from some crappy, poorly ran heap of misery... to something that WWE, TNA, and even the NWA of old could only ever DREAM of becoming... a nationally respected, fortune 500, world wide POWERHOUSE... You see, BOB has been around for a decade now. But as i see it... it is as it always has been. At the bottom. But not I...."
[Axl folds his arms, and looks down at the concrete floor... He takes in a deep breath... before letting it out. He then looks back at the camera's lens, arms still folded, and continues...]
"Once... three years ago, back in 2007... I'll admit, I was nothing more than a kid. A baby... a child. Who only cared, as do the Great and Kobe of today, about making MYSELF look good... about claiming the OWTTM, not to transform the face of a business, but to put myself on the map. but now... my world has changed. As a great man once said, "When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child... But when I became a man, I put away childish things." And today... March 3rd, 2009... I no longer think as I did when I first stepped foot inside a BOB ring. Sure... the fans still despise me. Every one of you, the BOB lockeroom, still look upon me as a joke. And sure, if BigBOSS were here right now, standing before me, he probably wouldn't recognize my face, or even know my name. But I promise you... I promise each and every last one of you, from the fans that tune in, to the boys in the back that wrestle every iMPLOSION and OnDemand for the most paltry of incomes... It's all about to change."
"I AM... and forever will be... the Savior of this federation. For everything I do, whether you wish to believe it or not, is done for the good of this promotion. I AM... the REAL DEAL, MOTHER FUCKIN' Legend Killer. For, in order for this company... nay, for this BUSINESS to move forward... we MUST move away from the past. We must look upon those that made us smile, made us laugh, made us jump out of our seats for the very first time... we must take these legends... these icons... and put them to bed, just as we have our childhoods. We must take them, just as the boy did in the classic tale "Old Yeller"... and put them to rest. I AM... better than you. This may sound like nothing more than egotistical blustering, but it is in fact the truth. For as I've said, the only man... and I mean the ONLY man... in this company that has the power to FORCE BOB into the future, is me. I am not a legend, looking for nothing but fifteen extra minutes in the spotlight. And neither am I some punk kid looking to make a name for himself. Sure, Tifa looks to help promote me... but it is not to make myself look better. It is to make BOB into what it WILL be... instead of allowing it to flounder as it has been for the past ten years. For I promise to you... all of you... whether you like me, hate me, or wish me dead... I will make BOB the number one federation in this nation... by year's end. That's not a threat... that's not a bet. That's not a guarantee, or a even a promise. It's not the gospel... it's just the truth. I AM... all of these things. Not because I say I am... but merely because I MUST be... or this company is forever doomed to wallow in what it always has been... never to truly see a future... but only a past."
"A past..."
"Forever repeating itself... over... and over... and over thrice more. Yes it has been enjoyable, yes it has been "funny", atleast for those that laugh at such things as washing machines winning battle royals, grown men and a couple of robots making fun of terrible e-feds, and pre-pubescent boys setting fire to everything but the kitchen sink... but as for me? I will NOT be content to rest on my laurels. Nor my hardeyz. I am the man who will lead you all to the alter of salvation... the alter of wrestling immortality. I am BOB's saving grace... and the only one truly thinking about this promotion... instead of thinking about "number one". I am NOT thinking about some crappy gauntlet held on some crappy forum that'll probably change hosts three times by the end of the week... for I am not Sam. I am NOT thinking about basketball games and laying white chicks, nor am I thinking about winning the OWTTM with some crap move that was done best by a balding man in yellow tights. For I am not Kobe. I am NOT a skeleton in a black robe dragging around a scythe... although I can imagine that'd be pretty damn cool. But alas, I am not... for I am not Death. I am NOT a guy made out of shit... I AM the shit. But I am NOT Duke Thompson. I am NOT a title belt, nor am I a Steel Chair. I am not a pain pill junkie who wasn't GOOD ENOUGH to fight for the Hierarchy, so he quit and soon began jobbing harder than Kung Fu Naki. For I am NOT Kurt Angel... thank GOD. Probably moreso than I can imagine..."
"I am not a macaw, nor a man with a head wrapped in tin foil. I am not a Fetish Freak... although I do enjoy feet. But hey, who doesn't? I am NOT a couple of potheads, who don't appear in the Rant Zone because their handler is too lazy to register an account on ProBoards. This, despite the fact that he expects every single member of his old board to register with HIS new host... even though the host board? Looks like a bucket of piss was splashed against the computer screen. But regardless, I am not any of these three for I am not the Wiz, I am not Thomas Largeman, and I am most certainly NOT a Scooter. Or whatever the fuck he wants to call himself... eye m nutt xxxxxxxxxXXXXXXXXxteeRm mayshinne/ And in other news... r u reddi?
? I am NOT XXXTreme's pal Snapmare Kid. For I am actually capable of performing more than one move. By this same logic, even the Hardcore Title Belt isn't Snapmare Kid, because let's face it... even the belt can both be thrown, AND caught. The Kid only knows one direction. Down. Followed by the one, two, three... I am NOT a chick, no matter what Scotty Whatbody may have you believe... for I am not Hamster Girl, Tia Tarr, Jerri Li, or Sarah."[I'm sure Scotty's relieved over that last one...]
"I am NOT The Great... for I AM... The Greatest."
"I am NOT a Kid... and neither am I a Pirate."
[Not even a Butt Pirate?]
"
"[Sorry.
]"And most of all... without a shadow of DOUBT... I am NOT... not now, not EVER... a has been. I am not a man who WISHES he could still run as fast as he used to, jump as high as he used to, and cut titties like he used to... or atleast, like he used to dream of every night after jacking it to pics of breasts the size of small cars!"
[You used to jack it to pics of breasts the size of small cars?]
"... I said I'm NOT! Not, damn you!"
[Whoops.
]"I am not a man who cares more about a championship belt than a beautiful woman. A woman that has more sense than to be with him, but doesn't use that sense simply because she knows if she lets him go, she's bound to wind up with a musclehead with a brain smaller than his steroid effected PENIS! And yeah, I'm talkin' about you, Steve-o Juiced Nuts! I am not SMP... nor am I you. And thank Jesus W. CHRIST for that, because as me... as Axl? I still have the ability to bend over and tie my own two boots!"
[Not to mention, bend over and do many "other" things...]
"Sil would probably break his back, and you, Steve? With all that mass, you probably can't even wiggle your fingers, much less flex your arm! Wanna know something, Steve-o? I'm rooting for you. I'm rooting for you, to go on an undefeated streak the likes of which BOB has never seen... and I WANT you to go to MegaBrawl 3 and face Trey. Why? Because between the two of you? Trey was the only thing keeping the iAd floating above the deep end. And when he DOES meet you, on the biggest stage of them all? I can guaran-DAMN-tee you it won't take him more than five seconds to defeat you. Not just because he's still got pull here, and that'll probably be how long he'll book himself to win... and not just because you'll probably wind up pulling a Triple H with all that muscle you've put on over the years. No... it's simply due to the fact that, when all's said and done, Trey is just, simply put, better than you, Steve. Always has been, always will be. Trey KNEW when he could no longer continue his in-ring career, and chose instead to work behind the camera. The only reason he's even THINKING about stepping back into the ring is because of your nagging him to do so. And as I said, without him, the iAd would have been a ship without a captain. Why do you think Sil's group didn't ask you to join? Hell, they'd probably ask KOBE to join before you, and he's only been here for a few months. The painful truth is, Steve-o, you're even worse of a has been than Simpleton Plants. And that's exactly why I want you to face Trey. Because when you do? It'll be the final nail in the coffin of your career. And THAT alone will make MB3 worth the price of admission. As two not so great men once said... Hear me now. Und Believe me later."
[Axl finally smiles, for the first time since before Bearly Legal... Axe picks his bags back up, and heads toward the door leading inside the building. As he reaches his hand to the door handle, he stops... and turns his attention back to the camera.]
"But as for you, Sil? Your days as ONLY WORLD CHAMPION are numbered... but I'm not speaking for Kobe. I'm not even speaking for myself. I am speaking for the FUTURE of not only this company, but this industry. With you, and those like you, as BOB's champion, this promotion is in a state of perpetual redundancy. Destined for the same thing... till the end of its time here on earth. But with ME as its number one title holder... as its LEADER... this promotion is destined to become greater than even WCW at its peak, or the Company Formerly Known as the WWF. With me as this company's torch bearer, I have the power to put an end to this company's tainted legacy as being nothing more than a joke... and I have the power to transform the state of wrestling in this nation. To put an end to wrestling in the U.S. as being primarily a joke, such as WWE and TNA... and to return it to the greatness America once showed with companies such as AWA, NWA, ECW, and the WWF. I mean, do you think ROH's ever going to become a true threat? Don't make me LAUGH. ... HA!"
[Keep laughing, Axl Grease... ROH could one day become the threat to WWE that TNA has dreamed of becoming since it was created. You never know.]
"Yeah, and pigs could fly out of my BUTT!"
[I'm sure they'd feel cramped, what with your own head being shoved up there all the time, not to mention all the di-]
"You see, dear Sil... I am not like you. Or any of you for that matter. My quest is not one born out of self ego... I am not out to grab attention for MYSELF, oh no, no, no, I am out to grab attention for this COMPANY. For I see this company for what it is... and what it COULD be. For what it has the potential to become. My quest... however self-centered it may seem... is truly THE most noble thing ANYONE here is doing... or is even capable of doing. THAT is why I say that I am better than you. For I take the words of Sister Tifa, and use them to shape my mission, and to mold myself into a recognized face here, not only in this city, not only in BOB, but in every household across America. For THAT... is what BOB needs. Someone that every last man, woman and child can name without hesitation. A household name. And once BOB has that household name... that one TRUE Superstar... then... and ONLY then, will we... not I, but we, as a family... will we be able to move into the Future."
"BOB is the Future."
"I Am the Future... for I AM BOB."
"And I know..."
"You WISH..."
"You could be."
[Axl continues grinning to himself... that sick, evil smirk... before opening the door, and heading inside... slamming the door behind him.]
|face the future|