Post by @xL on Feb 25, 2009 22:13:19 GMT -5
[We open to a board meeting in the Sinister City Television executives' office. All of the most important figures involved with the station are there ; Rebecca Mulesworth and CJ Mathews of Sinister Newz... Xtrmkor the Klown, the sadistic Sunday morning children's tv host... Tommy Jason Billy, star of the popular (atleast by Sinister City standards) afternoon action program 'Go Go Brown Ranger!' ... Clark Wayne, the alter ego behind SuperGuyManDudePerson, SCtv's top rated show... and of course, there's Axl. Noone really knows why he's there... mainly because noone is even aware he has a show on the channel.]
Axl: Hey... where are all the executives? This IS supposed to be an "Executives' Office", right"? Why were WE called here?
CJ Mathews: Well, I don't know why YOU were called here. Aren't you the guy who used to be the mayor, before you fucked that up by beheading some chick for no apparent reason?
Rebecca Mulesworth: Yeah! The asshole held me, and that other woman captive in a DUNGEON for crying out loud! He always dressed in this robe and crown, and called himself "King Axl". You dick! Why ARE you here?!
Axl: Because, as you should already know, I host THE most popular show on this lousy channel!
Clark Wayne: Uhm... sorry to burst your bubble there champ, but I'm the star of the highest rated program on SCtv. And frankly, I have NO clue who you are...
Tommy Jason Billy: Geez Clark, what a GREAT accomplishment. Being the quote, unquote "star" of the highest rated show on THIS channel? That's like being the fattest guy in Ethiopia! Especially seeing as how the only reason anybody in this crummy horse and buggy town even WATCHES SCtv is, oh, I dunno, maybe because it's the ONLY FUCKING CHANNEL WE HAVE?!?!
Clark Wayne: ... Uhm, er, uh... No comment. ... Fuckin' power ranger rip-off...
Tommy Jason Billy: Atleast I'm not a rip-off of THE most ripped-off super hero EVER. Fuck tart...
Xtrmkor the Klown: HEY KIDS! Wanna watch me stick nine inch nails in both of my eyelids?!
CJ Mathews: Oh come on Francis, you know you ripped that off of an Eminem song.
Xtrmkor: I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME BY MY REAL NAME!!!
Axl: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-haaa, FRANCIS! There's a name. ;D
BigBOB: Alright! Knock it off everyone.
[Everyone turns their attention to the front door, where a man stands, in a jet black business suit, and crimson red tie. He has short, slicked back gray hair, and is wearing a skull ring... which looks alot like a skull ring I saw in a Wal-Mart vending machine...]
BigBOB: Alright, I brought you all here to -
Axl: Sir, excuse me, but where are all the executives?
BigBOB: Who are you, exactly?
Axl: ... You don't know me?
Clark: SEE! I told you! Who the hell ARE you?
Rebecca: Yeah, besides some sick fuck with a fetish for locking chicks up in dungeons...
Xtrmkor the Klown: That sounds like oodles of fun!
Rebecca: ... Homie don't play that.
Axl: You SHOULD know me! I was hired here to SAVE this stupid channel! I'm not only the Savior of a failing wrestling promotion, but soon, I shall be the Savior of what will become the greatest channel EVER... thanks to me.
BigBOB: ... Doesn't ring a bell.
Tommy Jason Billy: I say we just pretend he isn't there.
Clark: Kinda like how most Sinister Citizens do with your show, eh sport? Heheh.
Tommy: Oh, you WISH that retarded SuperManBoyGuy or whatever show was HALF as good as mine! Hell, I can't believe anyone's even able to remember the name of it, much less watch it!
Clark: You're only jealous because I'm paid twice as much as you!
Tommy: Oh? Is that why you're still working a second job at the DOLLAR STORE? As a cashier no less! Mr. Money Bags... ch'yeah, you're about as well to do as a hobo with a jar for a toilet!
BigBOB: Anyway, as I was saying -
Axl: I want to know why you don't remember hiring me! I'm WAY more marketable than any of these losers! I mean, look at these guys. A clown whose idea of comedy probably involves driving nails into his hands and walking on glass... he's gonna give a number of kids life-long emotional scars, I'm tellin' ya. Then there's SuperFella -
Clark: SuperGuyManDudePerson! Get it straight!
Axl: Whatever. And a Brown Ranger? What, is his Zord the mighty Walking Robo Turd or something?! Ha, Brown Ranger... yeesh.
Tommy: Actually -
Clark: That's EXACTLY right! He's the SHIT RANGER!
Tommy: Grrr...
Axl: You mean your character is actually based... on shit?
Tommy: ... No comment.
BigBOB: Now... if I can FINALLY get down to business.
Axl: THE ONLY BUSINESS THAT MATTERS... is why in the WORLD you would ever forget about your numero uno piece of talent!
BigBOB: Seriously, I have no idea who you are, and truth be told, you're starting to become aggravating...
Axl: I AM not aggravating! In fact, I'm awesome to be around!
BigBOB: Fine. So why don't you run along and go play with yourself. The grown-ups have business to attend to...
Axl: ... Whatever. I'm gonna go grab a donut at the UnderBaker's. Anybody want a bearclaw?
Everyone: JUST GO!!!
Axl: ... Fuck y'all! Seriously...
[Axl stands and marches toward the door, swinging it open, before slammiting it shut behind him.]
BigBOB: ...
Clark: I still hear footsteps... ... Ok, I think he's gone.
BigBOB: Ok, guys... and gal... I think we all know what we need to do, right?
Clark Wayne: I'm pretty sure I speak for all of us, sir, when I say.... he's got to go. With his show attracting vermin like that Gyant fellow to retort with SMUT like the man did... It's just too much for us to handle.
Xtrmkor: What's wrong with a little SMUT every now and then?! Especially when it's HARDCORE smut~!!! Who DOESN'T like a lil hardcore... am I right?
Tommy: Personally, I don't think the censors even know this channel EXISTS. What's the point of getting our panties in a knot over something that isn't on anyone's radar but the rejects here in Sinister City? Hell, knowing these people, that was probably the highest rated segment in our channel's history...
BigBOB: So, what, do you think the guy should be commended? Is that what you're saying?
Tommy: Well... you know... I dunno. Whatever you think is for the best.
BigBOB: ... CJ, what do you think?
CJ: Well sir... While I don't think it's as bad as Clark chalks it up to be... I mean, as Xtrmkor said, who DOESN'T like a little hardcore porn action, eh? I mean, that whole part where the two chicks were sharing a double-ended dildo, all while sucking off two guys dressed as sailors... that was some pretty good shit, don'tcha think?
BigBOB:
CJ: Uhm... Ahem, sorry sir. As I was about to say, on the other hand... I did have an idea.
BigBOB: I'd love to hear it.
CJ: Well, just in case the FCC DOES come sniffing around... maybe we shouldn't broadcast 'Access Axl' on our official signal?
BigBOB: Hm... you mean...?
CJ: Yes sir. The old, reliable, renegade satellite signal.
BigBOB: The same one we used to run those old episodes of "Sid and Marty Kroft's Psychedelic Totally-Not-Drug-Induced Trip. And No, Not That Kind of Trip. Honest."... Hm, I like that idea. That way, if the censors DO come to Sinister City, all we have to do is tell them that Axl is using his brother, Viruz, to hack into our broadcast! Brilliant!
CJ: I knew you'd like that idea.
Tommy: But what about Axl coming into our meetings? Do we still have to put up with him? Last time he was here, he was close to wrecking the entire meeting room simply because Rebecca looked at him funny.
Rebecca: I was NOT looking at him funny! I just have this nervous twitch sometimes that makes my face sorta scrunch up, and -
Tommy: THERE! That same look! What the hell are you lookin' at, huh bitch?!
[Tommy stands up and motions for Rebecca to fight.]
Tommy: You want some come and get some, ya BITCH!
Rebecca: ... (turns to BigBOB) Can we kick out Axl AND Tommy? ... Please?
BigBOB: No, no, we're not kicking out anyone. Not even Axl. As much as I hate to say this, we MUST keep him believing that he's an official member of this crew. If he starts to think otherwise... there's no telling what he may do.
Clark: He may try to behead ME next!
Tommy: Oh, that would just be too awful, wouldn't it?
Clark: Oh fuck you, hosebrain!
Tommy: You wish.
Clark: I'm not Axl, so don't EVEN go there.
BigBOB: Alright... now that that's taken care of, next order of business. ... Xtrmkor, I believe you taped Mr. Gyant's Hardcore Porn Half Hour?
Xtrmkor: Sure did boss! Got it right here! It's yowza wowza good times!
Clark: *buries head in arms* I can't BELIEVE I'm a part of this circus... Maybe I should become a full time cashier... couldn't be anymore degrading than this...
Tommy: Next stop, sexy town!
Clark: Ugh...
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Axl: Hey... where are all the executives? This IS supposed to be an "Executives' Office", right"? Why were WE called here?
CJ Mathews: Well, I don't know why YOU were called here. Aren't you the guy who used to be the mayor, before you fucked that up by beheading some chick for no apparent reason?
Rebecca Mulesworth: Yeah! The asshole held me, and that other woman captive in a DUNGEON for crying out loud! He always dressed in this robe and crown, and called himself "King Axl". You dick! Why ARE you here?!
Axl: Because, as you should already know, I host THE most popular show on this lousy channel!
Clark Wayne: Uhm... sorry to burst your bubble there champ, but I'm the star of the highest rated program on SCtv. And frankly, I have NO clue who you are...
Tommy Jason Billy: Geez Clark, what a GREAT accomplishment. Being the quote, unquote "star" of the highest rated show on THIS channel? That's like being the fattest guy in Ethiopia! Especially seeing as how the only reason anybody in this crummy horse and buggy town even WATCHES SCtv is, oh, I dunno, maybe because it's the ONLY FUCKING CHANNEL WE HAVE?!?!
Clark Wayne: ... Uhm, er, uh... No comment. ... Fuckin' power ranger rip-off...
Tommy Jason Billy: Atleast I'm not a rip-off of THE most ripped-off super hero EVER. Fuck tart...
Xtrmkor the Klown: HEY KIDS! Wanna watch me stick nine inch nails in both of my eyelids?!
CJ Mathews: Oh come on Francis, you know you ripped that off of an Eminem song.
Xtrmkor: I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME BY MY REAL NAME!!!
Axl: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-haaa, FRANCIS! There's a name. ;D
BigBOB: Alright! Knock it off everyone.
[Everyone turns their attention to the front door, where a man stands, in a jet black business suit, and crimson red tie. He has short, slicked back gray hair, and is wearing a skull ring... which looks alot like a skull ring I saw in a Wal-Mart vending machine...]
BigBOB: Alright, I brought you all here to -
Axl: Sir, excuse me, but where are all the executives?
BigBOB: Who are you, exactly?
Axl: ... You don't know me?
Clark: SEE! I told you! Who the hell ARE you?
Rebecca: Yeah, besides some sick fuck with a fetish for locking chicks up in dungeons...
Xtrmkor the Klown: That sounds like oodles of fun!
Rebecca: ... Homie don't play that.
Axl: You SHOULD know me! I was hired here to SAVE this stupid channel! I'm not only the Savior of a failing wrestling promotion, but soon, I shall be the Savior of what will become the greatest channel EVER... thanks to me.
BigBOB: ... Doesn't ring a bell.
Tommy Jason Billy: I say we just pretend he isn't there.
Clark: Kinda like how most Sinister Citizens do with your show, eh sport? Heheh.
Tommy: Oh, you WISH that retarded SuperManBoyGuy or whatever show was HALF as good as mine! Hell, I can't believe anyone's even able to remember the name of it, much less watch it!
Clark: You're only jealous because I'm paid twice as much as you!
Tommy: Oh? Is that why you're still working a second job at the DOLLAR STORE? As a cashier no less! Mr. Money Bags... ch'yeah, you're about as well to do as a hobo with a jar for a toilet!
BigBOB: Anyway, as I was saying -
Axl: I want to know why you don't remember hiring me! I'm WAY more marketable than any of these losers! I mean, look at these guys. A clown whose idea of comedy probably involves driving nails into his hands and walking on glass... he's gonna give a number of kids life-long emotional scars, I'm tellin' ya. Then there's SuperFella -
Clark: SuperGuyManDudePerson! Get it straight!
Axl: Whatever. And a Brown Ranger? What, is his Zord the mighty Walking Robo Turd or something?! Ha, Brown Ranger... yeesh.
Tommy: Actually -
Clark: That's EXACTLY right! He's the SHIT RANGER!
Tommy: Grrr...
Axl: You mean your character is actually based... on shit?
Tommy: ... No comment.
BigBOB: Now... if I can FINALLY get down to business.
Axl: THE ONLY BUSINESS THAT MATTERS... is why in the WORLD you would ever forget about your numero uno piece of talent!
BigBOB: Seriously, I have no idea who you are, and truth be told, you're starting to become aggravating...
Axl: I AM not aggravating! In fact, I'm awesome to be around!
BigBOB: Fine. So why don't you run along and go play with yourself. The grown-ups have business to attend to...
Axl: ... Whatever. I'm gonna go grab a donut at the UnderBaker's. Anybody want a bearclaw?
Everyone: JUST GO!!!
Axl: ... Fuck y'all! Seriously...
[Axl stands and marches toward the door, swinging it open, before slammiting it shut behind him.]
BigBOB: ...
Clark: I still hear footsteps... ... Ok, I think he's gone.
BigBOB: Ok, guys... and gal... I think we all know what we need to do, right?
Clark Wayne: I'm pretty sure I speak for all of us, sir, when I say.... he's got to go. With his show attracting vermin like that Gyant fellow to retort with SMUT like the man did... It's just too much for us to handle.
Xtrmkor: What's wrong with a little SMUT every now and then?! Especially when it's HARDCORE smut~!!! Who DOESN'T like a lil hardcore... am I right?
Tommy: Personally, I don't think the censors even know this channel EXISTS. What's the point of getting our panties in a knot over something that isn't on anyone's radar but the rejects here in Sinister City? Hell, knowing these people, that was probably the highest rated segment in our channel's history...
BigBOB: So, what, do you think the guy should be commended? Is that what you're saying?
Tommy: Well... you know... I dunno. Whatever you think is for the best.
BigBOB: ... CJ, what do you think?
CJ: Well sir... While I don't think it's as bad as Clark chalks it up to be... I mean, as Xtrmkor said, who DOESN'T like a little hardcore porn action, eh? I mean, that whole part where the two chicks were sharing a double-ended dildo, all while sucking off two guys dressed as sailors... that was some pretty good shit, don'tcha think?
BigBOB:
CJ: Uhm... Ahem, sorry sir. As I was about to say, on the other hand... I did have an idea.
BigBOB: I'd love to hear it.
CJ: Well, just in case the FCC DOES come sniffing around... maybe we shouldn't broadcast 'Access Axl' on our official signal?
BigBOB: Hm... you mean...?
CJ: Yes sir. The old, reliable, renegade satellite signal.
BigBOB: The same one we used to run those old episodes of "Sid and Marty Kroft's Psychedelic Totally-Not-Drug-Induced Trip. And No, Not That Kind of Trip. Honest."... Hm, I like that idea. That way, if the censors DO come to Sinister City, all we have to do is tell them that Axl is using his brother, Viruz, to hack into our broadcast! Brilliant!
CJ: I knew you'd like that idea.
Tommy: But what about Axl coming into our meetings? Do we still have to put up with him? Last time he was here, he was close to wrecking the entire meeting room simply because Rebecca looked at him funny.
Rebecca: I was NOT looking at him funny! I just have this nervous twitch sometimes that makes my face sorta scrunch up, and -
Tommy: THERE! That same look! What the hell are you lookin' at, huh bitch?!
[Tommy stands up and motions for Rebecca to fight.]
Tommy: You want some come and get some, ya BITCH!
Rebecca: ... (turns to BigBOB) Can we kick out Axl AND Tommy? ... Please?
BigBOB: No, no, we're not kicking out anyone. Not even Axl. As much as I hate to say this, we MUST keep him believing that he's an official member of this crew. If he starts to think otherwise... there's no telling what he may do.
Clark: He may try to behead ME next!
Tommy: Oh, that would just be too awful, wouldn't it?
Clark: Oh fuck you, hosebrain!
Tommy: You wish.
Clark: I'm not Axl, so don't EVEN go there.
BigBOB: Alright... now that that's taken care of, next order of business. ... Xtrmkor, I believe you taped Mr. Gyant's Hardcore Porn Half Hour?
Xtrmkor: Sure did boss! Got it right here! It's yowza wowza good times!
Clark: *buries head in arms* I can't BELIEVE I'm a part of this circus... Maybe I should become a full time cashier... couldn't be anymore degrading than this...
Tommy: Next stop, sexy town!
Clark: Ugh...
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