Pain... AND Pleasure? Like, I am SO there!

[@xL]

[Residence of Evil... Master Bedroom. The room is dimly lit... the curtains drawn, the lamp covered by shade... and sultry music is playing in the background. The bed is adorned with satin sheets... and a few... "accessories", are off to the side. A slender figure walks ever so seductively into view, back turned to the camera. The figure's shapely body is fitted into a black corset... showing off a black thong, and a pair of fishnet stockings. On the figure's feet are black high heels, and its hair... long... radiant... beautiful blonde hair, with both red and blue streaks combing their way through. The figure slowly moves its hips from one side to the other... before leaning over just a bit, so we see a clear view of its nearly naked backside... God, what I wouldn't give... Er...]

[As the figure lies on the bed- OH DEAR LORD IT'S A MAN!!!~11 *wretch*]

[... *cough, cough, gag, wheeze* Erg... and I was having fantasies... FANTASIES I TELL YOU. It's not Rose, it's RAYNE... Oh dear god... He's so... he's so...]

raYne: Gorgeous?

[Yeah, and- HEY! No- ... I mean... well... yeah, you are a bit... GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!! ... raYne layed on the bed and looked into the camera, and there's your scene, so talk, while I go claw my eyes out with a spoon...]

raYne: Oh COME now, babe! You, like, sooo totally want me, it's not EVEN funny! Hee hee.

[Shut up.]

raYne: You KNOW you want me. Admit it.

[Shut uuup...]

raYne: Whose a little closet-case? You are!

[SHUT UP! Shut up, shut up, shut UP!!! I'm straight, damn you, and I am NOT thinking about your tight little ass in that hot... hot... thong... ...]

raYne: ;D

[You... you HEATHEN!!! And junk. I'm NOT a closet case, and you should just drop it, and I'm totally hetero, and you should be ashamed of yourself, and... so there.]

raYne: Hee hee, alright, ok, you win, babe. But, like seriously... I was just thinking. And, like, those two little muffin berries me and Tony-Wonie are facing in our, omgwow, FIRST MATCH!!! I know, right? But anywaaayz, what's their name again?

[... Jean Bannister and Sir Hungalot?]

raYne: No, no, I mean- ... Sir Hungalot? ... Oh-my-GOD! He's the star of my fave, absolute FAVE movie, of like, all time! It's like, this totally emotional movie. I mean, I cried through the WHOLE thing, I'm SERIOUS. It is SUCH an inspirational movie, and it's a Christmas movie!

[... I know he wasn't in "It's a Wonderful Life"...]

raYne: Nooo, lol. Not THAT emotional, inspirational, Christmas movie! I mean the CLASSIC!

[... A Christmas Carol?]

raYne: Nooo...

[ ... Turbo Man?]

raYne: No, silly goose! The one and only, "Miracle on 69th Street"!

[...]

raYne: Would, like, you, like, like to see me, like... act out a scene... or five? Like?

[ASS! I mean NO! GOD! Jesus...]

raYne: Oh come now! My lover will be coming in soon, and I think that Christmas is a better time than ever to show the love one man can share with another... and perhaps a few toys... and another man. Maybe two more men actually... Are you thinking what I'M thinking?!

[No, unless you're re-thinking your career choice...]

raYne: SLUMBER PARTY! And I know JUST the theme! I got the idea after I found out the name of The Sir and Banny Boy's tag team... Pain... and Pleasure. That's why I have a few whips ready, some chains, some ball-gags, and all kinds of fun little doo-dads. All I'm waiting on is-

[The door opens... and in comes...]

raYne: Tony!

[TONY?! Wait a minute... So... so, wait... You two... you're a- a-]

raYne: Come on babe, it isn't cum, so spit it out!

[- Couple?! You're... like...]

Tony: Yo, yooz can calls us... The World's Gayest Tag Team, ovah hee-yah!

[Tony, dressed in ripped blue jeans, no shirt, and a black and white feather boa, climbs on top of raYne... holding his hands gently against those of raYne... before the two - blech - kiss. Let's skip ahead a bit, shall we?]

- 5 minutes later -

[Oh God no... Tony's tied to the bed, stomach down, and pants pulled just below his... well. raYne's got a whip... he lifts it up, and-

Tony: MAMA MIA! Thats the ticket, I'm tellin' ya!!! Hard-ah! Hard-ah! ... OOO! WHEN THE MOON, HITS YA EYE, LIKE A BIG PIZZA PIE-

[Alright, fast forward through this, please...]

- 10 minutes later -

raYne: Hey, Tony. Could you, like, put on the hat?

Tony: Yooz got it raYne!

[Huh. Well, let's just go forward a minute or two...]

- 2 minutes later -

[Hm. Well that's odd. Tony has a Santa hat on, and raYne's just sitting on his lap... hopping up and down rather giddily... why are their pants off?]

[...]

[OH DEAR SWEET HEAVENLY GOD FROM ABOVE!!! OK, we're just gonna skip this too-]

- half an hour later -

[What's the reindeer doing there... and the giant, plastic candy cane... and a MIDGET?!]

Midget: Hey! The term midget is a prejudice, narrow-minded phrase! My name's Elfy, and I'm an ELF, NOT a midget!

[Elfy... the Elf? What, is Santa running out of cute names to slap on you guys from the sweatshop workshop?]

Elfy the Elf: Haha, very funny Mr. Detached Narrator Person Guy. Now, back to feeding this candy cane to rudolph-

[-Ah, ok, so THAT'S what those things were for.]

Elfy the Elf: - while raYne and Tony blow eachother's load.

[AGHH!!!]

Elfy the Elf: What? You never heard of 'Blow Your Load'? It's a board game. I dropped it off from Santa's Sweatshop Workshop.

[... Oh. Sorry 'bout that.]

Elfy the Elf: Yeah, me and the other elves just LOVE playing it. The winner gets the nicest, warmest, most bestest best gift in the whole wide world!

[Awww. What's that?]

Elfy the Elf: A happy ending!

[Isn't that sweet, a happy ending! ... Wait a minute.]

- 10 minutes later -

Tony: Thanks for that, raYne bambino. But answer me this. Why is it that'chooz always losin' dat game? You like tossin' my pasta fazool ah somethin'?

raYne: *wipes "something" from his mouth* You know it, darling. *smiles*

Tony: Das'sa what I'm-ah talk-ah 'bout ova' HEE-YAH!

[As they lay, side by side, on the bed, Tony wraps a big meaty arm around his lover, and tag-team partner... After giving Tony a kiss, raYne rests his head on the "Italian Stallion"'s bare chest... who runs his fingers through "The Storm"'s ravishing hair... smiling.]

Tony: raYne-y... yooz da greatest.

["The Honeymooners" theme plays, as we fade out... on the World's Gayest Tag Team in bed...]

[... Wait a minute. If the candy cane was made of plastic, how could Rudolph...]

*sound of reindeer squeeling*

Elfy: Squeel like a piggy!

[Christ! That candy cane DID go in one of Rudolph's holes... just... a different one. ...]

- fade -

~ raYne: Sassier than da Bitch... Period. ~