Post by The Truth Commission on Nov 3, 2007 16:03:21 GMT -5
/ It is time...
/ For a new king to take to the throne...
/ For the old dog to step down...
/For a renaissance... a revolution... a...
/ ... Reckoning ... \
- The camera opens upon Drakkunballz Colliseum, in lovely Sandy-Sand-Sand Beach, Alaska. It is time for SSSB's newest (and only) wrestling company to host its very first (and hopefully not last) event. Chairman Charlie Brown (no relation) stands in the middle of the ring, with mike in hand, as he addresses the packed crowd. -
Chairman Brown: "Ladies and gents, tonight, you're going to be witness to the greatest event in the history of mankind: Revelation! ECWCWWE is going to finally... FINALLY, bury the one company that is filled with old guys that aren't worth crap! ECWCWWE is going to take that company, filled with crappy old guys, that aren't worth crap, cuz they're old and crap, and it's going to BURY it. And because those old, crappy, old guys aren't worth crap and they're old, not to mention crap, they won't be able to stop ECWCWWE from taking their company... and burying it. And once it's buried, it'll be dead, just like those old, crappy, old, crappy, old, crappy, old, crappy, old, crappy, old, crappy, old, old, old, old, crappy, crappy, crappy old guys will be. They'll be dead. Cuz they're old. And crappy. And crap. And they're old too! And of course, I'm talking about..."
Chairman Brown: "BLOW!!! Yes, Buff Lads of Wrestling! There, I said it! BLOW, and there's not a damn thing anyone can do to stop me, and my next-gen band of superstar sports entertainers, from kicking you bunch of wrinkled up bags in the patoot! I am the Patron Saint of Parody... the Messiah of Mush... the SAVIOR... of-"
- 'First Generation' by Old Dirty Geezer plays on the speakers, as Paul E. Sherman, owner, president, chairman, and ticket taker for BLOW, walks through the curtain, to shock and amazement from the people in attendance. He stands on the stage, mike in hand, smiling dastardly at his business adversary... -
Paul E.: Well... well... well. So you're the new guy? Well, I'm sorry Charlie... but your little dog and pony show just isn't going to cut it! BLOW has been running business all over Alaska for years now, and if you think some young punk like you is gonna take ME out of the game?
Paul E.: You've got another thing comin'.
- Paul E. and Chairman Brown have a bit of a staring contest... till three men cut through the curtain, from Paul E.'s back, and slam fists and arms into him. One has a bald cap on, along with a painted on goatee, and a postal worker's uniform, with the phrase "UPS 3:16" on the back. Another looks to be about twenty, with a Flair-style hair-do, wearing a pair of red tights with the letters "R.F." near the corner. And the third has a ponytail, and is wearing a spray-painted wrestling singlet, with a happy face, a dragon-fly, and the phrase "DVD 4:20". As the trio bring Paul E. to the ground, Chairman Brown introduces Paul to Charlie's band. -
Chairman Charlie: "Allow me to introduce you, Paul E. ... to Delievery Boy, Sam Austun (no relation) ... The Young Nature Boy, Rick Flare (no relation) ... and of course, Don - Van - Dam! (no relation) These men are the FUTURE of this sport! And there's noone that can get in our way!"
- 'First Generation' plays again, and a bunch of older grapplers come out through the crowd, all in black tights, and black tanktops with the letters "BLOW" written on the front, "We Will BLOW You Away" on the back, all in plain, white text. But as the thirty or so members of BLOW approach the three men on stage, each of them fall, one by one, until there is but one; an old geezer, perhaps in his late 80's, slowly walking up the ramp with the assistance of a cane, making his way towards DVD, Flare, and Austun... when suddenly, he is turned around... -
[ ... Right into a Sinister Slice [diamond cutter], at the hands of "Chairman Charlie Brown". The "Chairman" removes what was obviously a mask off, tosses it to the ground, to reveal himself as, of course, Axl. His three amigos take off their get-ups and show themselves as the Hierarchy, all four of them laughing maniacally. Axl then looks toward the camera, with a smirk.]
Axl: Come ON!!! You HAD to know that was me! I mean, look at the audience, they're all made of cardboard! Who's gonna show up, much less pack the HOUSE, of an event that doesn't have 'Axl' on the marquee?! If you don't advertise greatness, expect not a damn person to show up! And babe... I AM greatness! Unlike the guys here lying at the Hierarchy's feet...
[Axl takes a swift kick at Paul E. Sherman's gut, sending him rolling over onto his back, clutching his stomach. Axl speaks, smiling down at Paul...]
Axl: You see... this man? Is the current owner of BLOW. He's been the owner of BLOW for going on ten years now. Thing is... Alaska? It... well, it sucks. It's BARELY a part of America. These people... they can't call themselves American. But Oklahoma? Oklahoma IS America! And it is with that in mind, that I had signed a deal last week with this man... this... Sherman. He KNEW he was getting old... too old to keep his precious company afloat. What he didn't know is that a week later, I would come into Alaska, stage the "debut" of a FAKE company, and orchestrate the obliteration of him and every member of his roster. God, I'm brilliant. ;D
Axl: He signed a deal with me, that would give me total and complete control over BLOW, as long as I promised to leave the company in Alaska, so these miserable Alaskans could continue to enjoy the product they've loved for near a decade. Well... guess what?
Axl: I'm a liar.
Axl: I'm taking BLOW back to Oklahoma, back to Nowhere, because Nowhere NEEDS another promotion which I can run, for them, for my people, for my citizens... And at Massively Cool, I'm making an announcement... an announcement that shall change the course of BoB for years to come. That will change the FACE...
Axl: Of professional e-parody-sports-entertainment.
Axl: This November, BoB... and BLOW... are coming to the greatest city on Earth. This November, a new chapter shall begin in the book of the business. This November, BoB... BLOW... they're going...
'Nowhere.'
- cut -
/ For a new king to take to the throne...
/ For the old dog to step down...
/For a renaissance... a revolution... a...
/ ... Reckoning ... \
- The camera opens upon Drakkunballz Colliseum, in lovely Sandy-Sand-Sand Beach, Alaska. It is time for SSSB's newest (and only) wrestling company to host its very first (and hopefully not last) event. Chairman Charlie Brown (no relation) stands in the middle of the ring, with mike in hand, as he addresses the packed crowd. -
Chairman Brown: "Ladies and gents, tonight, you're going to be witness to the greatest event in the history of mankind: Revelation! ECWCWWE is going to finally... FINALLY, bury the one company that is filled with old guys that aren't worth crap! ECWCWWE is going to take that company, filled with crappy old guys, that aren't worth crap, cuz they're old and crap, and it's going to BURY it. And because those old, crappy, old guys aren't worth crap and they're old, not to mention crap, they won't be able to stop ECWCWWE from taking their company... and burying it. And once it's buried, it'll be dead, just like those old, crappy, old, crappy, old, crappy, old, crappy, old, crappy, old, crappy, old, old, old, old, crappy, crappy, crappy old guys will be. They'll be dead. Cuz they're old. And crappy. And crap. And they're old too! And of course, I'm talking about..."
Chairman Brown: "BLOW!!! Yes, Buff Lads of Wrestling! There, I said it! BLOW, and there's not a damn thing anyone can do to stop me, and my next-gen band of superstar sports entertainers, from kicking you bunch of wrinkled up bags in the patoot! I am the Patron Saint of Parody... the Messiah of Mush... the SAVIOR... of-"
- 'First Generation' by Old Dirty Geezer plays on the speakers, as Paul E. Sherman, owner, president, chairman, and ticket taker for BLOW, walks through the curtain, to shock and amazement from the people in attendance. He stands on the stage, mike in hand, smiling dastardly at his business adversary... -
Paul E.: Well... well... well. So you're the new guy? Well, I'm sorry Charlie... but your little dog and pony show just isn't going to cut it! BLOW has been running business all over Alaska for years now, and if you think some young punk like you is gonna take ME out of the game?
Paul E.: You've got another thing comin'.
- Paul E. and Chairman Brown have a bit of a staring contest... till three men cut through the curtain, from Paul E.'s back, and slam fists and arms into him. One has a bald cap on, along with a painted on goatee, and a postal worker's uniform, with the phrase "UPS 3:16" on the back. Another looks to be about twenty, with a Flair-style hair-do, wearing a pair of red tights with the letters "R.F." near the corner. And the third has a ponytail, and is wearing a spray-painted wrestling singlet, with a happy face, a dragon-fly, and the phrase "DVD 4:20". As the trio bring Paul E. to the ground, Chairman Brown introduces Paul to Charlie's band. -
Chairman Charlie: "Allow me to introduce you, Paul E. ... to Delievery Boy, Sam Austun (no relation) ... The Young Nature Boy, Rick Flare (no relation) ... and of course, Don - Van - Dam! (no relation) These men are the FUTURE of this sport! And there's noone that can get in our way!"
- 'First Generation' plays again, and a bunch of older grapplers come out through the crowd, all in black tights, and black tanktops with the letters "BLOW" written on the front, "We Will BLOW You Away" on the back, all in plain, white text. But as the thirty or so members of BLOW approach the three men on stage, each of them fall, one by one, until there is but one; an old geezer, perhaps in his late 80's, slowly walking up the ramp with the assistance of a cane, making his way towards DVD, Flare, and Austun... when suddenly, he is turned around... -
[ ... Right into a Sinister Slice [diamond cutter], at the hands of "Chairman Charlie Brown". The "Chairman" removes what was obviously a mask off, tosses it to the ground, to reveal himself as, of course, Axl. His three amigos take off their get-ups and show themselves as the Hierarchy, all four of them laughing maniacally. Axl then looks toward the camera, with a smirk.]
Axl: Come ON!!! You HAD to know that was me! I mean, look at the audience, they're all made of cardboard! Who's gonna show up, much less pack the HOUSE, of an event that doesn't have 'Axl' on the marquee?! If you don't advertise greatness, expect not a damn person to show up! And babe... I AM greatness! Unlike the guys here lying at the Hierarchy's feet...
[Axl takes a swift kick at Paul E. Sherman's gut, sending him rolling over onto his back, clutching his stomach. Axl speaks, smiling down at Paul...]
Axl: You see... this man? Is the current owner of BLOW. He's been the owner of BLOW for going on ten years now. Thing is... Alaska? It... well, it sucks. It's BARELY a part of America. These people... they can't call themselves American. But Oklahoma? Oklahoma IS America! And it is with that in mind, that I had signed a deal last week with this man... this... Sherman. He KNEW he was getting old... too old to keep his precious company afloat. What he didn't know is that a week later, I would come into Alaska, stage the "debut" of a FAKE company, and orchestrate the obliteration of him and every member of his roster. God, I'm brilliant. ;D
Axl: He signed a deal with me, that would give me total and complete control over BLOW, as long as I promised to leave the company in Alaska, so these miserable Alaskans could continue to enjoy the product they've loved for near a decade. Well... guess what?
Axl: I'm a liar.
Axl: I'm taking BLOW back to Oklahoma, back to Nowhere, because Nowhere NEEDS another promotion which I can run, for them, for my people, for my citizens... And at Massively Cool, I'm making an announcement... an announcement that shall change the course of BoB for years to come. That will change the FACE...
Axl: Of professional e-parody-sports-entertainment.
Axl: This November, BoB... and BLOW... are coming to the greatest city on Earth. This November, a new chapter shall begin in the book of the business. This November, BoB... BLOW... they're going...
'Nowhere.'
- cut -