Post by The Man in Spam on Oct 15, 2007 3:02:18 GMT -5
[Blackness]
[One second of static]
FOR SALE
One Former Owner
Former Holder of Several Championships
$30 or Nearest Offer
Unit 5: *rumble rumble rumble*
[We pan back to a close-up of the TV]
Infomercial Announcer: So, Sandy! You’ve been using our new, improved Nurfworg Brand Leech Paste for three weeks now! Let’s see how much whiter your teeth are!
Sandy: What teef? You’ll hear from my solifiter, you fun of a bish!
[One second of static]
Voice-Over Dweeb: NEXT on “The Search For Americas Next Top Serial Killer”, we’ll be putting the remaining contestants through a rigorous series of animal mutilations!
Adorable Kitten: Mew.
*RAPE*
*STAB*
Voice-Over Dweeb: Which of our final three will impress our celebrity judges?
Celebrity Judge 1: NO! STAB FIRST, RAPE SECOND, YOU MAGGOTY PIECE OF…
[One second of static]
Ukulele-Playing “Talent Seekers” Contestant: Wika-laka-lele-HEY! I said, smack my bitch up!
[One second of static]
Seth Harker: Hey, don’t blame ME for this mess.
[One second of static]
Voice-Over: In a world of darkness and pain. A world of fear.
[Brief cut to Coma, holding a sign with “BOO!” scrawled on it]
Voice-Over: A world of terror… a world of petulance! A world of tragedy, hatred and bad power-pop ditties…
[Beat]
Voice-Over: Wait, I forgot where I was going with this…
[Once second of static]
COMA
Twiddle the dial, Vernon, it’s still all frosty!
Squeege
[Cut to Plaid]
[One second of static]
FOR SALE
One Former Owner
Former Holder of Several Championships
$30 or Nearest Offer
Unit 5: *rumble rumble rumble*
[We pan back to a close-up of the TV]
Infomercial Announcer: So, Sandy! You’ve been using our new, improved Nurfworg Brand Leech Paste for three weeks now! Let’s see how much whiter your teeth are!
Sandy: What teef? You’ll hear from my solifiter, you fun of a bish!
[One second of static]
Voice-Over Dweeb: NEXT on “The Search For Americas Next Top Serial Killer”, we’ll be putting the remaining contestants through a rigorous series of animal mutilations!
Adorable Kitten: Mew.
*RAPE*
*STAB*
Voice-Over Dweeb: Which of our final three will impress our celebrity judges?
Celebrity Judge 1: NO! STAB FIRST, RAPE SECOND, YOU MAGGOTY PIECE OF…
[One second of static]
Ukulele-Playing “Talent Seekers” Contestant: Wika-laka-lele-HEY! I said, smack my bitch up!
[One second of static]
Seth Harker: Hey, don’t blame ME for this mess.
[One second of static]
Voice-Over: In a world of darkness and pain. A world of fear.
[Brief cut to Coma, holding a sign with “BOO!” scrawled on it]
Voice-Over: A world of terror… a world of petulance! A world of tragedy, hatred and bad power-pop ditties…
[Beat]
Voice-Over: Wait, I forgot where I was going with this…
[Once second of static]
COMA
Twiddle the dial, Vernon, it’s still all frosty!
Squeege
[Cut to Plaid]