Post by @xL on Jul 19, 2007 20:24:09 GMT -5
:: Thursday, July 19th, 2007 - 3:33 p.m. ::
~ Location: Studio B.O. - NowhereWood Hills ~
[NowhereWood is the center of all movie and television related hoopla in Nowhere, Oklahoma. The homes of stars, movie themed amusement parks, and of course, studios. From Studio P.U., all the way to Studio F.U., Studio City is the ultimate destination for Nowhere-ians looking to make a mark in the T.V. or movie biz. And today, we find ourselves in Studio B.O., where three judges sit behind a desk... awaiting the beginning of a brand new contest reality game show.]
[On stage, Axl stands, only instead of wearing his usual rock star get-up, he is bedecked in a snazzy suit and tie. Axl's hair is pinned back in a ponytail, and his eyes are covered by a pair of golden-tinted shades. Axl speaks into a microphone as the show begins...]
Axl: Hello ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to... Last... Drummer... DRUMMING! As you all know, unless you're stupid, Tifa Bon Jovi has recently gone under an operation. She didn't tell me exactly what kind of operation, only muttering something about SMP and questioning how he knew about her secret. So, as I have quite possibly THE biggest gig in my life coming up, a bar mitzvah for young Billy Whatchamacallit, I am looking for a drummer to fill in for my assistant. I have called upon the help of three of the greatest musical talents in history to judge the top ten participants, who I've already chosen by a random drawing.
Axl: First of all, we have... Slash!!! Yes, that's right, Kevin Slash, former member of the sWo, also known as Big Daddy Drool! Who can forget his talent on the kazoo?
Axl: Next to him, we have... Queen Latifah. Yes, known for her rapping skills, Queen Terra McDerra Latifah Sharifah Jackson from the 23rd Axis of McLereon, is also a ruler of the most prominent planet in the 57th solar system of Dimension Tootses.
Axl: And finally, we have... Ringo! Yes, Ringo the Clown, brother of the now departed Jizzy the Clown. Ringo's brother was also known by his real name, MJ, under which he recorded many musical hits, such as "Don't Stop Till You Jizz Enough", and "You Rock My JizzyWorld". Ringo hails from Britain, where he has been practicing the air guitar.
Axl: And now, allow me to bring out the first of ten men trying out for this esteemed position. He is a pizza chef at Slice of Life Pizzeria right here in lovely Nowhere... Chad Chazzly McChesterson!
[Axl raises a hand to his side, looking to the right, motioning for Chad to make his way on stage... When the camera cuts to the back, where we find Chad tied up, half naked, to a chair. Suddenly, porno music kicks on, and a fat, sweaty guy in a thong comes onto the scene, pouring oil all over himself. He grinds away on Chad's lap, as the poor, helpless geek yells in agony. From off screen comes a man in a navy uniform, with his back turned to the camera. The oily fat guy walks away, as the navy man sits on Chad's lap, leg on either side, back still to the camera... and a drum stick in either hand. The navy guy lifts his drumsticks into the air, and starts playing a number on Chad's head.]
Navy "Seal": Annnnddd sheee's buuuuy-iy-iy-iying... a staaaaairwaaaay... to- ... nevermind. AXL!!!
[Navy boy gets up from Chad's lap, turns around, and we see that his face is covered with the same black mask of the man that has been chasing after Axl for weeks.]
? ? ? : Well, well, well. As you know, Axl old boy, Death mentioned you have a few friends in the Navy. I... am not one of them. The only chance you have of beating Death at C.A.B. is if Big Bony decides to lay down for you. And trust me... you're NO Hulk Hogan. Although, just like the Hulkster, you have a habit of being a bit LIMP downstairs. Whereas he has old age as an excuse, you? Well, let's just say neither age nor steroids have anything to do with it!!! BWAHAHAHA, but seriously. [sits down on Chad, legs crossed this time, staring into the camera] Axl... it's only a matter of time. Once you and the whole world find out my true identity, the end of BoB shall be... at hand. Axl... see you at Comeback's a Bitch...
? ? ? : ... Bitch.
[The screen cuts out, leaving the camera to fade away on Axl ripping his glasses off and his hair out of a ponytail... seething with rage.]
Axl: WHO STOLE MY LIPGLOSS?!
~ rock on ~
\oo/_ OvO _\oo/
~ rock on