The World According to SPACEDICK

[SPACEDICK]

8========D THAT'S RIGHT, YOU GODDAMN FUCKWITS. I'M BACK IN ANOTHER EPISODE OF STEALING SPACEDUCK'S AND SPACECOP'S FUCKING GIMMICK AND THERE'S NOT A FUCKING THING THEY CAN DO ABOUT IT. SO...FUCK 'EM. I'LL GET ON WITH IT. THAT'S HOW I ROLL.

WHAT CAN I SAY, THIS MOTHERFUCKER KNOWN AS BRAWLER'S ON A BUDGET NEEDS A SWIFT KICK IN THE FUCKING ASS SO I GOTTA DO WHAT I GOTTA DO. TOO BAD I DON'T HAVE ANY GODDAMN LEGS.

I MUST SAY THAT THE 'LEFT AND RIGHT' PROMO WAS THE FUCKING BEST PIECE OF FUCKING LITERATURE POSTED ON THIS FUCKING SITE IN YEARS.

KUDOS TO THE MOTHERFUCKER THAT PENNED THAT MOTHERFUCKER.

[SPACEDICK SCRATCHES HIS BALLS. SINCE HE DOESN'T HAVE ARMS, EITHER, HE ACCOMPLISHES THIS BY SIMPLY SHIFTING HIS BALLSACK AGAINST THE CORNER OF THIS MESSAGE BOX]

8========D GEORGE MASON BEATS UCONN. GOOD THING BRAWLERS DIDN'T HAVE A FUCKING MARCH MADNESS THIS YEAR OR SOME MOTHERFUCKER LIKE NIC FLARE COULD BE WINNING THE GODDAMN ONLY WORLD TITLE THAT MATTERS.

YOU KNOW, I WOULDN'T MIND BEING THE ALL BEEF PATTY IN A KELLIE PICKLER AND KATHARINE McPHEE FUCKING SANDWICH. THOSE BITCHES ARE MEGA HOT. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK IF THEY WIN AMERICAN IDOL OR EVEN IF THE BITCHES CAN SING... THEY WON'T BE ABLE TO SING ANYWAY WITH A MOUTH FULL OF MY MASSIVE COCKSELF.

PUSSY IS THE GREATEST INVENTION IN THE WORLD. HOWEVER, PUSSY SMELL IS RIGHT UP THERE AS BEING ONE OF THE WORST. SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN TAE-BO AND COCKRINGS. I MEAN REALLY, HOW THE FUCK DO THEY THINK I CAN BREATHE WITH THAT SHIT CHOKING THE FUCK OUT OF ME? NO PUN INTENDED.

JAPAN WINS WORLD BASEBALL CLASSIC...
AMAZING, HOW THE FUCK CAN THEY EVEN SEE THE BALL?

AFTER THE APOCOLYPSE, TWO THINGS WILL REMAIN ON EARTH. ROACHES AND OPRAH...


....WELL, MAYBE THREE THINGS. BRAWLER'S ON A BUDGET WILL PROBABLY FIND SOME FUCKING WAY TO SURVIVE. GOD KNOWS IT'S "DIED" ABOUT THIRTY FUCKING TIMES ALREADY AND IT'S STILL HERE. NOTHING CAN KILL IT. THAT'S SCARY.

BUT NOT AS SCARY AS NIC FUCKING FLARE AS THE ONLY WORLD CHAMPION THAT MATTERS. WHOO THIS, YOU WRINKLED BAG OF SHIT.

I HONESTLY THINK THAT SARAH THE JOBBER SLAYER SHOULD CHANGE HER NAME TO SARAH THE KNOBBER SUCKER. I'D BE FIRST IN LINE, MOTHERFUCKER.

OLD PEOPLE THAT DRIVE CARS SLOWER THAN 40 MPH SHOULD HAVE A DEVICE ATTACHED TO THEIR VEHICLE THAT EXPLODES THE SUMBITCH AFTER IT REACHES THAT SPEED AND THEN DROPS BELOW IT. LIKE THAT FUCKING MOVIE "SPEED", EXCEPT THERE'S NO BUS AND DEFINITELY NO BITCHES LIKE SANDRA BULLOCK IN IT. JUST OLDSMOBILES AND OLD PEOPLE. BELOW 40, BOOM. UNFORTUNATELY, MOST OF THOSE OLD FUCKERS NEVER GET THAT FAST. THERE'S GOT TO BE SOME WAY TO GET RID OF THEM. I'LL KEEP THINKING OF A WAY, PERHAPS RAT POISON IN THEIR ENSURE.

DO YOU KNOW WHY MICHAEL JACKSON LIKES 28 YEAR OLDS? BECAUSE THERE'S 20 OF THEM.

[UNCOMFORTABLE SILENCE]

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]



8========D HMMM, I GUESS THAT FUCKING JOKE WORKS BETTER IF YOU HEAR IT INSTEAD OF READ IT.

OH WELL, FUCK THIS SHIT. I NEED TO FIND SOME CYBERPUSSY AND GET MY SWERVE ON. I'LL CHECK YOU FUCKERS LATER.

[SPACEDICK]

8========D OKAY, I'M BACK AGAIN AFTER KNOCKING OFF A QUICK PIECE. NOTHING LIKE CYBERPUSSY.

WHEN I WAS ON MY NCAA RANT YESTERDAY, I FAILED TO MENTION SOMETHING THAT WAS BOTHERING ME ABOUT THE WRAP-UP SHOW. WHY THE FUCK DOES DIGGER PHELPS FIND IT NECESSARY TO MATCH HIS GODDAMN NECKTIE TO HIS HI-LIGHTER? CAN ANYBODY ANSWER THIS FUCKING QUESTION FOR ME? WHAT'S WORSE IS THAT HE WEARS THE SAME FUCKING PIN-STRIPED JACKET ON EVERY SHOW. IT'S THE SAME FUCKING JACKET. THE MOTHERFUCKER COLOR COORDINATES HIS TIE WITH HIS FUCKING MARKER BUT HE ONLY HAS ONE FUCKING JACKET? IT BOGGLES THE MIND.

BUT PERHAPS EVEN MORE MIND BOGGLING IS THE FACT THAT SOMEBODY ACTUALLY NAMED THEIR FUCKING KID "DIGGER".

BUT GETTING BACK TO BRAWLERS ON A BUDGET.....

SINCE THE LONG ASS LAYOFF, DOES EVERY CHAMPION FALL UNDER THE "MUST DEFEND THE TITLE WITHIN 60 DAYS" RULE OR SOMETHING? IS EVERY CHAMPION GOING TO BE STRIPPED OF THEIR TITLES? THEY SHOULD IN MY OPINION. BUT WHAT DO I KNOW? I'M ONLY A SPACEDICK.

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE BIG SMP/DOUJA FEUD? THAT MOTHERFUCKER FIZZLED OUT QUICKER THAN "HELLBOY" AND MUHAMMAD HASSAN.

WHO THE FUCK IS ANGELFIRE? IS THAT A WRESTLER OR A DOMAIN SPACE FOR SHITTY E-FEDS? I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT WHENEVER I VENTURED INTO A SITE THAT HAD ANGELFIRE ATTACHED TO IT, THAT MOTHERFUCKER SUCKED.

AND WHAT ABOUT THE GREAT RETURN OF WHOMEVER THE FUCK IT IS THAT ANNOUNCED THEY'RE RETURNING?
EXACTLY. HOW GREAT A RETURN IS IT WHEN YOU CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER WHO THE FUCK IT IS THAT IS RETURNING?

QUESTION FOR ALL....

AFTER YOU FUCK A CHICK AND THEN FALL ASLEEP QUICKLY SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO "CUDDLE", AND DON'T TAKE THE TIME TO WASH YOURSELF, DOES YOUR DICK STICK TO YOUR THIGH THE NEXT MORNING? JUST WONDERING SINCE I DON'T HAVE THIGHS.....

ANOTHER THING I'M WONDERING ABOUT, MAYBE YOU CAN HELP ME.

I'M ALWAYS GETTING BITCHED AT BECAUSE I DON'T EAT PUSSY. I ALWAYS COME BACK WITH, "HOW THE FUCK CAN I"? BUT BITCHES JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT. MY QUESTION IS, HOW CAN I SUCCESSFULLY FOREPLAY A BITCH WITHOUT A TONGUE? I'M OPEN TO ANY IDEAS YOU MAY HAVE. THANK YOU.

YOU'VE BEEN GREAT. MY TIME IS UP. ENJOY YOUR "SOUTH PARK" RERUNS, MOTHERFUCKERS.