Post by Steve Studnuts on Sept 20, 2005 11:43:13 GMT -5
~~~A wide angle shot of Steve Studnuts’ home in Phoenix, Az. Jump cut to his front door where Dr. Silaconne M. Plants can be seen sitting on his luggage, disheveled and tired looking. A very dirty rental car can just been seen to the right. Suddenly, a bright yellow Ferrari zooms by, blowing dust on Plants and his bags. Moments later, Steve Studnuts walks up wearing a t-shirt that reads “I Looted the French Quarter.”~~~
Studs: DOC! What’s up…. uh….. Doc? You finally made it!
SMP: Yes. Yes I did. About 4 days ago. I haven’t ate, I haven’t slept. Desert creatures have crapped in my Italian loafers...
Studs: Dude, why didn’t you use the key I mailed you before you started driving out here? I told you I might not be home.
SMP: Oh yeah, THIS key? The one you sent that has “tool shed” wrote on it?
Studs: Yeah, that’s it. *shrugs* Why didn’t you use it?
SMP: You wanted… ME…. to stay in a tool shed until you got back? I’m a TWO TIME INTERGALACTIC CHAMPION! I don’t sleep in tool sheds….
Studs: Why not? I’m Steve Studnuts, bitch. I don’t have tool sheds like fuckin’ ordinary people that have tool sheds. There’s a fuckin’ pool in there, man. I have two refrigerators STOCKED with alcohol in there. There’s two beds and a plasma screen permanently hooked up to skin flicks in there. You have to TRUST me if were gonna work together, dude. You have to TRUST me if were gonna put the ass beatin’ on douja, Paraflops, and Phillis Thilla that needs to be put on ‘em. Besides, I couldn’t have you runnin’ around in the house with that extend-o-dick you got recently, ya know? With Connie and Jizz walkin’ around the house ¾ naked all the time, I couldn’t risk you getting a boner and breakin’ all my shit.
SMP: That reminds me, Ric Flair PISSES me off. That thing he did at Unforgiven, I had the exact same bit planned for after Grudge Match A Go-Go after we won our match. Cialis already offered me tons of money to do it, too. I’ve only had one, just one incident, where I had to go to the hospital for the “greater than 4 hour erection”…
Studs: Shut up, man… I don’t want to hear about that.
SMP: No?
Studs: Definitely no. I do want to hear about that replica STWF I.G. Title. Did you get it?
SMP: Yep. Looks JUST like it, too. It’s like I never lost it, which I didn’t. Anybody who don’t believe me can go back to Canada Day Chaos via the STWF link and see how I DESTOYED Neige 13 in a Nicolas Cage Match to win it. The Domino and Luke Warm? Who wants to see that? I’ve beaten BOTH of them. Everybody knows the only DRAW at Grudge Match a Go-Go is MY return.
Studs: *Ahem*
SMP: Well, and you being there. And Ali. And Death. And Trey. And Seth. And Kay… and all those guys in the Skull and Bones. Hey, do you think I can get in on that? I’ve started more stables than anybody. Club Med. The Heelside Stranglers. The Four (Hung Like A) Horsemen. The Not Quite Millionaires Club. I’m a natural.
Studs: No.
SMP: But…
Studs: Look, I’m gonna be honest. You’re not cool enough. You’re not hip enough. I mean, you’re cool and all… you’re just old. You wouldn’t fit in. You’re a stable by yourself. You’re SMP. You’re the greatest. You don’t NEED a stable to get over. Not like any of us do, either… but I’m just tryin’ to boost your ego to make you feel better because frankly, nobody really likes you and would want you in it. Ya dig? Nothin’ personal.
SMP: Really?
Studs: You’re a prick. But that’s what I like about you. Now then, concentrate on what Thilla did to you at The Gathering. Concentrate on douja, the guy you hate more than anythin’ you’ve ever hated in your life. Thrilla tore up my house. Paradox stole my Hardcore Title and punched Ali. I cost Paradox his title the other night… which I’m STILL laughin’ about. The heat in this fuckin’ match for Grudge Match A Go-Go is unrivaled. Don’t worry about bein’ in our little group. Just worry about SMP bein’ SMP inside a cage again with douja. And getting revenge on Thrilla. Then you can retire with some dignity and go off to do your porn flicks.
SMP: You know, you’re right. And I can’t think of a better place to be SMP again than at Grudge Match A Go-Go. Couldn’t be a BETTER location, either. *ahem* Do YOU dig?
Studs: Oh yeah, I dig. I dig big time. Wanna go inside for some Amaretto?
SMP: You have Amaretto?!
Studs: *pffffft* Of course…. The Smooth Operator was comin’ to town. You didn’t think I’d be prepared?
Studs: DOC! What’s up…. uh….. Doc? You finally made it!
SMP: Yes. Yes I did. About 4 days ago. I haven’t ate, I haven’t slept. Desert creatures have crapped in my Italian loafers...
Studs: Dude, why didn’t you use the key I mailed you before you started driving out here? I told you I might not be home.
SMP: Oh yeah, THIS key? The one you sent that has “tool shed” wrote on it?
Studs: Yeah, that’s it. *shrugs* Why didn’t you use it?
SMP: You wanted… ME…. to stay in a tool shed until you got back? I’m a TWO TIME INTERGALACTIC CHAMPION! I don’t sleep in tool sheds….
Studs: Why not? I’m Steve Studnuts, bitch. I don’t have tool sheds like fuckin’ ordinary people that have tool sheds. There’s a fuckin’ pool in there, man. I have two refrigerators STOCKED with alcohol in there. There’s two beds and a plasma screen permanently hooked up to skin flicks in there. You have to TRUST me if were gonna work together, dude. You have to TRUST me if were gonna put the ass beatin’ on douja, Paraflops, and Phillis Thilla that needs to be put on ‘em. Besides, I couldn’t have you runnin’ around in the house with that extend-o-dick you got recently, ya know? With Connie and Jizz walkin’ around the house ¾ naked all the time, I couldn’t risk you getting a boner and breakin’ all my shit.
SMP: That reminds me, Ric Flair PISSES me off. That thing he did at Unforgiven, I had the exact same bit planned for after Grudge Match A Go-Go after we won our match. Cialis already offered me tons of money to do it, too. I’ve only had one, just one incident, where I had to go to the hospital for the “greater than 4 hour erection”…
Studs: Shut up, man… I don’t want to hear about that.
SMP: No?
Studs: Definitely no. I do want to hear about that replica STWF I.G. Title. Did you get it?
SMP: Yep. Looks JUST like it, too. It’s like I never lost it, which I didn’t. Anybody who don’t believe me can go back to Canada Day Chaos via the STWF link and see how I DESTOYED Neige 13 in a Nicolas Cage Match to win it. The Domino and Luke Warm? Who wants to see that? I’ve beaten BOTH of them. Everybody knows the only DRAW at Grudge Match a Go-Go is MY return.
Studs: *Ahem*
SMP: Well, and you being there. And Ali. And Death. And Trey. And Seth. And Kay… and all those guys in the Skull and Bones. Hey, do you think I can get in on that? I’ve started more stables than anybody. Club Med. The Heelside Stranglers. The Four (Hung Like A) Horsemen. The Not Quite Millionaires Club. I’m a natural.
Studs: No.
SMP: But…
Studs: Look, I’m gonna be honest. You’re not cool enough. You’re not hip enough. I mean, you’re cool and all… you’re just old. You wouldn’t fit in. You’re a stable by yourself. You’re SMP. You’re the greatest. You don’t NEED a stable to get over. Not like any of us do, either… but I’m just tryin’ to boost your ego to make you feel better because frankly, nobody really likes you and would want you in it. Ya dig? Nothin’ personal.
SMP: Really?
Studs: You’re a prick. But that’s what I like about you. Now then, concentrate on what Thilla did to you at The Gathering. Concentrate on douja, the guy you hate more than anythin’ you’ve ever hated in your life. Thrilla tore up my house. Paradox stole my Hardcore Title and punched Ali. I cost Paradox his title the other night… which I’m STILL laughin’ about. The heat in this fuckin’ match for Grudge Match A Go-Go is unrivaled. Don’t worry about bein’ in our little group. Just worry about SMP bein’ SMP inside a cage again with douja. And getting revenge on Thrilla. Then you can retire with some dignity and go off to do your porn flicks.
SMP: You know, you’re right. And I can’t think of a better place to be SMP again than at Grudge Match A Go-Go. Couldn’t be a BETTER location, either. *ahem* Do YOU dig?
Studs: Oh yeah, I dig. I dig big time. Wanna go inside for some Amaretto?
SMP: You have Amaretto?!
Studs: *pffffft* Of course…. The Smooth Operator was comin’ to town. You didn’t think I’d be prepared?
~~~They go inside… cut to static~~~