Post by Steve Studnuts on Aug 17, 2005 10:52:51 GMT -5
~~~Steve Studnuts is seen sitting in a tree house with “Corky” from the long cancelled series “Life Goes On”. They’re playing Scrabble. It’s all an effort to add some “style” to Steve’s promos, since he felt floating down a river on an alligator raft was hella gay. “Corky” puts down some letters resulting in a triple word score. A possible record 79 points. At least it’s a record since Steve’s been playing.~~~
Studs: Dude, “Zuvvex” is not a word.
Corky: Sur it is.
Studs: Ummm, no it’s not.
Corky: Sur it is. Yur.
Studs: I told you if you’re gonna make up words, I’m not gonna play.
Corky: Sur it is.
~~~”Sur it is” made no sense as a reply in that aspect. However, the third “sur it is” was cue for a Late Cretaceous bird that swooped in from a window and ripped “Corky’s” head off with its sickle-claw. Instead of blood, a rich flow of crude oil spurts from “Corky’s” severed neck. Several Arabs then instantaneously appear and barrel the find, soon to charge obscene amounts for it to foreign markets… later to reduce everybody in the United States to riding bicycles.~~~
Studs: FUCK YEAH! There’s some sizzle! There’s some fuckin’ flash! You can call me two-note, now… fuckrag. You know who you are.
But I’m done with this kind of shit. A zebra can’t change its stripes. A leopard can’t change its spots. That reminds me of a story I heard a long time ago. Maybe this will help you understand why I do what I do:
One day, a scorpion looked around at the mountain where he lived and decided that he wanted a change. So he set out on a journey through the forests and hills. He climbed over rocks and under vines and kept going until he reached a river.
The river was wide and swift, and the scorpion stopped to reconsider the situation. He couldn't see any way across. So he ran up river and then checked down river, all the while thinking that he might have to turn back.
Suddenly, he saw a frog sitting in the rushes by the bank of the stream, on the other side of the river. He decided to ask the frog for help getting across the stream.
"Hellooo Mr. Frog!" called the scorpion across the water, "Would you be so kind as to give me a ride on your back across the river?"
"Well now, Mr. Scorpion! How do I know that if I try to help you, you won’t try to kill me?" asked the frog hesitantly.
"Because," the scorpion replied, "If I try to kill you, then I would die too, for you see I cannot swim!"
Now this seemed to make sense to the frog. But he asked. "What about when I get close to the bank? You could still try to kill me and get back to the shore!"
"This is true," agreed the scorpion, "But then I wouldn't be able to get to the other side of the river!"
"Alright then...how do I know you won’t just wait till we get to the other side and THEN kill me?" said the frog.
"Ahh...," crooned the scorpion, "Because you see, once you've taken me to the other side of this river, I will be so grateful for your help, that it would hardly be fair to reward you with death, now would it?!"
So the frog agreed to take the scorpion across the river. He swam over to the bank and settled himself near the mud to pick up his passenger. The scorpion crawled onto the frog's back, his sharp claws prickling into the frog's soft hide, and the frog slid into the river. The muddy water swirled around them, but the frog stayed near the surface so the scorpion would not drown. He kicked strongly through the first half of the stream, his flippers paddling wildly against the current.
Halfway across the river, the frog suddenly felt a sharp sting in his back and, out of the corner of his eye, saw the scorpion remove his stinger from the frog's back. A deadening numbness began to creep into his limbs.
"You fool!" croaked the frog, "Now we shall both die! Why on earth did you do that?"
The scorpion shrugged, and did a little jig on the drowning frog's back.
"I could not help myself. It is my nature."
Then they both sank into the muddy waters of the swiftly flowing river.
~~~Steve then sits back and lights a “Monica’s Sceret” brand cigar, personally hand dipped by The Prez himself.~~~
Studs: You see, I do what I do because it’s my nature. I can’t change. If you don’t like it, fuck you. If it pisses you off, I don’t give a shit.
I got your little message, and I must say I can’t remember the last time somebody left me a voice mail askin’ me to leave them alone. You are the biggest waste of fuckin’ oxygen I’ve ever met, Mr Paradox. They should rename your title the AYOOYFM/YGBCIADT-BIAP title. You know why? BYAP, that’s why? Can’t figure it out? Here’s a hint. Your opponent The Bride, she has one. You ARE one. Ya dig?
I don’t like douja, but he had the balls to accept the match without hesitation. He’s a man. Even after a little proddin’, Dr. Thrilla accepted, and he’s pretty much a pathetic excuse for a wrestler as you can get. But he did accept. You on the other hand…. are below that. Alex “fuckin’ no gimmick” Smith is more of a hardcore champion that you are.
So, either you accept the match… or I will jump in every one of your fuckin’ matches from now on until you do. Or I’ll just beat your fuckin’ ass the day of Grudge Match a Go-Go and drag you to the fuckin’ ring.
It’s your choice. Errr, like you have one….
AND THAT’S A FACT!
Studs: Dude, “Zuvvex” is not a word.
Corky: Sur it is.
Studs: Ummm, no it’s not.
Corky: Sur it is. Yur.
Studs: I told you if you’re gonna make up words, I’m not gonna play.
Corky: Sur it is.
~~~”Sur it is” made no sense as a reply in that aspect. However, the third “sur it is” was cue for a Late Cretaceous bird that swooped in from a window and ripped “Corky’s” head off with its sickle-claw. Instead of blood, a rich flow of crude oil spurts from “Corky’s” severed neck. Several Arabs then instantaneously appear and barrel the find, soon to charge obscene amounts for it to foreign markets… later to reduce everybody in the United States to riding bicycles.~~~
Studs: FUCK YEAH! There’s some sizzle! There’s some fuckin’ flash! You can call me two-note, now… fuckrag. You know who you are.
But I’m done with this kind of shit. A zebra can’t change its stripes. A leopard can’t change its spots. That reminds me of a story I heard a long time ago. Maybe this will help you understand why I do what I do:
One day, a scorpion looked around at the mountain where he lived and decided that he wanted a change. So he set out on a journey through the forests and hills. He climbed over rocks and under vines and kept going until he reached a river.
The river was wide and swift, and the scorpion stopped to reconsider the situation. He couldn't see any way across. So he ran up river and then checked down river, all the while thinking that he might have to turn back.
Suddenly, he saw a frog sitting in the rushes by the bank of the stream, on the other side of the river. He decided to ask the frog for help getting across the stream.
"Hellooo Mr. Frog!" called the scorpion across the water, "Would you be so kind as to give me a ride on your back across the river?"
"Well now, Mr. Scorpion! How do I know that if I try to help you, you won’t try to kill me?" asked the frog hesitantly.
"Because," the scorpion replied, "If I try to kill you, then I would die too, for you see I cannot swim!"
Now this seemed to make sense to the frog. But he asked. "What about when I get close to the bank? You could still try to kill me and get back to the shore!"
"This is true," agreed the scorpion, "But then I wouldn't be able to get to the other side of the river!"
"Alright then...how do I know you won’t just wait till we get to the other side and THEN kill me?" said the frog.
"Ahh...," crooned the scorpion, "Because you see, once you've taken me to the other side of this river, I will be so grateful for your help, that it would hardly be fair to reward you with death, now would it?!"
So the frog agreed to take the scorpion across the river. He swam over to the bank and settled himself near the mud to pick up his passenger. The scorpion crawled onto the frog's back, his sharp claws prickling into the frog's soft hide, and the frog slid into the river. The muddy water swirled around them, but the frog stayed near the surface so the scorpion would not drown. He kicked strongly through the first half of the stream, his flippers paddling wildly against the current.
Halfway across the river, the frog suddenly felt a sharp sting in his back and, out of the corner of his eye, saw the scorpion remove his stinger from the frog's back. A deadening numbness began to creep into his limbs.
"You fool!" croaked the frog, "Now we shall both die! Why on earth did you do that?"
The scorpion shrugged, and did a little jig on the drowning frog's back.
"I could not help myself. It is my nature."
Then they both sank into the muddy waters of the swiftly flowing river.
~~~Steve then sits back and lights a “Monica’s Sceret” brand cigar, personally hand dipped by The Prez himself.~~~
Studs: You see, I do what I do because it’s my nature. I can’t change. If you don’t like it, fuck you. If it pisses you off, I don’t give a shit.
I got your little message, and I must say I can’t remember the last time somebody left me a voice mail askin’ me to leave them alone. You are the biggest waste of fuckin’ oxygen I’ve ever met, Mr Paradox. They should rename your title the AYOOYFM/YGBCIADT-BIAP title. You know why? BYAP, that’s why? Can’t figure it out? Here’s a hint. Your opponent The Bride, she has one. You ARE one. Ya dig?
I don’t like douja, but he had the balls to accept the match without hesitation. He’s a man. Even after a little proddin’, Dr. Thrilla accepted, and he’s pretty much a pathetic excuse for a wrestler as you can get. But he did accept. You on the other hand…. are below that. Alex “fuckin’ no gimmick” Smith is more of a hardcore champion that you are.
So, either you accept the match… or I will jump in every one of your fuckin’ matches from now on until you do. Or I’ll just beat your fuckin’ ass the day of Grudge Match a Go-Go and drag you to the fuckin’ ring.
It’s your choice. Errr, like you have one….
AND THAT’S A FACT!
~~~static~~~
