Post by Steve Studnuts on Jul 26, 2005 11:21:06 GMT -5
~~~Steve Studnuts’s palatial estate in Phoenix, Az, back deck. A pool party is in full swing as several nearly naked women are frolicking around in the shallow end. Cut to Steve Studnuts who’s working on his tan, sprawled out on a deck bed. He’s just lighted a “Monica’s Secret” brand cigar… personally hand-dipped by The Prez himself.~~~
[two inhales and a smoke ring later]
Studs: Ya know, I was still up about 3 am this mornin’, washin’ my cock with a dish rag and getting ready to hit my 4th skank of the night when I happened to see your little video, Dr. Thrilla. Amazin’ it is the shit that comes on at three in the mornin’. Too bad about your record deal… I liked it. It’s better than anything Jay Z’s doing nowadays…
ANY-way, funny thing about that video. That dude that was supposed to be me looked NOTHIN’ like me, jerkweed. But then again, I know it’s pretty much impossible to find a stand-in actor that looks like THIS.
~~~He stands and poses. Sits back down on his deck bed~~~
Studs: I guess to make a long story short… that was your way of accepting our challenge. “Our” being myself, and the Sinister Surgeon, Dr. Silaconne M. Plants. It’ll be the first time we’ve ever teamed together. Come to think of it, if douja accepts…it’ll be the first time you two have teamed together as well. It’ll most likely be your last….nah, it WILL be your last. Because if there’s anything left of you two faggots to scoop up with a gatdamn spatula after we’re finished with you, it’ll be nothin’ short of a miracle that was Fed-Exed here from Jesus himself. That’s a fact.
~~~”Smooth Operator” by Sade begins to play on Steve’s pool stereo system. SMP walks out onto the deck wearing a robe and sipping an Amaretto. He removes the robe, revealing a Speedo and non-flattering “Roddy Piper” gut. Or if you don’t remember what that looks like, a more recent example would be a “Road Warrior Animal” gut. SMP notices the camera, and gets REALLY animated.~~~
SMP: DOUJA! DR. THRILLA! Accept the challenge! It’s going to be the BIGGEST thing this fed has ever seen! Thrilla, in all honesty… you don’t even BELONG in a match of this magnitude. You never earned your stripes, pal. You haven’t BEEN in the battles, you haven’t BEEN in the wars. I’m a TWO-TIME STWF INTERGALACTIC CHAMPION… YOU….. YOU…..
Studs: Go ahead, Pops… this is a STUDNUTS promo.
SMP: YOU…YOU…. FUCKING SNOT NOSED LITTLE GODDAMNED PUNK!
I was winning titles in THREE promotions SIMULTANEOUSLY while you were still beating off with your momma’s panties wrapped around your hand! Do you think hitting people with a SIGN makes you a man? Have you been in the ring with THE TIGER? BOHEMOTH? LUKE WARM? BOBO? HOMICIDAL HANK? The list goes on and on! What have you done? You’ve done jack shit nothing, that’s what!
I bet you’re not even a doctor! Dr. Snare claimed to be a doctor and so I had to kick his ass. Where’s HE now? You’re not a doctor, you son-of-bitch! But I AM!
Studs: You’re not gonna “whooo”, are you?
SMP: douja, after this match, for old times sake, I’m going to put a jockey’s uniform on you and make you stand on my lawn holding a lantern! Then… I’m going to attach a couple of wheels to your head, Thrilla, hold you up by your feet, and use your * rhythmic metal clanging * to mow my fucking grass!
~~~Veins begin to bulge on SMP’s head~~~
Studs: Doc, you need to chill out man…. why don’t you join those bitches in the pool?
~~~Without so much as a word, he does, doing a sloppy cannonball. All the women get out. Quick shot of Steve taking another long drag on his cigar, then static~~~
[two inhales and a smoke ring later]
Studs: Ya know, I was still up about 3 am this mornin’, washin’ my cock with a dish rag and getting ready to hit my 4th skank of the night when I happened to see your little video, Dr. Thrilla. Amazin’ it is the shit that comes on at three in the mornin’. Too bad about your record deal… I liked it. It’s better than anything Jay Z’s doing nowadays…
ANY-way, funny thing about that video. That dude that was supposed to be me looked NOTHIN’ like me, jerkweed. But then again, I know it’s pretty much impossible to find a stand-in actor that looks like THIS.
~~~He stands and poses. Sits back down on his deck bed~~~
Studs: I guess to make a long story short… that was your way of accepting our challenge. “Our” being myself, and the Sinister Surgeon, Dr. Silaconne M. Plants. It’ll be the first time we’ve ever teamed together. Come to think of it, if douja accepts…it’ll be the first time you two have teamed together as well. It’ll most likely be your last….nah, it WILL be your last. Because if there’s anything left of you two faggots to scoop up with a gatdamn spatula after we’re finished with you, it’ll be nothin’ short of a miracle that was Fed-Exed here from Jesus himself. That’s a fact.
~~~”Smooth Operator” by Sade begins to play on Steve’s pool stereo system. SMP walks out onto the deck wearing a robe and sipping an Amaretto. He removes the robe, revealing a Speedo and non-flattering “Roddy Piper” gut. Or if you don’t remember what that looks like, a more recent example would be a “Road Warrior Animal” gut. SMP notices the camera, and gets REALLY animated.~~~
SMP: DOUJA! DR. THRILLA! Accept the challenge! It’s going to be the BIGGEST thing this fed has ever seen! Thrilla, in all honesty… you don’t even BELONG in a match of this magnitude. You never earned your stripes, pal. You haven’t BEEN in the battles, you haven’t BEEN in the wars. I’m a TWO-TIME STWF INTERGALACTIC CHAMPION… YOU….. YOU…..
Studs: Go ahead, Pops… this is a STUDNUTS promo.
SMP: YOU…YOU…. FUCKING SNOT NOSED LITTLE GODDAMNED PUNK!
I was winning titles in THREE promotions SIMULTANEOUSLY while you were still beating off with your momma’s panties wrapped around your hand! Do you think hitting people with a SIGN makes you a man? Have you been in the ring with THE TIGER? BOHEMOTH? LUKE WARM? BOBO? HOMICIDAL HANK? The list goes on and on! What have you done? You’ve done jack shit nothing, that’s what!
I bet you’re not even a doctor! Dr. Snare claimed to be a doctor and so I had to kick his ass. Where’s HE now? You’re not a doctor, you son-of-bitch! But I AM!
Studs: You’re not gonna “whooo”, are you?
SMP: douja, after this match, for old times sake, I’m going to put a jockey’s uniform on you and make you stand on my lawn holding a lantern! Then… I’m going to attach a couple of wheels to your head, Thrilla, hold you up by your feet, and use your * rhythmic metal clanging * to mow my fucking grass!
~~~Veins begin to bulge on SMP’s head~~~
Studs: Doc, you need to chill out man…. why don’t you join those bitches in the pool?
~~~Without so much as a word, he does, doing a sloppy cannonball. All the women get out. Quick shot of Steve taking another long drag on his cigar, then static~~~
