Hey Steve, you lost...

[Steve Studnuts]

~~~Fade in to Steve Studnuts in his bed, under his black satin sheets and Jenna Jamison comforter. Connie's sitting on the side of his bed, pushing on Steve's left shoulder and trying to wake him up. For some odd reason, or perhaps not so odd, about mid way down the comforter, it looks like a pop tent has been set up.~~~

Connie: Steve? Wake up. (pushes on him again) STEVE! It's time to get up, you have a promo to do today, don't you remember? There were a couple of cards posted, you told me you had to comment about every show from now on.

[Steve slowly raises and wipes a dry eye booger off his upper cheek. He then glances at his bedside stand, trying to focus in on his clock.]

Studs: What the fuck? It's only 11:30am, I told you NEVER to wake me before noon. I was havin' this AWESOME dream.... see, I was layin' the wood to this blue skinned chick...(notices pop tent) eh, I guess I was layin' the MORNING wood to this blue skinned chick. ANY-way, she was squealin' like a pig....and I was makin' bacon. Ya dig?

Connie: Nice...but are you going to comment about the recent shows?

Studs: Shows? Plural? SHOWS? In BOB. I did wake up, right? Pinch me. Better yet, stroke my dong.

[she playfully slaps his bicep]

Connie: Seriously, aren't you going to say anything about how you jobbed rather easily in Dimension Z?

Studs: Nah, I don't comment about fantasy shit. I'll let SpaceDick handle that...

[Steve's answer to Festering Death, back in the day, appears out of somewhere. Nowhere was busy.]

8========D : WHAT'S UP FUCKERS? CHECK ME OUT, I'M HARD AND FULL OF PISS. SOMEBODY NEEDS TO GET HIS FUCKING ASS TO THE JOHN AND EMPTY HIS GODDAMN BLADDER. WHAT'S UP, CONNIE? WANNA SUCK ME?

Connie: Stop it, Steve...

8========D: WHAT'S WRONG? YOU HAVING A PROBLEM TALKING TO A SMILEY PENIS?

Connie: You're not a smiley, you're an eight, equals, and a capital "d".

8========D: QUITE ASTUTE, BITCH...BUT DO YOU REALIZE THAT A CAPITAL "D" CAN MAKE A SMILEY? SEVERAL DIFFERENT FUCKING CHARACTERS CAN CREATE A SMILEY, BUT WHY WOULD I ACTUALLY NEED TO BE A SMILEY? I'M A DICK. I DON'T NEED A GODDAMN FACE. JUST MY ONE EYE AND I'M GOOD TO FUCKING GO.

Connie: Well, I can see I'm not going to get you to stop doing this, stealing gimmicks and acting like a fool, Steve. Is this your promo? This?

8========D: LISTEN, COCKSUCKING WHORE, TELL ME THAT STEVE STUDNUTS HAD TO JOB IN ANOTHER GALAXY BECAUSE NO FUCKING HUMAN BEING ALIVE IN THIS ONE CAN BEAT HIM. THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED, RIGHT? BESIDES, ABOUT THAT STEALING OF GIMMICKS AND WHATNOT, STEVE STUDNUTS IS ONE THIRD OF iAd, SO BASICALLY HE CAN DO OR SAY WHATEVER THE FUCK HE WANTS. HE JUST CAN'T STEAL douja's GIMMICK FOR FEAR OF THAT "N" WORD, YOU CAN ONLY SAY THAT SHIT AND GET AWAY WITH IT IF YOU'RE BLACK. BY THE WAY, WHAT WAS THE OTHER CARD? WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM IN THAT ONE? MORE OF THE SAME SHIT?

Connie: I don't know, I didn't read that one yet, it was a pope show. I'm sorry, but I didn't really pay that much attention to the pope when he was alive.

8========D: NEITHER DID I, BUT I HAVE NOTICED THE NEW ONE IS FUCKING UGLY AS SHIT. HIS PICTURE IS ALL OVER THE INTERNET. WHEN WILL SOME FUCKING NEWS HAPPEN WHERE THE FUCKING PEOPLE MAKING THE NEWS ARE FUCKING EASY TO LOOK AT? FIRST, THAT CAMILLE BITCH AND PRINCE CHARLES WITH HIS BIG ASS FUCKING EARS THAT LOOK LIKE HE HAS TWO HALVES OF A PIE PLATE ATTACHED TO HIS FUCKING SKULL, NOW THIS. I WON'T EVEN GET STARTED ON THAT MARTHA STEWART BITCH.

Connie: Okay, Steve... this is about enough.

8========D: WHY MUST YOU INSIST ON CALLING ME STEVE? I AM SPACEDICK! OR YOU CAN AFFECTIONATLEY REFER TO ME AS RUSSELL THE LOVE MUSCLE IF YOU LIKE. TUBE STEAK WILL ALSO WORK. PERHAPS, YOU MAY WISH TO CALL ME HOT BEEF INJECTION AS I KNOW A CERTAIN SOMEBODY AROUND HERE THAT LIKES TO MARK OUT ON "THE BREAKFAST CLUB" AND CONTINUALLY QUOTES THE FUCKING JOHN BENDER CHARACTER. I WONDER IF JOHN BENDER FUCKED CLAIRE AFTER SCHOOL THE FOLLOWING MONDAY AFTER THEIR SATURDAY IN SCHOOL SUSPENSION GIG. OR IF THE HIGH SCHOOL WRESTLER GUY FUCKED THE CHICK THAT MADE SNOW OUT OF HER DANDRUFF AFTER SHE GOT ALL CLEANED UP AND SHIT. OR IF THE GEEK EVER GOT ANY PUSSY FROM ANYBODY THE REST OF THE SCHOOL YEAR. ANY THOUGHTS?

Connie: Steve? I'm leaving. This is really stupid.

8========D: REALLY NOW? HAS THERE BEEN ANYTHING ELSE TO FUCKING READ IN THIS GODDAMN RANT ZONE? NO, I FUCKING THINK NOT. I DO KNOW THIS, HOWEVER. WHEN MY BOY STEVE STUDNUTS GETS THAT FUCKER MR. PARADOX BACK IN THE REAL WORLD, HE'S GOING TO BEAT HIM LIKE A RENTED FUCKING BITCH. AND THAT WILL BE EASY FUCKING STREET COMPARED TO WHAT DR. THRILLA WILL GET. AND WHEN ALL IS SAID IS DONE, AND AFTER STEVE KILLS THESE FUCKING GUYS... MUHAMMAD ALI IS GOING TO CLIMB IN THAT CAGE AND TAKE A GIANT, CORN FILLED SHIT ON BOTH OF THEM. THAT'S A FACT.

Connie: That's it, I'm out of here.

8========D: THAT'S RIGHT, RUN THE FUCK AWAY BEFORE I REALLY CUT LOOSE WITH SOME SHIT. YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR WHAT STEVE REALLY HAS PLANNED FOR THOSE TWO MOTHERFUCKERS. PAY PER VIEW WILL NEVER BE THE FUCKING SAME AGAIN. AND IT WON'T BE UNTIL MAGNUM T.A. AND TULLY BLANCHARD COME BACK.

Connie: I'm turning off the camera, Steve.... I'm turning it off.

8========D: DON'T YOU FUCKING DO IT! NOT BEFORE I AT LEAST GET A HAND JOB.

Connie: Okay, that's it.

8========D: GODDAMN YOU!

~~~cut to static~~~

[BOB Legend douja]

damn, you got a little penis, bitch...

[Steve Studnuts]

8========D: IN YOUR WORLD, FUCKFACE... YES, THAT WOULD PROBABLY BE CONSIDERED A SMALL PENIS, AND THUS I'D HAVE TO COME OVER TO THAT SHITTY CRACK HOUSE YOU LIVE IN AND RAID YOUR FUCKING MEDICINE CABINET OF ALL YOUR ENZYTE. HOWEVER, IN CYBERSPACE THIS IS CONSIDERED THE JOHN HOLMES OF SPACEDICKS. JUST THINK ABOUT THIS FOR A MINUTE, YOU FUCKING RETARD. IF THIS IS CONSIDERED A HEAD:

IMAGINE THE SIZE OF MY SPACEDICK.
NOW, LET'S EVALUATE THIS AGAIN---
THIS IS YOUR CRANIUM SIZE IN CYBERSPACE.
8========D: NOW THEN, COMPARE THE SIZE OF THAT HEAD TO THE SIZE OF MY SPACEDICK, IT NO LONGER LOOKS SO FUCKING TINY NOW, DOES IT SMART GUY?

THAT'S THE FUCKING PROBLEM WITH YOU FUCKING HUMANS, ALWAYS LOOKING AT THINGS THE WRONG WAY AND OPENING YOUR FUCKING MOUTHS BEFORE YOU THINK. BUT I'LL LET YOU SLIDE ON THIS ONE, BECAUSE I'VE BEEN INFORMED BY PEOPLE SMARTER THAN YOU THAT YOU'RE A GIMP WHEN IT COMES TO BRAIN ACTIVITY.

THAT'S WHY THE iAd HAVE COOL, INTERESTING MATCHES THAT THE TWO FUCKING FANS THAT ACTUALLY ATTEND BOB SHOWS WANT TO SEE, AND YOU'RE LEFT WRESTLING A GODDAMN WASHING MACHINE.

8=========D--------- : DID YOU SEE THAT? I JUST FUCKING PISSED ALL OVER YOU. HAVE A NICE DAY.

[BOB Legend douja]

what da fuck was all dat jibba' jabba' about? don't you have some homo's ass you should be shoved in right about now? someone needs to wash da doo doo stains off you, you dirty spacedick! as far as the iad.. are they wrestlin' a washing machine? no, you got a nigga on dat one, you diabolical penis, you.. BUT, could you add every title dem motha' fucka's ever won and it still wouldn't equal my total? yes, dat' shit would be true.. cause im da best eva'.. fuck you..

[Steve Studnuts]

Guest-BOB said:

don't you have some homo's ass you should be shoved in right about now?

8========D: ARE YOU HITTING ON ME? IS THAT AN INVITATION? IT SURE SOUNDED LIKE A FUCKING INVITATION TO ME. BY THE WAY, IF YOU'RE CONCERNED WITH THE SHIT STAINS ON ME, WHICH YOU WUSSILY REFERRED TO AS "DOO DOO" STAINS... TELL YOUR MOTHER TO WIPE HER FUCKING DINGLEBERRY INFESTED CHOCOLATE STAR BEFORE I COMMENCE TO BUSINESS NEXT TIME. OKAY? A NICE, WARM, SOAP SUDS ENEMA WOULD ALSO BE A GOOD IDEA. RUN THAT BY HER, TOO, WHILE YOU'RE AT IT.

OTHERWISE, I SUGGEST YOU LICK THE STAINS OFF YOURSELF IF IT BOTHERS YOU SO FUCKING MUCH.

FURTHERMORE, YOU WANT TO FUCKING COUNT TITLE REIGNS, HUH? FACT IS, CUMBREATH, THE iAd WIN FUCKING TITLES EVERYWHERE THEY GO IN THE WORLD, NOT JUST IN THIS SHITHOLE. THEY REFUSE TO WIN BOB TITLES UNLESS ABSOLUTELY FORCED TO BECAUSE, LET'S BE HONEST FOR A SECOND, BOB TITLES DON'T MEAN A FUCK. THE iAd GET TITLES EVERY SO OFTEN AROUND HERE TO KEEP RATINGS FROM COLLAPSING INTO THE NEGATIVES, WHICH SURPRISES ME THAT THEY DON'T FUCKING HAVE THEM ALL THE TIME. BUT BACK TO WHAT I WAS SAYING--- THE FACT THAT YOU'VE WON EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM MEANS YOU'RE JUST THAT MUCH MORE SHITTIER THAN EVERYBODY ELSE. WE ALL KNOW IT WASN'T FOR RATINGS LIKE IT IS WHEN THE iAd GETS THEM, IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE THE ONLY FUCKING GUY THAT THINKS BOB TITLES MEAN SHIT, SO THEREFORE, MANAGEMENT JUST KEPT PUTTING THEM ON YOUR STUPID FUCKING ASS.

ANY MORE DUMB FUCKING REMARKS? I'LL BE ALL HERE ALL WEEK... TOODLES.

ONE MORE THING, DON'T FORGET TO REMIND YOUR MOTHER ABOUT HER BROWNIE HOLE. THANKS.

[BOB Legend douja]

look, tiny talking penis, i am gonna sum dis shit up fo' ya' ass.. iad sucks.. 'specially studnuts.. i am betta den all of dem bitches.. you do not enjoy pussy.. you like a mans ass.. douja, on da otha' motha' fuckin' hand, fucks mo' white girls den nsync' in dey fuckin' prime.. goodnight...

[Steve Studnuts]

8========D: N'SYNC, HUH? WELL, WHY DON'T YOU THROW IN THE FUCKING NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK, 98 DEGREES, MENUDO, BACKSTREET BOYS, BOYS TO MEN, NEW EDITION - BEL / BIV / DEVOE, KENT STATE CREW, AND ALL THOSE OTHER FAGTASTIC BOY GROUPS? HELL, IF YOU'RE GOING TO FUCKING LIE, MAKE IT A BIG ONE. DON'T CHEAT US WITH SOME HALF ASSED, LITTLE ONE.

BESIDES, I'VE SEEN THE FUCKING TYPES OF WOMEN YOU GET, AND I'M A CYBERSPACE ONE-EYED TROUSER SNAKE. BUT MY ONE EYE DOESN'T LIE. YEAH, THEY'RE WHITE, PROBABLY FEMALE... BUT NOTHING LIKE THE SUPER MODEL BITCHES THE iAd ROLLS WITH.

ANOTHER THING, DOUCHE-A... I GET MORE DEEP THIGH GASH THAN YOU EVER FUCKING WILL. HELL, I'M SPACEDICK. THAT'S ALL I DO.

YOU AIN'T HAD QUALITY PUSSY SINCE A WORN OUT ONE HAD YOU. YOU DIG THE FAT CHICKS. BUT I COMMEND YOU ON THAT...SOMEBODY'S GOTTA DO THEM, AND IT SURE AIN'T THE iAd, SMOKE DOGGY BITCH.

IN CLOSING, IN CASE YOU FORGOT THE KIND OF SKANK YOU ATTRACT, MY LEFT NUT PUSHED THE BUTTON ON MY CAMERA PHONE JUST LAST NIGHT... AND I TOOK A PICTURE OF THESE FATTIES WAITING FOR YOU IN THE PARKING LOT. I KNOW YOU JUMPED RIGHT IN....LITERALLY. LET ME REFRESH YOUR BURNED UP MEMORY, YOU LITTLE FUCKING DOPE HEAD.

8========D: AH, YES...IT'S ALL FUCKING COMING BACK TO YOU NOW, ISN'T IT? I FIGURED IT WOULD. BUT HEY, TWO MORE JOINTS AND ANOTHER 40 OF OLD ENGLISH... IT ALL FEELS THE FUCKING SAME INSIDE, RIGHT? I BET YOU TELL YOURSELF THAT ALL THE TIME. MALT LIQUOR GOGGLES IS YOUR KEY TO SURVIVAL, YOU DON'T HAVE TO HIDE IT.

OH WELL, I'M BORED WITH FUCKING YOU UP. LATER, BITCH.

[CircularAnswer]

*The St. Paul PBS station, 1 P.M. Time for Dr. Thrilla and Cecil's Cookarama show. The doctor is wearing an apron with the words "I Love Children, They Go Good With Brie" on it.*

Dr. Thrilla: *metal clanging*

Cecil: The doctor says that Spacedick should shut his pisshole before he suffers the same fate as Silacone M. Plants.

Dr. Thrilla: *metal clanging*

Cecil: And before you even say it, he has no intention of using his teeth to do it.

Dr. Thrilla: *metal clanging*

Cecil: Now, the doctor says that today we will be cooking Southern-style catfish with a mixed green side salad.

*Few things in this world are as disturbing as Dr. Thrilla's attempts at cooking, so we'll leave off here.*

[Steve Studnuts]

8========D: OH REALLY, NOW? BUT ON SECOND THOUGHT, YOU'RE PROBABLY CORRECT. YOU PROBABLY COULD MAKE ME SUFFER THE SAME FATE AS SMP... SINCE I'M JUST A LOWLY SPACEDICK AND HE'S A BOB LEGEND. I'M SURE YOU GOT PERMISSION BEFORE YOU SHAMELESSLY EMBARRASSED HIM IN YOUR FUCKED UP GALAXY WITH YOUR FAGGOT PALS... OR PERHAPS, THE GET OUT OF HELL RULE NO LONGER FUCKING APPLIES AROUND HERE. I DUNNO.

IN THE MEAN TIME, I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU IN THE EAR, DR. THRILLA... AND JIZZ SO MUCH INTO YOUR FUCKING HEAD THAT YOU GO BLIND. LOOK, IT'S WORKING ALREADY, YOU ALREADY HAVE THE RAY CHARLES SPECIAL EDITION BLIND FUCKING GUY GLASSES ON.

ENJOY, MOTHERFUCKER!

8========D~~~~~~~~

8========D: LOOK AT THAT FUCKING GRIN, I DO BELIEVE YOU LOVED EVERY SECOND OF THAT. GIVE ME A SECOND OR TWO, AND I'LL SEE IF I CAN MUSTER UP ANOTHER FUCKING BATCH OF MAN GOO.

[WaffleMan]

"You've got AtomoMail!"

To: Steve Studnuts
From: [e-mail]
CC:

Subject: Recent Boasting

Unit: Atomo has been observing your current boasting and has determined that it does not match with recorded facts.

Fact: Unit: douja has won all major titles in BOB in under one earth year.

Fact: Unit 5 defeated all BOB wrestlers in a 64 way battle royale.

Fact: Steve Studnuts was defeated in same battle royale by Unit: Mr. X.

Fact: Mr. X is a lame jobber.

Fact: This was the second time he beat Unit: Studnuts.

Fact: 'Steve Studnuts' is a stupid name.

Fact: That picture of Dr. Thrilla bears some resemblence to Richard Belzer.

Conclusion: The only possible conclusion that can be drawn from these facts is that Unit: Studnuts is simply not in the same league as Units 5 or douja.

I calculate that even a Dimension: Z foot soldier Unit such as Dr. Thrilla has a 79% chance of defeating Unit: Studnuts in one on one combat.

If Unit: Studnuts is able to defeat Unit: Thrilla in a match, then he will be on his way to being worthy of notice by champion Units. Until such time as that happens, however, rational people shall continue to view his boasting as a desperate yet pointless attempt at attention gathering.

[Steve Studnuts]

8========D: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? GANG UP ON SPACEDICK WEEK? WELL, FUCKBOT... LET ME GIVE YOUR FUCKING TIN ASS SOME FACTS, OBVIOUSLY YOUR SHITTY DATA GATHERING DEVICE HAS A VIRUS OR TWO... JUST LIKE dOUJA'S MOMMA.

FACT: dOUJA WON EVERY TITLE IN BOB BECAUSE, AS I FUCKING STATED EARLIER IF YOU WERE PAYING ANY GODDAMN ATTENTION... NOBODY ELSE WANTED THEM, ESPECIALLY THE iAd.

FACT: UNIT 5 BEAT EVERYBODY IN THE BUMBLING BORE-ALL, BECAUSE SIMPLY, WHO THE FUCK IS GOING TO THROW OUT A WASHING MACHINE? THAT WOULD INCLUDE YOUR STUPID ASS.

FACT: MR X, AT THE TIME OF STEVE STUDNUTS' QUESTIONABLE DEFEATS TO HIM, WAS A MOONLIGHTING HULK HOGAN. HOGAN HATES ANYBODY WHO IS MORE TANNED AND MUSCULAR THAN HE IS... STUDNUTS HAD NO CHOICE BUT TO TAKE THE PLUNGE. IT'S ALL POLITICS. GO AHEAD, LOOK AT THE VIDEO, YOU CAN'T TELL THAT'S HOGAN? I GUESS YOU DIDN'T KNOW WHO THE FUCK MR. AMERICA WAS EITHER, DID YOU? STUPID MARK.

FACT: IT WAS A TWO SHOW DEAL, END OF STORY. DO YOU NOW UNDERSTAND WHY YOU NEVER GET A PAYCHECK? IT'S ALL ON HOGAN, MAN....FUCKING HOGAN.

FACT: INDEED, AFTER HOGAN'S TWO SHOW DEAL, MR X DID RESUME HIS ROLE AS A FUCKING LAME JOBBER, PROBABLY PLAYED BY ALEX "NO GIMMICK" SMITH OR BIVALVE.

FACT: STEVE STUDNUTS HAS THE COOLEST FUCKING NAME IN SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT, IT JUST ROLLS OFF THE TONGUE. WELL, I'M GUESSING...SINCE I DON'T HAVE ONE. BUT ANYWAY, I SURE AS HELL WOULDN'T BE DRAWING ANY HEAT ABOUT ANYBODY ELSE'S NAME, WHEN YOU HAVE A FUCKING MONIKER LIKE ATOMO.

FACT: EVEN THOUGH I'M A SPACEDICK, I CAN SEE THE RESEMBLANCE OF RICHARD BELZER.

FACT: YOU'RE RIGHT, STEVE STUDNUTS IS NOT IN THE SAME LEAGUE AS dOUJA OR THE FUCKING WASHING MACHINE... HE IS FAR SUPERIOR. STEVE STUDNUTS IS IN HIS OWN FUCKING LEAGUE WITH TREY VINCENT AND SETH HARKER, SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT ICONS THE REST OF YOU FUCKING CURTAIN JERKERS IN BOB CAN ONLY STARE AT IN AWE. WISH TO BE. PRAY TO BE.

BUT IT'LL NEVER HAPPEN, BECAUSE YOU PEOPLE SUCK.
PARDON ME, BITCH.

(5 MINUTES LATER)

8========D: OKAY I'M BACK, I HAD TO GO FUCKING PISS. I WOULD HAVE PISSED ON HERE LIKE I ALWAYS DO, BUT I SHOWED A LITTLE RESTRAINT AND GAVE YOU A FUCKING BREAK. IF I PISSED ALL OVER YOU LIKE I WANTED, YOU'D FUCKING RUST AND RUIN THE REST OF MY FUN.

SO WHERE WERE WE? OH YEAH, YOUR SHITTY CALCULATIONS. 79%, HUH? IS DR. THRILLA OILING YOUR PROSTATE MODULE FOR YOU? IS HE PUTTING THE MOLAR WRENCH TO YOUR NUTS AND BOLT? DOES HE BLOW YOUR GASKET?

I THINK THE ANSWER IS.... ALL OF THE FUCKING ABOVE.

STEVE STUDNUTS DOES NOT BOAST. HE JUST STATES FACT. THAT'S A FACT. YOU CAN LOOK AT THE NUMBERS, THE "RESULTS" ALL YOU LIKE...THERE'S ALWAYS SOME UNDERLYING CIRCUMSTANCES THAT WILL ALWAYS HAVE THE iAd SMELLING LIKE ROSES.

AND THAT, TOO.... IS A FACT.

NOW THEN, GO FIND THE SCARECROW AND THAT FUCKING LION AND SKIP ON DOWN THE FUCKING YELLOW BRICK ROAD. SEE YA LATER...

[CircularAnswer]

*Somewhere in the world, Mr. Paradox and a small army of men in black hooded cloaks are staring at a crappy 13" monitor. All of them are looking at the picture incorrectly labeled as being one of Dr. Thrilla.*

Mr. Paradox: Looks kinda like "The Beast" from Kung Fu Hustle, doesn't it?

*Every one of the hooded cloaks nod.*

[Steve Studnuts]

8========D: HELLO AGAIN, YOU FUCKWADS. YA KNOW, FOR THE LAST FIVE DAYS I'VE BEEN TRYING TO FIGURE OUT A WAY TO GET TO THE FUCKING THEATER TO SEE IF THAT PICTURE OF DR. THRILLA DOES INDEED LOOK LIKE "THE BEAST" FROM KUNG FU HUSTLE.

UNFORTUNATELY, I'M HAVING A HARD (NO PUN INTENDED) TIME OF ACCOMPLISHING THAT FEAT. I'M SPACEDICK... IT'S NOT LIKE I CAN JUST STROLL ON DOWN TO THE GODDAMN CINEPLEX WHENEVER THE FUCK I FEEL LIKE IT, SO I'LL HAVE TO TAKE YOUR WORD FOR IT, MR. PARADOX. I'M ALSO HAVING A HARD (AGAIN, NO PUN) TIME TRYING TO BELIEVE ANY FUCKING THING YOU SAY.

I DON'T TRUST YOU, AND I KNOW STEVE STUDNUTS DOESN'T, EITHER. HELL, YOUR HANDLER WON'T EVEN RETURN HIS HANDLER'S EMAILS. WHAT'S THAT ALL ABOUT? ARE YOU THAT FUCKING SCARED OF STEVE STUDNUTS? I'M SURE YOU ARE, SINCE STEVE IS A MODERN DAY MUSCLE GOD WITH MORE WRESTLING SKILLS IN HIS BALLSACK THAN YOU WILL EVER HAVE IN YOUR ENTIRE FUCKING BODY... AND YOU LOOK LIKE A POOR MAN'S ED NORTON TO BOOT.

ON A SIDE NOTE TOTALLY OFF THIS SUBJECT, I'M WONDERING WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO THAT FUCKING LAME ASS sWo? THOSE GUYS WERE PRETTY FUCKED UP...KINDA IN THE SAME FUCKED UP CATEGORY OF FUCKED UP GUYS LIKE NEIGE 13. YEAH, I USED THE NUMBER 13 INSTEAD OF WRITING IT OUT LIKE THIRTEEN, MOTHERFUCKER. WHATCHA GONNA DO?

ANYWAY, DID THE sWo GUY FINALLY FUCKING SNAP BECAUSE HE COULDN'T RUN THE WHOLE GODDAMN PROMOTION OR WHAT? I WAS VACATIONING IN CANCUN DURING ALL THAT SHIT AND I KINDA LOST TRACK. DRUNK COLLEGE BITCHES WITHOUT A CARE IN THE WORLD AND A PENCHANT TO THROW THEIR PUSSIES AROUND LIKE HERSHEY'S KISSES AT A CHRISTMAS PARADE TEND TO KEEP YOU SOLELY FOCUSED ON THEM. CAN YOU BLAME ME?

I WONT EVEN GO INTO THE TIME I SPENT AT MARDI GRAS...BUT I CAN ASSURE YOU IT WAS MORE OF THE FUCKING SAME THING. I'LL ADMIT IT WAS DIFFICULT FOR ME TO THROW BEADS AT FIRST, BUT I DID DEVELOPE A WAY TO SLING THE HELL OUT OF THEM. NOT VERY ACCURATE, HOWEVER.

IN CLOSING, PUT THE GODDAMN LIME IN THE COKE ALREADY, YOU FUCKING NUT. I'M SICK OF THAT COMMERCIAL ALREADY.

[CircularAnswer]

*WARNING! KAYFABE IS ABOUT TO BE BROKEN!*

*CircularAnswer himself, with a long beard and broken shackles on his wrists, stands at a microphone.*

CA: I don't have long, so I'll answer your questions quick.

I haven't replied to the handler's mail because frankly, I don't know what to say.

And as for the sWo, they and their handler were fired simultaneously due to lack of focus.

: There he is!

CA: Shit!

*And he runs, pursued by men in white coats.*