Just in case --
jackhoff69.proboards.com/Hope we can work together again, one day.
<3
~ $hane
"Why is it that a raven is like a writing desk?
The Truth is... while the raven soars...
... the desk allows one's imagination to do the same."
~ Lewis Carrol... as answered by me.
But of course... it's only an opinion."The vision must be followed by the venture.
It is not enough to stare up the steps -
we must step up the stairs." ~ Vance Havner"I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood-- and I?
I took the one less traveled by.
And that has made all the difference."- Robert Frost"I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down..."~ Richard Ashcroft"...i could really use a wish right now..."~ Hayley Williams["Orange Pants In Jail" grumbles into life over the PA.]MS: Heavens to Betsy! Why is BIGBOSS on his WAY out here?
SW: Ego. Pure ego.
NH: I’d stroke his any time.
SW: You’d stroke his what?
NH: His ego, pig.
SW: Sure, Heidi. Whatever.
BigBOSS: Hello. Shill, get lost.
MS: THIS IS THE GREATEST ANNOUNCER REPLACEMENT IN CHLOROFORM HISTORY!
SW: That was just plain sad...
BigBOSS: Just give me the headset, underling...
MA: Ladies and gentlemen. This is your SMC main event. It is a 10-man tag team elimination match. The winning team will compete in a six-person Iron Man Match on the next Sunday Morning Chloroform! ... (Looks around at the non-reaction of the crowd.) Right then.
["Woke Up This Morning" by A3 hits the speakers.]
MA: Introducing first. From the general vicinity of New Jersey. At a combined weight of Rosie O’Donnell’s head, The Pussy, BVD, Albert DeSalvo, Mr. X and BILL...the JEWS!
BB: Whoa, whoa, whoa, who in the heck is this?
SW: Who's who?
[The camera cuts to the Flimsy Announce Desk, where two 'invaders' have arrived.]
NH: There are only about 25 people in the room. You can't figure it out?
BB: Security? Oh right, I couldn't afford them. What is the meaning of this?
Hack: Well let me tell ya somethin' Mean Gene!
Triple S: Hack, settle down, we left Okerlund's burger joint an hour ago...
BB: I know where YOU guys are from. You're from that place! In that state over up down there.
Triple S: Hey, hey, hey, I'll be the one askin' the questions. I'm the MANG-AH!!!
Double Gay: He asked a question???
Triple S: Are you questioning me, b!tch?
Double Gay: Hey, listen up Slappy. I may not have made it big in the WWWWWWWWWF like you, but at least I had the sense to knock out Japan before I fell for her transexual sex tricks!
Triple S: HEY! That was a one night stand! She was strictly my bodyguard... after that...
Hack: WHATCHA GONNA DO BROTHER?! Whatcha gonna do, when these 79 inch pythons run rampant...on...YOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUU?!!?!?!??!?!
Triple S: And besides, the only reason you never had Japan rooming in your motel suite, is because you're GAY!!!
Double Gay: GAY!!!
Triple S: ... Yeah, that's what I said...
Hack: PASTAMANIA'S RUNNIN' WILD!!!
SW: Pastamania? Gay? Whatcha? This all seems vaguely familiar...
BB: I don't know who sent you here, but let me tell you boys something. A little bit of manners goes a long way in MY federation. That and bribes. So why are you interrupting the main event?
Triple S: HEY!!! I will b!tch slap the taste out of your mouth if you don't quiet down! And as for you!!!
Double Gay: Yeah... yeah, I want one with extra sloppy cheese and mayo... oo, and add a couple bell peppers filled with oragano.
Triple S: WHY ARE YOU ODERING PIZZA WHEN THE MANG-AH IS SPEAKING!!!
Double Gay: Hold on Jim, Simpson's on my @ss again. *click* Ok, What are we doing again?
Hack: Yo, dude, what was the purpose of coming out here in the first place?
Triple S: Are you two questioning me?
Both: No! Of course not!
Triple S: Damnit, I've had enough of this. I'm getting bored as hell watching this sorry excuse for a wrestling show without seeing my face, or my wife's beautiful @ss, so THERE. There's your reason. Now excuse me while I go address the crowd... Gay, Hack...
Gay: Yo Jim, ya there?
[Trips snatches the phone and throws it into the crowd... or... where there SHOULD be a crowd...]
Triple S: Are you two coming or not?
Hack: Well...
Gay: Ugm...
Triple S: Allow me to rephrase that. Are you coming, or do I have to get Vince on the phone?
Both: OH GOD NO!!! WE'RE COMING, WE'RE COMING!!!
SW: These guys sure do talk a lot.
BB: Yes, yes they do. Well, if they talk this much, it's less booking to do. So, I'll let them speak. It's on their dime though.
NH: But what about the main event? Why don't you sick the JEWS on them?
BB: Hey, how about a little less suggesting and a little more shut the heck up?
SW: You tell 'er, BigB! You ain't here for the talking, baby.
NH: Yep. I've got the body. Though I don't know why in the hell YOU'RE here, Scotty.
SW: You think I know why I'm here?
NH: Alright. So. Is this like, an invasion or something?
BB: I guess so. I always feared this day would come. At least it's not those STWF losers! Ha! I put them out of business, you know.
SW: Gee, BigB. It looks like this group...the something World order is getting a little pissed at you.
BB: Does it?
SW: Yeah. Now we're blabbering on and on.
BB: (Looks at his watch) Blah blah blah. OK. Back to the sWo.
[The camera immediately begins to flicker black and white, static filtering through and covering the entire screen, as horizontal lines cascade downward like a waterfall. "Kill the Dragon" by DIO hits on the speakers, mixed up with random shoutings of things such as "WE ARE IN CONTROL!!!", "THE GREATEST ICONS IN WRESTLING!!!", and "CHER'S GREATEST HITS, NOW AT A WAL-MART BARGAIN SHOPPING CART NEAR YOU!!!"]
[Triple S, GG, and Hack take off the sets, and pose to the... 1... 2... 3... hold on, let me get my other hand... Triple S is the first to the apron, staring out across the crowd in his Darmani suit and ruby-tinted shades... as Hack stands on one side, and Gay the other. SSS lifts both arms to the air, and- OH MY GOD!!! Did you see that?! Of course you didn't, you're reading this for Christ Sake's... He spit water into the air... without a water bottle in sight!!!]
SW: I hear--
NH: Scotty, don't even go for the obvious Nurse Heidi swallows joke here...
[Trips steps through the middle rope, before meeting up with BVD.]
BVD: Dooooooooooooooooo-
BB: PETICURE!!!
NH: Yeah, I do kinda need one, don’t I?
BB: No, no, Triple S just hit a Peticure to BVD. And he's out baby, like a light!
SW: How do you know the name of his finisher? Something smells fishy. Besides Heidi.
NH: Shut up.
SW: Nice comeback. If you’re a kindergartner, I suppose. Or a nurse.
NH: Whatever. BILL hits the ring. IN comes Mr. X. In comes Pussy...
SW: Bwahahaha. Pussy just slid in. The Pussy must be wet!
BB: Scotty. Don’t get us thrown off the air. The three men storm toward the other three men... BIG BOOT! BIG BOOT!! BY GAWD, BIG BOOT!!!
SW: Who are you, the Commentator now?
BB: Oops. Must have forgot to re-edit this bit. *Ahem* One man just took out all three jobbers with a single boot!
[The man stands at approximately 6'7. Long dark brown hair, brown goatee, and white shirt with a black logo... with three letters...
s
W
o.]
NH: The tall
Frog 1: Out.
Frog 2: Si.
Frog 3: Der.
SW: What the HELL was that?
BB: Lawsuit protection.
SW: Ahh. Wait a second...how’d you know there could a lawsuit tonight?
BB: Uhh. Look! The floor!
NH: The big man picks up the Pussy, and sticks the Pussy between his legs.
SW: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA~!
NH: *Sigh* He then heaves up the Pussy, and BAM! Pussy is slammed to the mat. The Pussy hit hard and fast with that one.
SW: MWAHAHAHA! Oh, I LOVE PUSSY!
BB: The big man turns toward DeSalvo.
SW: I don’t think he’s ever had a prostitute that tall. He seems a bit unsure what to do. DeSalvo backing up.
BB: Right into a reverse tornado DDT. What is this now?
SW: I don’t know. A man in clown makeup and a bright and shiny red nose just laid out DeSalvo. Imagine how much he’d have to drink to get his nose THAT red.
NH: That’s a fake nose.
SW: Really? It looks so good. I have got to get his doctor’s name.
BB: So, now we have Double Gay, Hack, a tall man, a man in clown makeup, and Triple S. This could mean only one thing.
SW: Main event overkill. The bookers are at it again!
[Triple S smiles wickedly, before grabbing a microphone from the outside. He lifts it to his mouth... eyeing the crowd, savoring the jeers and catcalls... although those may be more for the Pussy...)
Triple S: Ladies and gentlemen... what you see here, these bodies... these corpses of wrestling WASTE... are but a sampling... a sip. Of the feast of destruction about to take place. We are the truth behind the veil in this business... the men who know about one thing, and one thing only. Winning.
Triple S: We don't fight for the fans, but we'll kindly take every last penny, nickel, and dime these empty-headed garbage collectors and cubicle warts have to shell out.
SW: That sounds like you, BigBOSS.
BB: It does, doesn't it?
Triple S: We live for the cash flow, and breath for the victory. And when we don't win... you can bet your @ss someone's headed for unemployment line. Anyone who even DARES to take a pinfall at our expense... will be dealt with accordingly. Whether it be backstage... at their home... or in a multi-million dollar court settlement.
SW: They do realize this is BOB, right? You won't see a million bucks in this fed over multiple lifetimes.
Triple S: There are men... men like BVD, men like Hooker T, men like... Massive Man Rendition First. That think if they stick it through, and give these mindless drones out in the crowd what they want, that some day, some way, that they'll have their time in the sunlight. Well, keep dreaming boys. Cuz the more you think about that day, the deeper you sink into the hole men like Double Gay, men like Hack, men like Slash, and kings like ME are burying you under!!! Which brings me... To Big Boss. (He points out to the announce position, and the owner of the company.)
Triple S: You know Biggie, I have contacts. And I bet I could have a certain man by the name of... Vince. Kicking down your door at the drop of a hat.
BB: Russo? God, that's low...
SW: Russo is the only guy who could successfully kill BOB, BOSS...
BB: I know, damnit, I know.
Triple S: After all the gimmicks you've stolen from him... all the storylines you KNEW he had thought of first... Well, let's just say your @ss could be sued, just, like, THAT. But no... that's not the direction I'm headed... Because you see... Why sue in his name... When you can bring the man right to this very arena. So... Ladies and gentlemen... Allow me to introduce the seventh, and most integral part of the sWo...The co-leader, alongside my man Reeve...Vince...
[The cameras suddenly go to black and white once more. A resounding thud begins to play repeatedly before kicking into Black Sabbath's "Iron Man." "I Heart NY" is shown on the Tron. And the lights are dimmed remarkably. Smoke filters up from the stage, before the music increases volume and a shadowed figure emerges from the curtain.]
BB: Oh. My. God. Vince is in BOB.
SW: Finally. Heidi, get ready to take that top off and roll around in yogurt.
[The figure picks up a mic, and begins to speak...But about 75% of his words are bleeped out. But his last words, can be heard as clear as crystal...
VR: BigBOSS... prepare for war. Arquette's on his way as we speak...
[Fade to black.]
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© 2004 BOB Wrestling! Losing the ratings battle to infomercials each and every morning.
