Post by Dr. Silaconne M. Plants on Apr 13, 2009 18:40:01 GMT -5
[Dr. Silaconne M. Plants is seen in a hospital room, at his bedside is Nurse Heidi who despite being in nursing gear, is off-duty. Dr. Plants seems to be in relative good spirits after nearly choking on a scallop recently.]
SMP: I’m good as new. I wish I could call Death to come pick me up, but he's been busy with that Italy earthquake and all.
NH: Oh yeah, I heard about that. Your family okay?
SMP: Not a scratch. Us Plants are tough like that.
NH: (while disgustedly looking at SMP’s 1200 calorie ADA diet posing as “supper”.) You must be tough. How can you eat that? Are you sure you’re feeling better?
SMP: Never better. I am the ONLY WORLD CHAMPION THAT MATTERS and the 2009 MARCH MAYHEM CHAMPION after all. I should be the eWmania champion since I beat the hell out of Sam, Sam the Dancing Yam during the tournament. In fact, I think I made him retire. Just like I will Sarah if Jerri doesn’t.
NH: Oh really? Sarah just cut a promo, you know?
SMP: So? Talking only means something if you can back it up, like I did for Mayhem, I talked it, I walked it. I must be the greatest of all times.
NH: Well, you should hear this then, I DVRed it.
[Sarah’s tiny image appears on Heidi’s portable DVD player:]
"Sir Zeno. Death. And Dr. Silaconne M. Plants makes three."
[After the “divorce” shenanigans fast-fowarded, Trey Vincent’s tiny image appears on the screen. This is not to say his tiny penis means the same as tiny image.]
"Sarah, if anybody knows how to get you to the pinnacle, it's Trey Vincent. And let's face it. Without me, you wouldn't be a two-time former ONLY WORLD CHAMPION THAT MATTERS. Plenty of the boys in the back never wanted a chick to hold the top title. SMP is probably right at the top of the list."
SMP: That prick! He wasn’t supposed to tell THAT!
NH: You’re a sexist pig.
"Yeah. The odds of him falling asleep mid-match are pretty good. I'll have to make sure to tell production to put on some James Varga promos in the background while your match is going on."
SMP: Trey is playing dirty! I mean, James Varga promos? That’s beyond competitive spirit! What’s his angle in all this?
"Hey, can I borrow a quarter?"
"Sure. What for?"
"Umm…" "I'll be honest with you. I want SMP's nose trimmer."
SMP: WHAT?! A quarter? That unimaginable bastard…that's made of gold and has diamonds on it!
"Look. Let's bottom line this. Sarah, I believe in you, and I've believed in your since I laid eyes on your hot, hot ass back in 2002. You can beat SMP. You can totally fuck up our plans for Gluttons for Punishment 2. I don't care. I'll have a four-way steel cage loser leaves BOB quadruple ladder match between you, Jerri, Kobe and SMP if you win the OWTTM on iMPLOSION. We'll have three contracts and the OWTTM hanging over the ring. It's that simple. I'm the Executive Producer, and I can do whatever I want."
SMP: Heidi? What the hell is going on here? Would Trey sell me out for another round with Sarah?
NH: Looks like it, she is single again.
SMP: I thought she was doing The Great.
NH: Isn’t everybody?
SMP: Umm, no? (SMP takes a drink of his supper accompanied orange juice.)
"That was kinda sweet, Trey. Thanks. At iMPLOSION 20, SMP go job. You've already lost your money and your health. Only one thing left to lose. MY TITLE. Retire? Me? I'm not going anywhere."
SMP: (spitting out his orange juice.) WHAT?! YOUR TITLE? And people think I’M insane? Sarah, you stupid, stupid little girl… I’VE ALREADY BEATEN YOU!
[Heidi gives the Doc a strange look.]
SMP: Don’t look at me like that! At March Mayhem, I beat 64 other people! Sarah was in the tournament, and she DIDN’T win! That’s right, I, SMP, beat the guy that beat the guy that beat the guy that beat Sarah. I’m the greatest! Two time champion? HA! I defeated TWO two-time ONLY WORLD CHAMPIONS THAT MATTERED IN less than two weeks! Billy Polar was in that tournament as well, and I beat whomever it was that beat whomever it was that beat him. I beat everybody! I’m the greatest wrestler alive!
SARAH! You’re just another name on the list, with supposedly a nicer ass than most. I don’t care if you have Trey in your corner, or The Great, who is probably wanting to get in my business since it’s obvious, considering the circumstances of GFP2, it’s unlikely he’ll come out of that still ½ the tag champs and is presumably your side action. Whoever you get, it makes no difference.
I’m the greatest professional wrestler of all time! Do you know I once held three titles simultaneously in three different promotions? At the same time!
NH: You said simultaneously already…
SMP: Sarah, you’re a former two time ONLY WORLD CHAMPION THAT MATTERS, all that means to me is that you’ve lost it TWICE. I haven’t lost it at all, even after defending it against SIXTY FOUR challengers in three weekends! I’m the toughest man ever, I’m eating this hospital food and I’m not even puking my guts out…
NH: I’m sure you won’t be able to make that claim after you see Axl’s latest stip if you beat him. Well, one ill advised one. I already puked when I saw the part about him marrying me if he won. But if you won, well…
SMP: What, did that homo say something like he’d suck my scalpel?
NH: Yeah, something like that…
SMP: Whatever, that loser ain’t even on my radar…
NH: Don’t you mean gaydar?
SMP: I’m not worried about Axl, he’s still on the pre-intermission side of the card. Sarah, you’re going down. And THEN, at Gluttons for Punishment 2, Kobe Gyant… I hope you’re a glutton for punishment, because son…PUNISHMENT… you’re going to GET IT, GOT IT? GOOD!
[Fade out on SMP getting out of bed and going AMA. Yeah, look AMA up.]
SMP: I’m good as new. I wish I could call Death to come pick me up, but he's been busy with that Italy earthquake and all.
NH: Oh yeah, I heard about that. Your family okay?
SMP: Not a scratch. Us Plants are tough like that.
NH: (while disgustedly looking at SMP’s 1200 calorie ADA diet posing as “supper”.) You must be tough. How can you eat that? Are you sure you’re feeling better?
SMP: Never better. I am the ONLY WORLD CHAMPION THAT MATTERS and the 2009 MARCH MAYHEM CHAMPION after all. I should be the eWmania champion since I beat the hell out of Sam, Sam the Dancing Yam during the tournament. In fact, I think I made him retire. Just like I will Sarah if Jerri doesn’t.
NH: Oh really? Sarah just cut a promo, you know?
SMP: So? Talking only means something if you can back it up, like I did for Mayhem, I talked it, I walked it. I must be the greatest of all times.
NH: Well, you should hear this then, I DVRed it.
[Sarah’s tiny image appears on Heidi’s portable DVD player:]
"Sir Zeno. Death. And Dr. Silaconne M. Plants makes three."
[After the “divorce” shenanigans fast-fowarded, Trey Vincent’s tiny image appears on the screen. This is not to say his tiny penis means the same as tiny image.]
"Sarah, if anybody knows how to get you to the pinnacle, it's Trey Vincent. And let's face it. Without me, you wouldn't be a two-time former ONLY WORLD CHAMPION THAT MATTERS. Plenty of the boys in the back never wanted a chick to hold the top title. SMP is probably right at the top of the list."
SMP: That prick! He wasn’t supposed to tell THAT!
NH: You’re a sexist pig.
"Yeah. The odds of him falling asleep mid-match are pretty good. I'll have to make sure to tell production to put on some James Varga promos in the background while your match is going on."
SMP: Trey is playing dirty! I mean, James Varga promos? That’s beyond competitive spirit! What’s his angle in all this?
"Hey, can I borrow a quarter?"
"Sure. What for?"
"Umm…" "I'll be honest with you. I want SMP's nose trimmer."
SMP: WHAT?! A quarter? That unimaginable bastard…that's made of gold and has diamonds on it!
"Look. Let's bottom line this. Sarah, I believe in you, and I've believed in your since I laid eyes on your hot, hot ass back in 2002. You can beat SMP. You can totally fuck up our plans for Gluttons for Punishment 2. I don't care. I'll have a four-way steel cage loser leaves BOB quadruple ladder match between you, Jerri, Kobe and SMP if you win the OWTTM on iMPLOSION. We'll have three contracts and the OWTTM hanging over the ring. It's that simple. I'm the Executive Producer, and I can do whatever I want."
SMP: Heidi? What the hell is going on here? Would Trey sell me out for another round with Sarah?
NH: Looks like it, she is single again.
SMP: I thought she was doing The Great.
NH: Isn’t everybody?
SMP: Umm, no? (SMP takes a drink of his supper accompanied orange juice.)
"That was kinda sweet, Trey. Thanks. At iMPLOSION 20, SMP go job. You've already lost your money and your health. Only one thing left to lose. MY TITLE. Retire? Me? I'm not going anywhere."
SMP: (spitting out his orange juice.) WHAT?! YOUR TITLE? And people think I’M insane? Sarah, you stupid, stupid little girl… I’VE ALREADY BEATEN YOU!
[Heidi gives the Doc a strange look.]
SMP: Don’t look at me like that! At March Mayhem, I beat 64 other people! Sarah was in the tournament, and she DIDN’T win! That’s right, I, SMP, beat the guy that beat the guy that beat the guy that beat Sarah. I’m the greatest! Two time champion? HA! I defeated TWO two-time ONLY WORLD CHAMPIONS THAT MATTERED IN less than two weeks! Billy Polar was in that tournament as well, and I beat whomever it was that beat whomever it was that beat him. I beat everybody! I’m the greatest wrestler alive!
SARAH! You’re just another name on the list, with supposedly a nicer ass than most. I don’t care if you have Trey in your corner, or The Great, who is probably wanting to get in my business since it’s obvious, considering the circumstances of GFP2, it’s unlikely he’ll come out of that still ½ the tag champs and is presumably your side action. Whoever you get, it makes no difference.
I’m the greatest professional wrestler of all time! Do you know I once held three titles simultaneously in three different promotions? At the same time!
NH: You said simultaneously already…
SMP: Sarah, you’re a former two time ONLY WORLD CHAMPION THAT MATTERS, all that means to me is that you’ve lost it TWICE. I haven’t lost it at all, even after defending it against SIXTY FOUR challengers in three weekends! I’m the toughest man ever, I’m eating this hospital food and I’m not even puking my guts out…
NH: I’m sure you won’t be able to make that claim after you see Axl’s latest stip if you beat him. Well, one ill advised one. I already puked when I saw the part about him marrying me if he won. But if you won, well…
SMP: What, did that homo say something like he’d suck my scalpel?
NH: Yeah, something like that…
SMP: Whatever, that loser ain’t even on my radar…
NH: Don’t you mean gaydar?
SMP: I’m not worried about Axl, he’s still on the pre-intermission side of the card. Sarah, you’re going down. And THEN, at Gluttons for Punishment 2, Kobe Gyant… I hope you’re a glutton for punishment, because son…PUNISHMENT… you’re going to GET IT, GOT IT? GOOD!
[Fade out on SMP getting out of bed and going AMA. Yeah, look AMA up.]