June 26: Duckwater, Nevada

[John Leary]

UPDATED JULY 6

This topic will be locked on July 10. If you want to contribute to this show, reply with your RPs, segments, interviews, or match highlights. Winners will be announced in an upcoming Webisode.

1. DEATH MATCH TOURNAMENT MATCH 1: Jerri Li vs. Necro Grocer
2. DEATH MATCH TOURNAMENT MATCH 2: Hippo vs. Brandon "Bitch Smacker"
3. DEATH MATCH TOURNAMENT MATCH 3: Dancing Yam vs. Death
4. DEATH MATCH TOURNAMENT MATCH 4: Hamster Girl vs. Pigeon
5. DEATH MATCH TOURNAMENT MATCH 5: Jerri Li vs. Hippo
6. DEATH MATCH TOURNAMENT MATCH 6: Dancing Yam vs. Hamster Girl
7. Kobe Gyant vs. Dr. Silaconne M. Plants (Match 4 of Best of 7 Series to Crown a New ONLY WORLD CHAMPION THAT MATTERS)
8. DEATH MATCH TOURNAMENT FINALE: Dancing Yam vs. Hippo

[@xL]

[Scene opens to a cemetary.]



[It has a dark, broodishly brooding brooder sitting on one of its gravestones.]

[... Oh, yeah, pretty normal actually.]

[Well, this particular "dark" character is Pigeon. Pigeon is stooped here in the graveyard of Sinister City, with no Axl around. Pigeon stares straight ahead... into the murky, foggy night... chowing down on a handful of bird seed. His legs are crossed upon the stone... the sounds of EVIIIL calling in the distance.]

[Pigeon polishes off the seed, and licks the palms of his hand... before looking into the camera's lens.]

Pigeon: The seed... a bird's savory sustinence. I crave it... I feed on it... I like it with Boom Boom Quaker Barbie-Cue Saush!

Pigeon: Fellow travelers... I have good news. And no, it doesn't involve saving quantities of cash by switching to an automotive insurance company. You see, the Bird of Prey has just returned from a soul journey to sign his chicken scratch on the dotted line. And now? I am headed for three days time removed from this second in time... and at THAT time? I shall compete in what could very well be the most important night in the history of my career's existence.

Pigeon: I will be involved in BOB's Brutal, Bloody Death Match Tournament... of DEATH!!! And there is but one other individual already involved... and he is, of course... DEATH!!!

Pigeon: Right now, I challenge Death to a first round match. What kind of match you ask? Well, I can't hear you through your tv screen, so I'll just assume you asked. It will be... the first ever...

Cuckoo ClockWork Orangutan Krusty's Fun House of Fun Match!!!

The rules are simple ; only pinfalls count, but they count ANYWHERE in the building. A cage wall will be stood up on one side of the ring, with weapons of all sorts attached... only the weapons will all have one common thread which bonds them together like the duct tape I wish Jerri Li would strap around my wrists and ankles and whip my ass, and ... er, uh... ANYWAY...

The weapons will all be deadly devices of DEATH... And other such things associated with DEATH! Knives, guns, needles, dead hamsters... EVERYTHING! Throw in some headstones, some dead flowers, some oxygen tanks and shrunken heads, and you've got BOB's very first REAL Death Match!

Pigeon: Death... if you got the SKULLS, you'll step into the ring at the next In Your Gym, and you'll face me in the first round... because if not? It's because of one reason and one reason alone ;

YOU KNOW YOU'LL LOSE!!!

You won't just lose... you'll DIE!!!

[But, uh... he's already dead?]

Pigeon: ... SILENCE!

After he disposes of the skeletal one, the Bird of Prey will move on to the next round, in the same show, on the same night, and I'll continue advancing till the main event, where I WILL become the NEW Hardcore champion!!!

Pigeon: There's nothing that can stand in my way... NOTHING!

Quoth the Pigeon...

...

... I can't think of anything.

...

| coo |

[jerri]

[Jerri Li, who still misses Scatman after his demise, is playing one of his favorite pranks on the neighborhood kids… selling glasses of boiling water at a lemonade stand.]

Jerri: It’s just no fun without Scatman pointing and laughing.



Jerri: Not even telling them shards of broken glass are ice cubes is making me laugh now.

[Jerri stands and kicks the lemonade stand until it is nothing more than a flat pile of cardboard and wood. We take some artistic liberties as we show a close up of Jerri’s face tilting to the side of the screen as it becomes blurry.]



Scatman: Let’s go sneeze on the salad bar!

Scatman: Let’s stretch a condom over his exhaust pipe!

Scatman: Let’s go vomit in the pool!

Scatman: Hey Jerri, wanna play strip monopoly?

[Clive wipes the vaseline off the camera as we fade back to Jerri. As she remembers her fallen friend tears begin to well up in her eyes.]

Chingachgook: Jerri?

[Chingachgook sees Jerri starting to cry as he’s taking out the trash. He walks up to her and gives her a hug.]

Jerri: Scatman’s gone! Who am I going to have puking competitions with now?

[He squeezes her tighter.]

Chingachgook: Please don’t cry Jerri. I signed you up for a Deathmatch tournament at the next BOB house show. You can let off some steam that way. You still love hurting people, right?

Jerri: Did Xing sign up?

Chingachgook: I think she’s more of a nightsticks and ninja stars kinda girl, chairs and tables’ll just confuse her.

Jerri: Can I fight someone twice my size and get totally mutilated?

[He pats her on the back.]

Chingachgook: We’ll see.

[Sam, Sam The Dancing Yam]

[As Sam wonders through the mind field that is his creators mind, he ponders the up coming King of the Death Match Tournament.]

SSTDY - Ah, the glorious death match. In which two been beat each other into bloody pulps in a completely senseless fashion for the audience's pleasure. Nothing can match the death and destruction that shall commence, once all of BOB's wrestlers and their families have signed waivers absolving Brawlers on a Budget of all blame. There will be havock, hell and copious amounts of Hawaiian Pizza's.

[Before he can continue, he is forced to dodge a series of naked pictures of Vanessa Hudgens, the dodgy Miley Cyrus photos, and a couple of misc. porn photos. Sam can't help but stare at the photo's as the continue on their journey.]

SSTDY - I sometimes wonder what goes on his mind sometimes. It can be almost as bad as sitting through an @xl roleplay. And considering how bad they are, that's saying something.

[Looking upon the landscape of Sam's creators mind. It is that of a sandy town with memory fragments, thoughts and other such crazy thinks scattered round.]

SSTDY - It's all rather disturbing really. And anyways, weren't we talking about Death matches?

[Well, yes. But I didn't want this to be all talk.]

SSTDY - As I was saying, in this style of match, anything and everything can happen, so I will take it upon myself to beat @xl the cr@p into a bleeding and battered side of Ham & Toast...

[hippo]

We fade in on a scene of overstated elegance, The flickering of candle light from gracefull chandeliers. A crisp white linen tablecloth plays the perfect canvas to collage of Wedgewood china, Waterford crystal and stearling silver flatware (Two spoons, three knives and four forks. And no ... I have no idea what they are all for.) In the background a piano (Not the toy kind this time) plays Hungatian Rhapsody No.2 by Franz List.



As we look around we see a snooty looking man wearing a tuxedo and an almost drawn on pensil thin mustache enter the room carrying two gold tassled menus with his nose in the air like he just stepped in a poopie.

Maître d' : I do Hope this table is to your liking ... Mr. Love.

Walking up from behind us is Harvey the Hardcore Hippo wearing a top hat and tails. (A.K.A : Treacherous Hippo Love or T.H.Love)

Hippo : Not too shabby. Though it IS a bit crowded.

The Maître d' snaps his fingers and a score of bussboys and waiters rush in and remove the surrounding tables.

Maître d' : Will there be anything else ... sir?

Hippo : For what I paid you will use a capital S when you address me!

. . .

Maître d' : Sigh ... Will there be anything else ... Sir?

Hippo : No that should be all.

Voice : Aren't you forgetting something Boss?

Looking around we see Shorty O'Red step out from behind Harvey. He's wearing a suit ... sort of. (Well, it's a Pimp Suit in leopard print with a purple bow tie and a matching pimp hat. But it IS a suit.)

Hippo : Oh ... yeah. Garçon ... if you could get my associate appropriate seating.

Maître d' : Very good ... Sir.

With a snap of his fingers another bussboy rushes in with one of those grey plastic high seats normally only seen in fast food restraunts. In fact, as he is setting it in place we catch a glimpse of a big yellow M on the back.

Shorty climbs up into his chair as the wine steward comes around with a bottle. After pouring a sample in Hippo and Kid Pimp's glasses they each take a taste.

Shorty : This shit is pretty good, Boss!

Hippo: Yes, actually, it is. Tell me my man. Is this wine Kosher?

Wine Guy : Um, I'm not sure. I think so.

Harvey looks Shocked.

Hippo: You think so? You THINK so? Just ... Take it away and bring me a bring me a Water! Oi Vey!

As the steward, looking confused, walks away. Hippo reaches into his suit coat and pulls out a flask labled Manichevitz. Shorty does the same except his says Wild Irish Rose. They both unscrew their bottles and take a swig. After a few moments one of the waiters comes to the table. Harvey orders for both of them though the waiter looks like he wants to argue with the choices. But the Customer is ALWAYs right so he bites his tongue. When he leaves Shorty takes out his fortified wine and has another swig.

Shorty : So Boss? Do you have any plans for this tournament ... I mean besides the usual mayhem?

Hippo : Actually, yes, I do. I'm gonna trounce them. But t do that I need to get into the right frame of mind so I am ordering food appropriate to each of them.

Licking his lips, Kid Pimp grins and grabs a fork and knife.

Shorty: So Boss, Whats on this Hardcore menu.

Hippo : First for appetizers we are starting with Hôt vît lôn and Bun Cha Gio ... That's Boiled Fertilized Duck Eggs and Deep Fried spring rolls. I figure something Vietnamese will be appropriate for starters. Then once that is polished off I was considering a salad of micro greens and julianned Yam.

Shorty: Mmmm, Sweet!! Potato that is.

Harvey laughs and nods.

Then for the main course I was thinking Roast Squab. That's French for Pidgeon, by the way.

Shorty : Sounds Yummy, what is for Desert?

Hippo licks his lips and grins.

Hippo: Oh ... Desert is very special. Death By chocolate Ice Cream.

Shorty: Sounds GREAT!!

As the waiter brings a large try we fade to hardcore Feasting.

[John Leary]

Note to self: Axl fired here.