Post by Kevin the Pyromaniac on Sept 28, 2007 10:36:38 GMT -5
[We open to a banner with 'Happy Birthday Benny!' written in bright neon letters with clown face balloons tied to it. We cut to Kevin with his back right up against the screen. He slowly walks away to a cowboy design ashtray and puts out his cigarette. 'Viva Las Vegas' is playing on the stereo system.]
Mrs. Flanagan: Hello Kevin, did you bring Benny a birthday present?
[Kevin hands her a venus fly trap.]
Mrs. Flanagan: Oh, how... lovely.
Kevin: I figured everyone hates flies, but I bet he'll be jamming toy cars in there before that even occurs to him.
[Mrs. Flanagan gives him a cold stare right in the eyes.]
Mrs. Flanagan: Well, Benny's in the next room opening his other presents with the rest of the kids. Why don't you go join them and give him that.
Kevin: Will do.
[In the next room Benny is violently tearing away the wrapping paper off of everything in front of him.]
Benny Flanagan: Cool! A Superman action figure!
Kevin: Hey, Benny, stick it in this. Lex Luthor never came up with a plan that evil.
Benny: Only Kryptonite can hurt Superman you idiot and what the hell is that thing?
[Kevin thrusts the plant in Benny's face.]
Kevin: Happy Birthday! I wanted to give you this scorpion I got caught in a mousetrap but I was told to restrain my inventive ideas. I'll show it to you if you want though.
Benny: Um, no thanks.
[Benny unwraps his next present, a pair of expensive looking sneakers.]
Benny: Neat!
Kevin: What the fuck do you want shoes for man? I would have asked for pictures of roadkill or a corkscrew to fuck about with.
Benny: Yeah, well you have pretty shitty shoes Kevin. Leave me alone and go stand at the back or something, I didn't even invite you.
Kevin: You're like a five year old.
[Kevin heads to the back of the group of kids and scratches his feet with overgrown fingernails.]
Kevin: I don't have shitty shoes.
Benny: Tekken! Thanks Frank!
[Kevin makes a mock vomiting motion and leaves the room. He walks along a hallway and goes into a bathroom. He stares at himself in the mirror.]
Kevin: Why do all the other kids like such dorky shit? Where the fuck are the rubber masks, balloon glasses and inflatable women?
[He rubs his mouth and bangs his head against the mirror until he's dizzy. He starts to turn green and runs to the toilet. Meanwhile...]
Benny: A hockey mask and skates! Thanks Mark!
Mark: Don't mention it, just make sure you don't slip and go flying on those things.
Mrs. Flanagan: Say, where'd that Kevin get to?
Benny: Probably escaped through the bathroom window. I think he just wanted to steal my presents but didn't like any of them. He kept asking me to look at a mousetrap.
[Outside, yes he did go through the window, Kevin is busy chasing a bulldog with a box of matches. And for once he doesn't job to it!]
Mrs. Flanagan: Hello Kevin, did you bring Benny a birthday present?
[Kevin hands her a venus fly trap.]
Mrs. Flanagan: Oh, how... lovely.
Kevin: I figured everyone hates flies, but I bet he'll be jamming toy cars in there before that even occurs to him.
[Mrs. Flanagan gives him a cold stare right in the eyes.]
Mrs. Flanagan: Well, Benny's in the next room opening his other presents with the rest of the kids. Why don't you go join them and give him that.
Kevin: Will do.
[In the next room Benny is violently tearing away the wrapping paper off of everything in front of him.]
Benny Flanagan: Cool! A Superman action figure!
Kevin: Hey, Benny, stick it in this. Lex Luthor never came up with a plan that evil.
Benny: Only Kryptonite can hurt Superman you idiot and what the hell is that thing?
[Kevin thrusts the plant in Benny's face.]
Kevin: Happy Birthday! I wanted to give you this scorpion I got caught in a mousetrap but I was told to restrain my inventive ideas. I'll show it to you if you want though.
Benny: Um, no thanks.
[Benny unwraps his next present, a pair of expensive looking sneakers.]
Benny: Neat!
Kevin: What the fuck do you want shoes for man? I would have asked for pictures of roadkill or a corkscrew to fuck about with.
Benny: Yeah, well you have pretty shitty shoes Kevin. Leave me alone and go stand at the back or something, I didn't even invite you.
Kevin: You're like a five year old.
[Kevin heads to the back of the group of kids and scratches his feet with overgrown fingernails.]
Kevin: I don't have shitty shoes.
Benny: Tekken! Thanks Frank!
[Kevin makes a mock vomiting motion and leaves the room. He walks along a hallway and goes into a bathroom. He stares at himself in the mirror.]
Kevin: Why do all the other kids like such dorky shit? Where the fuck are the rubber masks, balloon glasses and inflatable women?
[He rubs his mouth and bangs his head against the mirror until he's dizzy. He starts to turn green and runs to the toilet. Meanwhile...]
Benny: A hockey mask and skates! Thanks Mark!
Mark: Don't mention it, just make sure you don't slip and go flying on those things.
Mrs. Flanagan: Say, where'd that Kevin get to?
Benny: Probably escaped through the bathroom window. I think he just wanted to steal my presents but didn't like any of them. He kept asking me to look at a mousetrap.
[Outside, yes he did go through the window, Kevin is busy chasing a bulldog with a box of matches. And for once he doesn't job to it!]