"Save them from what? SAVE THEM... from what?"
"Brother Studnuts... I gather you just don't understand. You don't understand the evils perpetuated by the likes of the Reaper... vile things that soul-ess scum like Kevin the Pyromaniac and XXXTreme Machine have in store for the defenseless people of the BoB Nation."
"You don't understand... But you will."
[Scene: The backyard of the Mayor's Trailer, where the Hierarchy are standing... Jonny, Jimmy, and Joey in a row, lowered to one knee, bowing their heads.]
[The grey sky that has perpetually hovered over Nowhere ever since Axl's inception as Mayor is as present as ever. A slight mist lingers in the air... and a bolt of lightning crackles high above... slicing through the air like a blade through butter.]
[As Jon, Jim, and Joe continue to kneel, Axl finally makes his on-screen appearance... now complete with full Goth-style wardrobe, straight from the "Le Poser" Collection. Black 'Tripp' brand pants with chains dangling down the sides... A long-sleeved, flannel shirt tied around his waist... Black sandals, black fingerless gloves, and spiked bands around his wrists and throat... His nails and lips are black, and his hair - black, with hot pink streaks flowing throughout. His face is covered in the same white paint from before, with the same black streaks beneath his eyes. And his shirt... black, with the words "Momma Always Said Darkness is like a Box of Chocolates. It Brings you Further into the Clutches of an UnGodly Grip... Giving You Power UnTold... Strength UnBending... and a major ToothAche. ... Actually, darkness isn't that much like a box of chocolates. Of course, momma DID always say some dumb shit... Like this One Time She Said She lost her glasses. She didn't even WEAR glasses! Damn she sure was dumb. ... I'll miss you momma. Ya stupid bitch, you.". Due to there being so many words, they're so small they require a magnifying glass to read them all, and they cover the front of the shirt like a page from a book. Aw well, that's the price you must pay to be both hip and trendy, as well as a brooding outcast, at the same time.]
[Axl stands before his followers... an umbrella over his head. The three of them wear attire similar to that of Axl, sans the face paint and flannel around the waist, and their shirts simply have their names written across in blood red. Axl stares upon his flock... before folding up the umbrella, and wielding it at his side.]
Axl: My sons... tonight, our family... The Hierarchy... begin the long trek, to reclaiming what is rightfully mine... er, OURS... The Only World Title That Matters. Together, as a unit, we shall restore not only the belt to my waist, but greatness... honor... and respect, to BoB. ... Well, that is to say, BRING greatness, honor, and respect to BoB. I mean... restore sort of gives the impression that BoB once HAD greatness, honor, and respect in the past.... which, well... isn't exactly true, but ANYWAY.
Axl: Tonight, we show the world... we show Brother Studnuts... Brother Harker... Brother Vincent... we show them ALL, what a TRUE Brotherhood is all about. Tonight, through hell or high water, through darkness and light... through thick and thin, through the best of the worst and least of the most... through the good... the bad... and the fugly. Through every stone thrown our way... Through every brick cast upon our flesh... Through every half empty beer bottle tossed at us by some drunken heckler in the third row. Through hell-fahr and keystone light...
Axl: We... shall... prevail.
Axl: And in the end, as the dust settles, the smoke clears, and the fans return from the bathroom, we SHALL be standing... tall... proud... and with the glory we have deserved since the beginning of time. Or the beginning of this rant. Pretty much the same thing. WE ARE THE FEW... THE PROUD... THE HIERARCHY!!! Or possibly the Marines, I forget.
Jonny: [head still lowered] It's the Hierarchy, I'm pretty sure... Jim, we haven't changed the name again have we?
Jimmy: No, not yet. Atleast not as far as I know. Joe?
Joey: Hey, there's a penny on the ground! AND IT'S HEADS UP! Oh, splendid day!
Axl: ... K. So, anyway... As we slowly venture into reclaiming our territory, you three... my sons... as well as my Brothers. You three must go through a series of... tests. I must be certain that you are the men that shall stand tall at my sides, heading into war with those that threaten BoB.
Joey: True or False?
Jimmy: No, jackass! It'll CLEARLY be multiple choice. ... It will be multiple choice, right? Because I can't STAND 'fill in the blank'.
Axl: NO, YOU MORONS!!! Argh... no, by 'tests', I mean challenges, to determine if you three have what it takes to be my sheep. ... Flock. Aw, you know what I mean... Now, as you kneel before me, heads lowered, I shall commence with the first test. It is a test... of endurance. With umbrella in hand, and rain now pouring down from the sky-
[Oops, forgot to mention that. It's raining. It's pouring. Somewhere, an old man may or may not be snoring.]
Axl: Are you finished?
[But what about the incident?]
Axl: Which incident???
[Well, some say he bumped his head. Some say it was on the end of the bed. Others say he couldn't get up in the morning.]
Axl: ...
[ ;D]
Axl: I'm surrounded by idiots... [looks down at his 'Brothers'] ... Brother Jim... Brother Jon... Brother Joe. With this umbrella, I shall show you pain as you've never known before. I shall see, without question, if you can handle the onslaught from the likes of Death, T.V., and Atomo the Living Robot.
Joe: Uh... does he even wrestle in BoB anymore?
Axl: REGARDLESS!
Joe: ... Huh?
Axl: RE- GARD - LESS!
Joe: ... ...
Axl: Now. Kneel.
Jim: Uh... we are?
Axl: Bow your heads.
Jim: WE ARE! Geez...
Axl: Now... prepare yourselves. And remember... this is for your own good.
[Axl lifts the umbrella, and brings it down, first upon Jim... ... Uh, I said, first upon- ... oh. Wow. He did. Wouldn't have guessed...]
Jim: Uhm, Axl? Are you still going to do that whole... 'test' thing? ... Is he still there, Jon?
Jon: I think... man, the mosquitos are out tonight. Hey Joe, you get bit by a mosquito?
Joe: I don't know, but it feels like it's raining hard. Shoulda worn a raincoat.
Axl: *gasp* You- *gasp* You guys... *gasp* Jesus christ... You guys had enough yet?
Jim: Whatcha talkin' about Axl?
Joe: Yeah, you haven't even started yet?
Axl: ... But...
[Axl drops the umbrella, and puts his hands on his hips, taking in a few gasps of air.]
Axl: *gasp* Are... are you sure you guys... didn't feel anything?
Jon: Nope.
Joe: Not really.
Jim: A few mosquitos, some rain... not much else though.
Joe: ...
Jon: ...
Jim: Wait a minute. ... You... You weren't the one... Those mosquitos... and the rain... *giggles*
Axl: Stop... stop giggling...
Joe: Ohhh SNAP! You mean that was YOU! Dude... you kinda...
Jon: Hit like a girl?
Joe: Heheh, YEAH!
Axl: DAMMIT, STOP IT! I do NOT hit like a girl! I was... just practicing!
Jon: Yeah. SURE. That's why you were over there goin' like, "gasp, gasp, can't... breathe... worn out... from all the... girly hitting."
Joe: OOOOO, BURN!
Axl: Ok, you wanna see a GIRL? Get up! All three of you, get the FUCK up, right now!
[Joe, Jim, and Jon stand up. Axl hands Joe the umbrella.]
Axl: You wanna see how much of a girl I am?
Jim: No... not unless ya got boobies.
Joe: BOOBIES?! Where?!
Axl: HIT ME!!!
Jon: ... Huh?
Axl: YOU HEARD ME! All three of you, take turns hittin' me. And if I don't think I can take it anymore, I'll give a signal. Now, take turns beatin' the crap outta me, and I'll SHOW you just how much of a girl I REALLY am!
[Joe begins to swing the umbrella at Axl, but Axl leaps out of the way, eyes widened, as he signals for a time-out.]
Axl: HEY!
Joe: I thought you wanted me to hit you?
Axl: NOT YET I DIDN'T!!! DAMN... tryin' tah kill me ova' here, or what? Jesus christ... *sigh* Ok... now, I'm going to give a count to three, like, one-two-
[Joe swings again, and Axl ducks under, dropping to the ground just in time to miss the shot. Axl covers his head with his hands, trembling heavily...]
Joe: Was that the count?
Axl: [lifting his head] NO, THAT WASN'T THE DAMN COUNT! You fuckin' imbecile, I was just telling you how the count would GO... Fuck! Alright, I'm going to stand up, and DON'T HIT ME YET! God damn... [stands up] Now. I'm going to count down, and on three - [flinches, thinking Joe's going to hit him... when he sees that the coast is clear, he continues] Ahem... and on the count of three... not one, not two, but THREE, got that? On three, you swing, and I'll show you that I'm more of a man than even that chauvenistic pig, Studnuts. Now... one... two... THREE!
[Joe swings... and connects immediately with Axl's skull. Axl is knocked for a loop, and stumbles about.]
Joe: That... uh, that was three, right? Weren't you supposed to... duck or somethin'?
Axl: Y-yeah... [gathers his senses]. Shit... Ok, wow... uh... see, uhm... Well, I'm still standing, right?
Joe: ... Right?
Axl: ... So?
Joe: ... *shrugs*
Axl: WOULD A GIRL BE STANDING? HUH?! I think NOT!
Joe: ... Ok?
Axl: Alright, still not convinced? Jim!
Jim: Yes sir?
Axl: Punch me in the gut.
Jim: ... What? Now sir-
Axl: Jim. Punch... me... in... the-
[Jim punches Axl in the gut. Axl doubles over, clutching his stomach, wincing in pain... before lifting a hand to his mouth.]
Jim: I- ... I'm sorr-
Axl: *blech*
[Axl pukes all over Jim's shirt, Jim looks down at the mess, and runs back into the trailer sobbing.]
Joe: Aw man... Jim spent his entire check on that shirt! It may have only cost 14 bucks, but damn...
Axl: *urp* Ugh... Oh... ok. Jon, you're the one that started this.
Jon: Uh... sorry?
Axl: IT'S TOO DAN LATE FOR THAT!
Jon: Dan? ... Who's Dan?
Axl: ... DAMN.
Joe: Ron Simmons?
Axl: JON! I want you to go for a ddt on me. And I'm going to reverse it. And I'm going to clothesline your fuckin' head off. And you're both going to learn from it, and you're going to thank me for that lesson. Now Jon, get the hell over here, and try for a ddt.
Jon: But Axl-
Axl: JON.
Jon: Y-yes sir...
[Jon heads over to Axl, and wraps his leader's head up under his arm... before dropping him headfirst into the ground with a ddt. Jon immediately rolls Axl over and checks on him.]
Jon: OH MAN!!! Axl... Boss... speak to me! Say somethin', anything! Oh man...
Joe: Dude! You killed him!
Jon: No! I... I...
Axl: *cough* Jon...
Jon: Oh boss, you're alright!
Axl: Jon... come closer. There's something... something I need to tell you.
Jon: Sure boss... what is it?
Axl: Jon...
[Axl suddenly headbutts Brother Jon. In doing so, he busts his own nose, before falling back to the ground. Jon rubs his head.]
Jon: Wow... he really DOES hit like a girl.
Joe: Well... atleast he can kick the mother lovin' crap out of himself. That's a wicked bloody nose...
Jon: You're tellin' me... Let's go grab a beer?
Joe: Let's.
+ ~ ~ half an hour later ~ ~ +
[Axl is laying on his couch, holding an icepack to his nose. His shirt is off... and Tifa is sitting on the arm of the couch, in a business suit, with business skirt.]
Tifa: Axl... do you know how weak it makes you look when your own punching bags, three jobbers, wipe the floor with you?
Axl: Tifa... you should be nice to me. I promoted you from my assistant to my agent. I think the least you could do is have some sympathy for me...
Tifa: Yeah... Hey, I got a call from BigBoss... he gave me some bad news.
Axl: ... What is it?
Tifa: He told me to tell you... you're fired.
Axl: ... You're kidding. ... You... ARE kidding... right? ... TELL ME YOU'RE KIDDING?!
Tifa: HA! You shoulda seen the look on your face. You were all "Oh noes!!!" Heheh, nah, I'm just screwin' with ya. God, you're easy...
Axl: ... I hate you.
Tifa: [ruffles Axl's hair a bit] Yeah... I hate you too. I hate you too...
- black -
