Post by Steve Studnuts on Sept 25, 2007 19:05:24 GMT -5
~~~Do you know what SOAFB means? It's the acronym for what Steve Studnuts said when he saw the card for A Chance Would Be A Fine Thing 2. Actually, he's getting ready to say it again, let's listen in...~~~
Steve: Son...
...of a fuckin' bitch. I hate a gatdamn battle royal, they always end up in a clusterfuck.
Offscreen female voice: Steve?
Steve: Yeah...
~~~Connie Lingus, Steve's live-in cooch-n-mooch, comes into view. She's still a fine combination of Cindy Crawford, Darva Conger, Angie Everhart, and.... fuck, I forget. Sarah Michelle Gellar? Yeah, close enough....
....she's scantily clad as per usual. And her nips are hard, because she puts wax on them to make them stay nice an pokie.~~~
Connie: Who's that guy watering the lawn?
Steve: Oh, that's no guy. That's Beth.
Connie: Beth who?
Steve: Beth Phoenix Arizona. She chops wood, too.
Connie: Steve? We're in Arizona... we don't need fire wood.
Steve: She chops... uhhh, morning wood. Feh.
Oh yeah, before I forget, don't let her see you naked. I think she might be a tad butch on the side.
Connie: Ya think?
Steve: Me does....
Connie: So, what are you looking at on the laptop? Is that BOB? Again? I thought you were done with that place.
Steve: Well, this time it was an emergency. You see, this faggot with absolutely no wrestling skill or any recognizable shred of charisma won the ONLY WORLD TITLE THAT MATTERS in the fluke of all flukes. Then he fucked it up and painted it or something, then he did some other stuff. I think he may have let his hair metal stooges Jonny Whitesnake and Jimmy Winger and whatever the fuck his name was take target practice on his uvula with their jism. Yeah. Like, on PPV he did that. The company was all in turmoil because BigBoss hates when wrestlers swallow goo on t.v., so he called us to fuck this guy up and job him to XXXtreme Machine.
Connie: The guy with the blue hair?
Steve: Yeah, that's him.
Connie: That guy sucks!
Steve: It's the ultimate punishment job. This guy had to pay, and he did, then he went all "what worker can I be THIS week" and picked Sting and tried to get all... what was the word he used? Sinister.
Connie: Sting? Sinister?
Steve: The Crow Sting. Not the bleached, rat-tailed, pastel Sting.
Connie: Yeah? So it's the Crow Sting? Sinister?
Steve: I know, what can I say? The guy's a fuckin' retard. To top it all off, he said he was better than Seth, Trey, Death, and me.
Connie: Oh no! You're not hanging out with Trey and Seth again are you?
Steve: The fuck? What's wrong with that?
Connie: Like you really need to ask. Trey Vincent is the only guy I've ever met that's just as obnoxious as you are. And remember last time you had them over, when Seth got drunk and tried to have sex with your bear fur rug?
Steve: HA! I almost forgot about that! You're the best, Connie! Remind me of some other cool shit I've forgotten due to liquor and wanton lustful sex with whatever hot bitch I hook up with at the club.
Connie: What?!
Steve: Lots of sex makes you forget things, your memory just becomes a lot of blurry visions of you fuckin' some bitch. I can't really explain it. Hey! Why are you rubbin' your tits?
Connie: Because it's the best way to stop you from talking all that nonsense. Besides, I'm thinking about getting another boob job. What do you think?
Steve: Hey, the only thing better than nice, big titties... are nice, bigger titties. Unless the areolas get all stretched out like saucer nipples, then fuck that. I hate that shit.
Connie: Well, I'm going. (rubs breast). Maybe a cup size larger?
Steve: Say, I heard rubbin' toilet paper on your tits makes them grow. Maybe you can try that.
Connie: Huh? I've never heard of that.
Steve: Yeah, rub some toilet paper on them, I'm tellin' you... they're guaranteed to get bigger.
Connie: You sound so honest. You think it will work?
Steve: I told you, it's guaranteed. No,
that's.... a fact. Ya dig?
~~~Caption: TWO DAYS LATER
We return to Steve's place, with Steve in the exact same place, with the exact same clothes on, like he.... never moved or something.~~~
Connie: STEVE! I've been rubbing toilet paper on my titties for two days and they're no bigger! You lied to me!
Steve: What the hell? I don't understand it! I thought for sure that rubbin' toilet paper on your tits would make them grow!
Connie: Oh really? What made you so sure?
Steve: Well, it sure as fuck worked on your ass! BWAAA HAAA....
*CRACK*
~~~static~~~
Steve: Son...
...of a fuckin' bitch. I hate a gatdamn battle royal, they always end up in a clusterfuck.
Offscreen female voice: Steve?
Steve: Yeah...
~~~Connie Lingus, Steve's live-in cooch-n-mooch, comes into view. She's still a fine combination of Cindy Crawford, Darva Conger, Angie Everhart, and.... fuck, I forget. Sarah Michelle Gellar? Yeah, close enough....
....she's scantily clad as per usual. And her nips are hard, because she puts wax on them to make them stay nice an pokie.~~~
Connie: Who's that guy watering the lawn?
Steve: Oh, that's no guy. That's Beth.
Connie: Beth who?
Steve: Beth Phoenix Arizona. She chops wood, too.
Connie: Steve? We're in Arizona... we don't need fire wood.
Steve: She chops... uhhh, morning wood. Feh.
Oh yeah, before I forget, don't let her see you naked. I think she might be a tad butch on the side.
Connie: Ya think?
Steve: Me does....
Connie: So, what are you looking at on the laptop? Is that BOB? Again? I thought you were done with that place.
Steve: Well, this time it was an emergency. You see, this faggot with absolutely no wrestling skill or any recognizable shred of charisma won the ONLY WORLD TITLE THAT MATTERS in the fluke of all flukes. Then he fucked it up and painted it or something, then he did some other stuff. I think he may have let his hair metal stooges Jonny Whitesnake and Jimmy Winger and whatever the fuck his name was take target practice on his uvula with their jism. Yeah. Like, on PPV he did that. The company was all in turmoil because BigBoss hates when wrestlers swallow goo on t.v., so he called us to fuck this guy up and job him to XXXtreme Machine.
Connie: The guy with the blue hair?
Steve: Yeah, that's him.
Connie: That guy sucks!
Steve: It's the ultimate punishment job. This guy had to pay, and he did, then he went all "what worker can I be THIS week" and picked Sting and tried to get all... what was the word he used? Sinister.
Connie: Sting? Sinister?
Steve: The Crow Sting. Not the bleached, rat-tailed, pastel Sting.
Connie: Yeah? So it's the Crow Sting? Sinister?
Steve: I know, what can I say? The guy's a fuckin' retard. To top it all off, he said he was better than Seth, Trey, Death, and me.
Connie: Oh no! You're not hanging out with Trey and Seth again are you?
Steve: The fuck? What's wrong with that?
Connie: Like you really need to ask. Trey Vincent is the only guy I've ever met that's just as obnoxious as you are. And remember last time you had them over, when Seth got drunk and tried to have sex with your bear fur rug?
Steve: HA! I almost forgot about that! You're the best, Connie! Remind me of some other cool shit I've forgotten due to liquor and wanton lustful sex with whatever hot bitch I hook up with at the club.
Connie: What?!
Steve: Lots of sex makes you forget things, your memory just becomes a lot of blurry visions of you fuckin' some bitch. I can't really explain it. Hey! Why are you rubbin' your tits?
Connie: Because it's the best way to stop you from talking all that nonsense. Besides, I'm thinking about getting another boob job. What do you think?
Steve: Hey, the only thing better than nice, big titties... are nice, bigger titties. Unless the areolas get all stretched out like saucer nipples, then fuck that. I hate that shit.
Connie: Well, I'm going. (rubs breast). Maybe a cup size larger?
Steve: Say, I heard rubbin' toilet paper on your tits makes them grow. Maybe you can try that.
Connie: Huh? I've never heard of that.
Steve: Yeah, rub some toilet paper on them, I'm tellin' you... they're guaranteed to get bigger.
Connie: You sound so honest. You think it will work?
Steve: I told you, it's guaranteed. No,
that's.... a fact. Ya dig?
~~~Caption: TWO DAYS LATER
We return to Steve's place, with Steve in the exact same place, with the exact same clothes on, like he.... never moved or something.~~~
Connie: STEVE! I've been rubbing toilet paper on my titties for two days and they're no bigger! You lied to me!
Steve: What the hell? I don't understand it! I thought for sure that rubbin' toilet paper on your tits would make them grow!
Connie: Oh really? What made you so sure?
Steve: Well, it sure as fuck worked on your ass! BWAAA HAAA....
*CRACK*
~~~static~~~