Kevin the Pyromaniac
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Post by Kevin the Pyromaniac on Sept 12, 2007 15:33:43 GMT -5
Kevin: Ok bitch, that wasn't fast enough for ya?
[Kevin's eyes are glued to an exercise VHS tape as he a practices his squat thrusts. Sweaty bodies in revealing black leopard print leotards force themselves at his bloodshot contact lenses to Guns 'n' Roses.]
Kevin: Fuck this La Toya Jackson shit, it was pathetic in the 80's.
[Kevin flips to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, where Raphael is slicing some bad guy's ass with an ugly smile.]
Kevin: That's more like it, kick that motherfucker's bony ass!
[Kevin drops a load of pop rocks in his mouth and grinds his teeth.]
Kevin: Now for real training.
[Kevin runs outside where a lesser jobber has his tongue stuck to a frozen pole. Kevin sets himself on fire and tries to punch the punk in the eye, but misses and hits the pole instead.]
Kevin: I'm too drunk for this shit.
[The other jobber's tongue rips off the pole like glued paper from a wall and falls on top of Kevin.]
Referee: 123!
Kevin: I really need to take this more seriously if I want to stop getting pinned by microwaved hamsters and gay guys with nail clippers.
Lesser Jobber: Quit the meth as well.
Kevin: Never! I'd have to talk coherently!
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