Post by @xL on Aug 27, 2007 3:41:21 GMT -5
:: Sunday, August 26th, 2007 - 3:16 p.m. ::
~ Location: The Nowhere Zone ~
[The camera opens to the newly constructed Nowhere Zone... which is basically the Metal Manor's backyard, with a hastily thrown together "ring", made of a few steel poles driven into different spots of the yard, with frayed rope tied from pole to pole to give the look of the "squared circle". Only, this "ring" has TWELVE 'posts' instead of four, creating the first ever 12 sided ring. No doubt an innovation in the great history of the sport...]
[Tifa stands in the middle of the 12 Sides of Steel Poles, microphone in hand...]
Tifa: Ladies and gentlemen... [the camera pans out to find a few chairs occupied by Axl's ever present stuffed animals] ... Please, put your hands together... and pay homage, to the greatest individual to EVER grace ANY ring, whether it consist of 4, 6, 8, or even 12 sides! Ever since he stepped foot into BoB a little over one year ago, he has had countless doubters... he has felt the looks... the words of spite... and most disgusting of all, people questioning his sexual orientation. But last night, he proved them ALL wrong! He proved, without a shadow of a doubt, that he IS... the Metal God. The Leader of the Rock-O-Lution. And above all else, the King... of Queens. ... Er, well... you get the picture. ... Is the video rolling? The... oh, it's... not? ... Should I just stall for... oh, it's roll-
[The shot changes to that of a pre-taped video...]
Voice-over Guy: Gentlemen... we CAN rebuild him.
Voice-over Guy: We can make him sexier...
Voice-over Guy: We can make him metal ... y... er.
Voice-over Guy: Gentlemen... we can rebuild him... again. But it'll cost extra.
[Shot of Axl on a doctor's table, covered in bandages, as a doctor comes into view... with a whirring drill. Close up view of Axl's eyes, looking just a tad frightened.]
Voice-over Guy: But most importantly... We can make him... the ONLY World Champion... That Matters.
[The sound of a strong power chord hits, and Axl's voice comes in with a gravely tone...]
Axl: Behold the God... The God of Metal. ... On your knees, BoB!
["Bow Down", Gunzzz and YoYozzz first song together, hits on the Nowhere Zone's 'speaker system', which amounts to a tape deck on top of a tv tray. The Manor's back door is opened by Jonny Dio or Joey Whitesnake, or whatever his name is, they all sorta meld together to me. Cheap laser lights flash all over in front of the open door, as the crowd comes alive for their World Champion... well... atleast, the tape deck plays a recording of a crowd coming alive. Whether it's from a crowd coming alive for the champ or not is questionable at the least...]
[And through the door he emerges... OWTTM held firmly against his shoulder, as the new king-pin of the leader in parody sports entertainment stands tall, shining in his moment. Axl VanHalen... new BoB Champion, and Chairman of Nowhere's one and only wrestling promotion, GNA. Axl wears a rented suit, a pair of lime tinted shades with hot pink plastic frames, and his hair, tied back in a ponytail. He reaches into his back pocket, and pulls out a bottle of... what's that... is that? Molson? Not only did he dress up like a Mexican, but now he's trying to soak up a little bit of the Canadian lifestyle as well. Our champion's a regular globetrotter, eh?]
[Axl takes a sip from the bottle, before pouring the Molson all over his hair and suit. Hope he has enough money from renting the suit to be able to wash and dry it... He tosses the bottle away, before sauntering toward the ring, and when he stands in front of the 1 out of 12 sides closest to his stuffed animals, Axl throws his fists back in the air, lifts his head to the air, and spits a stream of Molson into the air. So, I guess that answers the question; does Axl spit... or swallow?]
Axl: HEY!
[Err... sorry boot that. ... 'bout. 'BOUT that. Have I been drinking Molson.... anyway. Axl steps into the ring, and takes the microphone from Tifa, before bowing his head... and raising the mic to his mouth, still holding the belt over his shoulder.]
Axl: Everyone SAID... I'd never make it. Everyone SAID... I was destined to be some curtain-jerking, second-rate, ham and egger. But dammit... [lifting the belt high into the air, and looking into the camera] I proved... them... WRONG. *canned cheers* [Axl slings the belt back over his shoulder] Yes... because as I've said, time, and time, and TIME again, I AM... the Metal GOD. No... no, no, no. I'm not just that. Hell, I'm not even just the leader of the Rock-O-Lution. Because as of last night... the Rock-O-Lution didn't just COME... ... it CAME! It came all over Sir Zeno. It came all over that sleazy boobie enhancer Sillacone M. PUTZ!!! And of course, it came alllll over that burrito stuffing beaner, Insano Whatevero!!!
Axl: And now that Zeno has FINALLY been dethroned of the gold he never truly deserved, I hold it here over MY shoulder... the Rock-O-Lution HAS come to pass. And as the Rock-O-Lution has fulfilled its prophecy, it is time... Time for the Metal God to lead his flock. Come to me, my followers... come to me... my children.
["Bow Down" plays once again, and to the ring come Joey, Jimmy, and Jonny. I won't even BOTHER with their last names, as it would probably take me the rest of the night to get them right... The trio of Axl's jobber henchmen roll into the ring... and after wiping off a few grass stains from their already stained and greasy clothing, GaYY take their stance behind their leader.]
Axl: Welcome... to the new, and IMPROVED Gunnzzz and YoYozzz. I have found three men that will be PROUD to be GaYY. Three men with the strength, agility, and perseverance to do what Crotch and Ass NEVER could... and that... is... uh...
Jimmy: I can squirt milk out of my eyelid!
Jonny: I can lick my moob!
Joey: I can... play with my nuts.
Jimmy: Eww!
Jonny: Gross!
Joey: What? [takes a bag of peanuts out of his pocket] What's gross?
Jimmy & Jonny: Ohhh.
Joey: There. Now that that bag of peanuts is out. [reaches back into his pocket, before... uh... er...]
Jonny & Jimmy: ...
Axl: That's... disturbing... But nonetheless, my true flock has risen... with ME... as their savior. Their savior... and the savior of BoB! For you see, with Axl VanHalen as the Only World Champion that Matters, I will bring Brawlers on a Budget from the gutter... to the pinnacle of the sports world. Hell... the world itself! BoB will be on every TV, in every arena, with merchandise out the wazzoo!!! Noone will be able to escape the inescapable wrath of BoB... and I will be there leading the charge! You people used to call me a homo... a queer. Well now? You can simply call me... a VISIONARY. And my vision, is to lead BoB to the promised land ; Network Television!!! With the Metal God as champion, there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that this company will finally begin to gain a bit of upward momentum... instead of wading around in the cess pool of its own garbage.
Axl: But even though I may be the franchise that BoB now surrounds itself around, I still feel humble within my great, big, warm, fuzzy heart. And that's why I've decided to create this, Groovy Nowhere Action, wrestling company. It's not just another one of my fly by night feds devised simply to boost my ego, oh no, no, no. Because why boost my ego, when I already KNOW I'm the best there is... I've got the belt to PROVE that! [lifts title into the air] But, what GNA is, is a company run by me, filled with some of the greatest legends of ALL the times!
Jonny: Axl... that kinda sounded like Arnold Shwarzennegar. What you just did there.
Jimmy: Heh. Yeah. "I vant to pump-"
Jimmy & Jonny: "JOO UP!!!"
Axl: And tonight, with GNA's premier event, I have decided upon one very important detail... From now on, the OWTTM will be a DUAL title! Yes, say good bye to the BoB Only World Title That Matters...
[Axl lifts up the belt, as Jimmy and Jonny hold a flaming trash can... which Axl drops the belt into!!!!!~11one]
Axl: And hello... to the BoB - GNA... Only World Title That Matters!
[Joey brings the NEW belt to Axl which... pretty much looks EXACTLY like the old belt, only instead of the BoB logo, it has... the BoB logo. With the letters "GNA" written underneath with a Sharpie.]
Axl: Yes everyone, a new era truly HAS dawned. The era... of Axl! And as my first act as GNA Chairman, I've booked myself into a title defense, right here, right now! Yes, I truly am a giving man. So giving in fact, that I'm GIVING one of the many Hall of Fame icons in GNA a shot at this strap. And seeing as how my first title defense in a BoB ring will be against the man I supposedly cheated out of a shot at the gold, and that man just so happens to be of Latin descent... well, I've decided to throw together the first of a challenge series I'm affectionately reffering to as: The Rock And roll Tough-guy Tournament, or - The RATT ! Every event, I'll throw out an open challenge to any GNA legend to step inside the 12 Sides of Steel Poles with mio. The challenges will range from dangerous endeavors like SCAFFOLD MATCHES, all the way to dangerous endeavors like BUNGEE MATCHES!!!!! ... ! And if they best me? Then I'll personally give them MY BoB - GNA OWTTM!!! I'm THAT damn confident in my ability. I am the Metal God... the OWCTM... and of course, I am...
Your Savior.
~ rock on ~
\oo/_ OvO -
Voice: Hold on one minute there... essa!!!
[The camera fades back in a couple of seconds later, where we find Axl holding the belt at his side, looking out at the back door... to find a Mexican wrestler standing, only unlike Insano, this man goes without a mask. His hair, back in a mullet... his whole image looking very familiar...]
Man: Or should I say... Old-hay on one inute-may ere-thay... essa... ay!
Axl: Hey, look what the chiauauah dragged in! Pig... Latino... HEAT! PLH, essa, compadre, mi RAZA! It's time... that you had your shot at the OWTTM!
PLH: Ay chico, I'm just here for the check you promised me. I've got seven hudred and sixty two relatives to feed. And that's just on my mami's side!
Axl: Hey, about that check-
[Suddenly, a lowrider drives over Pig Latino Heat... instantly killing him. The driver is Piggie's second cousin twice removed, and as he gets out, he lifts the trunk, and seven hundred and sixty one other relatives of Piggie hop out, and gather in front of the back door of the Manor. The cousin grabs a microphone.]
Rey Mysteriotypical: VIVA LOS HEAT! VIVA LOS BURRITOSSS!!!
Axl: What the fuck is he talking about?
Tifa: Well, if I remember my ECWCWWFE history correctly, Los Burritos was the tag team of Pig Latino Heat and Rey Mysteriotypical.
Axl: I know! This Mexican jumping bean wants a shot at my belt! And he wants to face me in a burrito eating contest!
Tifa: ... Ok.
[And so, a few minutes later, Joey, Jimmy, and Jonny have set up a table filled with bean burritos. Axl stands beside Rey, as Tifa holds a gun in the air... before firing. Axl immediately rushes into his plate stacked with burritos, but a bird falls in Rey's plate, dead from Tifa's gun fire. Rey, unaware of the fallen birdie, lifts a burrito and tosses it into his mouth... a burrito which just so happened to be stuck to the bloody remains of the bird. Rey immediately chokes on the bird's... beak... possibly a feather, hell if I know. Rey drops to the grass, grabbing onto his throat... as Axl finishes off the last burrito, succesfully defending his title. Tifa runs over to Axl and happily raises his hand into the air... which he rips away as he runs for the bathroom inside.]
[Tifa looks down at Rey... and taps him in the side with her foot. Seeing that he's not among the living, she motions for his family to take him away. Wow... two dead members of the Heat family in one night. GNA truly has made... an iMPACT!]
~ rock on ~
\oo/_ OvO _\oo/
~ rock on
