Post by THE Snapmare Kid on Aug 4, 2007 0:35:53 GMT -5
[Snapmare Kid entered a run-down dark gym. Somewhere, it sounded like somebody was hitting a punching bag. SMK noticed the letters CAWS written on a piece of cardboard hanging over a closed door. SMK smiled, walked over and knocked on the door.]
Voice: What is it?
SMK: Greetings and salutations. I'm here for your wrestling school.
Voice: You have cash?
SMK: I have a credit card.
Voice: Slide it under the door.
SMK: Um, why?
Voice: If your credit is good, THEN we can talk.
[Reluctantly, SMK pulled out his credit card and slid it under the door. There was silence for a few seconds. The door suddenly opened and the man inside charged out, grabbed SMK and threw him against the wall.]
Man: What do ya think I am, an idiot? Your name is Snapmare Kid?
SMK: Yes sir.
Man: Since when?
SMK: Since I started working for Brawlers On a Budget.
Man: Oh yeah? And what was your name before that?
SMK: First of all...oww....As for my name, it's funny. I really can't remember life before BOB. It's almost like I came into existence without any back story just for the sake of being a one time joke on Hardcore Polarvision, but somehow, I've stuck around for five years now.
Man: Is that right?
SMK: Would I lie to you?
Man: Probably.
[SMK puts a hand on the man's head and yanks the card away.]
SMK: The power of good credit compels you. The power of good credit compels you.
Man: Yes...yes it does. Why do you want to join my rasslin school?
SMK: You see, for years I've only had one move, granted with hundreds of variations, but still...I feel like it's time for me to take the next step. And learn a new move. Maybe even two new moves.
Man: Let me guess. Your one move must be...a collar and elbow tie up?
SMK: No. Why do you say that?
Man: About two hours ago, some kid came in here by the name of the Collar N. Elbowtieopkid. He only knew one move. You know what it was?
SMK: Ummm....the spinaroonie?
Man: No, it was something he called a Death Valley (Of The Sun) Driver. Never even heard of the damn move before. Said he saw it on late night TV one night. Anyway...here's the deal. We've got one ring.
SMK: You mean that one ring there, where that homeless guy is sleeping?
Man: Of COURSE I mean that ring! Stop interrupting me. I teach you all the vocabulary you need.
SMK: Do I need to buy a dictionary?
Man: Rasslin' vocabulary, kid. Also, I'll teach you all the foods you need to eat to make yourself into a generic indy worker build.
SMK: Sounds great! How much is it?
Man: What's your credit limit?
SMK: $1,000!
Man: One? One? *Cough* $1,000?
SMK: Yep.
Man: You know what those letters stand for?
SMK: Californians Against Waste?
Man: No.
SMK: Canadian Auto Workers?
Man: NO!
SMK: Committee for Asian Women?
Man: It stands for Create A Wrestler! That's what I do here. I create wrestlers.
SMK: What's the S for?
Man: The S stands for shut up! So here's what we're gonna do. Every month, you're going to train with me and the rest of my boys, and I'm going to charge you $50 a month until your credit card gets rejected.
SMK: $50? Ohhh.
Man: Hey, you want to go from a one trick pony to a three trick pony?
SMK: Yeah.
Man: Damn right you do. You'll train four days a week.
SMK: What about my stories? I can't miss One Life To Live!
Man: You'll learn how to cut a promo.
SMK: Snap into a Snapmare! Ooooooh yeah!
Man: Which is the TOTAL opposite of that. You'll learn cardio.
SMK: I love playing cards, yo.
Man: Not cards, yo. CARDIO.
SMK: Oh...you mean like cranking up "Holy Diver" in my '77 Volare?
Man: You don't know what cardio is?
SMK: Apparently not. Listen...have any of your students actually succeeded?
Man: Ever heard of Elvis Parsley, the King Of Rhubard & Radish?
SMK: Have I? Actually, no, no I don't think so.
Man: He was a HUGE star in Memphis. Anyway...come back here in a few days. We're gonna turn you from a curtain jerker into a midcarder!
SMK: I'm thrilled. Maybe I can get out of BOB and eventually work in the Holy Land.
Man: Holy Land?
[Instead of answering the question, SMK hops onto a skateboard and heads toward the door.]
SMK: I got women to do, places to see!
[Fade.]
Voice: What is it?
SMK: Greetings and salutations. I'm here for your wrestling school.
Voice: You have cash?
SMK: I have a credit card.
Voice: Slide it under the door.
SMK: Um, why?
Voice: If your credit is good, THEN we can talk.
[Reluctantly, SMK pulled out his credit card and slid it under the door. There was silence for a few seconds. The door suddenly opened and the man inside charged out, grabbed SMK and threw him against the wall.]
Man: What do ya think I am, an idiot? Your name is Snapmare Kid?
SMK: Yes sir.
Man: Since when?
SMK: Since I started working for Brawlers On a Budget.
Man: Oh yeah? And what was your name before that?
SMK: First of all...oww....As for my name, it's funny. I really can't remember life before BOB. It's almost like I came into existence without any back story just for the sake of being a one time joke on Hardcore Polarvision, but somehow, I've stuck around for five years now.
Man: Is that right?
SMK: Would I lie to you?
Man: Probably.
[SMK puts a hand on the man's head and yanks the card away.]
SMK: The power of good credit compels you. The power of good credit compels you.
Man: Yes...yes it does. Why do you want to join my rasslin school?
SMK: You see, for years I've only had one move, granted with hundreds of variations, but still...I feel like it's time for me to take the next step. And learn a new move. Maybe even two new moves.
Man: Let me guess. Your one move must be...a collar and elbow tie up?
SMK: No. Why do you say that?
Man: About two hours ago, some kid came in here by the name of the Collar N. Elbowtieopkid. He only knew one move. You know what it was?
SMK: Ummm....the spinaroonie?
Man: No, it was something he called a Death Valley (Of The Sun) Driver. Never even heard of the damn move before. Said he saw it on late night TV one night. Anyway...here's the deal. We've got one ring.
SMK: You mean that one ring there, where that homeless guy is sleeping?
Man: Of COURSE I mean that ring! Stop interrupting me. I teach you all the vocabulary you need.
SMK: Do I need to buy a dictionary?
Man: Rasslin' vocabulary, kid. Also, I'll teach you all the foods you need to eat to make yourself into a generic indy worker build.
SMK: Sounds great! How much is it?
Man: What's your credit limit?
SMK: $1,000!
Man: One? One? *Cough* $1,000?
SMK: Yep.
Man: You know what those letters stand for?
SMK: Californians Against Waste?
Man: No.
SMK: Canadian Auto Workers?
Man: NO!
SMK: Committee for Asian Women?
Man: It stands for Create A Wrestler! That's what I do here. I create wrestlers.
SMK: What's the S for?
Man: The S stands for shut up! So here's what we're gonna do. Every month, you're going to train with me and the rest of my boys, and I'm going to charge you $50 a month until your credit card gets rejected.
SMK: $50? Ohhh.
Man: Hey, you want to go from a one trick pony to a three trick pony?
SMK: Yeah.
Man: Damn right you do. You'll train four days a week.
SMK: What about my stories? I can't miss One Life To Live!
Man: You'll learn how to cut a promo.
SMK: Snap into a Snapmare! Ooooooh yeah!
Man: Which is the TOTAL opposite of that. You'll learn cardio.
SMK: I love playing cards, yo.
Man: Not cards, yo. CARDIO.
SMK: Oh...you mean like cranking up "Holy Diver" in my '77 Volare?
Man: You don't know what cardio is?
SMK: Apparently not. Listen...have any of your students actually succeeded?
Man: Ever heard of Elvis Parsley, the King Of Rhubard & Radish?
SMK: Have I? Actually, no, no I don't think so.
Man: He was a HUGE star in Memphis. Anyway...come back here in a few days. We're gonna turn you from a curtain jerker into a midcarder!
SMK: I'm thrilled. Maybe I can get out of BOB and eventually work in the Holy Land.
Man: Holy Land?
[Instead of answering the question, SMK hops onto a skateboard and heads toward the door.]
SMK: I got women to do, places to see!
[Fade.]