Post by From The Law Offices on Jul 30, 2007 11:13:55 GMT -5
To whom it may concern,
CC: Rott N. Dealer,
First of all I’d like to extend my apologies for not addressing and responding to this document earlier. I don’t work on weekends.
Secondly, re: your outrageously ridiculous statement and demands:
1) We here did not care and/or do not care whether the fact that Axl VanHalen is/or is not Dr. Daniel Umbrage M. Plants, the suit is surrounded by the fact that there is an individual using the same field (albeit under a different discipline) and same surname as my client to defame his status in the medical field. Why? We have no idea, especially considering the track record of my client. However; whether this man Dr. D.U.M.P. is a legally practicing physician or a professional wrestler (sic) is a moot point as this point in time. Our grounds are substantiated, there is an individual blatantly running a practice under a surname CLOSELY (used loosely) imitating my client. We ask that he stop doing so.
2) It is impossible to be mistaken as a “cheap knock-off” when the “accused” has been in the public eye YEARS prior to any mention of the accuser. You’re the lamest lawyer ever.
3) You cannot sue for malpractice if said doctor has never performed an operation on accuser, and was found negligent in care rendered. We are glad to hear that your client will be more than willing that repair Axl’s bunghole if damaged by Dr. Silaconne M. Plants in a wrestling encounter. My client has assured me that this is ONE surgery he will be sure NOT to botch. The breast surgeries, now that’s a different story.
4) We do not dispute the fact SMP has had several “crap” matches. He contends that crappy booking was at fault.
5) Dr. Plants will not appear at any renegade wrestling shows, run by individuals only hoping to demean his legacy in the wrestling business. SMP is a documented legend in parody sports entertainment. Dr. D.U.M.P.? Not so much.
6) Re: Tiffany the 73rd… we find it sad her lineage could not come up with another name for 74 generations. However, Miss Hobson has conceded the Simon Richards video because she has three of them, but the 20 million? Go screw yourself.
7) I have never represented Sebastian Stepford in ANY court of law. That is a lie and I hold you liable for now making false accusations. The only time I have ever represented a dwarf was that ONE time Verne Troyer acquired my services in a suit against MTV for showing him piss on a carpet while intoxicated during an episode of Surreal Life. His claim was a defamation case as well, until I saw him singing “Got My Car Fixed, It’s My Birthday” and decided to drop the case since he pretty much ruined his character right there. I’m not counting the time I represented Gary Coleman for suing Emmanuel Lewis for taking the “Cute Little Black Kid” tag from him, but those guys aren’t really midgets now are they?
8) In addition, I was surfing through the channels this weekend and saw “Priciest Celeb Cribs” on Vh1. Wayne Newton was at number 3, and his pad was around an estimated 52 million. That’s WAYNE NEWTON! Axl VanHalen cannot sing. He has no career to speak of in either the recording genre or in professional sports entertainment. I seriously doubt he was #2 or #1. We find his claim to have a “mansion” worth 900 million dollars (roughly) simply absurd, even by “Brawler’s on a Budget” standards. And did I mention he’s no Wayne Newton? Give us a break, guy.
9) We also do not see it necessary to continue bothering with your frivolous and baseless claims. We also do not see it necessary to bog down court proceedings with such stupid antics as you have perpetrated to try and coerce my client into a wrestling match. We fill that this is a waste of time and the courts would be better served having left room for more important things such as NFL quarterbacks, NBA referees, the guy that sued the dry cleaning place for 50 million for losing his pants, the sister of a pedophile who’s suing NBC for 105 million for “killing” her brother, after he committed suicide when cameras showed up at his house after they busted him for “talking dirty” to an undercover agent posing as a 13 y.o. boy, and Lindsay Lohan D.U.I.s.
10) If you do not end your mindless drivel, I’ll be forced to contact Judge Jerry N. Expuchener, affectionately referred to as the “Judge, Jury, and Executioner”, for his swift handling of bullshit claims. You’ll be spending the better part of the rest of your life making big rocks into little rocks.
11) I have advised Dr. Silaconne M. Plants to refrain from legally changing his name to Wayne Coleman, despite my thinking his has legal grounds to do so for being “ripped-off”. Just not something I feel is necessary at this time, although warranted.
Have a good day.
Haywood Jablomie
Attorney at Law
From the Law Offices of-
Jablomie, Woodya, Pleese
AND ASSOCIATES, L.L.P.
ATTORNEYS AT LAW
CC: Rott N. Dealer,
First of all I’d like to extend my apologies for not addressing and responding to this document earlier. I don’t work on weekends.
Secondly, re: your outrageously ridiculous statement and demands:
1) We here did not care and/or do not care whether the fact that Axl VanHalen is/or is not Dr. Daniel Umbrage M. Plants, the suit is surrounded by the fact that there is an individual using the same field (albeit under a different discipline) and same surname as my client to defame his status in the medical field. Why? We have no idea, especially considering the track record of my client. However; whether this man Dr. D.U.M.P. is a legally practicing physician or a professional wrestler (sic) is a moot point as this point in time. Our grounds are substantiated, there is an individual blatantly running a practice under a surname CLOSELY (used loosely) imitating my client. We ask that he stop doing so.
2) It is impossible to be mistaken as a “cheap knock-off” when the “accused” has been in the public eye YEARS prior to any mention of the accuser. You’re the lamest lawyer ever.
3) You cannot sue for malpractice if said doctor has never performed an operation on accuser, and was found negligent in care rendered. We are glad to hear that your client will be more than willing that repair Axl’s bunghole if damaged by Dr. Silaconne M. Plants in a wrestling encounter. My client has assured me that this is ONE surgery he will be sure NOT to botch. The breast surgeries, now that’s a different story.
4) We do not dispute the fact SMP has had several “crap” matches. He contends that crappy booking was at fault.
5) Dr. Plants will not appear at any renegade wrestling shows, run by individuals only hoping to demean his legacy in the wrestling business. SMP is a documented legend in parody sports entertainment. Dr. D.U.M.P.? Not so much.
6) Re: Tiffany the 73rd… we find it sad her lineage could not come up with another name for 74 generations. However, Miss Hobson has conceded the Simon Richards video because she has three of them, but the 20 million? Go screw yourself.
7) I have never represented Sebastian Stepford in ANY court of law. That is a lie and I hold you liable for now making false accusations. The only time I have ever represented a dwarf was that ONE time Verne Troyer acquired my services in a suit against MTV for showing him piss on a carpet while intoxicated during an episode of Surreal Life. His claim was a defamation case as well, until I saw him singing “Got My Car Fixed, It’s My Birthday” and decided to drop the case since he pretty much ruined his character right there. I’m not counting the time I represented Gary Coleman for suing Emmanuel Lewis for taking the “Cute Little Black Kid” tag from him, but those guys aren’t really midgets now are they?
8) In addition, I was surfing through the channels this weekend and saw “Priciest Celeb Cribs” on Vh1. Wayne Newton was at number 3, and his pad was around an estimated 52 million. That’s WAYNE NEWTON! Axl VanHalen cannot sing. He has no career to speak of in either the recording genre or in professional sports entertainment. I seriously doubt he was #2 or #1. We find his claim to have a “mansion” worth 900 million dollars (roughly) simply absurd, even by “Brawler’s on a Budget” standards. And did I mention he’s no Wayne Newton? Give us a break, guy.
9) We also do not see it necessary to continue bothering with your frivolous and baseless claims. We also do not see it necessary to bog down court proceedings with such stupid antics as you have perpetrated to try and coerce my client into a wrestling match. We fill that this is a waste of time and the courts would be better served having left room for more important things such as NFL quarterbacks, NBA referees, the guy that sued the dry cleaning place for 50 million for losing his pants, the sister of a pedophile who’s suing NBC for 105 million for “killing” her brother, after he committed suicide when cameras showed up at his house after they busted him for “talking dirty” to an undercover agent posing as a 13 y.o. boy, and Lindsay Lohan D.U.I.s.
10) If you do not end your mindless drivel, I’ll be forced to contact Judge Jerry N. Expuchener, affectionately referred to as the “Judge, Jury, and Executioner”, for his swift handling of bullshit claims. You’ll be spending the better part of the rest of your life making big rocks into little rocks.
11) I have advised Dr. Silaconne M. Plants to refrain from legally changing his name to Wayne Coleman, despite my thinking his has legal grounds to do so for being “ripped-off”. Just not something I feel is necessary at this time, although warranted.
Have a good day.
Haywood Jablomie
Attorney at Law
From the Law Offices of-
Jablomie, Woodya, Pleese
AND ASSOCIATES, L.L.P.
ATTORNEYS AT LAW
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