Post by sWo on Jul 22, 2007 10:35:51 GMT -5
[Dr. Silaconne M. Plants and Nurse Heidi are situated behind a make-shift “judge’s table”, located in a generic audition room…]
NH: Okay, are you ready?
SMP: Sure. How bad could it be?
NH: You DO remember the 1600 Club auditioning new members, right?
SMP: Oh yeah, all the ex-presidents? Man, that was great stuff!
NH: You really think so? What about that one time when BigBoss was searching for new…. * cough * talent?
SMP Oh man, that was hilarious!
NH: Are you feeling okay? Those was some our lowest moments in company history!
SMP: Nah, that was great stuff. I guess you’re forgetting about Neige… and the original sWo.
NH: Good point….
ATTENTION! All here to audition for the new sWo, the… ummmmm…. “something World’s older” please come in one at a time. ONE AT A TIME, PLEASE!
SMP: And you are?
Guy: I’m Bic® Flare. WHOOOOO! [He struts across the floor]
NH: NEXT!
SMP: Okay. Name please…
Guy: WhoKnow Thatguygino.
SMP: Come again…
Guy: WhoKnow Thatguygino.
SMP: What?
[Nurse Heidi leans towards the Doc…]
NH: [in an audible whisper] I’m guessing if you say it really fast it’s supposed to sound like Bruno Sammartino.
SMP: Gotcha. I don’t know that guy Gino and I don’t really want to. Thanksforstoppingby…NEXT!
Guy: [In a sorta thick Polynesian accent, which sorta sounds like Spanglish.] I’m Superfly Flemmy Booga.
SMP: Huh?
[The man hocks up a loogie and splatters the nearby wall with it]
NH: THAT’S GROSS!
SMP: It really flew though, didn’t it? Super. NEXT!
SMP: [reading the note] Superstar Teddy Graham. You gotta be kidding me…
NH: Let me guess, Dussy Whodes?
Guy: Nah, sugah…I tha American Dweem, RUSSY COMMODES!
SMP: Yep, all American’s dream about taking a dump on a rusty shitter. NEXT!
[Another barrel chested man walks in, this one appears to be Polish. But who knows for sure?]
NH: Your name?
Guy: Ican Butski.
SMP: You can? Cool. Does it feel like you’re getting a 60 mph enema? You know what? Never mind… NEXT!
NH: This ought to be good…
SMP: Nice crown. You are?
Guy: The KING! Terry Bawler.
SMP Well, that sucks. It’s not even that original.
NH: [reading a 3x5 index card] It says to hit him.
[SMP gets up, walks over to the guy and socks him on the shoulder. Sure enough, the man wells up, his lower lip quivers, and he begins to cry like a baby]
SMP: What a puss!
NH: I know, right… NEXT!
[An All-American type redhead walks in smoking a cigarette like it’s the cure for, ummm, cancer.]
SMP: Slob Blacklung. At least I’ve heard of this guy… NEXT!
NH: Good Lord! He stinks!
SMP: [pinching his nose] Your name?
Guy: I’m… ROWDY…..SODDY… DIAPER!
[He lifts his kilt to reveal an obviously soiled adult diaper]
SMP and NH: NEXT!
Guy: Was that an answer? JUST WHEN YOU THINK…. YOU HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS…..I…..CHANGE…..THE QUESTIONS!
SMP: GET OUT, DUDE!
Guy: Hello. I’m Gnarly Face.
NH: No kidding…
SMP: Good grief. Hey, do you do that top rope headbutt?
Guy: DUH! How’d you think I got this ugly?
SMP: [shrugs] I dunno, just figured you had, you know…. ugly parents or something.
NH: NEXT!
SMP: What? I liked him…
NH: You are?
Guy: Captain Blue Albino.
SMP: Kinda contradictory, don’cha think?
NH: I think… NEXT!
SMP: HEY NOW! I like this one… your name, honey?
Girl: I’m Cassie’s Readie Assie. I’m a manager.
SMP: Pffft. What do you manage? A stable of Johns? BWWAAAA HAAA HAAAA!
NH: Lame…
SMP: So.
NH: Come on, this is the WORST one. That name is SO fake.
SMP: Huh? That’s the most believable name yet.
NH: She’s African American, Doc. Cassie cannot be her real name…
SMP. Sure it can. What’s your real name, ho….. ney?
Girl: Ummm. Sheniqua.
NH: I TOLD YOU! NEXT!
[No one else enters…]
SMP: That’s it? Well, so much for the old school sWo, huh? Still better than that other one. Say, have you seen Hork Horgan lately?
NH: Oh shut up….
[Cut]
NH: Okay, are you ready?
SMP: Sure. How bad could it be?
NH: You DO remember the 1600 Club auditioning new members, right?
SMP: Oh yeah, all the ex-presidents? Man, that was great stuff!
NH: You really think so? What about that one time when BigBoss was searching for new…. * cough * talent?
SMP Oh man, that was hilarious!
NH: Are you feeling okay? Those was some our lowest moments in company history!
SMP: Nah, that was great stuff. I guess you’re forgetting about Neige… and the original sWo.
NH: Good point….
ATTENTION! All here to audition for the new sWo, the… ummmmm…. “something World’s older” please come in one at a time. ONE AT A TIME, PLEASE!
SMP: And you are?
Guy: I’m Bic® Flare. WHOOOOO! [He struts across the floor]
NH: NEXT!
SMP: Okay. Name please…
Guy: WhoKnow Thatguygino.
SMP: Come again…
Guy: WhoKnow Thatguygino.
SMP: What?
[Nurse Heidi leans towards the Doc…]
NH: [in an audible whisper] I’m guessing if you say it really fast it’s supposed to sound like Bruno Sammartino.
SMP: Gotcha. I don’t know that guy Gino and I don’t really want to. Thanksforstoppingby…NEXT!
Guy: [In a sorta thick Polynesian accent, which sorta sounds like Spanglish.] I’m Superfly Flemmy Booga.
SMP: Huh?
[The man hocks up a loogie and splatters the nearby wall with it]
NH: THAT’S GROSS!
SMP: It really flew though, didn’t it? Super. NEXT!
SMP: [reading the note] Superstar Teddy Graham. You gotta be kidding me…
NH: Let me guess, Dussy Whodes?
Guy: Nah, sugah…I tha American Dweem, RUSSY COMMODES!
SMP: Yep, all American’s dream about taking a dump on a rusty shitter. NEXT!
[Another barrel chested man walks in, this one appears to be Polish. But who knows for sure?]
NH: Your name?
Guy: Ican Butski.
SMP: You can? Cool. Does it feel like you’re getting a 60 mph enema? You know what? Never mind… NEXT!
NH: This ought to be good…
SMP: Nice crown. You are?
Guy: The KING! Terry Bawler.
SMP Well, that sucks. It’s not even that original.
NH: [reading a 3x5 index card] It says to hit him.
[SMP gets up, walks over to the guy and socks him on the shoulder. Sure enough, the man wells up, his lower lip quivers, and he begins to cry like a baby]
SMP: What a puss!
NH: I know, right… NEXT!
[An All-American type redhead walks in smoking a cigarette like it’s the cure for, ummm, cancer.]
SMP: Slob Blacklung. At least I’ve heard of this guy… NEXT!
NH: Good Lord! He stinks!
SMP: [pinching his nose] Your name?
Guy: I’m… ROWDY…..SODDY… DIAPER!
[He lifts his kilt to reveal an obviously soiled adult diaper]
SMP and NH: NEXT!
Guy: Was that an answer? JUST WHEN YOU THINK…. YOU HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS…..I…..CHANGE…..THE QUESTIONS!
SMP: GET OUT, DUDE!
Guy: Hello. I’m Gnarly Face.
NH: No kidding…
SMP: Good grief. Hey, do you do that top rope headbutt?
Guy: DUH! How’d you think I got this ugly?
SMP: [shrugs] I dunno, just figured you had, you know…. ugly parents or something.
NH: NEXT!
SMP: What? I liked him…
NH: You are?
Guy: Captain Blue Albino.
SMP: Kinda contradictory, don’cha think?
NH: I think… NEXT!
SMP: HEY NOW! I like this one… your name, honey?
Girl: I’m Cassie’s Readie Assie. I’m a manager.
SMP: Pffft. What do you manage? A stable of Johns? BWWAAAA HAAA HAAAA!
NH: Lame…
SMP: So.
NH: Come on, this is the WORST one. That name is SO fake.
SMP: Huh? That’s the most believable name yet.
NH: She’s African American, Doc. Cassie cannot be her real name…
SMP. Sure it can. What’s your real name, ho….. ney?
Girl: Ummm. Sheniqua.
NH: I TOLD YOU! NEXT!
[No one else enters…]
SMP: That’s it? Well, so much for the old school sWo, huh? Still better than that other one. Say, have you seen Hork Horgan lately?
NH: Oh shut up….
[Cut]