Subject? Is it mandatory?

[The Smoothest of Operators]

[Dr. Silaconne M. Plants is somewhere, most likely somewhere you're not. Nurse Heidi is with him. Yeah, I don't feel like setting up a scene today.]

NH: Hey Sil? Look at this, Brawler's is open. Again.

SMP: Damn. Really? And here I thought I could go to the unemployment office and draw a check.

NH: You're kidding, right?

SMP: Of course I'm kidding. How can unemployment compensate me from being out of work from a job I never get paid from?

NH: You got me on that one... but anyway, the strange thing is, after yet another lengthy layoff, the smack talking is busy as ever.

SMP: Okay, I'm confused. WHY DON'T THEY JUST LET THE PLACE DIE ALREADY?! I'm kidding again, of course.... if I couldn't rib Axl Van Halen about being mega gay all the time I don't know what I'd do with myself. Well, besides ruin perfectly good breasts and charge for it.

NH: I hate to interrupt you, but there's a comeback show and you're on it. You have a #1 contender's match with....

SMP: *shrugs shoulders*

NH: ...

SMP: Well? Who IS it? douja? Fagtard Halen?

NH: It's Dr. Thrilla.

SMP: Oh HELL NO! I ain't gonna do it. I HATE THAT GUY! He doesn't sell. He's stiff as shit. He calls one thing and does another. He doesn't listen. He tried to cut my winkie off and...

NH: Oh wait hold on! Did you just refer to your dick as a "winkie"?

SMP: I did. Trying to keep the place at least PG, you know?

NH: BWAAAA HAAAA HAAAA!

SMP: What?

NH: BWWWAAAA HAAAA oh my god BWAAAA HAAAA!

SMP: What?

NH: "Winkie"? BWAAA HAAA HAAAA!

SMP: Okay... OKAY! That's enough. You know, I really don't care. Give me Dr. Thrilla so I can get to Axl Van Halen. That's all I care about. When's the match?

NH: Ummm. July 7th.

SMP: What? Today's the 18th. So I've already wrestled him or what?

NH: I guess. I don't know...

SMP: Then what the hell am I doing a promo for?

NH: I really don't know. You're bored today? Trying to break the doldrums of lame Mark Mero eyebrow jokes and JJ Drops and Jizzy the Clown gaiety?

SMP: Mark Mero does have penciled eyebrows, no doubt. And how is JJ still here? I thought Luke Warm killed him.

NH: Guess not.

SMP: Bummer.

NH: Well, the good news is that there's some other #1 contender qualifying matches. Axl and Kevin. Pete and Mano. douja and Little Good. And Axl also has to defend his Swiss Army belt against Death.

SMP: How's that good news? Hold on.... What? WHAT? Axl is booked TWICE? That guys SUCKS! Both literally and figuratively.... How'd he get two matches on the same card?

NH: Don't shoot the messenger....

SMP: What the fu... okay, now I'm pissed. Death is going to kill Axl and I'll never get to kill him myself. Axl kills the crowd by wrestling twice, so the gate is going to be around negative 12. Then he might get lucky and beat Kevin, then Kevin snaps and burns the goddamn building down. Then Death kills Axl and I'll have no other reason to live myself, so then I'll politely ask Death to kill me with limited violence and lesser pain, and finally I'll ascend to Heaven and smoke a fat blunt with Kurt Angel.

NH: Heaven? That's mightly optimistic.... you'll probably be more likely to be running through Hell with flammable scrubs on, being chased by thousands of disfigured titties and popping the tops on millions of cans of Vienna Sausage looking for your "winkie". HA! "Winkie"! I just said "winkie" to Plants!

SMP: This whole bit was a bad idea.... Cut. Cut PLEASE!

[Okay. CUT it is...]

[CUT.]

[Smoke Doggy douja]

douja: nurse heidi smoked my blunt, yo.. and by blunt i mean my big, black cock..

[The Doc]

[Dr. Plants has just finished some paperwork on yet ANOTHER botched augmentation... yet it pays the bills. He notices douja's quaint little remark during another L-O-N-G reading (ummm, viewing) of one of Axl's promos, it popped up right before commercial.]

SMP: What? So douja is STILL around, huh? But before I get to him, I must apologize for Nurse Heidi the other day using the word "doldrum" to describe some recent board, or should I say "bored" activity when I later noticed the same word used in one of Axl's bits to describe Brawler's on a Budget. Nurse Heidi is not affiliated in any way with Axl Van Halen. It should be obvious, as she IS a woman after all. Rumor has it that Tifa Bon Jovi has a schlong like Dirk Diggler... but anyway.

So douja. I see that you're still using the same old duck and run reply tactics. In risk of aging myself, you're kinda like that guy that appeared for a split second during heated Mortal Kombat matches and yelled "toasty!" before disappearing back off the screen. I could never punch in the code fast enough for that guy, so I could never catch him. But I'm going to catch you. Oh yes, I'm going to catch you, you little pickaninny son of a bitch.

You're on the list. You're just down a few pegs right now.... but you're definately STILL ON THERE.

I'll get to you in due time...