Post by Re-Generation X on Jul 15, 2007 22:01:39 GMT -5
(Huge amount of graphics fill the screen as we open another episode of Hardball with Chris Matthews. Chris Matthews comes on the screen with a bit of a scowl.)
CM: Quite an amazing sequence of events surrounding the Chris Benoit scandal as professional wrestling scrambles to cover up any involvement and avoid the connection to steroids. Tonight we’re joined by former professional wrestler and current medical physician Dr. Sean Stasiak. We are also joined by another professional wrestler, Mark Mero.
MM: It’s good to be here Chris.
CM: Thanks Mark, first we’ll go to Sean. You wrestled under the name Meat. Does this have to do with steroids in any way?
SS: The idea was that I was a piece of meat for the women to boss around. I was their slave of sorts.
CM: Wasn’t your character a bit demeaning to men around the world who already fight masculine stereotypes?
SS: I thought we were here to discuss the abuse of steroids by professional wrestlers.
CM: We are, and I know that it’s because of the demeaning nature men are treated by women fans around the world.
MM: It’s interesting you bring that up Chris because we have always been accused of degrading women….
CM: Are you kidding me? There are more men in wrestling and thus the degradation goes in that direction.
MM: Can we get to the topic at hand?
CM: Joining us in this discussion of wrestling injustice are current BOB superstars Re-Generation X members Massive Man Rendition First and Totally Packaged Jim.
MM: Hey, you guys are totally ripping off WWE stars.
Jim: I beg to differ my friend. WWE wrestlers are stealing our gimmicks, they’ve been doing it for years. I'm mean obviously a big fat black dude with huge man boobs would steal the Big Daddy gimick from a skinny white kid from Ohio.
CM: What are you two saying?
MMR1: It’s simple really. When steroids seemed like a cool thing and mic skills and gimmictry were left on the scrap heap. Jim and I were coming up with wonderful gimmicks and receiving lifetime achievement awards for scintillating promos. So, wrestling needs to go back to the basics.
CM: You mean reckless steroid use and degradation of men?
Jim: No, witty promos by tremendous athletes.
MMR1: But we are here to discuss more pressing issues.
Jim: Yeah, like who invited Chyna?
CM: I don’t seem to understand your question.
MMR1: The chick in the lower left hand corner of the monitor.
MM: Who are you calling a chick?!?
Jim: Can’t be Chyna. Her voice is too high.
MM: I’m Mark Mero you jerks.
MMR1: Oh, sorry Mark, I figured with the penciled on eyebrows that you were a chick. What happened? You played with matches.
MM: What’s wrong with you guys? We’re here to talk about a serious problem in our jobs today.
MMR1: Tell me about it. We went to our green room and we had Oreos. But no milk.
SS: That’s hardly a problem.
Jim: Maybe not for you Sausage MD, but all they left for our dunking pleasure was Half n Half and Soy Milk.
CM: Our research staff noted that Jim was lactose intolerant.
MMR1: But that’s no reason to deny me of the most basic dunking necessity.
Jim: Chris, why are you such a douchebag?
CM: I beg your pardon?!?
MMR1: Yeah, seriously. Steroids aren’t the problem in professional wrestling; bad gimmicks and no top tier wrestlers are the problem in professional wrestling.
Jim: Take your show for example. You could have asked Duane Johnson to come on your show and discuss the situation, but you invite Salami PHD and Chyna’s stunt double.
MMR1: At least you brought us in here to save the day.
Jim: What’s even worse is our federation.
MMR1: True, bad gimmicks are a way of life at BOB’s, but the top tier talent is lacking from each and every show.
SS: Actually, I’m a big fan of BOB’s and they have plenty of big stars at each and every show.
Jim: Bacon DDS, you’re fake bake must be getting to you. Look at the line-up for MAYhem in MAYday.
SS: I have looked at it several times in the past few days.
MMR1: And it’s missing the top tier talent of BOB’s Wrestling.
SS: I think they’re all there.
Jim: Chuck Palumbo's tag team partner, obviously you are overlooking that the most decorated and devastating duo wasn’t invited to the little party.
CM: You guys are definitely among the most spirited guest I’ve ever had.
MMR1: Shut up Chris, your mother probably still writes you name on your underoos and wipes your ass whenever you take a dump.
Jim: So we have a little surprise for all of you.
(Sounds of cookie jars breaking comes throughout the split-screens. Hardcore JJ arrives in top physical condition on set with Massive Man and Big Daddy TP.)
JJ: You sorry summabitches are gonna take a beatdown the likes you’ve never seen.
CM: Your language is reminiscent of Pearl on Will Ferrell’s website and will not be tolerated because we have standards at MSNBC.
JJ: Shut up you liberal summabitch.
(JJ JJ Drops the monitor and Chris Matthews, Sean Stasiak, and Mark Mero all sell the move.)
Jim: And just remember kids.
MMR1: We’re back, and we’re still better than y’all.
(Fade to black.)
CM: Quite an amazing sequence of events surrounding the Chris Benoit scandal as professional wrestling scrambles to cover up any involvement and avoid the connection to steroids. Tonight we’re joined by former professional wrestler and current medical physician Dr. Sean Stasiak. We are also joined by another professional wrestler, Mark Mero.
MM: It’s good to be here Chris.
CM: Thanks Mark, first we’ll go to Sean. You wrestled under the name Meat. Does this have to do with steroids in any way?
SS: The idea was that I was a piece of meat for the women to boss around. I was their slave of sorts.
CM: Wasn’t your character a bit demeaning to men around the world who already fight masculine stereotypes?
SS: I thought we were here to discuss the abuse of steroids by professional wrestlers.
CM: We are, and I know that it’s because of the demeaning nature men are treated by women fans around the world.
MM: It’s interesting you bring that up Chris because we have always been accused of degrading women….
CM: Are you kidding me? There are more men in wrestling and thus the degradation goes in that direction.
MM: Can we get to the topic at hand?
CM: Joining us in this discussion of wrestling injustice are current BOB superstars Re-Generation X members Massive Man Rendition First and Totally Packaged Jim.
MM: Hey, you guys are totally ripping off WWE stars.
Jim: I beg to differ my friend. WWE wrestlers are stealing our gimmicks, they’ve been doing it for years. I'm mean obviously a big fat black dude with huge man boobs would steal the Big Daddy gimick from a skinny white kid from Ohio.
CM: What are you two saying?
MMR1: It’s simple really. When steroids seemed like a cool thing and mic skills and gimmictry were left on the scrap heap. Jim and I were coming up with wonderful gimmicks and receiving lifetime achievement awards for scintillating promos. So, wrestling needs to go back to the basics.
CM: You mean reckless steroid use and degradation of men?
Jim: No, witty promos by tremendous athletes.
MMR1: But we are here to discuss more pressing issues.
Jim: Yeah, like who invited Chyna?
CM: I don’t seem to understand your question.
MMR1: The chick in the lower left hand corner of the monitor.
MM: Who are you calling a chick?!?
Jim: Can’t be Chyna. Her voice is too high.
MM: I’m Mark Mero you jerks.
MMR1: Oh, sorry Mark, I figured with the penciled on eyebrows that you were a chick. What happened? You played with matches.
MM: What’s wrong with you guys? We’re here to talk about a serious problem in our jobs today.
MMR1: Tell me about it. We went to our green room and we had Oreos. But no milk.
SS: That’s hardly a problem.
Jim: Maybe not for you Sausage MD, but all they left for our dunking pleasure was Half n Half and Soy Milk.
CM: Our research staff noted that Jim was lactose intolerant.
MMR1: But that’s no reason to deny me of the most basic dunking necessity.
Jim: Chris, why are you such a douchebag?
CM: I beg your pardon?!?
MMR1: Yeah, seriously. Steroids aren’t the problem in professional wrestling; bad gimmicks and no top tier wrestlers are the problem in professional wrestling.
Jim: Take your show for example. You could have asked Duane Johnson to come on your show and discuss the situation, but you invite Salami PHD and Chyna’s stunt double.
MMR1: At least you brought us in here to save the day.
Jim: What’s even worse is our federation.
MMR1: True, bad gimmicks are a way of life at BOB’s, but the top tier talent is lacking from each and every show.
SS: Actually, I’m a big fan of BOB’s and they have plenty of big stars at each and every show.
Jim: Bacon DDS, you’re fake bake must be getting to you. Look at the line-up for MAYhem in MAYday.
SS: I have looked at it several times in the past few days.
MMR1: And it’s missing the top tier talent of BOB’s Wrestling.
SS: I think they’re all there.
Jim: Chuck Palumbo's tag team partner, obviously you are overlooking that the most decorated and devastating duo wasn’t invited to the little party.
CM: You guys are definitely among the most spirited guest I’ve ever had.
MMR1: Shut up Chris, your mother probably still writes you name on your underoos and wipes your ass whenever you take a dump.
Jim: So we have a little surprise for all of you.
(Sounds of cookie jars breaking comes throughout the split-screens. Hardcore JJ arrives in top physical condition on set with Massive Man and Big Daddy TP.)
JJ: You sorry summabitches are gonna take a beatdown the likes you’ve never seen.
CM: Your language is reminiscent of Pearl on Will Ferrell’s website and will not be tolerated because we have standards at MSNBC.
JJ: Shut up you liberal summabitch.
(JJ JJ Drops the monitor and Chris Matthews, Sean Stasiak, and Mark Mero all sell the move.)
Jim: And just remember kids.
MMR1: We’re back, and we’re still better than y’all.
(Fade to black.)