|
|
Post by @xL on Mar 16, 2007 10:58:18 GMT -5
:: Friday, March 16th, 2007 - 6:36 a.m. ::
~ Location: Metal Manor ~
[Scene: Axl's bedroom, center of the Metal Manor, in lovely Nowhere, Oklahoma. The morning is upon us, and the world is awakening for a new day. A new day... filled with new opportunities. New hope. And new chances to prove oneself... and to ascend to a higher plane.]
[Axl lies in bed, sheet covering his naked torso, as he tosses and turns... perhaps caught within a dream, soon to come to a screeching halt, as the alarm sounds... and the Metal God rises from the matress, body soaked with sweat, hair glistening, eyes half shut. He rubs his eyes, before the feintest smile creeps at the edges of his lips. He chuckles.]
Axl: SMP... you may be wondering. Wondering how, after contracting all of those dreadful, horrible diseases, that I'm here in perfect health. Hell, you be wondering how I'm alive at all. Well, thing is, you obviously don't know who you've been speaking to for the past few weeks. You see, whereas the only tail douja could scare up is that of that Queen of All Whores, Nurse Heidi... Me? The Metal God? I can go out, walk into a club, and have ladies practically THROWING themselves at me. I'm that damn sexy. And not gay. Definitely not gay.
Axl: But with all that unadulterated sex, there comes a price. And that price is years upon years of contracting std's. But babe, I pulled through, time after time, again and again, because I'm just too damn HARDCORE to go down from some damn "disease". And after awhile? I get so friggin' good at fending off those pesky little std's, that I start deflecting them like... uhm... like... well, like something deflecting something. ... So to make a long story even longer, I may have kissed that bum, and yeah, I may have gotten alot of diseases, but dude, I'm Axl... F'n... VanHalen, and I don't go down for nobody, nothin', no how, no WAY! My immune system is harder to crack than a... harder to crack than... ... than a really hard thing. To crack. SO THERE!!! 
Axl: BoB... it truly is a new day. A new horizon. And today, I greet this day. For you see, I just had a dream... the most vivid, immersive dream I've EVER encountered... a dream that showed me what I must do... and how important it is that I do it. BoB... I've been sent from above to guide you... to become your savior, with a guitar strapped around my neck. I am YOUR Metal God. And I shall lead you all... to the next level.
Axl: A few rants back, some of you may have seen Tifa and I talking about a meeting with an exec. Well, it just so happens that this exec is the Chairman and CEO of Parodyox Enterprises, a multi-faceted company that has involved itself in many different endeavors. Movies, television, video games, and many, MANY different types of products. The Chairman of Parodyox, Frank Jack McStevens, is a man that I have, within the span of one meeting, grown to honor, admire, and adore. He is a man with a vision. And I too share that vision. The vision to take a small company... and bring it to levels which it never imagined it could reach. He has done that with Parodyox, as I will with Brawlers on a Budget.
Axl: But. He has come to me with a proposition. You see, Frank is looking for someone to bring him to an even higher level, so he may finally reach a plateau where he controls every market out there. Something which no mere mortal man has EVER achieved. And he knew that the only man that could possibly do that for him, was the future of BoB, and the next Swiss Army Belt champ, Axl VanHalen. He has given me the chance of a lifetime. The opportunity to become his company's spokesman... and I've accepted. It pays well, and with me stuck in BoB, anything that pays even half decently is worth it. He wants me to introduce his products to an even larger populace, and what better way than to start featuring his merchandise, films, games, etc., in the greatest and bestest federation in the world!!! Buuut, I sent them a few phone-calls to start booking me, and it seems as though I lack a couple of things they seem to find important. Like talent. So, I've decided to just stick with BoB. And come Living in Sin, I will kick my spokesmanship off with a bang... in the center of the weapons filled cage.
Axl: Mr. Parodox... good job on the tag team victory. But let's face it. It took not only you and your partner Zeno, but a cheap shot from Pigeon, as well as a gat-dam SNAKE to beat me! A snake which could have very well KILLED me! And THEN how would I hawk Parodyox merchandise? You see, you think you have it aaalll figured out, dont'cha? Walk into Living in Sin, walk over me, and take the belt. But Paro-DOUCHE... just when you think you've got all the answers? The Metal God changes the questions! This Sunday... you... me. Weapons-filled cage. But it won't be just any old weapons-filled cage, my friend. Because, in the confines of that hellish steel structure, there will be some of the most fantabulous products under the sun, all provided by my good friends... at Parodyox INC. After I get through taking a few of their kitchen-ware products and cut you up into about one dozen bite-sized pieces, I'll mow you over... literally, with a Parodyox brand lawn-mower! And then? When you're all cut up, beat up, and torn to ribbons... I'll introduce one of Parodyox INC's finest instruments into the mix... the ax. And I'm not talking about some dumb old wood-chopping thingy, no, no, no. I'm talking about a GUITAR, the one and only weapon of mass destruction!
Axl: Come LiS... it's going to be you and me inside a cage, lined with some of the best darn products with the best darn prices that Parodyox has to offer. And I'm going to introduce you, Mr. Parodox, to each and every one of them... up close, and very, VERY personal. And as the time ticks away, getting closer and closer to the big event, I want you guys... all three of you Jackholes from Dimension Z... I want the whole lot of you to keep something deep in the back of those thick skulls of yours. None of you. NONE... of you. Are going to be walking out of Living in Sin with gold around your waist or over your shoulder. The only thing you're going to walk out with is a few knots on your heads, scars on your backs, a few broken noses and busted lips, eyes blacker than they are blue... and empty hands. Because when all is said and done, the dust has settled, and the smoke has cleared, the world will KNOW that you people are nothing more than frauds. You talk big, you gloat, you run your mouth, but the fact of the matter is... your just a bunch of never-will-be's... while I? I am...
Axl: The Metal God.
Axl: The Leader of the Rock-O-Lution.
Axl: And the man... that will, without a shadow of a doubt, SAVE BoB... from the slow, creeping death that assclowns like you three, SMP, and many others are beginning to inject it with. You see... unlike what some may say, I'm not trying to take over BoB. Hell, I'm not even trying to kill it. I'm trying to help this poor company, and all you people have to say is either that I'm annoying, or I'm... ugh... GAY. Fact of the matter is, I'm the only man that can help. And the only way I can do that is by making sure the whole thing doesn't go straight down the crapper... I must become the new franchise player of this company. For the sake of the BoB'sters in the back... for the sake of the fans... for the sake of Big Boss himself. And if that means destroying all those who oppose me... then so be it. I will prove myself to be the savior of this federation... I will be the one to restore glory to the titles, I will be the one to rid this place of the cancerous filth that infests it like the plague...
Axl: And when the time is right? I WILL be the one to kill the STWF. So it was written... so it shall be done.
Axl: Don't believe? Just wait...
Axl: The Rock-O-Lution has begun...
~ rock on ~
\oo/_ OvO _\oo/
~ rock on |
|
