Post by The Smooth Operator on Mar 11, 2007 10:24:06 GMT -5
[Dr. Plants is seen standing outside of a bus depot, and if any of you have ever been to the public bus station, you know it's not a very savory place to hang out. Even in Vegas, I'm sure it's a shithole.]
SMP: That's right, douja... HERE I AM! MOVING BUS MATCH! It's about ready to begin.
Oh yeah, you little pick-a-ninny... I've been training in between putting the verbal smackdown on Axl Van Halen, who I'll assume is off dying somewhere from AIDS and ringworm and whatever else he's contracted. But enough about him.
I've been standing here all day, breathing in these exhaust fumes, you see? It made me dizzy at first, but I've adapted. I could've possibly died from carbon monoxide poisoning, but I'm too tough. I'm ready.
There's other things I've done to prepare...
*shot of SMP wobbily riding a skateboard, he's passed by several pimply face kids in their early teens doing ollies and flippy things and whatever they do on those damn things and call them. Plants falls and scrapes his knee.*
*shot of SMP trying to stand on a surfboard. The screen is whitewashed with a wave. Next shot is SMP frantically swimming to escape a shark.*
*shot of SMP trying to walk a tight rope, he falls and clotheslines himself*
*shot of SMP back at the bus depot*
SMP: What the hell? Who puts my highlight reels together? That sucked!
But the good news is, douja... those were EARLY clips, EARLY CLIPS, I SAY! I've mastered all of them now. Everything I could think of doing, I've done to prepare myself to be able to stand upright and fight as if that bus wasn't moving. But it WILL be moving... but I'll effectively no-sell it.
My balance is superior, my reflexes are cat-like, and my striking ability is lightning fast. It's like 1999, again. I've never felt better!
And I'm going to party like it's 1999!
And you? I'm sure you've just been laying around, smoking pot all day and eating chips to satisfy your munchies.
Meanwhile, I've become a well-oiled, riding-on-a-bus fighting juggernaut.
[Dr. Plants now flexes for the camera, which is ineffective since he's wearing a physician's overcoat.]
SMP: DOUJA! With God as my witness, I'm going to tear you limb from limb, pound your face into a soft, puddy like mush... and let the entire world know, if there was ever any doubt, that I'm better than you are, always have been, and always will be.
You've done things, I'll admit. But if circumstances would have been different, it would have been I, Dr. Silaconne M. Plants, that won every title in BOB. Since that's now impossible, I'll just destroy the guy that did it.
GET IT? GOT IT?
Oh wait... I have something for you.
[Dr. Plants steps offscreen and returns with a box]
SMP: EFOW Industrustries sent this to my house. It's addressed to your mother, whom I'm guessing used my address since she's been over there so many times cooking and doing laundry.
*he begins opening the box*
SMP: Let's see, what IS this?
*He reads the manual that came with it*
SMP: Put on the Golden Glove, and use THE PENETRATOR. Experience multiple orga...
EWWWWW!
*SMP pulls out a large, two headed vibrator*
SMP: AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
*He then throws it off camera and runs to a nearby trashcan. Vomiting sounds can be heard*
*more vomiting sounds*
*still more vomiting sounds*
*vomiting sounds stopping, NOPE! more vomiting sounds*
*a burp*
*sounds of VOMITING*
*VOMITING*
*VOMITING*
*VOMITING*
[Okay, that's enough. CUT.]
SMP: That's right, douja... HERE I AM! MOVING BUS MATCH! It's about ready to begin.
Oh yeah, you little pick-a-ninny... I've been training in between putting the verbal smackdown on Axl Van Halen, who I'll assume is off dying somewhere from AIDS and ringworm and whatever else he's contracted. But enough about him.
I've been standing here all day, breathing in these exhaust fumes, you see? It made me dizzy at first, but I've adapted. I could've possibly died from carbon monoxide poisoning, but I'm too tough. I'm ready.
There's other things I've done to prepare...
*shot of SMP wobbily riding a skateboard, he's passed by several pimply face kids in their early teens doing ollies and flippy things and whatever they do on those damn things and call them. Plants falls and scrapes his knee.*
*shot of SMP trying to stand on a surfboard. The screen is whitewashed with a wave. Next shot is SMP frantically swimming to escape a shark.*
*shot of SMP trying to walk a tight rope, he falls and clotheslines himself*
*shot of SMP back at the bus depot*
SMP: What the hell? Who puts my highlight reels together? That sucked!
But the good news is, douja... those were EARLY clips, EARLY CLIPS, I SAY! I've mastered all of them now. Everything I could think of doing, I've done to prepare myself to be able to stand upright and fight as if that bus wasn't moving. But it WILL be moving... but I'll effectively no-sell it.
My balance is superior, my reflexes are cat-like, and my striking ability is lightning fast. It's like 1999, again. I've never felt better!
And I'm going to party like it's 1999!
And you? I'm sure you've just been laying around, smoking pot all day and eating chips to satisfy your munchies.
Meanwhile, I've become a well-oiled, riding-on-a-bus fighting juggernaut.
[Dr. Plants now flexes for the camera, which is ineffective since he's wearing a physician's overcoat.]
SMP: DOUJA! With God as my witness, I'm going to tear you limb from limb, pound your face into a soft, puddy like mush... and let the entire world know, if there was ever any doubt, that I'm better than you are, always have been, and always will be.
You've done things, I'll admit. But if circumstances would have been different, it would have been I, Dr. Silaconne M. Plants, that won every title in BOB. Since that's now impossible, I'll just destroy the guy that did it.
GET IT? GOT IT?
Oh wait... I have something for you.
[Dr. Plants steps offscreen and returns with a box]
SMP: EFOW Industrustries sent this to my house. It's addressed to your mother, whom I'm guessing used my address since she's been over there so many times cooking and doing laundry.
*he begins opening the box*
SMP: Let's see, what IS this?
*He reads the manual that came with it*
SMP: Put on the Golden Glove, and use THE PENETRATOR. Experience multiple orga...
EWWWWW!
*SMP pulls out a large, two headed vibrator*
SMP: AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
*He then throws it off camera and runs to a nearby trashcan. Vomiting sounds can be heard*
*more vomiting sounds*
*still more vomiting sounds*
*vomiting sounds stopping, NOPE! more vomiting sounds*
*a burp*
*sounds of VOMITING*
*VOMITING*
*VOMITING*
*VOMITING*
[Okay, that's enough. CUT.]