Post by Regeneration X on Feb 24, 2007 21:34:02 GMT -5
(Scene opens with "Totally Packaged" Jim sleeping in the back seat of what appears to be a van. We hear the sound of lips smacking coming from just below Jim's face. He wakes up and has a look of shock and horror on his face.)
TPJ: Dude, what are you doing with my nuts in your mouth?
(Camera pans to Massive Man Rendition First who slows raises his head and looks right into the camera. His mouth is wet with drrool.)
MMR: Sorry, dude, but you know they're my weakness.
(Jim grabs at something and then turns to Josh.)
TPJ: Then at the next rest stop buy yourself a can of Planter's Cashews.
MMR: Why don't you just share?
TPJ: Because I don't like sharing my nuts with everyone. They're my nuts and I will do with them what I please.
MMR: Fine, but you're not allowed to have my nuts either.
TPJ: Don't be silly dude. No one wants your nuts because they're stale.
MMR: Dude, just because I buy other sweet things with my cash, doesn't mean I have stale nuts.
TPJ: Dude, then why are you eating my nuts?
MMR: Because I love honey-roasted cashews, and I'm just tired of my unsalted almonds.
TPJ: Well, just ask next time before you just shove my nuts in your mouth.
MMR: Yeah. Dude, this trip is going to take us a while.
TPJ: Well dude, Florida is a long drive from Ohio.
MMR: Yeah, but we're driving to Africa to see your dad.
TPJ: Dude, you can't drive to Africa. Wait. Who's driving now?
MMR: Dude, relax. JJ said he'd take a four-hour shift since you passed out.
(Camera pans to Hardcore JJ who is sitting on a Pepsi Cube with two-liter bottles of Pepsi attached to his feet so he can reach the pedals.)
JJ: That's right you sorry summabitch. You passed faster than a lightweight at Mardi Gras.
TPJ: Well, I've had a lot of stress lately. I mean, I was just dead a few weeks ago and then creating a brand new faction.
JJ: You sorry summabitch, you're just a lazy ass who takes nap time today...
Crowd: What?!?
JJ: Tomorrow...
Crowd: What?!?
JJ: Next week....
Crowd: What?!?
JJ: And next year.
MMR: Where did that crowd come from?
JJ: You summabitch, don't make me pull over and give you a JJ Drop.
MMR: Sorry, JJ. I didn't mean anything by it.
JJ: That's right you summabitch.
TPJ: Actually JJ, could you pull over, I gotta take a leak.
JJ: Sounds good, I need to let out the trouser snake.
MMR: That's disgusting.
(JJ justs glares at Rendition First in the rear view mirror. Rendition First shuts his mouth. JJ pulls the van over and the three wrestlers get out and stretch.)
TPJ: Thanks JJ. I'm gonna head into the woods a little to take a leak.
JJ: I'm gonna piss right here.
MMR: Can I come out of the van?
JJ: You can piss your pants as far as I'm concerned you sorry summabitch.
(Camera follows Jim into the woods. He finds a little bush, unzips, and begins to urinate. He whistles a little tune, but he hears a rustling in the woods. A man in a cowboy hat and a long trench-coat with a beard comes up to him.)
TPJ: Wait a second. Aren't you?!?
CN: Yes, I'm Chuck Norris.
TPJ: How did you know what I was going to say? Did you read my mind?
CN: No, I get asked that question about 14,000 times a day.
TPJ: Oh. Well, Mr. Norris...
CN: Please, Chuck is fine.
TPJ: Oh, ok. Chuck, what are you doing in this area?
CN: Actually, I'm a big fan of Re-Generation X.
TPJ: Really?
CN: Yes. I've loved you guys from the beginning.
TPJ: So you liked the Kent State Krew?
CN: No, just Re-Generation X.
TPJ: Oh, so you've only been a fan for a couple of weeks then.
CN: Well, I only recently became interested in wrestling. You see, I'm a pacifist.
TPJ: What?!? What about the round-house kicks?
CN: Acting. They're all fake.
TPJ: Wow. What about all the internet rumors about you, and all the stories and tales?
CN: Most of them are true.
TPJ: Like?
CN: Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits.
TPJ: So you really don't kill people?
CN: Not usually. Unless I get angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry. I can sometimes be a violent pacifist.
TPJ: I totally have a friend for you to meet.
CN: Chuck Norris counted to infinity, twice.
TPJ: That's very impressive.
CN: Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
TPJ: Do you always speak in the third person?
CN: Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
TPJ: Wow, look at the time.
CN: Can I come with you to Africa?
TPJ: How did you know we were headed to Africa?
CN: Because I'm freakin' Chuck Norris.
TPJ: I guess so. Maybe you could be our manager.
CN: I would like that very much. Could I get a Re-Generation X T-shirt and maybe appear in the entrance video?
TPJ: Anything for you Chuck Norris. And Massive Man Rendition First has a match this Sunday. Maybe you can escort him to the ring.
CN: That would be great. I'd be honored. Thank you "Totally Packaged" Jim.
TPJ: No thank you Chuck Norris.
("Eyes of the Ranger" begins to play as Chuck Norris and "Totally Packaged" Jim walk in slow motion back toward the van. Massive Man Rendition First and Hardcore JJ smile with glee at their new compatriot and friend, Chuck Norris. Fade to black.)
TPJ: Dude, what are you doing with my nuts in your mouth?
(Camera pans to Massive Man Rendition First who slows raises his head and looks right into the camera. His mouth is wet with drrool.)
MMR: Sorry, dude, but you know they're my weakness.
(Jim grabs at something and then turns to Josh.)
TPJ: Then at the next rest stop buy yourself a can of Planter's Cashews.
MMR: Why don't you just share?
TPJ: Because I don't like sharing my nuts with everyone. They're my nuts and I will do with them what I please.
MMR: Fine, but you're not allowed to have my nuts either.
TPJ: Don't be silly dude. No one wants your nuts because they're stale.
MMR: Dude, just because I buy other sweet things with my cash, doesn't mean I have stale nuts.
TPJ: Dude, then why are you eating my nuts?
MMR: Because I love honey-roasted cashews, and I'm just tired of my unsalted almonds.
TPJ: Well, just ask next time before you just shove my nuts in your mouth.
MMR: Yeah. Dude, this trip is going to take us a while.
TPJ: Well dude, Florida is a long drive from Ohio.
MMR: Yeah, but we're driving to Africa to see your dad.
TPJ: Dude, you can't drive to Africa. Wait. Who's driving now?
MMR: Dude, relax. JJ said he'd take a four-hour shift since you passed out.
(Camera pans to Hardcore JJ who is sitting on a Pepsi Cube with two-liter bottles of Pepsi attached to his feet so he can reach the pedals.)
JJ: That's right you sorry summabitch. You passed faster than a lightweight at Mardi Gras.
TPJ: Well, I've had a lot of stress lately. I mean, I was just dead a few weeks ago and then creating a brand new faction.
JJ: You sorry summabitch, you're just a lazy ass who takes nap time today...
Crowd: What?!?
JJ: Tomorrow...
Crowd: What?!?
JJ: Next week....
Crowd: What?!?
JJ: And next year.
MMR: Where did that crowd come from?
JJ: You summabitch, don't make me pull over and give you a JJ Drop.
MMR: Sorry, JJ. I didn't mean anything by it.
JJ: That's right you summabitch.
TPJ: Actually JJ, could you pull over, I gotta take a leak.
JJ: Sounds good, I need to let out the trouser snake.
MMR: That's disgusting.
(JJ justs glares at Rendition First in the rear view mirror. Rendition First shuts his mouth. JJ pulls the van over and the three wrestlers get out and stretch.)
TPJ: Thanks JJ. I'm gonna head into the woods a little to take a leak.
JJ: I'm gonna piss right here.
MMR: Can I come out of the van?
JJ: You can piss your pants as far as I'm concerned you sorry summabitch.
(Camera follows Jim into the woods. He finds a little bush, unzips, and begins to urinate. He whistles a little tune, but he hears a rustling in the woods. A man in a cowboy hat and a long trench-coat with a beard comes up to him.)
TPJ: Wait a second. Aren't you?!?
CN: Yes, I'm Chuck Norris.
TPJ: How did you know what I was going to say? Did you read my mind?
CN: No, I get asked that question about 14,000 times a day.
TPJ: Oh. Well, Mr. Norris...
CN: Please, Chuck is fine.
TPJ: Oh, ok. Chuck, what are you doing in this area?
CN: Actually, I'm a big fan of Re-Generation X.
TPJ: Really?
CN: Yes. I've loved you guys from the beginning.
TPJ: So you liked the Kent State Krew?
CN: No, just Re-Generation X.
TPJ: Oh, so you've only been a fan for a couple of weeks then.
CN: Well, I only recently became interested in wrestling. You see, I'm a pacifist.
TPJ: What?!? What about the round-house kicks?
CN: Acting. They're all fake.
TPJ: Wow. What about all the internet rumors about you, and all the stories and tales?
CN: Most of them are true.
TPJ: Like?
CN: Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits.
TPJ: So you really don't kill people?
CN: Not usually. Unless I get angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry. I can sometimes be a violent pacifist.
TPJ: I totally have a friend for you to meet.
CN: Chuck Norris counted to infinity, twice.
TPJ: That's very impressive.
CN: Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
TPJ: Do you always speak in the third person?
CN: Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
TPJ: Wow, look at the time.
CN: Can I come with you to Africa?
TPJ: How did you know we were headed to Africa?
CN: Because I'm freakin' Chuck Norris.
TPJ: I guess so. Maybe you could be our manager.
CN: I would like that very much. Could I get a Re-Generation X T-shirt and maybe appear in the entrance video?
TPJ: Anything for you Chuck Norris. And Massive Man Rendition First has a match this Sunday. Maybe you can escort him to the ring.
CN: That would be great. I'd be honored. Thank you "Totally Packaged" Jim.
TPJ: No thank you Chuck Norris.
("Eyes of the Ranger" begins to play as Chuck Norris and "Totally Packaged" Jim walk in slow motion back toward the van. Massive Man Rendition First and Hardcore JJ smile with glee at their new compatriot and friend, Chuck Norris. Fade to black.)