Post by @xL on Feb 23, 2007 19:21:27 GMT -5
:: Friday, February 23rd, 2007 - 4:30 p.m. ::
~ Location: The Outskirts of Vegas... KSUX Radio Station ~
[KSUX is on the air, and its afternoon DJ, Rex Rivers, is spinning the smash hits of the 80's, all the way from Skid Row to Twisted Sister, from the Crue and of course, JACKYL!!! Rex finally takes to the microphone, with an introduction for the next song...]
Rex: Folks, this next one is from a dude that's making a wave in the world TODAY! He's bringing BACK Hair Metal, and in a BIG way! Axl VanHalen, Metal God and LEADER of the Rock-O-Lution, and this Sunday, he's headed into battle with a wrestling madman, in the center of the BoB BallRoom! MetalHeads, let's all wish Axl the best of luck when he runs the mighty head of the Metal God's Rod into the backside of that Towel-headed b@stard, Alan Qaida! And let's all give it up, for Axl's band GwarTellica, as they bring Hair Metal back to the forefront, with their latest smash, "The Rod". Rock ON!!!
[Rex flips on the album, and Axl's newest Metal Masterpiece hits the airwaves...]
"Sometimes... Sometimes I feel like I just can't go,
Sometimes I feel I can't take no mo',
Sometimes I wanna... I wanna go."
"Sometimes... Sometimes I need to feel the flow,
Sometimes there's a boat that I must row,
Sometimes I wanna... I wanna GOOO-"
"Take my Rod... I gotta feel it.
Feel the Rod... I gotta stick it.
Stick my Rod... I wanna taste it.
Taste the Rod. You're gonna feel it!"
"It's time... time... time... time for the ROD."
"Sometimes... Sometimes I know that I've got it all,
Sometimes I feel like a bouncin' ball,
Sometimes I gotta... I gotta know."
"Sometimes... Sometimes I scrape, and I climb and claw,
Sometimes to walk I must start to crawl,
Sometimes I gotta... I gotta know."
"Sometimes... Sometimes... Sometimes... SOMETIMES."
"I GOTTA KNOW!!!"
"Take my Rod... I gotta feel it.
Feel the Rod... I gotta stick it.
Stick my Rod... I wanna taste it.
Taste the Rod. You're gonna feel it!"
"Feel my Rod... it's gettin' larger.
It's so good... it's gettin' HARDER.
Eat my Rod... you wanna taste it?
Feel the Rod... YOU'RE GONNA FEEL IT!"
"It's time... time... time... time for the ROD!!!"
[As the track finishes up, Rex takes back to the microphone.]
Rex: And now, we've got a VERY special treat for all of you, as the man behind GwarTellica, and the FUTURE of Brawlers on a Bugdet, is now going to join us here in the studio, for a very special interview with yours truly. Ladies and gentlemen... Axl... Van... HALEN!!!
["Young, Dumb and Rich , B!tch plays on the studio speakers, as Axl comes through the front door and sits down beside Rex Rivers. Axl slides on a pair of headphones, before shaking Rex's hand."]
Rex: Hello Axl, it's great to have you here on KSUX Radio!
Axl: I'm sure it's an honor.
Rex: It sure is. ... So, first question. As you may know, alot of people that have come in contact with you, including some of your BoB colleagues, aren't that familiar with the whole "Hair Metal" persona. I mean, this is the year 2007, of course. So, my question is... are you gay?
Axl: [looks at Rex with a bit of an angered look] What the hell do you mean, "am I gay"? Are you gay?
Rex: No, but then again, I don't wear make up, lipstick and fingernail polish. And I don't like guys...
Axl: ... So, what, you're insinuating that I like guys?
Rex: Well, I've seen how you look at your opponents in the ring. I mean, it's less of a Hogan - Rock staredown, and more of a lustful gaze...
Axl: NEXT QUESTION!!!
Rex: Sure. This Sunday, you're facing off against the something-cidal, whatever-acidal, whocares-acidal Afghan somethin' or another Ali Baba, or whatever his name may be. My question is... isn't it becoming painfully clear to you that you've been stuck in a division that's basically filled with the BOTTOM of the heap? I mean... you call yourself a Metal GOD, the leader of the Rock-O-Lution? And yet, the only guy you could possibly face in the finals that would even come CLOSE to being a worthy contender for anything... you know... important, would be Dr. Thrilla. And let's face it, the dude's getting his @ss handed to him not only by SMP, but the drugged out "legend" that is Douja. I mean, Big Boss must have had SOME reason for placing you in the second-rate division...
Axl: Rex... I've already told the entire world, I don't BELONG in the d@mn Swiss Army Belt Division. I belong in the Only World Title Division that Matters, facing opposition that can actually give me a challenge. I mean, if guys like Coma, and if some d@mn WASHING MACHINE can be involved with that belt, then why not the TRUE future of this business? The man that single HANDEDLY won BOTH RWW World Tag Titles, by himSELF, against two of the most revolutionary pioneers in the history of the world; Lewis and Clark!
Rex: That never actually... happened... did it?
Axl: No. But the point is, I DESERVE to be in the Only World Title Division That Matters, and after I take the Swiss Army Belt at Living in Sin against whatever jobber I'm lined up against, I WILL not stop until I get what I deserve!
Rex: Well, nonetheless, my final question is concerning this new venture you've got going with Slurm X2O, the new energy drink from Big Bender Industries.
Axl: Oh, hell yeah, man. Slurm X2O is an energy drink, developed in the factories of British Columbine, New Rhode Island. It's made from Sulphur and Peroxide, and just a hint of Plutonium, and it's-
Rex: ... Wait, Sulpher? Peroxide? PLUTONIUM? You do know what those things are, right?!
Axl: Uhm... no, not really. I've never actually drank any of it. They just slap my face on the bottle and give me 25% of the profits. It's a great way to pay for the upkeep of my Metal Manor. And I've got this nice little hot pink Les Paul I've got my eye on...
Rex: Axl, those things can KILL people! You're a disgrace to the mighty tradition of Hair Metal!
Axl: Thanks, I try. You know what they say, every little bit helps.
Rex: ... And with that, I'm out of here. Next up is Max Maxwell's "Live and Hairy", the concert program that takes YOU to the stage, without having to pay, and without the bothersome annoyances that come with illegally sneaking into the show! Oh, and Axl, I won't be taking that box supply of Slurm X2O after all.
Axl: Fine! You know what? This whole station can kiss... my...-
- off air -
~ rock on ~
\oo/_ OvO _\oo/
~ rock on