Post by @xL on Feb 13, 2007 3:10:52 GMT -5
[Scene: The camera opens up to Axl VanHalen's 'Metal Manor', where Axl is just now exiting the front door. When he comes through the door... his eyes fill with shock. For, lying upon his front lawn, is his private jet, with every single window shattered, dents across the whole thing, and the 'sWo X' logo painted across BOTH sides.]
Axl: Those son-of-a... TIFA!!!
Tifa: What is it Axl... oh my god... wait... don't you even THINK about making me pay for this...
Axl: Ok, fine, you don't have to pay for the damages, I guess...
Tifa: Thank you...
Axl: I'll be expecting a brand new private jet when I get back from X-Arena. Make it red and black... its the colors of the Dog Pak.
Tifa: ...
SmackRaw EPISODE 4: Welcome to the War Zone...
[Another episode opens to the sWo X interview set, where this week Good ol' BJ is sitting next to the Olympic Luge Champion, Wright Angle. Wright has a bowl filled with mouth guards sitting next to his chair, for some unknown reason...]
BJ: Thanks Wright, fer joinin' us, on this second week of interviews for the Best D@mn Secondary Title Period 4-way.
[Wright reaches into the bowl and pulls out a guard, putting it into his mouth, and showing it off... with the words "No Problem" on the front.]
BJ: Well, I just have a couple ah questions fer ya, Wright. First off, alot ah guys in the back are sayin' that the UdderTaker is a favorite to walk away as the champ. Whaddya gotta say tah that?
[Wright replaces his guard with one that reads, "Bring It..." before replacing this with, "... Bucko."]
BJ: So your confident, and that's good. But Wright, I know you're a former Olypic Gold Medal Winner, but the truth is... that was in the luge. And bah gawd, who really gives a pet coon about a luge?
[Wright looks scathingly at BJ... before pulling out another guard, and placing it in his mouth... and it seems as though that one's censored.]
BJ: Uh, ahem... er, moving right along... Wright, we heard John Semen's comments last week. What do you think of that cocky young sunnuva gun?
[Wright smiles, reaches into his bowl and places a mouth guard into his mouth... with the word, "Wigga".]
BJ: And finally, I'd just like to know what you think about a guy that's been almost ignored until now... the HeadLock Kid, Rob Nickles. He has the opening match tonight, and could prove to be somewhat of a factor in the outcome of this match. What's yer thoughts?
[Wright looks down for a second... thinking... before reaching into the bowl, without lifting his head. After replacing the guard, he lifts his head up... with five words showing for the entire world to see.]
"It's Time... It's MY Time."
- aids -
[We open back up to the X-Arena, where Ben Joss is sitting ringside.]
BJ: Folks, this next match is a handicap, and will take place outside in the parking lot for some unknown reason...
[We head to the lot, where Ghandi Orton, a bald man from India in what appears to be an adult diaper, and a hedge... yes, an actual hedge, are awaiting their opponent. "I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred plays on an invisible speaker system, and the HeadLock Kid dances out from the entrance door. As soon as he does, he looks at Ghandi... before locking on his finisher, the Head Lock!!! Ghandi instantly drops to the ground, unconcious. Rob turns his attention to the hedge, named Hedge, and goes for a superkick... but his foot gets stuck in the shrubbery. He falls to the ground, and Ghandi manages to... well, basically roll over him in his near-sleep like state sheerly by a fluke... and gets the 1, 2, 3. A bush and a monk have defeated Rob Nickles!!! Doesn't look very good for his Royal Royale chances...]
BJ: We're back inside folks, and we've got a tuna baker up next! It's a rematch from never, when the Toddler takes on the Baby, with Mr. Kannot-eddy taking on Bratista. Kannot-eddy is known for his innability to do ANYTHING, as he is literally only 3 and a half months old. And his opponent, former Eugene LevyWeight Champion Bratista, is known for being... well, a BRAT. He's five years old, cranky, and a big pain in the you know what.
["Some Music" by Some Band plays on the speakers, and Mama Kennedy rolls out Kannot-eddy in his stroller, as he shakes his rattle in the air to the disdain of the crowd. Boos fill the air as Kannot-eddy makes a stinky in his diapy and cries about it. Kannot-eddy is carried into the ring by his Mama, before being set down in the center of the ring. A microphone comes down from the air, and Kannot-eddy begins to speak...]
Kannot-eddy: Goo goo goo a-ga ga goo gee gagoo gee... MISTEWWWWWWWWW KANNOT-EDDY... [crawls over to the corner post and gets on the bottom turnbuckle] ... Kannogoogoogeegaga!!!
[Suddenly, "X Gonna Give it to Ya" by DMX hits, and out comes... Reeve? Chairman Gordon comes out with a microphone, and begins speaking as he comes down to the ring...]
Reeve: Mr. Kannot-eddy... I'm sorry to inform you that Bratista couldn't make it to tonight's event. Buuut, in his place, I've managed to make a nice little substitution...
Speakers: *Gong*... *Gong*... Dead Moo Walkin'... Around... in search of cows...
[The lights dim, and the speakers fill with the sounds of cows moo'ing, as the baby in the middle of the ring... craps himself. Again. And drools. Yech... UdderTaker slowly walks down the aisle, before walking up the steps, and getting into the ring. Taker stands toe-to- ... uh... entire body, with Kannot-eddy. But just when it looks like Taker is about to do something horrible, John Semen stomps down to the ring, slides under the bottom rope, stomps Taker in the gut, and hits the Fuck You. UdderTaker slams into the canvas, and the crowd cheers unanimously for their heroic... uh... hero. What a brave warrior, this John Semen, who's headed to Royal Royale to face Taker, as well as Wright Angle AND Rob Nickles.]
BJ: Next up folks, we'll see the very first EVER Ice-Ferno match, between Cane and MP3... after THESE commercials!
- aids -
Mike Stand: Llllladies and gents, the following is the first EVER Ice-Ferno match. The ring has been surrounded by ice-trays, and the point of this contest is to toss your opponent into one of them. Yes, I know, this could possibly be THE most dangerous match idea in the HISTORY of sports entertainment, and that is why the ring is also surrounded by men with fire extinguishers. That way, if the men in this bout get too cold, they can be sprayed with steam. ... First off, he is the man with the biggest Mp3 collection on SmackRaw... and by saying that, I may have just landed the man in jail... he is Monty Python Village People; M... P... THREEEEEE!!!
*BOOM!!!*
[Fire goes off on stage, and a cane is thrown about half way down the ramp through the curtain. ... Yep, a cane. A walking cane. After a quick, and extremely lousy video editing job, the cane is now inside the ring, with MP3 looking down at it. ... Before kicking it into an ice tray. A couple of cubes of ice fall onto the cane, and the bell sounds.]
Mike Stand:Your winner-
MP3: [grabbing the microphone] WHAT?! That's what I get for competition?! This show sucks! I QUI-
[Suddenly, another quick cut occurs, and MP3... is suddenly a bit shorter, a bit thinner, and a LOT less blacker...]
"MP3": I LOVE THIS SHOW!!! I mean. This show doesn't suck! Don't listen to him! I mean... ME! I mean... just now... don't listen to what I said just now. About the show sucking... not about me loving the show. ... Go SmackRaw!
BJ: Folks, after these commercials, we'll have our main event o' da evenin', when dat dad gum team ah WCW meets up with dat der New Age Outsiders!!! And it's fer da tag team titles! AND IT'S NEXT!
[Suddenly, the camera cuts to the back, where Axl VanHalen and the Party BoyzZz, the Dog Pak, are tearing up Jonny Nitro and Joey Thunder. The Partyz hit a simultaneous ddt on Jonny through a stack of stables off of a catering table... as Axl hits the Rock-O-Lution powerbomb on Joey right through a window! The Dog Pak then begin walking toward the ring, as Reeve and his NAO make their own trek to the ring via an alternate route...]
- aids -
BJ: Folks, we're back, and-
[Ben is cut off by the music of DMX's "X Gonna Give it to Ya". Reeve comes out, followed by The Fat Guy and Big Daddy Drool. The three of them walk down to the ring, and as they get inside, Reeve grabs a microphone...]
Reeve: Referee, WCW hasn't showed up yet, and this is our MAIN EVENT! So, if the time keeper would be so kind, I'd like for the bell to be rung, and for TFG and BDD to climb this ladder and see if they can grab the belts before WCW get their sorry asses down to the ring! Now... ring that damn bell!!!
[The bell rings, and as The Fat Guy and Big Daddy Drool climb the ladder, Reeve stares out at the entrance, just to make sure the Dog Pak doesn't interfere... the New Age Outsiders manage to grab the titles, and secure the victory, and as soon as they do, "Young, Dumb, and Rich, B!tch" plays on the speakers, signalling the arrival of the Dog Pak.]
Reeve: AXL!!! Axl, you bastard, get your ass down here and get what's coming to you!!!
[Axl does come out of the curtain, but without the Party BoyzZz... Reeve slides out of the ring, and shouts down to Axl... but as he does, Matt and Jeff come through the crowd, into the ring, and start taking it to TFG and BDD with every move in the book. Finally, Matt sets up Fattie on one table, and Jeff sets up Drool on another, right beside his partner. The PartyzZz climb the ladder, Matt on one side, Jeff on the other, before lifting their fists in the air... and leaping off, hitting double senton bombs on their foes, putting the sWo X tag champs through the tables. Reeve, hearing the crunch of wood and metal, turns his head, finding his boys layed out in a pile of splinters. When Reeve turns back around, Axl is standing nose to nose with him. It looks as if Reeve could feel the same pain his men just felt... when Krystal Dawn comes from out of nowhere with the lowblow uppercut, dropping Axl to the ground. Reeve takes Axl and rolls him into the ring, letting Matt and Jeff check on their leader... as Reeve takes to a microphone.]
Reeve: Matt? Jeff? You boys wanna play with ladders? Then fine... your little six-person mixed tag match on March 1st is now... a ladder match! And tell your leader, when he wakes up, that I look forward to kicking his ass... that is, IF he makes it through my FIFTY superstars. See you idiots at the Royal Royale!!! Come on Krys, let's ditch these losers...
[TFG and BDD slowly make their way over to their team, nursing their new injuries. Jeff checks on Reeve, and Matt stands at the ropes, looking at the sWo X... as they make their way out of the arena, and the camera fades to black...]
/cut\
Axl: Those son-of-a... TIFA!!!
Tifa: What is it Axl... oh my god... wait... don't you even THINK about making me pay for this...
Axl: Ok, fine, you don't have to pay for the damages, I guess...
Tifa: Thank you...
Axl: I'll be expecting a brand new private jet when I get back from X-Arena. Make it red and black... its the colors of the Dog Pak.
Tifa: ...
SmackRaw EPISODE 4: Welcome to the War Zone...
[Another episode opens to the sWo X interview set, where this week Good ol' BJ is sitting next to the Olympic Luge Champion, Wright Angle. Wright has a bowl filled with mouth guards sitting next to his chair, for some unknown reason...]
BJ: Thanks Wright, fer joinin' us, on this second week of interviews for the Best D@mn Secondary Title Period 4-way.
[Wright reaches into the bowl and pulls out a guard, putting it into his mouth, and showing it off... with the words "No Problem" on the front.]
BJ: Well, I just have a couple ah questions fer ya, Wright. First off, alot ah guys in the back are sayin' that the UdderTaker is a favorite to walk away as the champ. Whaddya gotta say tah that?
[Wright replaces his guard with one that reads, "Bring It..." before replacing this with, "... Bucko."]
BJ: So your confident, and that's good. But Wright, I know you're a former Olypic Gold Medal Winner, but the truth is... that was in the luge. And bah gawd, who really gives a pet coon about a luge?
[Wright looks scathingly at BJ... before pulling out another guard, and placing it in his mouth... and it seems as though that one's censored.]
BJ: Uh, ahem... er, moving right along... Wright, we heard John Semen's comments last week. What do you think of that cocky young sunnuva gun?
[Wright smiles, reaches into his bowl and places a mouth guard into his mouth... with the word, "Wigga".]
BJ: And finally, I'd just like to know what you think about a guy that's been almost ignored until now... the HeadLock Kid, Rob Nickles. He has the opening match tonight, and could prove to be somewhat of a factor in the outcome of this match. What's yer thoughts?
[Wright looks down for a second... thinking... before reaching into the bowl, without lifting his head. After replacing the guard, he lifts his head up... with five words showing for the entire world to see.]
"It's Time... It's MY Time."
- aids -
[We open back up to the X-Arena, where Ben Joss is sitting ringside.]
BJ: Folks, this next match is a handicap, and will take place outside in the parking lot for some unknown reason...
[We head to the lot, where Ghandi Orton, a bald man from India in what appears to be an adult diaper, and a hedge... yes, an actual hedge, are awaiting their opponent. "I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred plays on an invisible speaker system, and the HeadLock Kid dances out from the entrance door. As soon as he does, he looks at Ghandi... before locking on his finisher, the Head Lock!!! Ghandi instantly drops to the ground, unconcious. Rob turns his attention to the hedge, named Hedge, and goes for a superkick... but his foot gets stuck in the shrubbery. He falls to the ground, and Ghandi manages to... well, basically roll over him in his near-sleep like state sheerly by a fluke... and gets the 1, 2, 3. A bush and a monk have defeated Rob Nickles!!! Doesn't look very good for his Royal Royale chances...]
BJ: We're back inside folks, and we've got a tuna baker up next! It's a rematch from never, when the Toddler takes on the Baby, with Mr. Kannot-eddy taking on Bratista. Kannot-eddy is known for his innability to do ANYTHING, as he is literally only 3 and a half months old. And his opponent, former Eugene LevyWeight Champion Bratista, is known for being... well, a BRAT. He's five years old, cranky, and a big pain in the you know what.
["Some Music" by Some Band plays on the speakers, and Mama Kennedy rolls out Kannot-eddy in his stroller, as he shakes his rattle in the air to the disdain of the crowd. Boos fill the air as Kannot-eddy makes a stinky in his diapy and cries about it. Kannot-eddy is carried into the ring by his Mama, before being set down in the center of the ring. A microphone comes down from the air, and Kannot-eddy begins to speak...]
Kannot-eddy: Goo goo goo a-ga ga goo gee gagoo gee... MISTEWWWWWWWWW KANNOT-EDDY... [crawls over to the corner post and gets on the bottom turnbuckle] ... Kannogoogoogeegaga!!!
[Suddenly, "X Gonna Give it to Ya" by DMX hits, and out comes... Reeve? Chairman Gordon comes out with a microphone, and begins speaking as he comes down to the ring...]
Reeve: Mr. Kannot-eddy... I'm sorry to inform you that Bratista couldn't make it to tonight's event. Buuut, in his place, I've managed to make a nice little substitution...
Speakers: *Gong*... *Gong*... Dead Moo Walkin'... Around... in search of cows...
[The lights dim, and the speakers fill with the sounds of cows moo'ing, as the baby in the middle of the ring... craps himself. Again. And drools. Yech... UdderTaker slowly walks down the aisle, before walking up the steps, and getting into the ring. Taker stands toe-to- ... uh... entire body, with Kannot-eddy. But just when it looks like Taker is about to do something horrible, John Semen stomps down to the ring, slides under the bottom rope, stomps Taker in the gut, and hits the Fuck You. UdderTaker slams into the canvas, and the crowd cheers unanimously for their heroic... uh... hero. What a brave warrior, this John Semen, who's headed to Royal Royale to face Taker, as well as Wright Angle AND Rob Nickles.]
BJ: Next up folks, we'll see the very first EVER Ice-Ferno match, between Cane and MP3... after THESE commercials!
- aids -
Mike Stand: Llllladies and gents, the following is the first EVER Ice-Ferno match. The ring has been surrounded by ice-trays, and the point of this contest is to toss your opponent into one of them. Yes, I know, this could possibly be THE most dangerous match idea in the HISTORY of sports entertainment, and that is why the ring is also surrounded by men with fire extinguishers. That way, if the men in this bout get too cold, they can be sprayed with steam. ... First off, he is the man with the biggest Mp3 collection on SmackRaw... and by saying that, I may have just landed the man in jail... he is Monty Python Village People; M... P... THREEEEEE!!!
*BOOM!!!*
[Fire goes off on stage, and a cane is thrown about half way down the ramp through the curtain. ... Yep, a cane. A walking cane. After a quick, and extremely lousy video editing job, the cane is now inside the ring, with MP3 looking down at it. ... Before kicking it into an ice tray. A couple of cubes of ice fall onto the cane, and the bell sounds.]
Mike Stand:Your winner-
MP3: [grabbing the microphone] WHAT?! That's what I get for competition?! This show sucks! I QUI-
[Suddenly, another quick cut occurs, and MP3... is suddenly a bit shorter, a bit thinner, and a LOT less blacker...]
"MP3": I LOVE THIS SHOW!!! I mean. This show doesn't suck! Don't listen to him! I mean... ME! I mean... just now... don't listen to what I said just now. About the show sucking... not about me loving the show. ... Go SmackRaw!
BJ: Folks, after these commercials, we'll have our main event o' da evenin', when dat dad gum team ah WCW meets up with dat der New Age Outsiders!!! And it's fer da tag team titles! AND IT'S NEXT!
[Suddenly, the camera cuts to the back, where Axl VanHalen and the Party BoyzZz, the Dog Pak, are tearing up Jonny Nitro and Joey Thunder. The Partyz hit a simultaneous ddt on Jonny through a stack of stables off of a catering table... as Axl hits the Rock-O-Lution powerbomb on Joey right through a window! The Dog Pak then begin walking toward the ring, as Reeve and his NAO make their own trek to the ring via an alternate route...]
- aids -
BJ: Folks, we're back, and-
[Ben is cut off by the music of DMX's "X Gonna Give it to Ya". Reeve comes out, followed by The Fat Guy and Big Daddy Drool. The three of them walk down to the ring, and as they get inside, Reeve grabs a microphone...]
Reeve: Referee, WCW hasn't showed up yet, and this is our MAIN EVENT! So, if the time keeper would be so kind, I'd like for the bell to be rung, and for TFG and BDD to climb this ladder and see if they can grab the belts before WCW get their sorry asses down to the ring! Now... ring that damn bell!!!
[The bell rings, and as The Fat Guy and Big Daddy Drool climb the ladder, Reeve stares out at the entrance, just to make sure the Dog Pak doesn't interfere... the New Age Outsiders manage to grab the titles, and secure the victory, and as soon as they do, "Young, Dumb, and Rich, B!tch" plays on the speakers, signalling the arrival of the Dog Pak.]
Reeve: AXL!!! Axl, you bastard, get your ass down here and get what's coming to you!!!
[Axl does come out of the curtain, but without the Party BoyzZz... Reeve slides out of the ring, and shouts down to Axl... but as he does, Matt and Jeff come through the crowd, into the ring, and start taking it to TFG and BDD with every move in the book. Finally, Matt sets up Fattie on one table, and Jeff sets up Drool on another, right beside his partner. The PartyzZz climb the ladder, Matt on one side, Jeff on the other, before lifting their fists in the air... and leaping off, hitting double senton bombs on their foes, putting the sWo X tag champs through the tables. Reeve, hearing the crunch of wood and metal, turns his head, finding his boys layed out in a pile of splinters. When Reeve turns back around, Axl is standing nose to nose with him. It looks as if Reeve could feel the same pain his men just felt... when Krystal Dawn comes from out of nowhere with the lowblow uppercut, dropping Axl to the ground. Reeve takes Axl and rolls him into the ring, letting Matt and Jeff check on their leader... as Reeve takes to a microphone.]
Reeve: Matt? Jeff? You boys wanna play with ladders? Then fine... your little six-person mixed tag match on March 1st is now... a ladder match! And tell your leader, when he wakes up, that I look forward to kicking his ass... that is, IF he makes it through my FIFTY superstars. See you idiots at the Royal Royale!!! Come on Krys, let's ditch these losers...
[TFG and BDD slowly make their way over to their team, nursing their new injuries. Jeff checks on Reeve, and Matt stands at the ropes, looking at the sWo X... as they make their way out of the arena, and the camera fades to black...]
/cut\