Post by Re-Generation X on Jan 16, 2007 23:54:12 GMT -5
(Camera pans an empty warehouse that has a wrestling ring set up in the middle of it. The warehouse is cold, dark, and damp. We see Totally Packaged Jim enter through the one door.)
TPJ: Hello? I'm here...where are you?
(Jim continues toward the ring holding a bag and looking all around him.)
TPJ: I have the Pepsi that you requested. I also have the Sun Chips and the beef jerky.
(From the rafters comes a midget on a rip-line. Four more midgets come from varying areas of the warehouse. Jim has no choice but to set the bag down and defend himself.)
Midget 1: You will be Massified.
TPJ: What?!?
Midget 4: I'm so Massiv-licious.
TPJ: That doesn't even make sense.
Midget 2: You will have a submission to this rendition.
TPJ: Now you're rhyming?!?
(After fending off each midget. Jim hits the last one with the Krew Kutter. From the shadows come Hardcore JJ.)
JJ: Very good uncle Jimmy, JJ wasn't sure how long it would take you to handle a group of sorry ass second graders.
TPJ: Wait those were second graders?
JJ: Listen up your sorry summa bitch, you may be able to handle a group of prepubescent mama's boys, but in order to take on the King Ass, you gotta get mean.
TPJ: Was that a gay joke because I don't think Josh is...
JJ: Josh isn't a freakin' queer, he just fights like a nancy-boy. And I meant that he's the King of all Asses.
TPJ: Oh, I understand now. But what was with all those stupid sayings?
JJ: Have you listened to Josh's mic skills lately? To say the SOB has a little ring rust is like saying Saddam Hussein got a little rope burn.
TPJ: So what do I have to do to beat him?
JJ: Are you kidding me, the stupid SOB has reflex slower than George Washington.
TPJ: Ummm, JJ, George Washington is dead.
JJ: That's my point slapnuts. I can set up a chair and deliver a JJ Drop on that sorry SOB and he takes it every time.
TPJ: So what do I do?
JJ: Don't concetrate on that sorry SOB, you have a match against Coma coming up. You need to take out the SOB first and send that summa bitch packin'.
TPJ: So, what should I say?
JJ: Tell that summa bitch what you're gonna do to his sorry ass.
TPJ: Coma, I'm gonna put you into a coma like you've never been in before.
(Dead silence as all the second graders stare.)
TPJ: You see what I did there was I used his name..
JJ: You sorry summa bitch, you nned to tell him how he is just a sorry summa bitch that is a obstacle in your way to the OWTTM and you're gonna run over that summa bitch like an 18-wheeler running over a squirrel.
TPJ: Should I be writing this stuff down?
JJ: You should be coming up with your own stuff.
(Jim looks right into the camera.)
TPJ: Coma, you're just a mere fly on my windshield as I'm trucking to the OWTTM. You don't matter and that's why your not worthy of the title. I'm heading toward the ultimate goal and I have to go through Massive Man Rendition First to get there. Massive Man, we will meet and I will destroy you and you'll go down for the three second nap after you feel the Krew Kutter. Coma, first your lights will go out, permanently. Josh, you're not far behind.
JJ: And if I have anything to say about it, you sorry summa bitches will feel the JJ Drop, and that's my last line, because my mommy said so.
TPJ: Now JJ, I'm gonna have to wash your mouth out with soap.
JJ: That's why I got this new Pepsi-flavored soap.
TPJ: Nice.
(Jim and JJ give thumbs up to the camera as we fade to black.)
TPJ: Hello? I'm here...where are you?
(Jim continues toward the ring holding a bag and looking all around him.)
TPJ: I have the Pepsi that you requested. I also have the Sun Chips and the beef jerky.
(From the rafters comes a midget on a rip-line. Four more midgets come from varying areas of the warehouse. Jim has no choice but to set the bag down and defend himself.)
Midget 1: You will be Massified.
TPJ: What?!?
Midget 4: I'm so Massiv-licious.
TPJ: That doesn't even make sense.
Midget 2: You will have a submission to this rendition.
TPJ: Now you're rhyming?!?
(After fending off each midget. Jim hits the last one with the Krew Kutter. From the shadows come Hardcore JJ.)
JJ: Very good uncle Jimmy, JJ wasn't sure how long it would take you to handle a group of sorry ass second graders.
TPJ: Wait those were second graders?
JJ: Listen up your sorry summa bitch, you may be able to handle a group of prepubescent mama's boys, but in order to take on the King Ass, you gotta get mean.
TPJ: Was that a gay joke because I don't think Josh is...
JJ: Josh isn't a freakin' queer, he just fights like a nancy-boy. And I meant that he's the King of all Asses.
TPJ: Oh, I understand now. But what was with all those stupid sayings?
JJ: Have you listened to Josh's mic skills lately? To say the SOB has a little ring rust is like saying Saddam Hussein got a little rope burn.
TPJ: So what do I have to do to beat him?
JJ: Are you kidding me, the stupid SOB has reflex slower than George Washington.
TPJ: Ummm, JJ, George Washington is dead.
JJ: That's my point slapnuts. I can set up a chair and deliver a JJ Drop on that sorry SOB and he takes it every time.
TPJ: So what do I do?
JJ: Don't concetrate on that sorry SOB, you have a match against Coma coming up. You need to take out the SOB first and send that summa bitch packin'.
TPJ: So, what should I say?
JJ: Tell that summa bitch what you're gonna do to his sorry ass.
TPJ: Coma, I'm gonna put you into a coma like you've never been in before.
(Dead silence as all the second graders stare.)
TPJ: You see what I did there was I used his name..
JJ: You sorry summa bitch, you nned to tell him how he is just a sorry summa bitch that is a obstacle in your way to the OWTTM and you're gonna run over that summa bitch like an 18-wheeler running over a squirrel.
TPJ: Should I be writing this stuff down?
JJ: You should be coming up with your own stuff.
(Jim looks right into the camera.)
TPJ: Coma, you're just a mere fly on my windshield as I'm trucking to the OWTTM. You don't matter and that's why your not worthy of the title. I'm heading toward the ultimate goal and I have to go through Massive Man Rendition First to get there. Massive Man, we will meet and I will destroy you and you'll go down for the three second nap after you feel the Krew Kutter. Coma, first your lights will go out, permanently. Josh, you're not far behind.
JJ: And if I have anything to say about it, you sorry summa bitches will feel the JJ Drop, and that's my last line, because my mommy said so.
TPJ: Now JJ, I'm gonna have to wash your mouth out with soap.
JJ: That's why I got this new Pepsi-flavored soap.
TPJ: Nice.
(Jim and JJ give thumbs up to the camera as we fade to black.)