Post by Re-Generation X on Jan 7, 2007 21:36:03 GMT -5
(We open to see a scene of a mob of people, probably reporters...yep, they're reporters. They are currently in some town in Ohio. Apparently they are waiting for someone who is very important. As the camera pans, former BOB superstar and teen heart-throb, "Totally Packaged" Jim steps up to the podium.)
TPJ: I have come to make an announcement.
(The mob is still waiting for that someone who's important.)
TPJ: Ummm, excuse me. I'm up here. Yes well, I have come to make a very important announcement that could effect the wrestling world as we know it. I will make my statement and then I will take questions.
Reporter 1: Does that mean we will get to ask questions?
TPJ: Didn't I say that? And that's your question. Now, as I was saying. My announcement is this, ladies and gentlemen, I am going to be making my return to BOB Wrestling and I will be going after the big prize in the game, The Only World Title That Matters.
Reporter 2: Is that your big announcement?
TPJ: Yeah, why aren't you guys shocked or something.
Reporter 1: I think that was the worst reason to call a new conference ever.
Reporter 3: What about Brett Favre announcing that he hadn't made a decision on his retirement?
Reporter 2: Nah, I think Lance Bass announcing he was gay was way dumber. I mean, who didn't know that one?
Reporter 1: Wait, Jim, are you gay?
TPJ: Seriously, how could you think I was gay?
Reporter 3: Well you and Josh did live together for a really long time.
Reporter 2: Oh, and the references in your nicknames to your genitials.
TPJ: Those were given to us by our lady friends.
Reporter 1: And then there is what he said.
TPJ: Wait, he said something about me?
Reporter 2: It sounded like a scorned lover if you ask me.
Reporter 3: Something about finally getting a monkey off his back.
Reporter 1: We just figured if was a euphemism for gay sex.
TPJ: First of all, I'm not gay. That's Da Sassy One, or JC Long, or Mr. Thursday Night, or Mr. Five Dollar Sucky-sucky. Secondly, Josh and I are pals, I can't believe he'd say something like that.
(Reporters run a video tape of Massive Man Rendition First.)
MMR1:I have a chance to get even with Jim and get a shot at the OWTTM. This is gonna be great I feel like blowing Joshitude all over this place.
(They stop the video tape.)
TPJ: I guess you're right.
Reporter 2: So you guys were gay together, because that part about Joshitude sounded really gay.
TPJ: No, I mean about Josh turning his back on me.
Reporter 1: Definitely gay.
TPJ: Where are you guys from anyway?
Reporter 3: San Francisco Chronicle.
Reporter 1: The Advocate.
Reporter 2: US Weekly.
TPJ: That explains everything.
Reporter 1: So how are you gonna beat Rendition First since you've never been able to in the past?
TPJ: I don't think we've ever wrestled each other before.
(Reporters show a grainy video of what looks like a dark-haired person riding a blonde haired person.)
TPJ: That could be anyone.
Voice in video: Oh "Totally Packaged" Jim, that feels so nice.
TPJ: That's not Josh, that's...
Reporter 3: That's besides the point, you've never beaten him, how will you do it this time?
TPJ: I must go to the one person who has been able to finish off Josh more times than a 12-year old Vietnamese prostitute.
Reporter 2: Brandon?
TPJ: No, the Pepsi-drinking, foul-mouthed, hardcore legend. I have to hurry before 3:16.
Reporter 1: Why?
TPJ: That's his feedin' time.
(Fade to black.)
TPJ: I have come to make an announcement.
(The mob is still waiting for that someone who's important.)
TPJ: Ummm, excuse me. I'm up here. Yes well, I have come to make a very important announcement that could effect the wrestling world as we know it. I will make my statement and then I will take questions.
Reporter 1: Does that mean we will get to ask questions?
TPJ: Didn't I say that? And that's your question. Now, as I was saying. My announcement is this, ladies and gentlemen, I am going to be making my return to BOB Wrestling and I will be going after the big prize in the game, The Only World Title That Matters.
Reporter 2: Is that your big announcement?
TPJ: Yeah, why aren't you guys shocked or something.
Reporter 1: I think that was the worst reason to call a new conference ever.
Reporter 3: What about Brett Favre announcing that he hadn't made a decision on his retirement?
Reporter 2: Nah, I think Lance Bass announcing he was gay was way dumber. I mean, who didn't know that one?
Reporter 1: Wait, Jim, are you gay?
TPJ: Seriously, how could you think I was gay?
Reporter 3: Well you and Josh did live together for a really long time.
Reporter 2: Oh, and the references in your nicknames to your genitials.
TPJ: Those were given to us by our lady friends.
Reporter 1: And then there is what he said.
TPJ: Wait, he said something about me?
Reporter 2: It sounded like a scorned lover if you ask me.
Reporter 3: Something about finally getting a monkey off his back.
Reporter 1: We just figured if was a euphemism for gay sex.
TPJ: First of all, I'm not gay. That's Da Sassy One, or JC Long, or Mr. Thursday Night, or Mr. Five Dollar Sucky-sucky. Secondly, Josh and I are pals, I can't believe he'd say something like that.
(Reporters run a video tape of Massive Man Rendition First.)
MMR1:I have a chance to get even with Jim and get a shot at the OWTTM. This is gonna be great I feel like blowing Joshitude all over this place.
(They stop the video tape.)
TPJ: I guess you're right.
Reporter 2: So you guys were gay together, because that part about Joshitude sounded really gay.
TPJ: No, I mean about Josh turning his back on me.
Reporter 1: Definitely gay.
TPJ: Where are you guys from anyway?
Reporter 3: San Francisco Chronicle.
Reporter 1: The Advocate.
Reporter 2: US Weekly.
TPJ: That explains everything.
Reporter 1: So how are you gonna beat Rendition First since you've never been able to in the past?
TPJ: I don't think we've ever wrestled each other before.
(Reporters show a grainy video of what looks like a dark-haired person riding a blonde haired person.)
TPJ: That could be anyone.
Voice in video: Oh "Totally Packaged" Jim, that feels so nice.
TPJ: That's not Josh, that's...
Reporter 3: That's besides the point, you've never beaten him, how will you do it this time?
TPJ: I must go to the one person who has been able to finish off Josh more times than a 12-year old Vietnamese prostitute.
Reporter 2: Brandon?
TPJ: No, the Pepsi-drinking, foul-mouthed, hardcore legend. I have to hurry before 3:16.
Reporter 1: Why?
TPJ: That's his feedin' time.
(Fade to black.)