BOB releases "talent"

[FakeWrestlingInsider]

To all fucktards in the media and BOB employees:

Hello, Trey Vincent here. As we head toward our first ever BOB-On-Demand Web cast event, Trey Vincent has decided it's time to cut some fat from the payroll to make room for some new BOB sports entertainers. No, I'm not talking about Totally Heel, because they have yet to agree to a deal with Trey Vincent despite my numerous attempts. I'm talking about a group of fellows who have worked as part-timers, appearing on BOB Is Boobs mainly.

So, please welcome to the full-timerish roster: Pigeon; Super Gluey; Wig Show; Nic Flare; Rob Van Spam; Alan Qaida; and Balls Jabroni. We see good, affordable things in their future.

Now, onto other moves. Trey Vincent will be removing himself from the active roster to concentrate all his efforts on booking. Also, Detached Narrator is now officially off the active roster, and he will concentrate on booking with me, BigBOSS and LilBOSS, since we are so very talented.

Now, onto the bad news. I have had to release a couple of people who have given a lot to BOB over the years. First off all, I'd like to bid farewell to Mike Monroe. Mike has been doing less and less, so, fuck him. Get a new job.

On a completely unrelated note, I'd like to congratulate Scotty Whatbody on his new promotion to senior announcer! Congrats, Scotty! You the man!

Next. Mark Shill. You're out. Fuck you, get a new job.

Also...Masked Announcer is gone. A replacement will be announced soon.

And also gone is Eddie B., who hasn't shown up for work the last several weeks for some mysterious reason. Detached Narrator will also be taking on the duties of spinning entrance tunes, since he's been doing that in the last several weeks when Little Good has not.

SMC and any special events will be called by Styles, Scotty Whatbody and Nurse Heidi from now on.

Which reminds me, Dennis is also gone. He's had a bit of a nervous breakdown due to being forced to talk to inanimate objects in recent weeks. So, he's heading off to Hollywood to pursue his dream of being English or whatever. Commentator will now be the man to interview people backstage, whenever we do that sort of crap anymore. Commentator will also be a member of my booking committee.

No other firings/releases are planned at this time.

That is all monkeys.

—Trey Vincent
Vice President In Charge of Everything

Brawlers On a Budget is the leading name in parody sports entertainment going on six years now.

[CircularAnswer]

*A manilla envelope falls into the mail slot of Trey Vincent's office. Inside it is the following letter, along with two headshots. One is of a man who looks a great deal like Brandon Lee as the Crow, while the other looks a little like Commentator in an undersized suit.*

"Dear Trey Vincent, Vice President in Charge of Everything at Brawlers on a Budget:

My name is Vespers - I'm the one in the facepaint in the headshots. My partner is named Carlyle; he is the other one.

We have, between us, thirty years of experience at commentary and interview duties in various sports entertainment franchises, most recently in Dimension Z Wrestling (please note this does not in any way bias us towards Sir Zeno or related wrestlers). Carlyle also has undergone training in DJing. I specialize in attempted suicide, and my partner specializes in overreaction.

Recently, we were released from Dimension Z Wrestling due to problems with the management (there wasn't any). Seeing your recent release of various members of the staff, we have decided to, bluntly, beg for a job.

References and resumes are available on request. Please, we'll do anything. I am even willing to be your quasi-suicidal stunt monkey.

Contact us care of CircularAnswer if you're interested.

Vespers
Carlyle"

[GBH]

Duh. Me still here, yur? Scotty get me good contract. Scotty friend.

Bug.

Ummm. We still on?

Ummmm.

How GBH fade out?

*CLONK*

Sorry 'bout dat.

Yu*FADE*

[BOB Legend douja]

totally heel? i love dem motha' fucka's!

[Applicants]

(Outside of what appears to be BOB's main office...)

Man wearing a chef's hat and NASCAR driver outfit: "Dear BOB hiring commitee, I've heard you've let some people go and I need work. I can wrestle, I can drive a race car, and I can cook. Better than Yan, too. Yan Can't Cook. BUT I CAN! Just look at my omelet!

(He holds up a frying pan with a runny egg in it)

MWACHANDO: SEE THAT? I'm the fastest short order cook on the circuit! You NEED me! Call me soon... I'm Chef Gordon.

(Behind him is a group of people dressed like the guys on the Froot of the Loom commercials)

Man with a block of cheese on his head: Hey, we want in, too! You can't go wrong with us... we are the "BREAKFAST, LUNCH, AND DINNER CLUB!" I'm Rick Cotta, and we're loaded with talent! Right over there is Bill Lowney, and that's Hans Anwich. They're a GREAT tag-team! And don't forget....

[Applicants cont]

.... Brock Lee, and our valet - Minnie Stronie!

(Bill Lowney is dressed in a suit with lunch meat stuck to it and Hans looks like he's wearing a 4 foot slice of bread. Brock Lee should be obviously dressed as a stalk of, what else? Minnie has a bowl strapped to her head.)

Rick Cotta: YOU NEED US. Oh yeah, I can't forget Bill's manager... Oscar Meyer.

(Behind that group is three Mexicans and black girl with highlighted, short hair)

Tallest Mexican: Whassup, holmes? You looking for workers, esse? You sign up vatos like Hack Hogan and Kevin Slash? Well, holmes, we can play that name game, too, esse. I'm Eddie Burrito, that little guy over there is my nephew, Chavo. That black chick, esse, just won American A-Hole last year... that's Fantasia Burrito. She's our home girl. That other little guy is our cousin, holmes. He's Timmy Changa. Hook us up.

[BOB Legend douja]

douja: im blazed den' a motha' fucka'!!! hey, you esse's.. why don't you make me one of dem' timmy changa's to eat.. and i'll also have a peice of dat cheese person and a pease of da ham man on white bread.. damn, a nigga got da munchies like a bitch! also, fantasia burrito got ass for days and i got dick for weeks!! she need to let douja slide up in dem guts!!!