Post by $hane |-|orn 3ryant on Nov 18, 2013 14:12:35 GMT -5
[The man just so happens to be AXL f'n VAN HALEN~!!1one]
Nyuk: WHY, I'LL MOID-UH-LIZE YA! RUFF! RUFF!
[Axl clotheslines the skinny vegan bastard onto his scrawny vegan ass, lays in a few boots, and then takes a BIG bite out of a beef burrito.]
Axl: *munch,munch,gulp* As everyone recalls... I'm bi. And I LOVE burritos.
[Axl then takes a HUGE bite out of a beef-filled taco]
Axl: ... as well as tacos. Just ask Tifa Bon Jovi... and Pigeon. Axl: ... hey. Being in the Herarchy was BORING... had to pass the time somehow, right? :3
[Axl lifts Nyuk's microphone up to his mouth (and NO, this isn't another sexual metaphor, you sick fucks! >:^O ) ... Ax' speaks into the mic'.]
Axl: Ladies and gents... it's been a while. And I've been in and out of companies... GREAT companies... which is why they all kicked me out in the end, but regardless. The point is, none of them were as GREAT as BOB. And that's why I'm back. ... it has nothing to do with the fact that I've been kicked out of virtually every single fucking e-fed imagineable, it's because I LOVE THIS PLACE... yeah, that's the ticket.
Axl: And I'm here... because as Curly Norris here pointed out, wrestling ISN'T dead. Axl: ... but thanks to me? Axl: It will be.
Axl: Thanks to me....... and the...
[Axl pulls out a can of lime green spray paint, shakes it up, before ripping off Nyuk's shirt, and spraying three letters over his naked torso. And let's face it. this ain't the first naked male torso Axl's seen... ^.^ ]
[the letters are --
"there... you look MUCH better. nyuk, nyuk... [Axl looks toward the camera] ... Brawlers... you've been on the oxygen machine for far... FAR too long.
"it's time somebody pulled the plug."
[three men and one woman step into the scene... Tifa Bon Jovi... Reeve Gordon... THE Mac Bry... ...
[And Vince f'n Russo.]
Vince: BOB... I'm finally gonna do somethin'... That only I would regret. Somethin' I tried tah do a LONG time ago... But failed. Just like I failed at killin' TNA. Then Hogan tried tah kill TNA, and failed... ... they need to hire that other Vince. He's slowly doing WWE in... he'd work WONDERS on a dump like "Impact Wrestlin' " ...
Vince: ... anyway, I'm gonna KILL this company... and the only reason I'll regret it... ... is cuz John Leary owes me five bucks.
Reeve: ... who? You mean John Skeet? Mac Bry: I think he means Steve Leary... Tifa: Didn't we already do that joke YEARS ago?
Axl: The bottom line is this -- Brawlers? It may have taken a while... but it's gonna happen. When? Well... that's simple. The same time our handler is gonna get off the computer long enough to FINALLY get a fuckin' job.
[Suddenly, Will Sasso walks into the scene, where the Crue World Order has left, Nyuk Chorris still lying on his back.]
Will: HEY! I have an idea for a new movie! Nyuk Chorris - The Movie, starring ME as Nyuk Chor--
? : PETICURE TO WILL SASSO!!!
Will: ... huh?
[SUDDENLY, Triple S comes into the scene, DROPS Sasso with the Peticure, then hits a DEVASTATING crotch chop!!!]
SSS: Dave Smalley... this one was for you, buddy. Egg-Stream 4Life, bitchez!