Post by sanders on Aug 3, 2009 15:32:34 GMT -5
[The camera starts eye to eye with a television set and slowly pans backwards.]
Bob Smith: Hey kids, what time is it?
Kids: Howdy doody time!
[It was a dark and stormy night, and at 4:30 in the morning Sanders is not a happy man. His gelled back hair disheveled, his moustache thickly coated with white powder and his eyes redder than Satan, he could find no humor in the comedy stylings of the 50’s kid’s show playing on his TV.]
Sanders (on phone): I don’t care how many men or how many machine guns they have, get my God damn product out of there!
[He slams the receiver down with a vengeance.]
Sanders: Shithead.
[He stands up out of his office chair and closes the balcony door behind him to act as a shield from the rain. We cut to the hallway outside, where Jerri Li, Xing Long and Christian St. Christian are trying to make their way past a hulking Latino security guard the size of Schwarzenegger. As a secretary, with black lingerie beneath her skirt, leans over her desk and tries to hold them back the big wooden door opens with a creak.]
Sanders: How long have you been waiting my friends?
Jerri: Since the dawn of time, it seems.
Sanders: Please, don’t be shy! Come in, come in! Would you care for something to drink?
Jerri: Well, I haven’t eaten today at all.
[As they make their way into Sanders’ office he points at the security guard.]
Sanders: Don’t worry about him, he has a hole in his heart.
[Sanders closes the door as the three line up on his blood red carpet. Xing is geared up in a white Aodai (a traditional Vietnamese dress) and a rice paddy hat lowered past her eyes, St. Christian a black rubber gimp suit and Jerri a summery white and blue dress designed like a ming vase.]
Sanders: Let’s just get right to the meat of this thing off the bat. Hey, you leave my Jack Daniels alone!
[St. Christian hurriedly replaces the glass on his desk.]
Sanders: Xing, I have already met with you and introduced myself. St. Christian, yeah ok, we go way back. But Jerri, please…
[He kneels down and kisses her scarred and bruised hand.]
Sanders: My name is Sanders, and I am at your service. I am a mere peasant from Nicaragua who has earned enough money through his… endeavors, shall we say, to be able to back a trio like yourselves. I’ll be blunt about my motives, my only mission is to make everyone remember why they once feared the dark or the boogeyman underneath their bed.
[Jerri smiles a toothless grin.]
Jerri: That’s us!
[Sanders sits and lights up a cigar.]
Sanders: Please, help yourself to the food on display.
CSC: Porkchops!
[Sanders pulls a meat cleaver from out of his sleeve and cuts the meat in half before St. Christian.]
Sanders: Please, allow me. I know you three are animals, but let us be civilized and cut our meat.
[St. Christian picks up the half of pork nearest to him and stuffs it into the mouth hole of his mask. Sanders peels the skin off an apple in a spiral with a serrated knife.]
Sanders: Ok, let me be blunt. You all hobbled off the tour bus into BOB. You’re all sadistic psychopaths.
[He grunts.]
Sanders: But you are all too unstable for your own good. That’s why you need me.
[He slits the apple into chunks and slips one into his mouth. Jerri, Xing and St. Christian are chowing down on meat like a pack of hyenas.]
Sanders: Anyway, I think it might be miller time.
[St. Christian grabs the nearest bottle from Sanders’ bar.]
Sanders: Not that bottle. This bottle.
[He pours sudsy golden beer into four crystal glasses and passes them around.]
Jerri: So what is this, Gomez, just a meet and greet?
CSC: Yeah, guacamole breath! What is this shit all about?
Sanders: I’ve been everywhere and I’ve done everything. But one thing I can never grow tired of… is this.
[He pushes a button on his telephone.]
Sanders: Could you come in here for a minute Garcia?
[The door opens and the mammoth of a security guard stomps in.]
Sanders: Kill him.
[The freaks look at one another. It doesn’t take long before Xing is breaking Garcia’s arms, Jerri is tearing his balls off with her teeth, and St. Christian is crushing his head like a melon underfoot. A he lets out his last breath the freaks start tearing the flesh from his bones like a school of piranhas.]
Sanders: If you’ll drag that corpse out with you, there’s a room down the hall and to the right that is better suited for this sort of behavior.
[They nod and drug the corpse out by their teeth. Just like a dog that is given a treat, they obey their master. As the door closes Sanders dials on his phone.]
Sanders: If you don’t have the Diamond Of Damnation by sundown I’ll cut your butt cheeks off and feed them to your grandparents!
Bob Smith: Hey kids, what time is it?
Kids: Howdy doody time!
[It was a dark and stormy night, and at 4:30 in the morning Sanders is not a happy man. His gelled back hair disheveled, his moustache thickly coated with white powder and his eyes redder than Satan, he could find no humor in the comedy stylings of the 50’s kid’s show playing on his TV.]
Sanders (on phone): I don’t care how many men or how many machine guns they have, get my God damn product out of there!
[He slams the receiver down with a vengeance.]
Sanders: Shithead.
[He stands up out of his office chair and closes the balcony door behind him to act as a shield from the rain. We cut to the hallway outside, where Jerri Li, Xing Long and Christian St. Christian are trying to make their way past a hulking Latino security guard the size of Schwarzenegger. As a secretary, with black lingerie beneath her skirt, leans over her desk and tries to hold them back the big wooden door opens with a creak.]
Sanders: How long have you been waiting my friends?
Jerri: Since the dawn of time, it seems.
Sanders: Please, don’t be shy! Come in, come in! Would you care for something to drink?
Jerri: Well, I haven’t eaten today at all.
[As they make their way into Sanders’ office he points at the security guard.]
Sanders: Don’t worry about him, he has a hole in his heart.
[Sanders closes the door as the three line up on his blood red carpet. Xing is geared up in a white Aodai (a traditional Vietnamese dress) and a rice paddy hat lowered past her eyes, St. Christian a black rubber gimp suit and Jerri a summery white and blue dress designed like a ming vase.]
Sanders: Let’s just get right to the meat of this thing off the bat. Hey, you leave my Jack Daniels alone!
[St. Christian hurriedly replaces the glass on his desk.]
Sanders: Xing, I have already met with you and introduced myself. St. Christian, yeah ok, we go way back. But Jerri, please…
[He kneels down and kisses her scarred and bruised hand.]
Sanders: My name is Sanders, and I am at your service. I am a mere peasant from Nicaragua who has earned enough money through his… endeavors, shall we say, to be able to back a trio like yourselves. I’ll be blunt about my motives, my only mission is to make everyone remember why they once feared the dark or the boogeyman underneath their bed.
[Jerri smiles a toothless grin.]
Jerri: That’s us!
[Sanders sits and lights up a cigar.]
Sanders: Please, help yourself to the food on display.
CSC: Porkchops!
[Sanders pulls a meat cleaver from out of his sleeve and cuts the meat in half before St. Christian.]
Sanders: Please, allow me. I know you three are animals, but let us be civilized and cut our meat.
[St. Christian picks up the half of pork nearest to him and stuffs it into the mouth hole of his mask. Sanders peels the skin off an apple in a spiral with a serrated knife.]
Sanders: Ok, let me be blunt. You all hobbled off the tour bus into BOB. You’re all sadistic psychopaths.
[He grunts.]
Sanders: But you are all too unstable for your own good. That’s why you need me.
[He slits the apple into chunks and slips one into his mouth. Jerri, Xing and St. Christian are chowing down on meat like a pack of hyenas.]
Sanders: Anyway, I think it might be miller time.
[St. Christian grabs the nearest bottle from Sanders’ bar.]
Sanders: Not that bottle. This bottle.
[He pours sudsy golden beer into four crystal glasses and passes them around.]
Jerri: So what is this, Gomez, just a meet and greet?
CSC: Yeah, guacamole breath! What is this shit all about?
Sanders: I’ve been everywhere and I’ve done everything. But one thing I can never grow tired of… is this.
[He pushes a button on his telephone.]
Sanders: Could you come in here for a minute Garcia?
[The door opens and the mammoth of a security guard stomps in.]
Sanders: Kill him.
[The freaks look at one another. It doesn’t take long before Xing is breaking Garcia’s arms, Jerri is tearing his balls off with her teeth, and St. Christian is crushing his head like a melon underfoot. A he lets out his last breath the freaks start tearing the flesh from his bones like a school of piranhas.]
Sanders: If you’ll drag that corpse out with you, there’s a room down the hall and to the right that is better suited for this sort of behavior.
[They nod and drug the corpse out by their teeth. Just like a dog that is given a treat, they obey their master. As the door closes Sanders dials on his phone.]
Sanders: If you don’t have the Diamond Of Damnation by sundown I’ll cut your butt cheeks off and feed them to your grandparents!