Post by Steve Studnuts on Jun 26, 2009 8:02:04 GMT -5
After only two months, former BOB GRAND SLAM CHAMPION Steve Studnuts, after already winning Xtreme World Wrestling's Superstar of the Month for May, will arguably win it for June, took the HardKnox Championship at their recent PPV Tour of Duty, is now poised this weekend to capture the promotion's World Championship.
Steve has brought his slapstick-potty mouthed-bathroom humor-meets toughguy brand of promos to a "serious" federation and rolled over the competition to a current 7-0 record, with one "loss" heavily disputed...he was buried with two tons of dirt with a front end loader during a "Graveyard Match", leaving Steve to comment:
"Yeah, it was stupid as fuck. I thought I left BOB."
Steve also joined "The Only Ones" in a collaborative effort to put all the top guys together and wreak havoc making fun of the promotion's dumb booking and silly storylines. He did this after agreement to join another faction, then double-crossed the leader of the group which prompted the handler to send an email saying "that was fucked"and called Steve "a prick".
Needless to say, this was the guy that "won" the infamous graveyard match.
see the SWERVE here: (the first part was scripted by the swervee, the swerver scripted the second part. Heh.)
Steve celebrates his victory over Mr. Creed as he is awarded the Hardknox Title. He is about to leave the ring, when all of a sudden..(((Not Falling))) by MudVayne hits the PA system as Natas Metronic, Johnny Violence, Raven Zombie, and James Draven all stand on the ramp. Natas a red baseball bat in hands, JV with a metal pipe, Raven with a steel chain, and James with a chair. They all begin to surround the ring, as Steve looks on in anticipation. As all four sides of the ring are now surrounded, Steve looks back and forth to see who will attack first. James is the first one to slide in the ring, Steve not wanting to attack, knowing it could be a trap. Natas, JV, and Raven all slide in after him and begin circling around Steve who holds the Hardknox Title.
Announce Team - This doesnt look good for Steve
Maybe he should have kept his mouth shut.
JV and Raven look at Natas as a sick smile appears on his face. He begins winding up the bat, looking right at Steve. He tries to cover his face with the title. Then...Natas turns and cracks James Draven in the head with the baseball bat as he falls down motionless. Natas looks over to Steve, who now has a grin on his face.
Natas: James, Im sorry it had to be like this. Your not holding up your end of the bargain. Let me introduce to you, your replacement....Steve..Studnuts!!!
Steve holds his title, as Natas and JV have their Tag Team titles at ringside. (((Not Falling))) continues playing as the new stars of Carnage leave the ring, leaving Draven laying there motionless.
_____________________________________________
MC: Wow! Didn’t see that coming, how about you, Jack?
JJ: Nope, not in a million. Steve Studnuts is in the Sycopathic Angels of the Apocalypse?
MC: Sycho what? They’re not even on the Stable Page anymore! Are they still a group?
JJ: Well, you see them right there, Mike. What do you think?
[As Natas, Johnny, Raven, and Steve leave the ringside area, ”The Family Tree” by Megadeth begins to play. Bryan Banyon, Troy and Rob Cassidy, and Drew Stevenson emerge from the curtain and stand at the top of the ramp. The newly formed group gets back in the ring, Natas still with his red baseball bat, Johnny with his pipe, and Raven with her chain. Steve picks up the chair beside the prone Draven who still lay in the ring like he’s had a huge meal and fallen asleep.]
MC: Looks like we’re not done here! The Three Kings plus Stevenson are walking to the ring with a purpose!
JJ: Hey, Steve did call Banyon out after his match with Creed, Bryan amazingly looking for more action even after a cage match tonight.
MC: Yeah, I’m still wondering how Will Gallo pulled out the win. I lost money on that match. Stupid bet! STUPID BET! I thought Banyon was a lock…
JJ: Concentrate, Mike! We have a serious development here! The Kings and their honorary member are in the ring and they got in there WITHOUT weapons, despite Natas’ group all having some! And Natas has a RED BASEBALL BAT!
MC: Okay, what’s the significance of a red baseball bat? Is that more dangerous than say, a black one?
JJ: I don’t know! Now what? Steve Studnuts is asking for a microphone…
[Steve steps over to the ropes and takes a wireless from Cayuga. He pauses briefly and stares out into the veteran troops… ]
Steve: Banyon? You got balls, son. You’re either really brave or really stupid. We’re all standing here fully loaded and you and your boys ain’t got a pot to piss in.
[Banyon leans toward Steve and speaks into the mic he’s holding.]
Banyon: So? We don’t need weapons against inferior opposition.
[Steve places the mic back to his own lips.]
Steve: Well, neither do I, jerkweed…but it makes kicking a guy’s ass so much more fun.
*THOOMP!*
MC: OOOOH! Steve just hit Natas with the microphone!
[Steve takes the chair he’s holding and brains Natas-Metronic with it…]
*THWACK!*
[…dropping him to the mat as though he’d been slammed with a concrete slab. Johnny Violence, confused by the act, is blindsided by the Cassidys and Stevenson while Raven Zombie wisely dives out of the ring and runs up the ramp.]
MC: WHAT?! Steve just hit Metronic with that chair! It sounded like a gunshot! And now, Steve and Bryan Banyon are putting the boots to Natas like nobody’s business!
JJ: Drew Stevenson just kicked James Draven out of the ring, Troy and Rob are mafia stomping Johnny Violence… it’s out of control! This is brutal!
MC: Hold on! Steve has the mic again!
[Banyon slaps a now bloodied Natas’ head around like a bad puppy while The Cassidys spike piledrive Violence. The Cassidys quickly are back to their feet while Johnny spasms in the ring as though he’s a fish out of water. Stevenson chases Raven up the ramp, catches her, and rams her into the guardrail. Steve waits to continue speaking until Stevenson casually walks back to the ring.]
Steve: Gnat-Ass, you’ve got to be the dumbest fucking guy I’ve ever met in my life. Do you think I was going to let you bury me under two tons of dirt and just FORGET about that? Now, if you’d have said you’re sorry, gave me a couple thousand bucks, or let me knock off a piece of Raven over there…maybe we could have worked something out. But I’m in a new group now, and for the next few minutes, you and your girlfriend Johnny Violence are a couple of towel heads… and we’re the GODDAMN UNITED STATES ARMED FORCES!
[HUGE CROWD POP!]
MC: This crowd has exploded as Steve kicks Natas right in the face! Steve going for the cheap heat and boy, he GOT IT!
JJ: Of course the crowd went nuts, what self-respecting, full blooded American soldier wouldn’t cheer for THAT line?
MC: Steve picks Natas up, hoists him to his shoulders… FAIRY GO-ROUND CONNECTS!
JJ: Banyon hits The Plunge on Violence! Now the Cassidys are moving in to really finish him off…
[The lights go out. Whistling fans can be heard and flash bulbs go off. Moments later, the lights are back on, and when they are… Shade is standing in the ring.]
MC: The hell? Now WHAT?
JJ: This keeps getting better and better… hold on, now look into the crowd! There’s a commotion on the south end, the fans are parting like the Red Sea as a large man lumbers to the ring… is that? Who is that? Is that ROADHOUSE?
MC: That makes sense! Shade doesn’t like Banyon, Roadie doesn’t like Banyon. Roadie probably doesn’t like The Cassidys, Stevenson, or Studnuts, either.
[RoadHouse joins Shade in the ring as they pair off against the five men still standing.]
MC: I don’t like their odds, Jack!
JJ: Wait now, RoadHouse is helping Natas to his feet! Shade is going over to Johnny Violence… and he’s helping HIM up? Sides are more even now…
MC: Here we go! Shade walks right up to Banyon! They’re nose to nose! These guys hate…huh? They’re smiling at each other?
[Banyon and Shade shake hands, thumb over thumb 70’s soul brother style. They hug as RoadHouse nearly clotheslines Johnny Violence’s head off. Steve cracks Stevenson over the head with the same chair he hit Natas with as Troy Cassidy picks up the metal pipe Johnny brought to the ring, and waffles his own brother with it. Shade and Banyon then both start pounding Natas with forearm smashes, and dump him over the top rope and to the floor. Next, Stevenson is rifled through the ropes head first by Studnuts, flying all the way and crashing into the announce table. Rob Cassidy is next, he’s through the ropes and to the floor courtesy of Troy. Violence is thrown awkwardly into the ropes by RoadHouse, and takes an unnatural fall to the floor after tumbling in the ropes briefly. Now, Bryan Banyon, Shade, RoadHouse, Troy Cassidy, and Steve Studnuts stand alone in the ring. Studnuts has the microphone he was handed earlier.]
MC: THIS IS BEDLAM!
Steve: SHADDUP, MIKE! Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not the leader of this group, I just happen to have the stick. We're all equal, five guys individually acting as one cohesive unit without a distinct head... and we just stormed Normandy.
[Crowd pops]
Steve: We dropped an A-Bomb deuce on Japan.
[Crowd pops]
Steve: We napalmed some gooks.
[Crowd pops]
Steve: And we just beat the shit out of some sand BEEEEEEP!
[Crowd pops]
JJ: What?! Can he say THAT?
MC: He just did! Maybe the censor will get it!
Steve: What you see before you is The Only Ones. Meaning, we’re the only ones good enough to be in this goddamn group. If you ain’t in it, you ain’t got it. And by it, I mean the “it factor”…that little thing that separates the main event guys from the jerkweeds that sports entertain to keep food on their plate. We’re the best of the best, and then there’s everybody else. And if you’re in the “everybody else” category… you’re not with us. And if you’re not with us, you’re against us. And if you’re against us… it really fucking sucks to be you. Ya dig?
_______________________________________________
We here at Fake EWrestling Newz wish Steve luck in his endeavors and wish his soon return to BOB. He's the Smooth Criminal, and a helluva Thriller. HEE HEE!
Steve has brought his slapstick-potty mouthed-bathroom humor-meets toughguy brand of promos to a "serious" federation and rolled over the competition to a current 7-0 record, with one "loss" heavily disputed...he was buried with two tons of dirt with a front end loader during a "Graveyard Match", leaving Steve to comment:
"Yeah, it was stupid as fuck. I thought I left BOB."
Steve also joined "The Only Ones" in a collaborative effort to put all the top guys together and wreak havoc making fun of the promotion's dumb booking and silly storylines. He did this after agreement to join another faction, then double-crossed the leader of the group which prompted the handler to send an email saying "that was fucked"and called Steve "a prick".
Needless to say, this was the guy that "won" the infamous graveyard match.
see the SWERVE here: (the first part was scripted by the swervee, the swerver scripted the second part. Heh.)
Steve celebrates his victory over Mr. Creed as he is awarded the Hardknox Title. He is about to leave the ring, when all of a sudden..(((Not Falling))) by MudVayne hits the PA system as Natas Metronic, Johnny Violence, Raven Zombie, and James Draven all stand on the ramp. Natas a red baseball bat in hands, JV with a metal pipe, Raven with a steel chain, and James with a chair. They all begin to surround the ring, as Steve looks on in anticipation. As all four sides of the ring are now surrounded, Steve looks back and forth to see who will attack first. James is the first one to slide in the ring, Steve not wanting to attack, knowing it could be a trap. Natas, JV, and Raven all slide in after him and begin circling around Steve who holds the Hardknox Title.
Announce Team - This doesnt look good for Steve
Maybe he should have kept his mouth shut.
JV and Raven look at Natas as a sick smile appears on his face. He begins winding up the bat, looking right at Steve. He tries to cover his face with the title. Then...Natas turns and cracks James Draven in the head with the baseball bat as he falls down motionless. Natas looks over to Steve, who now has a grin on his face.
Natas: James, Im sorry it had to be like this. Your not holding up your end of the bargain. Let me introduce to you, your replacement....Steve..Studnuts!!!
Steve holds his title, as Natas and JV have their Tag Team titles at ringside. (((Not Falling))) continues playing as the new stars of Carnage leave the ring, leaving Draven laying there motionless.
_____________________________________________
MC: Wow! Didn’t see that coming, how about you, Jack?
JJ: Nope, not in a million. Steve Studnuts is in the Sycopathic Angels of the Apocalypse?
MC: Sycho what? They’re not even on the Stable Page anymore! Are they still a group?
JJ: Well, you see them right there, Mike. What do you think?
[As Natas, Johnny, Raven, and Steve leave the ringside area, ”The Family Tree” by Megadeth begins to play. Bryan Banyon, Troy and Rob Cassidy, and Drew Stevenson emerge from the curtain and stand at the top of the ramp. The newly formed group gets back in the ring, Natas still with his red baseball bat, Johnny with his pipe, and Raven with her chain. Steve picks up the chair beside the prone Draven who still lay in the ring like he’s had a huge meal and fallen asleep.]
MC: Looks like we’re not done here! The Three Kings plus Stevenson are walking to the ring with a purpose!
JJ: Hey, Steve did call Banyon out after his match with Creed, Bryan amazingly looking for more action even after a cage match tonight.
MC: Yeah, I’m still wondering how Will Gallo pulled out the win. I lost money on that match. Stupid bet! STUPID BET! I thought Banyon was a lock…
JJ: Concentrate, Mike! We have a serious development here! The Kings and their honorary member are in the ring and they got in there WITHOUT weapons, despite Natas’ group all having some! And Natas has a RED BASEBALL BAT!
MC: Okay, what’s the significance of a red baseball bat? Is that more dangerous than say, a black one?
JJ: I don’t know! Now what? Steve Studnuts is asking for a microphone…
[Steve steps over to the ropes and takes a wireless from Cayuga. He pauses briefly and stares out into the veteran troops… ]
Steve: Banyon? You got balls, son. You’re either really brave or really stupid. We’re all standing here fully loaded and you and your boys ain’t got a pot to piss in.
[Banyon leans toward Steve and speaks into the mic he’s holding.]
Banyon: So? We don’t need weapons against inferior opposition.
[Steve places the mic back to his own lips.]
Steve: Well, neither do I, jerkweed…but it makes kicking a guy’s ass so much more fun.
*THOOMP!*
MC: OOOOH! Steve just hit Natas with the microphone!
[Steve takes the chair he’s holding and brains Natas-Metronic with it…]
*THWACK!*
[…dropping him to the mat as though he’d been slammed with a concrete slab. Johnny Violence, confused by the act, is blindsided by the Cassidys and Stevenson while Raven Zombie wisely dives out of the ring and runs up the ramp.]
MC: WHAT?! Steve just hit Metronic with that chair! It sounded like a gunshot! And now, Steve and Bryan Banyon are putting the boots to Natas like nobody’s business!
JJ: Drew Stevenson just kicked James Draven out of the ring, Troy and Rob are mafia stomping Johnny Violence… it’s out of control! This is brutal!
MC: Hold on! Steve has the mic again!
[Banyon slaps a now bloodied Natas’ head around like a bad puppy while The Cassidys spike piledrive Violence. The Cassidys quickly are back to their feet while Johnny spasms in the ring as though he’s a fish out of water. Stevenson chases Raven up the ramp, catches her, and rams her into the guardrail. Steve waits to continue speaking until Stevenson casually walks back to the ring.]
Steve: Gnat-Ass, you’ve got to be the dumbest fucking guy I’ve ever met in my life. Do you think I was going to let you bury me under two tons of dirt and just FORGET about that? Now, if you’d have said you’re sorry, gave me a couple thousand bucks, or let me knock off a piece of Raven over there…maybe we could have worked something out. But I’m in a new group now, and for the next few minutes, you and your girlfriend Johnny Violence are a couple of towel heads… and we’re the GODDAMN UNITED STATES ARMED FORCES!
[HUGE CROWD POP!]
MC: This crowd has exploded as Steve kicks Natas right in the face! Steve going for the cheap heat and boy, he GOT IT!
JJ: Of course the crowd went nuts, what self-respecting, full blooded American soldier wouldn’t cheer for THAT line?
MC: Steve picks Natas up, hoists him to his shoulders… FAIRY GO-ROUND CONNECTS!
JJ: Banyon hits The Plunge on Violence! Now the Cassidys are moving in to really finish him off…
[The lights go out. Whistling fans can be heard and flash bulbs go off. Moments later, the lights are back on, and when they are… Shade is standing in the ring.]
MC: The hell? Now WHAT?
JJ: This keeps getting better and better… hold on, now look into the crowd! There’s a commotion on the south end, the fans are parting like the Red Sea as a large man lumbers to the ring… is that? Who is that? Is that ROADHOUSE?
MC: That makes sense! Shade doesn’t like Banyon, Roadie doesn’t like Banyon. Roadie probably doesn’t like The Cassidys, Stevenson, or Studnuts, either.
[RoadHouse joins Shade in the ring as they pair off against the five men still standing.]
MC: I don’t like their odds, Jack!
JJ: Wait now, RoadHouse is helping Natas to his feet! Shade is going over to Johnny Violence… and he’s helping HIM up? Sides are more even now…
MC: Here we go! Shade walks right up to Banyon! They’re nose to nose! These guys hate…huh? They’re smiling at each other?
[Banyon and Shade shake hands, thumb over thumb 70’s soul brother style. They hug as RoadHouse nearly clotheslines Johnny Violence’s head off. Steve cracks Stevenson over the head with the same chair he hit Natas with as Troy Cassidy picks up the metal pipe Johnny brought to the ring, and waffles his own brother with it. Shade and Banyon then both start pounding Natas with forearm smashes, and dump him over the top rope and to the floor. Next, Stevenson is rifled through the ropes head first by Studnuts, flying all the way and crashing into the announce table. Rob Cassidy is next, he’s through the ropes and to the floor courtesy of Troy. Violence is thrown awkwardly into the ropes by RoadHouse, and takes an unnatural fall to the floor after tumbling in the ropes briefly. Now, Bryan Banyon, Shade, RoadHouse, Troy Cassidy, and Steve Studnuts stand alone in the ring. Studnuts has the microphone he was handed earlier.]
MC: THIS IS BEDLAM!
Steve: SHADDUP, MIKE! Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not the leader of this group, I just happen to have the stick. We're all equal, five guys individually acting as one cohesive unit without a distinct head... and we just stormed Normandy.
[Crowd pops]
Steve: We dropped an A-Bomb deuce on Japan.
[Crowd pops]
Steve: We napalmed some gooks.
[Crowd pops]
Steve: And we just beat the shit out of some sand BEEEEEEP!
[Crowd pops]
JJ: What?! Can he say THAT?
MC: He just did! Maybe the censor will get it!
Steve: What you see before you is The Only Ones. Meaning, we’re the only ones good enough to be in this goddamn group. If you ain’t in it, you ain’t got it. And by it, I mean the “it factor”…that little thing that separates the main event guys from the jerkweeds that sports entertain to keep food on their plate. We’re the best of the best, and then there’s everybody else. And if you’re in the “everybody else” category… you’re not with us. And if you’re not with us, you’re against us. And if you’re against us… it really fucking sucks to be you. Ya dig?
_______________________________________________
We here at Fake EWrestling Newz wish Steve luck in his endeavors and wish his soon return to BOB. He's the Smooth Criminal, and a helluva Thriller. HEE HEE!
