Harsiu

[scatman]

Scatman: Well, I’m back from Germany. I won first fucking place after I expelled more bodily fluids into a girl’s mouth than they even knew existed. I guess they didn’t know you could piss diarrhea. Anyway, I’ve been itching to get back. As fucked up in the head as some of those Germans are, I missed the genocidal tendencies of my fellow freaks.

[Scatman smiles and motions with his hand for the cameraman to follow him.]

Scatman: Come on dude; I’m sweating like a camel out here.

[Scatman walks up to the front door and pushes it open. The cameraman rushes up behind him as he opens the door to the living room of the house and captures his shocked reaction as he finds Jerri Li in purple lingerie and a gold garter belt straddling St. Christian like a cowgirl and feeding him a cocktail of her own pussy juices, Kool-Aid and gelatin from an empty packet of Magnum ice cream. Actually, Scatman isn’t shocked. And only he would be able to tell what those things are on sight. Jerri looks up nervously.]

Jerri: Oh, hey Scatman. I thought you were coming back on the 21st.

Scatman: Today is the 21st.

Jerri: Oh… well… me and St. Christian here were… just… taking a nap.

[St. Christian stands up, throwing Jerri off him to the floor and revealing a vibrating dildo plugged into his ass.]

CSC: Oh come on, he knows exactly what we were doing!

Scatman: Hey, if I were here to judge I’d be the biggest hypocrite in history. I’ve delivered shit bukkakes with nine other men on a Japanese schoolgirl, I’ve had sex with shemales, I’ve jacked off to David Hasselhoff, I’ve staged tentacle porn with giant squids, I watched that Joe Bananas porn movie with the midgets, hell, I’ve got the biggest Chun-Li hentai collection known to man… this is nothing to me.

[Jerri removes her retainer with pop rox superglued to it.]

Jerri: Ok, well, why don’t you gives us fifteen minutes to finish up and then we can discuss our main event match at implosion 21; sound ok?

[St. Christian spits a ball of hair out of his mouth.]

CSC: Can we make that five minutes?

Jerri: We’ve been here forty minutes and I haven’t come once.

Scatman: Look, you guys take all the time you need. I’ll just be the kitchen mixing myself a drink as I eavesdrop, ok?

Jerri: Ok.

CSC: No! Scatman, get the fuck out of here!

Scatman: Fine, I’m taking some of your goodies though.

[Scatman snatches a bottle of rum and a handful of joints from the coffee table before leaving to let them finish what they were doing.]