Post by @xL on May 17, 2009 16:31:07 GMT -5
[Axl stands at the foot of the front door of Doc Taco's resteraunt / hospital. Scotty has promised to meet him here. Axl walks inside...]
[... and is immediately blindsided by a loaded burrito, dropping "The Savior" to the floor of the building... with Doc Taco standing above Axe... with the same sadictic smile on his face he showed in Axl's "dream". The screen goes all fuzzy, and we fade...]
[... before slowly returning... and when the camera returns from its fuzziness, we find ourselves looking through Axl's eyes... staring at Doc Taco, who holds the chainsaw in one hand... the Swiss Army Title in the other.]
Doc Taco: Meester Axe-hole!
Axl: MRGGLLPHHFLLHMM!!!
Doc Taco: Oopsies! Allow me to be removing el gaggo!
[Doc Taco removes the gag from Axl's mouth...]
Axl: The name's AXL!!! And why in the HELL do you have me tied up here?! And where's Scotty?!
[Scotty walks onto the scene, beside Doc Taco... scarfing a taco.]
Axl: ... Scotty?
Scotty: Yo, Axe! 'Sup?
Axl: ... I'M TIED TO A CHAIR! You JERK, did you have anything to do with this?!
Scotty: Axl... it's simple. This was ALL my idea. I called your nephew Harvey, told him to invite you over to his resteraunt for lunch. I had Peggy the waitress PURPOSEFULLY spill all your food on the belt, so you would rush to wash it off... out in the gutter. And there? That businessman that "accidentally" bumped into you, causing you to drop the belt into the sewer? He was hired, by ME! I told the "Sk8er Boi" Chester to fall into the sewer, onto you, and cause you to drop the title... and when it made its way to Gruel Renshaw? He was paid, by ME, to defend it against you... and why you may ask?
Axl: Yes! I ask! I ask ALOT, and you BETTER have a damn good reason!
Scotty: Cool your jets, man. It's all training. I put all of these challenges before you to see just how far you'd go to get your title back... and to try and keep it from being devalued. I wanted to make sure you saw the VALUE of your title... something you were unable to do back when you originally held the ONLY WORLD TITLE THAT MATTERS. I want gold to mean something to you, Axl. And from all the work I see you put into regaining the belt, I know you have learned your lesson. Untie him, Doc.
[Doc Taco unties Axl, and Axe stands up from the chair.]
Axl: There's just one thing that doesn't make sense... why did it seem like all of that was a dream?
Scotty: Again, it's simple. Remember that pain pill I gave you? The one I said I kept from when you put me on Vicodin due to your attack last year?
Axl: Yeah...
Scotty: It wasn't really a pain pill! It was a memory scrambler! It got you to actually believe Doc Taco was going to destroy the BOB Swiss Army Title, and that sight shocked you awake. Which is a good thing, as otherwise, it probably would mean that you don't care enough about the title, and then I'd have to kick you in the nuts.
Axl: ...
Scotty: Doc Taco is a GENIUS when it comes to developing new pills... and slipping them to people unaware.
Axl: ...
Scotty: So -
Axl: I'm... feeling a bit... woozy...
Scotty: Uh oh...
Axl: Unngghh...
[Axl collapses to the floor, and the scene quickly cuts away...]
|an hour later|
[The camera re-opens... this time, back at Axl's apartment, where Axl is just now waking up on the couch, with Scotty standing over him, looking a tiny bit worried... the TINIEST bit...]
Scotty: You ok?
Axl: Thanks for slipping me a drug that god knows WHAT it could have done to me!!! Jesus fuckin' christ, Scot! Do you know that could have KILLED ME?!
Scotty: Am I in your will?
Axl: No!
Scotty: Oh... well, then I'll have to try to keep from doing that again then. You know... nearly killing you. ... You SURE I'm not in your will?
Axl: ARGH!
Scotty: Fine, fine... Axl, I see that "Swiss Army of One" shirt... but remember. You may be the army, but I'M the commander in chief. And as long as you follow my orders? You WILL obliterate the rival forces!
Axl: Enough with the army puns already...
Scotty: My point is, stick with me, take my advice, allow me to guide you, and you will become OWCTM for a second time. And if you have the respect for the title that I hope this mission has installed upon you... then you might end up keeping it for more than a month. With my guidance, you eliminated EIGHT PEOPLE in the Royal Flush Rumble... You steamrolled the former Hardcore Champ Hamster Girl, slaughtered one half of the Gyant Bananas in Joe... I led you to the toppling of the giant Viet Kong! With my advice, you were able to dismantle the Fallen Angel, and DESTROY the Wigger. You defeated one third of the Entities of Destruction... and you tossed both Steve Studnuts AND Trey Vincent, two thirds of the incurable Apathy disorder!!! Dammit Axl, with me by your side, you... are... UNSTOPPABLE!!! There's NOTHING that can get in your way, as long as you listen to me!
Axl: I believe you, Scotty. And I trust you. And now that I went through that hell to get back my title, I know just how important this baby is.
[Axl looks at the title in his hands, after Scotty had handed it over to him.]
Axl: I'm just glad the Doc didn't really destroy this thing... If I could go back in time and stop myself from desecrating the OWTTM, I would...
Scotty: The only thing you CAN do is look toward the future... and worry about what you're going to do to make things work NOW. And right NOW, you're headed for a match with the Great, which I think you should rant for.
Axl: You're right... It's time I became focused again. Camera... ZOOM!
[Axl slings the Swiss Army Championshiop over his shoulder, and smiles through the pair of gold framed sunglasses he got for winning the title.]
Axl: Great... The same day I meet you, I turn thirty-three. And what a GREAT birthday present it will be to defend MY title against the #1 contender for the ONLY WORLD TITLE THAT MATTERS... and to WIN. I've been waiting for this day for a good long time now... A rematch from over a year ago, at Totally Dead... Great, I can hardly wait. Don't be late... June 3rd? Is your Judgement DATE!!!
Scotty: Uh... huh. ... ?
Axl: ... END TRANSMISSION!!!
|commiserate|
|fate|
[... and is immediately blindsided by a loaded burrito, dropping "The Savior" to the floor of the building... with Doc Taco standing above Axe... with the same sadictic smile on his face he showed in Axl's "dream". The screen goes all fuzzy, and we fade...]
[... before slowly returning... and when the camera returns from its fuzziness, we find ourselves looking through Axl's eyes... staring at Doc Taco, who holds the chainsaw in one hand... the Swiss Army Title in the other.]
Doc Taco: Meester Axe-hole!
Axl: MRGGLLPHHFLLHMM!!!
Doc Taco: Oopsies! Allow me to be removing el gaggo!
[Doc Taco removes the gag from Axl's mouth...]
Axl: The name's AXL!!! And why in the HELL do you have me tied up here?! And where's Scotty?!
[Scotty walks onto the scene, beside Doc Taco... scarfing a taco.]
Axl: ... Scotty?
Scotty: Yo, Axe! 'Sup?
Axl: ... I'M TIED TO A CHAIR! You JERK, did you have anything to do with this?!
Scotty: Axl... it's simple. This was ALL my idea. I called your nephew Harvey, told him to invite you over to his resteraunt for lunch. I had Peggy the waitress PURPOSEFULLY spill all your food on the belt, so you would rush to wash it off... out in the gutter. And there? That businessman that "accidentally" bumped into you, causing you to drop the belt into the sewer? He was hired, by ME! I told the "Sk8er Boi" Chester to fall into the sewer, onto you, and cause you to drop the title... and when it made its way to Gruel Renshaw? He was paid, by ME, to defend it against you... and why you may ask?
Axl: Yes! I ask! I ask ALOT, and you BETTER have a damn good reason!
Scotty: Cool your jets, man. It's all training. I put all of these challenges before you to see just how far you'd go to get your title back... and to try and keep it from being devalued. I wanted to make sure you saw the VALUE of your title... something you were unable to do back when you originally held the ONLY WORLD TITLE THAT MATTERS. I want gold to mean something to you, Axl. And from all the work I see you put into regaining the belt, I know you have learned your lesson. Untie him, Doc.
[Doc Taco unties Axl, and Axe stands up from the chair.]
Axl: There's just one thing that doesn't make sense... why did it seem like all of that was a dream?
Scotty: Again, it's simple. Remember that pain pill I gave you? The one I said I kept from when you put me on Vicodin due to your attack last year?
Axl: Yeah...
Scotty: It wasn't really a pain pill! It was a memory scrambler! It got you to actually believe Doc Taco was going to destroy the BOB Swiss Army Title, and that sight shocked you awake. Which is a good thing, as otherwise, it probably would mean that you don't care enough about the title, and then I'd have to kick you in the nuts.
Axl: ...
Scotty: Doc Taco is a GENIUS when it comes to developing new pills... and slipping them to people unaware.
Axl: ...
Scotty: So -
Axl: I'm... feeling a bit... woozy...
Scotty: Uh oh...
Axl: Unngghh...
[Axl collapses to the floor, and the scene quickly cuts away...]
|an hour later|
[The camera re-opens... this time, back at Axl's apartment, where Axl is just now waking up on the couch, with Scotty standing over him, looking a tiny bit worried... the TINIEST bit...]
Scotty: You ok?
Axl: Thanks for slipping me a drug that god knows WHAT it could have done to me!!! Jesus fuckin' christ, Scot! Do you know that could have KILLED ME?!
Scotty: Am I in your will?
Axl: No!
Scotty: Oh... well, then I'll have to try to keep from doing that again then. You know... nearly killing you. ... You SURE I'm not in your will?
Axl: ARGH!
Scotty: Fine, fine... Axl, I see that "Swiss Army of One" shirt... but remember. You may be the army, but I'M the commander in chief. And as long as you follow my orders? You WILL obliterate the rival forces!
Axl: Enough with the army puns already...
Scotty: My point is, stick with me, take my advice, allow me to guide you, and you will become OWCTM for a second time. And if you have the respect for the title that I hope this mission has installed upon you... then you might end up keeping it for more than a month. With my guidance, you eliminated EIGHT PEOPLE in the Royal Flush Rumble... You steamrolled the former Hardcore Champ Hamster Girl, slaughtered one half of the Gyant Bananas in Joe... I led you to the toppling of the giant Viet Kong! With my advice, you were able to dismantle the Fallen Angel, and DESTROY the Wigger. You defeated one third of the Entities of Destruction... and you tossed both Steve Studnuts AND Trey Vincent, two thirds of the incurable Apathy disorder!!! Dammit Axl, with me by your side, you... are... UNSTOPPABLE!!! There's NOTHING that can get in your way, as long as you listen to me!
Axl: I believe you, Scotty. And I trust you. And now that I went through that hell to get back my title, I know just how important this baby is.
[Axl looks at the title in his hands, after Scotty had handed it over to him.]
Axl: I'm just glad the Doc didn't really destroy this thing... If I could go back in time and stop myself from desecrating the OWTTM, I would...
Scotty: The only thing you CAN do is look toward the future... and worry about what you're going to do to make things work NOW. And right NOW, you're headed for a match with the Great, which I think you should rant for.
Axl: You're right... It's time I became focused again. Camera... ZOOM!
[Axl slings the Swiss Army Championshiop over his shoulder, and smiles through the pair of gold framed sunglasses he got for winning the title.]
Axl: Great... The same day I meet you, I turn thirty-three. And what a GREAT birthday present it will be to defend MY title against the #1 contender for the ONLY WORLD TITLE THAT MATTERS... and to WIN. I've been waiting for this day for a good long time now... A rematch from over a year ago, at Totally Dead... Great, I can hardly wait. Don't be late... June 3rd? Is your Judgement DATE!!!
Scotty: Uh... huh. ... ?
Axl: ... END TRANSMISSION!!!
|commiserate|
|fate|