Post by Kobe Gyant on May 7, 2009 12:58:43 GMT -5
Fade in on a stone sign on a bright green lawn: Better Place To Die Home. Inside, Kobe Gyant, with the aid of a walker (complete with mini-basketballs on the feet instead of tennis balls), is approaching a security guard at the front desk. The security guard looks puzzled.
Can I help you, son?
Heh? Whut? Speak up, I can't hear so good, sonny!
… Sir?
This is the nursing home, right?
Assisted living facility, yes. Are you here to visit somebody? Your grandfather? Great-grandfather?
No, I'm here to check in, sonny! Can I see the head nurse?
Why do you want to check in?
I lost at Gluttons for Punishment 2 to an over-the-hill, unentertaining, decrepit, and overrated old man, which means that I myself must be over the hill and decrepit. No more play for Mr. Gray.
Gray? You're black, son.
Not as black as I was before Plants scraped some of the black off me in the cage.
A chubby nurse walks by. She smiles at Kobe.
Hrrrm. She the best you got?
Her? Nahhh. The real lookers on the night shift. There's this one brunette who just got her med degree…
Aww hell, you just gave me flashbacks! (Shaking) Chairs! Plants! Gooks! Don't talk about Med Degrees around me! What's the rent per month, sonny?
You'd have to talk to the people in charge. Administration. I can take you there.
Security Guard gets up and leads Kobe slowly towards the administration office.
Coo'. I just need about a month to chill out here and rehabilitate myself. Take in some daytime TV and build up my arm strength watchin' me some Natalie Buchanan on OLTL. Get the occasional sponge bath with happy ending from the fine nurses. Then, once June comes 'round, the Gyant Bananas will rise to the top of The BOB as we beat XFactor Pete Trable and Cyber Angelina X, you know. Jerri Li, the Gyant Bananas are comin' on you and goin' with the tag titles.
Don't you mean coming for you?
Do I tell you what you mean?
Kobe coughs.
Choking?
Man, you a laugh riot. I oughta beat you with my walker for that. Just because I lost one title match don't mean Kobe Gyant is no choker! The only person who's gonna be choking around here is all the nurses on my gyant banana, you know.
Caption: Two Days Later
Kobe is lounging in bed watching some tube, wearing only a hospital gown, which is barely covering his gyant boner. A nurse walks into the room, her skirt hiked up to mid-thigh and her top slightly open to reveal some push-up bra cleavage. She's holding a box.
Package.
(Looking at his crotch) A very BIG package.
(Laughing) No, no, I meant, there's a package for you.
She shakes the box, then shuts the door, totally ignoring the drooling old dude sharing the other half of the room. She pulls the privacy curtain so Kobe and the nurse can have some "private time." Only their silhouettes can be seen now.
Wow, you can send weed through the mail? Joe Bananas is the man!
The nurse begins disrobing. Her shadow takes off her top, lets it drop to the floor, then she unhooks her bra. Meanwhile Kobe's bulge grows even larger as she strips. He quickly unwraps the package and pulls out a blunt. Blaze up time! The nurse then unzips her skirt, and bends over, taking off her bottoms.
Ready for your tongue bath, Kobe?
Oh hellz yeah!
Security Guard
Can I help you, son?
Kobe Gyant
Heh? Whut? Speak up, I can't hear so good, sonny!
Security Guard
… Sir?
Kobe Gyant
This is the nursing home, right?
Security Guard
Assisted living facility, yes. Are you here to visit somebody? Your grandfather? Great-grandfather?
Kobe Gyant
No, I'm here to check in, sonny! Can I see the head nurse?
Security Guard
Why do you want to check in?
Kobe Gyant
I lost at Gluttons for Punishment 2 to an over-the-hill, unentertaining, decrepit, and overrated old man, which means that I myself must be over the hill and decrepit. No more play for Mr. Gray.
Security Guard
Gray? You're black, son.
Kobe Gyant
Not as black as I was before Plants scraped some of the black off me in the cage.
A chubby nurse walks by. She smiles at Kobe.
Kobe Gyant
Hrrrm. She the best you got?
Security Guard
Her? Nahhh. The real lookers on the night shift. There's this one brunette who just got her med degree…
Kobe Gyant
Aww hell, you just gave me flashbacks! (Shaking) Chairs! Plants! Gooks! Don't talk about Med Degrees around me! What's the rent per month, sonny?
Security Guard
You'd have to talk to the people in charge. Administration. I can take you there.
Security Guard gets up and leads Kobe slowly towards the administration office.
Kobe Gyant
Coo'. I just need about a month to chill out here and rehabilitate myself. Take in some daytime TV and build up my arm strength watchin' me some Natalie Buchanan on OLTL. Get the occasional sponge bath with happy ending from the fine nurses. Then, once June comes 'round, the Gyant Bananas will rise to the top of The BOB as we beat XFactor Pete Trable and Cyber Angelina X, you know. Jerri Li, the Gyant Bananas are comin' on you and goin' with the tag titles.
Security Guard
Don't you mean coming for you?
Kobe Gyant
Do I tell you what you mean?
Kobe coughs.
Security Guard
Choking?
Kobe Gyant
Man, you a laugh riot. I oughta beat you with my walker for that. Just because I lost one title match don't mean Kobe Gyant is no choker! The only person who's gonna be choking around here is all the nurses on my gyant banana, you know.
Caption: Two Days Later
Kobe is lounging in bed watching some tube, wearing only a hospital gown, which is barely covering his gyant boner. A nurse walks into the room, her skirt hiked up to mid-thigh and her top slightly open to reveal some push-up bra cleavage. She's holding a box.
Nurse
Package.
Kobe Gyant
(Looking at his crotch) A very BIG package.
Nurse
(Laughing) No, no, I meant, there's a package for you.
She shakes the box, then shuts the door, totally ignoring the drooling old dude sharing the other half of the room. She pulls the privacy curtain so Kobe and the nurse can have some "private time." Only their silhouettes can be seen now.
Kobe Gyant
Wow, you can send weed through the mail? Joe Bananas is the man!
The nurse begins disrobing. Her shadow takes off her top, lets it drop to the floor, then she unhooks her bra. Meanwhile Kobe's bulge grows even larger as she strips. He quickly unwraps the package and pulls out a blunt. Blaze up time! The nurse then unzips her skirt, and bends over, taking off her bottoms.
Nurse
Ready for your tongue bath, Kobe?
Kobe Gyant
Oh hellz yeah!