Post by @xL on May 6, 2009 22:13:22 GMT -5
|the old me is dead and gone|
|dead and gone|
["Food, Fun, and Farfegnugen", owned and operated by Axl's five-year-old nephew, Harvey, is a fast food resteraunt / arcade.]
[And it just so happens to be where we open upon.]
[Axl is just walking into the establishment, Swiss Army title slung over his shoulder, and along with the gold seems to be a slight change in attire. Axl wears a pair of black 'Trippz' brand pants, with lime green stitching, and covered in chains. His hands are slid into a pair of fingerless, black, biker gloves... His feet, slid into a pair of black Mikey Airs [aka, black market Nike's] with lime green, shoddily produced 'swoosh' symbols. His hair is cut medium-length, and died black.]
[He wears a lime green t-shirt, emblazoned with the words "Swiss Army of One" on the front in black lettering, and on the back, the picture of his black baseball bat, with the words "Weapon of Mass Destruction" written below. Spiked bands around his wrists, silver necklace around his neck carrying a crystal dragon pendant... and on his face? A pair of gold trimmed sunglasses, with the words "Brawlers on a Budget" written across the ear pieces in black.]
[Hey, I said a SLIGHT change in attire. The glasses? That'd be a new addition. And so, Axl walks toward the counter, strap displayed proudly on his right shoulder...]
Axl: Hey you, chick with the glasses.
Peggy: The name's Peggy, buster.
Axl: How the hell am I supposed to know that?!
Peggy: Well, besides the fact that I have a name tag that reads "Hi. My name is Peggy, buster." ?
Axl: Er, well... Don't get smart with me! Do you see these new shades I bought?! I bought these with CHAMPIONSHIP money, sweet heart! These babies don't come cheap, believe you me! Not like those rinky dink things you call glasses!
[Axl... didn't you get those glasses as a complimentary gift for winning the belt? ... And furthermore, isn't that just gold paint covering a pair of dollar store sunglasses?]
Axl: ... Dammit! Peggy, or WHATEVER the hell your throw-away-character-name is, can you PLEASE just get my nephew Harvey?!
Peggy: Wait... you mean you're Harvey's nephew? You're actually related to the owner of this place?
Axl: Yes? Is that hard to believe?
Peggy: Honestly? ... No. He's just as obnoxious and annoying as I've been able to tell you are in the few seconds I've been around you. But, it was either this job or selling my body for money. And since I'm so fugly I'd have to PAY men to have sex with me... I wasn't left with much of a choice.
Axl: That's glaringly obvious...
Peggy: Which reminds me... you wouldn't be in need of some quick and easy money, would you?
Axl: Well, while I'm sure you're both quick AND easy...
Peggy: I am.
Axl: ... I'm not that desperate. Just get my nephew, and fade into Rant Zone Sub Character Obscurity.
Peggy: Jerk...
Axl: WHAT WAS THAT?!
Peggy: I said... uh... I'll get him right now?
Axl: ... Sounded a bit shorter than that. Aw well, that's enough padding, get Harvey!
Peggy: Ai yai, captain!
[Peggy heads off, and Axl mumbles to himself.]
Axl: "Ai ya captain"? Since when did this become a sea-food resteraunt... ? Coulda sworn it was a burger joint...
[Actually, as far as I can tell, it's just "a fast food resteraunt". Well, and an arcade. But there's no mention of specific resteraunt genre...]
Axl: Well, it BETTER have a few burgers. Or atleast a pizza. There's no chance in hell I'm settling for lobster and shrimp and all that junk. I need REAL food! Like nachos and artifically manufactured cheese!
Axl: Jesus jumpin' jimminy jack CHRIST! How long does it take to wake some five year old up from his nap and get him to take an order?
Harvey: Down here, Uncle Axl!
[Axl looks around a bit for a second, before noticing Harvey's hair sticking up from behind the counter top. Axl peers over the table...]
Axl: ... You seriously need to get a stool or some phonebooks or something.
Harvey: I know... This place doesn't gimme much monies, so I gotsta cut cornrolls where I can.
Axl: ... Cornrolls? You mean CORNERS?
Harvey: Those two.
Axl: Those two what?
Harvey: Uhm... I dunno. Anyways, didjoo know I sawed Guts and Four Punish Net Too?
Axl: ... You saw WHAT now?
Harvey: You knowww! You was on it, Uncle Axl! You was in that Royal Rush Crumb... uh...
Axl: Ohhh, Gluttons for Punishment! The Rumble! Ok, yeah, you saw me on it? Were you cheering for me?
Harvey: Nope!
Axl: ...
Harvey: I was cheering for my daddy!
Axl: Oh dear lord... Harv, how many times do I have to tell you? Viruz doesn't love you! Why do you think he left your mom before she even HAD you?!
Harvey: Mommy says it's because she didn't know how tah keeps her legs closed, and since daddy was a 20 sumtin years old nerd who never been laid, she'd give him the night of his life. Uncle, what does "slut" mean"?
Axl: Holy SHISTA! Your mom doesn't keep anything from you, does she?
Harvey: Nope! But, after daddy was gone from the fight, I guess... uhm... I guess I was for you?
Axl: Jawesome! Weren't you excited when I won this belt? [pats the Swiss Army title, and grins broadly]
Harvey: Why, Uncle Axl?
Axl: ... Because! It's the Swiss Army Title! ... Well, I suppose you don't know what championships mean in wrestling. Being only five, and all, I shouldn't hold that against you...
Harvey: But Unc! It's not the ONLY WHIRL TIDAL THAT MATTER... is it?
Axl: ... Well... no...
Harvey: And you didn't win, I thoughted? Didn't The Gate won? Isn't he gonna fight for the ONLY WHIRL TIDAL THAT MATTER in Simp tender?
Axl: Well... SUNNUVA- JUST... Just get me a burger with cheese and mayo. And a vanilla shake. Hold the fries.
Harvey: How long you wants me tah hold 'em?
Axl: ... NO FRIES!!! [turns around, and heads for a table] Gah... you'd think little kids would be APPRECIATIVE of their elders' accomplishments... I'm a CHAMPION, dammit, it doesn't matter WHICH title it is!
[Axl sits down, and rests the title on top of the table's surface. He then pulls the sunglasses off from his eyes, and fiddles around with them in his fingers... staring coldly at them... the obvious adoration he held for them moments ago slowly dissapearing.]
Axl: How fleeting are these moments of triumph...
[Axl shakes his head a bit, relieving himself of the thoughts racing through his mind... before placing the shades down beside the belt, and staring into the camera with a half-hearted smile.]
Axl: At Gluttons, I tossed the monster known as Viet Kong. I compacted Trable, I kicked Joe in his Gyant Bannana, and I wheeled Hamster Girl away like... uh... a hamster wheel! Hell, I even ran roughshod over not one, not two, not three, but FOUR BOB legends. Kurt Angel? I flung him over the ropes quicker than he plummeted from the heavens. Acting BigBOSS, not to mention EoD member Kid Pirate? He layed one eye (the only one he has) on the Sinister Savior, and he was MORE than happy to walk the plank!
Axl: And if there was ANY doubt that I AM all that I say I am, I eliminated two thirds of the most dominant stable in BOB history, the iAd. And hell, if Seth Harker was still jumping around in slow-mo, I'd have kicked his paler-than-my-pale-skin ASS all over the ring before dumping him just like the rest! Because I AM... better than any who've come before me... or any that have come since!
Axl: ...
[Axl looks back over at the pair of glasses... before staring at the Swiss Army title...]
Axl: And yet... there's still this overwhelming sense that... I'm just a few seconds away from losing it all... just three seconds, and this... [Axl rests a hand on the title] ... it could be swept away in an instant. I need reassurance. [Axl looks back at the camera, hand still on the belt, and a stern look on his face] ... That reassurance WILL come... and it will come in the form of a date. June the 3rd... which just so happens to be my 33rd birthday. And this year... on that day... I shall be reborn. GREAT! It's been a good while since we last met, face to face, one on one, inside the middle of a ring... and it seems like every time we meet, I come up on the short end of the stick. But this time?
Axl: This time...
[Suddenly, Peggy, the chick with glasses, brings Axl's tray over to him. She sets it down, right next to his belt... and a tiny drop from the milkshake falls down upon the title's face plate.]
Axl: ...
Peggy: Here's your order, pal.
Axl: YOU BITCH!!!
Peggy: Hey, you haven't even checked your food yet! How do you know anything's wrong with your burger?! It's not like I spit in it or anything... Uh, you wouldn't happen to have X-Ray vision by any chance?
Axl: X-Ray... Huh? ... NO! You spilt milkshake on my Swiss Army title! How DARE you desecrate one of the most prestigous titles in the sports entertainment business!
Peggy: Ha, that's a laugh. If you're the champion, that speaks VOLUMES on just how "prestigous" that belt is, bucko...
Axl: Crap! Get a rag or something, and clean this off before I have my nephew fire you!
Peggy: Oh, wow, what would I EVER do without this lousy, dead end job? You know what? Tell your nephew HARVEY... I QUIT!!!
[Peggy knocks the milkshake over, sending its entire contents pouring all over Axl's sunglasses, burger, and of course, the Swiss Army title. As Peggy throws her apron down and storms off, Axl is left looking outraged.]
Axl: That... this... why I... AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!~!!1a HARVEYYYYY!!!
[Harvey is seen in the camera's shot, a few feet away at the arcade, blasting at a screen with a plastic gun...]
Harvey: DIE, ZOMBIES, DIE!!!
Axl: Ughhh...
[Axl pulls the belt out of the gooey milkshake mess, and begins to desperately clean it off with his shirt.]
Axl: I CAN'T ruin this title... not after what I did to the OWTTM... the suits would never let me live it down.
[After managing to get the belt a tad cleaner, but still terribly sticky, Axl carries it to the outside. Axl looks around... and finds a puddle in the gutter.]
Axl: Well... I guess it'll have to do.
[Axl walks toward the puddle, and begins to splash water onto the title... but Axl is bumped from behind by a businessman hurrying his way toward... business. The belt slips... and falls into the gutter!!!]
Axl: ... Oh shit.
|continued|
|dead and gone|
["Food, Fun, and Farfegnugen", owned and operated by Axl's five-year-old nephew, Harvey, is a fast food resteraunt / arcade.]
[And it just so happens to be where we open upon.]
[Axl is just walking into the establishment, Swiss Army title slung over his shoulder, and along with the gold seems to be a slight change in attire. Axl wears a pair of black 'Trippz' brand pants, with lime green stitching, and covered in chains. His hands are slid into a pair of fingerless, black, biker gloves... His feet, slid into a pair of black Mikey Airs [aka, black market Nike's] with lime green, shoddily produced 'swoosh' symbols. His hair is cut medium-length, and died black.]
[He wears a lime green t-shirt, emblazoned with the words "Swiss Army of One" on the front in black lettering, and on the back, the picture of his black baseball bat, with the words "Weapon of Mass Destruction" written below. Spiked bands around his wrists, silver necklace around his neck carrying a crystal dragon pendant... and on his face? A pair of gold trimmed sunglasses, with the words "Brawlers on a Budget" written across the ear pieces in black.]
[Hey, I said a SLIGHT change in attire. The glasses? That'd be a new addition. And so, Axl walks toward the counter, strap displayed proudly on his right shoulder...]
Axl: Hey you, chick with the glasses.
Peggy: The name's Peggy, buster.
Axl: How the hell am I supposed to know that?!
Peggy: Well, besides the fact that I have a name tag that reads "Hi. My name is Peggy, buster." ?
Axl: Er, well... Don't get smart with me! Do you see these new shades I bought?! I bought these with CHAMPIONSHIP money, sweet heart! These babies don't come cheap, believe you me! Not like those rinky dink things you call glasses!
[Axl... didn't you get those glasses as a complimentary gift for winning the belt? ... And furthermore, isn't that just gold paint covering a pair of dollar store sunglasses?]
Axl: ... Dammit! Peggy, or WHATEVER the hell your throw-away-character-name is, can you PLEASE just get my nephew Harvey?!
Peggy: Wait... you mean you're Harvey's nephew? You're actually related to the owner of this place?
Axl: Yes? Is that hard to believe?
Peggy: Honestly? ... No. He's just as obnoxious and annoying as I've been able to tell you are in the few seconds I've been around you. But, it was either this job or selling my body for money. And since I'm so fugly I'd have to PAY men to have sex with me... I wasn't left with much of a choice.
Axl: That's glaringly obvious...
Peggy: Which reminds me... you wouldn't be in need of some quick and easy money, would you?
Axl: Well, while I'm sure you're both quick AND easy...
Peggy: I am.
Axl: ... I'm not that desperate. Just get my nephew, and fade into Rant Zone Sub Character Obscurity.
Peggy: Jerk...
Axl: WHAT WAS THAT?!
Peggy: I said... uh... I'll get him right now?
Axl: ... Sounded a bit shorter than that. Aw well, that's enough padding, get Harvey!
Peggy: Ai yai, captain!
[Peggy heads off, and Axl mumbles to himself.]
Axl: "Ai ya captain"? Since when did this become a sea-food resteraunt... ? Coulda sworn it was a burger joint...
[Actually, as far as I can tell, it's just "a fast food resteraunt". Well, and an arcade. But there's no mention of specific resteraunt genre...]
Axl: Well, it BETTER have a few burgers. Or atleast a pizza. There's no chance in hell I'm settling for lobster and shrimp and all that junk. I need REAL food! Like nachos and artifically manufactured cheese!
Axl: Jesus jumpin' jimminy jack CHRIST! How long does it take to wake some five year old up from his nap and get him to take an order?
Harvey: Down here, Uncle Axl!
[Axl looks around a bit for a second, before noticing Harvey's hair sticking up from behind the counter top. Axl peers over the table...]
Axl: ... You seriously need to get a stool or some phonebooks or something.
Harvey: I know... This place doesn't gimme much monies, so I gotsta cut cornrolls where I can.
Axl: ... Cornrolls? You mean CORNERS?
Harvey: Those two.
Axl: Those two what?
Harvey: Uhm... I dunno. Anyways, didjoo know I sawed Guts and Four Punish Net Too?
Axl: ... You saw WHAT now?
Harvey: You knowww! You was on it, Uncle Axl! You was in that Royal Rush Crumb... uh...
Axl: Ohhh, Gluttons for Punishment! The Rumble! Ok, yeah, you saw me on it? Were you cheering for me?
Harvey: Nope!
Axl: ...
Harvey: I was cheering for my daddy!
Axl: Oh dear lord... Harv, how many times do I have to tell you? Viruz doesn't love you! Why do you think he left your mom before she even HAD you?!
Harvey: Mommy says it's because she didn't know how tah keeps her legs closed, and since daddy was a 20 sumtin years old nerd who never been laid, she'd give him the night of his life. Uncle, what does "slut" mean"?
Axl: Holy SHISTA! Your mom doesn't keep anything from you, does she?
Harvey: Nope! But, after daddy was gone from the fight, I guess... uhm... I guess I was for you?
Axl: Jawesome! Weren't you excited when I won this belt? [pats the Swiss Army title, and grins broadly]
Harvey: Why, Uncle Axl?
Axl: ... Because! It's the Swiss Army Title! ... Well, I suppose you don't know what championships mean in wrestling. Being only five, and all, I shouldn't hold that against you...
Harvey: But Unc! It's not the ONLY WHIRL TIDAL THAT MATTER... is it?
Axl: ... Well... no...
Harvey: And you didn't win, I thoughted? Didn't The Gate won? Isn't he gonna fight for the ONLY WHIRL TIDAL THAT MATTER in Simp tender?
Axl: Well... SUNNUVA- JUST... Just get me a burger with cheese and mayo. And a vanilla shake. Hold the fries.
Harvey: How long you wants me tah hold 'em?
Axl: ... NO FRIES!!! [turns around, and heads for a table] Gah... you'd think little kids would be APPRECIATIVE of their elders' accomplishments... I'm a CHAMPION, dammit, it doesn't matter WHICH title it is!
[Axl sits down, and rests the title on top of the table's surface. He then pulls the sunglasses off from his eyes, and fiddles around with them in his fingers... staring coldly at them... the obvious adoration he held for them moments ago slowly dissapearing.]
Axl: How fleeting are these moments of triumph...
[Axl shakes his head a bit, relieving himself of the thoughts racing through his mind... before placing the shades down beside the belt, and staring into the camera with a half-hearted smile.]
Axl: At Gluttons, I tossed the monster known as Viet Kong. I compacted Trable, I kicked Joe in his Gyant Bannana, and I wheeled Hamster Girl away like... uh... a hamster wheel! Hell, I even ran roughshod over not one, not two, not three, but FOUR BOB legends. Kurt Angel? I flung him over the ropes quicker than he plummeted from the heavens. Acting BigBOSS, not to mention EoD member Kid Pirate? He layed one eye (the only one he has) on the Sinister Savior, and he was MORE than happy to walk the plank!
Axl: And if there was ANY doubt that I AM all that I say I am, I eliminated two thirds of the most dominant stable in BOB history, the iAd. And hell, if Seth Harker was still jumping around in slow-mo, I'd have kicked his paler-than-my-pale-skin ASS all over the ring before dumping him just like the rest! Because I AM... better than any who've come before me... or any that have come since!
Axl: ...
[Axl looks back over at the pair of glasses... before staring at the Swiss Army title...]
Axl: And yet... there's still this overwhelming sense that... I'm just a few seconds away from losing it all... just three seconds, and this... [Axl rests a hand on the title] ... it could be swept away in an instant. I need reassurance. [Axl looks back at the camera, hand still on the belt, and a stern look on his face] ... That reassurance WILL come... and it will come in the form of a date. June the 3rd... which just so happens to be my 33rd birthday. And this year... on that day... I shall be reborn. GREAT! It's been a good while since we last met, face to face, one on one, inside the middle of a ring... and it seems like every time we meet, I come up on the short end of the stick. But this time?
Axl: This time...
[Suddenly, Peggy, the chick with glasses, brings Axl's tray over to him. She sets it down, right next to his belt... and a tiny drop from the milkshake falls down upon the title's face plate.]
Axl: ...
Peggy: Here's your order, pal.
Axl: YOU BITCH!!!
Peggy: Hey, you haven't even checked your food yet! How do you know anything's wrong with your burger?! It's not like I spit in it or anything... Uh, you wouldn't happen to have X-Ray vision by any chance?
Axl: X-Ray... Huh? ... NO! You spilt milkshake on my Swiss Army title! How DARE you desecrate one of the most prestigous titles in the sports entertainment business!
Peggy: Ha, that's a laugh. If you're the champion, that speaks VOLUMES on just how "prestigous" that belt is, bucko...
Axl: Crap! Get a rag or something, and clean this off before I have my nephew fire you!
Peggy: Oh, wow, what would I EVER do without this lousy, dead end job? You know what? Tell your nephew HARVEY... I QUIT!!!
[Peggy knocks the milkshake over, sending its entire contents pouring all over Axl's sunglasses, burger, and of course, the Swiss Army title. As Peggy throws her apron down and storms off, Axl is left looking outraged.]
Axl: That... this... why I... AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!~!!1a HARVEYYYYY!!!
[Harvey is seen in the camera's shot, a few feet away at the arcade, blasting at a screen with a plastic gun...]
Harvey: DIE, ZOMBIES, DIE!!!
Axl: Ughhh...
[Axl pulls the belt out of the gooey milkshake mess, and begins to desperately clean it off with his shirt.]
Axl: I CAN'T ruin this title... not after what I did to the OWTTM... the suits would never let me live it down.
[After managing to get the belt a tad cleaner, but still terribly sticky, Axl carries it to the outside. Axl looks around... and finds a puddle in the gutter.]
Axl: Well... I guess it'll have to do.
[Axl walks toward the puddle, and begins to splash water onto the title... but Axl is bumped from behind by a businessman hurrying his way toward... business. The belt slips... and falls into the gutter!!!]
Axl: ... Oh shit.
|continued|