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Post by kevin on Apr 24, 2009 12:58:41 GMT -5
[Kevin is on a ‘magic carpet ride’ from inhaling various fuels. He’s sat in a sand trap at a golf course, his t-shirt soaked. A golf ball flies through the air and hits him on the head. Kevin grimaces.] Kevin: Agh, not now!
Wendel Huntington: Oh my, there seems to be a chap caught in the sand.
[He motions to his caddy with his hand.]
Huntington: I say old chap, are you ok?
[Kevin looks up at him, his nose bleeding.]
Kevin: When did the tooth fairy get here?
[Huntington doesn’t listen to his mumbling and picks at a piece of watercress sandwich stuck between his teeth.]
Kevin: Don’t take my teeth tooth fairy!
Huntington: Julian, I do believe this vile youth is intoxicated.
[Julian, out of breath, drops the golf bag on the floor, its contents spilling out.]
Julian: What the hell is he doing in a sand trap?
Huntington: I don’t know, Huntington, by I’ll be damned if we don’t knock the little bugger out with our golf clubs.
[Kevin puts a lit match to his t-shirt and goes up in flames. He tackles Huntington into Julian and sets them both on fire. They scream out and roll around on the grass until the flames are put out.]
Kevin: You’re not stealing my teeth!
[Kevin picks his nose, then his ear. Half his face and his Slipknot t-shirt are still on fire, smoke billowing up as his flesh cooks.]
Huntington: Get out of here you little twerp! Julian, call security!
[Kevin doesn’t understand a word they’re saying, but in his mind he now thinks the tooth fairy is indestructible because fire didn’t kill him. He runs across the golf course all the way to the main building. He runs through a set of glass double doors into a bar with tiki decor. He sets fire to several tablecloths and a plant before going out through the door, all the way down the hallway, and right out the front door. He collapses on the sidewalk, his head spinning from inhaling so much gas. Clive moves the camera in close and just sort of asks him to say something about Gluttons For Punishment 2, fed up with yet again having to film this retarded teenager running around on drug frenzies again. Kevin sits up a bit and looks interested through his glassy eyed stupid grin. He’s been in hell again and hasn’t done this for a while.]
Kevin: At Gluttons For Punishment 2… I WILL win the AYOOYFM Title! I am Kevin The Pyromaniac God damn it. Even if I have to bring a flamethrower down to the ring to win, and set the ladder on fire so nobody but me can win it, I will. That is my weapon of choice. If I win it, I’ll challenge Jerri Li in my first defense in a Russian Roulette Canon Deathmatch.
[Clive laughs at Kevin.]
Clive: Don’t forget your teeth.
[Kevin claws at his jaw in paranoia.]
Kevin: Keep that damn tooth fairy away from me!
[Clive drops the camera on him heavily. A referee appears out of nowhere.]
Referee: 1, 2, 3!
Kevin: DAMNIT!
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